Bound by Their Babies

by Caroline Anderson

  ‘Did you ever look at the CCTV?’

  He shook his head. ‘No. Ben got them to create a copy of the recordings, just in case I want to take her to court, but as I don’t have a way of doing that it doesn’t seem relevant, and anyway, I haven’t exactly had time. Besides, what’s it going to tell me? Nothing I don’t already know.’

  ‘No, I guess not. I’m so sorry it didn’t work for you.’

  He threw her a bitter smile. ‘Don’t be. It’s not your fault I had such a massive error of judgement, but Matilda’s fine and so am I, and thanks to you and this job share I can see light at the end of the tunnel. And for what it’s worth, you’re beautiful. Right, coronation chicken, BLT or half each?’

  * * *

  The doorbell rang at eight that evening, and it was Ben, with a bunch of flowers and a bottle of Prosecco.

  ‘Just to say well done and to welcome you to the team,’ he said, kissing Emily’s cheek.

  ‘Are you sure it’s not to apologise for grilling us like kippers in the interviews?’ Jake asked drily from behind her, but Ben just shrugged.

  ‘Got to be done,’ he said with a wry smile, ‘and you both came out of it very well, so I wouldn’t let it worry you. Anyway, I won’t hold you up, I just wanted to give you these. And Daisy says if you’re ever at a loose end, either of you, she’s always looking for another adult to talk to, so give her a call and you can have a play-date with the children. And she does mean it.’

  ‘I might well do that,’ Emily said. ‘I’ve heard so much about her. And thank you, for the flowers and the Prosecco, but most of all for doing so much to make this happen. We’re both really grateful.’

  ‘My pleasure. I should give you a guided tour of the hospital, really.’

  She smiled. ‘I’ve sort of had one. Don’t forget I road-tested the facilities when I had Zach, so it’s not a totally unknown quantity. And I’m sure Jake’ll help me find my feet.’

  ‘I’m sure he will. And I really hope this works for you both, because you’ve obviously thought it through very thoroughly, so it deserves to. And any problems, any time, my door’s always open. And I mean that. If you need help, ask.’

  He kissed her cheek again, shook hands with Jake and went out, and Jake looked from her to the Prosecco.

  ‘Shall we celebrate?’ he asked, and she thought of all the things she’d given up—her job, her friends, her house...

  No, not her friends. Jake was and always had been the only friend who really mattered to her. And the house wasn’t hers, either, it was hers and Pete’s. It had felt like a prison at times, but it had also been her sanctuary and she’d thought losing it would be hard, but when she’d gone there the other night it hadn’t felt like home any more, as if that part of her life was done.

  And this—this was her new life, here with Jake and yet not with him. It was odd, unsettling, a little confusing, but it wasn’t for ever and Jake was making sacrifices, too. It wasn’t a one-way street—

  ‘Em?’

  Putting the negatives aside and concentrating on the very many positives, she looked into Jake’s serious, searching eyes and found a smile.

  ‘Yes,’ she said at last. ‘Yes, let’s celebrate.’

  He popped the cork, poured two glasses and handed her one. ‘To the future,’ he said, and she lifted her glass.

  ‘To the future,’ she echoed, and shut the door firmly on the past.

  * * *

  It took until the end of the following week to sort out the contracts and shuffle patient appointments to accommodate their new arrangement, and in that time Jake moved all his stuff from the bathroom to the downstairs shower room, decorated the bathroom and started on the room that would be Zach’s, ready for him to move into.

  It was just a quick coat of paint, but it made him feel slightly better about the sacrifices Em was having to make.

  ‘You don’t have to do this for me,’ she said, bringing him tea after she’d fed Zach and settled him for the night.

  ‘Yes, I do.’ He put the brush down, got off the ladder and took the mug from her. ‘I want you to feel at home, and I’ve been in your home, and it’s beautiful, and this place is a mess.’

  ‘It’s a glorious mess. Our house is dull in comparison.’

  Our house.

  He looked away. ‘I didn’t think it was dull. I thought it was lovely.’

  ‘It is, but it hasn’t got the high ceilings or the original fireplaces or any of the other things the Victorians were so good at.’

  ‘What, like the rattling windows and the leaky roof and the fact that the floor’s slightly wonky in the kitchen because the back of the house has sunk?’

  She grinned at him. ‘It’s all part of its charm.’

  He snorted. ‘It’s nearly summer, Em. You wait till the winter. You might want to reassess when the wind’s shrieking off the North Sea and pouring in round the edges of the window frames.’

  ‘Oh, you paint such a glorious picture! We can wear thick jumpers and snuggle up under fleecy blankets. And anyway, fresh air’s good for you. So, what can I do?’

  ‘Keep me company,’ he said, trying not to think about snuggling up with her under a fleecy blanket. ‘Cutting in round the edge is boring.’

  ‘Want me to roller the walls?’

  ‘Be my guest,’ he said, so she joined in and they finished Zach’s bedroom together, and all the time he reminded himself that it should have been Pete doing it. Pete painting their baby’s bedroom with her. Pete snuggling up with her under a fleecy blanket—

  ‘Right, we’re done. I’m going to wash this lot before the paint ruins them.’

  ‘Want a hand?’

  ‘No, you’re all right,’ he said, suddenly feeling the need for space, because it was beginning to dawn on him that, for the next several years at least, he was going to be sharing every detail of his house, his work, his life with another man’s woman.

  The woman he loved, he finally admitted to himself. The only woman he’d ever really loved, the woman he wanted with all his heart. How the hell had it taken him so long to work out how much she meant to him? All those wasted years—and now he’d be living and working alongside her, with her and yet not with her, and it was going to be way, way tougher than he’d realised...

  * * *

  The contracts signed, they went to her house that weekend before she started work on the Monday, and while the children played on the floor with Zach’s toys, Jake dismantled the cot and loaded it into his car, together with all Zach’s clothes and toys and all the baby equipment she hadn’t already taken over there. While he did that she packed up all the food in the kitchen, throwing out the dregs of packets, the oddments of jam and chutney in the fridge, the last few bags of green tea that had been all Pete would drink in his last days, lurking in the back of the cupboard behind some out-of-date coffee beans.

  She held them for a moment, pressing them against her chest. She was trying to be strong, but it was so hard, and so cruel, and yet it seemed so long ago, as if it had happened to a different self—

  ‘How are you doing?’

  She dropped the tea bags in the bin on top of the coffee beans, tied the top of the bag and lifted it out of the bin. ‘I’ve finished the kitchen. The fridge is auto-defrost so I’ll just leave it on. The oven could do with a good clean but I’ll get an agency to do that before the tenants move in. I’ve still got to pack up all my clothes in the bedroom.’

  And Pete’s, she realised, and then suddenly it was all too much and she turned and rested her head on Jake’s chest. ‘Can you do something for me? Can you take the children home with you? I’ve just got some things I have to do here before I can leave.’

  He tipped her head up and stared down into her eyes searchingly, his own filled with concern. ‘Are you sure you want me to leave you, Em? You don’t want me to stay and help?’<
br />
  She nodded. ‘Yes, I’m sure. You can’t help me, Jake. It’s something I have to do on my own.’

  He nodded slowly and stepped back. ‘Give me anything else you’ve got ready to take, then, and I’ll put the kids in the car and take them home.’

  Ten minutes later he was ready to leave, and she put her arms round him and hugged him. ‘Thank you.’

  His arms closed around her, holding her tight. ‘Don’t thank me. You’re doing this for me,’ he said, his voice gruff, ‘and I can only imagine what it feels like to pack up your life like this. So don’t thank me, Em. Just promise me that when you’re done here, you’ll drive home carefully.’

  Home...

  His eyes searched hers again, and she nodded. ‘Don’t worry, I will. Zach’s already lost his father. I’m not going to let him lose his mother.’

  ‘Good. Call me when you leave.’

  And then, out of the blue, he caught her chin in his fingers, bent his head and brushed the lightest, sweetest kiss on her lips. ‘Take care, my love,’ he murmured, and then turned on his heel and walked away.

  ‘You, too,’ she called after him, but it was too late, his car was gone. Too late to call him back, too late to put her arms around him again and kiss him back, to ask him to stay just a little longer to help her do this thing she had to do.

  No. She had to do it alone, had to bring down the curtain on the last part of her life with Pete, and as she closed the door behind Jake, she’d never felt so alone in all her life.

  * * *

  It was hours before she got back, by which time the children were in bed and he’d rebuilt Zach’s cot in the bedroom he and Em had painted. He didn’t know where she’d want any of the things, so apart from the food which was obvious he stacked everything in Zach’s new room and left it for her to sort out.

  In the time since she’d phoned to say she was leaving, he’d thrown together a meal for them, and he was about to call her when he saw her pull up outside and get out of the car.

  He opened the door and she walked into his arms, hugged him hard and stayed there with her head on his chest for the longest moment.

  He waited it out, trying and failing to know how she must feel. He had no idea what it must be like to close the door on a house where your whole marriage had been played out to its tragic end. All he could do was what he was doing, holding her until she was ready to let go, and then he stepped back and smiled at her warily. ‘OK?’

  She nodded. ‘OK. The car’s full, but most of it’s for the charity shops. Pete’s clothes—’

  She turned away, heading upstairs and going into her bedroom, presumably to see Zach, and he gave a heavy sigh and went out to the car to check that it was locked, then came back in and boiled the kettle.

  ‘I hope you aren’t making me tea.’

  He laughed at her tone. ‘No, it’s for the pasta. There’s a nice crisp Chablis in the fridge, and I’ve made a creamy seafood sauce to go with it. I just have to heat it through.’

  ‘Sounds wonderful. Thank you—for everything.’

  ‘Stop it, Emily,’ he said, putting a glass of Chablis down in front of her and dropping into the chair opposite. ‘You’ve had a tough day, on top of a tough—well, how far back do you want to go? Ten, twelve years? More? You don’t need to thank me for cooking you a meal.’

  Her eyes welled. ‘I don’t—want to go back, that is. I need to move on, Jake. Yes, it was sad clearing up the house, but it was only the last bits. I’d already done a lot, and it’s time to move on, to start the next phase of my life. As you said the other day, here’s to the future. After all, it’s all we’ve really got, that and each other, and we’re lucky to have that.’

  She picked up her glass, tilted it towards him in a bitter-sweet toast and took a sip. ‘Mmm, lovely.’ She looked up again, her eyes clear now to his relief. ‘Thanks for putting Zach to bed. Was he OK?’

  ‘Yes, he was fine. I gave him a bottle, and he gave me a bit of an old-fashioned look and then downed it.’

  She laughed, and the sound sparkled in the room and drove away the shadows. ‘That’s my boy,’ she said, and took another sip of her wine. ‘So, tomorrow I need to buy at least another skirt and a few tops for work before Monday. Is there anywhere round here I can do that?’

  * * *

  The first day of their new contract, they dropped the children into nursery for a couple of hours so that Jake could introduce her to everyone, hand over some of his patients to her and give her a quick guided tour.

  ‘Bit of a heads-up on your antenatal clinic this afternoon,’ he said while they were in his office going through the paperwork she’d need. ‘Brianna Owen, incompetent cervix. It’s very short, so I haven’t been able to put in a stitch. I’ve been treating her with progesterone pessaries from sixteen weeks but she’s had a lot of problems and I’ve been keeping a very close eye on her and she’s booked herself into the clinic and I don’t know why. Anything you’re not sure of, ring me and check, because I don’t want anything to go wrong for her. It’s all in the notes, but speak to me if anything’s changed.’

  ‘Will do. Keep your phone on you,’ she said as he was leaving, and he laughed.

  ‘Really? You needed to remind me of that? Of course I’ll have my phone on me, but you’ll be fine. Just go for it, and trust your judgement. You know what you’re doing.’

  And then she was on her own, conscious that if she did anything wrong, quite apart from any repercussions for the patients, the buck stopped with them both so it wouldn’t be just her career on the line, it would be his, too.

  Which meant that taking on the job share had been a huge leap of faith for him. Either that, or he’d been so desperate that he was past caring. Whichever, she was determined not to let him down, and it seemed there were plenty of others there to make sure she didn’t.

  She’d met some of the staff on the labour ward and they’d given her strict instructions to ask if there was anything she needed to know or couldn’t find, and there was always someone in range to help.

  Then to her delight Liv, the midwife who’d delivered Zach last year and who was off on maternity leave herself, popped in with her baby daughter and gave her a hug.

  ‘Welcome to the team! Nick told me you were starting today, and I just had to come in and see you. How are you?’

  ‘I’m fine, I’m well, and you’ve had a baby! She’s beautiful. What’s her name?’

  ‘Isobel—Izzie.’

  ‘Oh, that’s such a pretty name! I’ve always loved it.’

  ‘Me, too. Oh, I’m so glad you’re going to be working here. We’ve all been really worried about Jake. He’s been juggling Matilda and his job ever since she was born and he’s done so well, but just recently with Jo walking out like that...’

  ‘Well, you don’t need to worry any more, I’m here now,’ she said, and then added ruefully, ‘and I’m really pleased for you that you’ve had a baby, but on a purely selfish note I was so looking forward to working with you. You were just wonderful when I was in labour, but at least now I’ve had a chance to thank you for the way you looked after me.’

  Liv hugged her. ‘You’re more than welcome, Emily, and it was a privilege to share it with you. So how is Zach? He must be nearly a year old now.’

  ‘Gosh, you even remembered his name. He’s fine. We’re both fine, settling in with Jake and hopefully this is going to work really well for us all.’

  ‘Oh, I’m sure it will,’ Liv said with a laugh, ‘not least because it’s high time we had a female consultant, so you’ll be hugely popular with everyone! Talking of which, I’m sorry, I’ve got to go, I’ve brought cake in for the girls and they’re expecting me. I’ll make sure they leave you some. Have fun.’

  * * *

  Fun?

  She wasn’t sure it was fun, but by the end of her first day she’d followed up
the patients Jake had handed over to her first thing, checked the blood test results of one and arranged a scan for another, discharged a couple of post-op patients in gynae and survived most of her first antenatal clinic, all without contacting Jake.

  And then she saw Brianna Owen, who’d been booked in for a check-up as she’d been worried over the weekend, and the first thing she did was ask for him.

  ‘I’m afraid he doesn’t work on Mondays now,’ Emily explained, ‘but he has another antenatal clinic on Wednesdays if you particularly want to see him. We’re working alternate days and sharing the caseload, so anything I find I’ll report to him and vice versa, so if you want to switch to Wednesdays from now on you’re welcome, but I think I should see you today anyway if you don’t mind, as you’ve obviously got some concerns.’

  ‘Oh, no, that’s fine, I don’t really want to wait. I don’t think I should. I’ve had a few twinges and a bit of an ache over the weekend that comes and goes. That’s why I’m worried.’

  And it was not what Emily wanted to hear, because she was only twenty-nine weeks and the last thing she needed was to go into labour just yet, but before Emily called Jake she wanted to know more about what was going on.

  She gave her a reassuring smile. ‘OK. Well, let’s have a look at you and see what we can find. It might be nothing, but I’ll take some swabs to check for infection, because that can sometimes happen with the pessaries, and it could potentially set off contractions, and I’ll also take a sample of fluid from close to your cervix to test for foetal fibronectin. That’s a protein that acts like a kind of glue that holds the baby in place in your uterus,’ she explained. ‘If the glue’s starting to break down, it’ll show up on the test, and if it doesn’t show up, then we don’t need to worry about it, but if it does then it could be an indication that you might be going into premature labour, so I just want to rule it out.’

  ‘Does it hurt?’

  ‘No. Not at all. It’s a simple painless procedure rather like a smear test, and we can do it here and get the result in a few minutes, and then we’ll have a better idea of what’s going on and what to do next. Is that OK, Mrs Owen? Are you happy with that?’