Bound by Their Babies

by Caroline Anderson

  She laughed. ‘Well, that’s a relief, since I seem to be holding Jake’s career in my hands as well as my own.’

  ‘Oh, gosh, don’t worry about that. Ben thinks you’re brilliant and so do I, because he kept putting pressure on me to go back to work again and I really don’t want to! I’m having way too much fun with Harry. Hello, Tilly. I love your fairy wings.’

  ‘Daddy buyed them,’ she said, and turned straight back to the ducks.

  ‘Did he? Good for Daddy.’ She bent over and looked into the buggy. ‘So this must be Zach. What a pretty baby. He’s got gorgeous eyes.’

  ‘They’re his father’s,’ she said quietly. ‘Every time he looks at me, I see Pete. It can be a little disconcerting.’

  ‘But lovely,’ Daisy murmured, her smile understanding.

  ‘Yes. Yes, it is lovely. He was very easygoing and good-natured, and Zach’s the same, which is just as well since Jake has to look after him for at least two days a week,’ she added with a wry grin, which Daisy returned.

  ‘Yes, it does help. Ben’s daughter Florence from his first marriage spends quite a lot of time with us, and she’s a darling, but he’s never forgotten what it’s like to be a single parent or how hard it can be on the child, and I think that’s one of the reasons he was so keen to help you and Jake with the job share. So, what are you doing this morning?’ she added with a smile. ‘Do you have plans?’

  She laughed. ‘Only heading for the playground if I can drag Tilly away from the ducklings.’

  ‘Well, good luck with that! Do you fancy coming back to mine for coffee? It would be lovely to have a bit more of a chat and get to know you. We only live round the corner from you and Liv’s coming over at ten-thirty with Isobel. I gather she delivered Zach.’

  ‘Yes, she did, and she was brilliant. I bumped into her briefly the other day but I’d love to see her again.’

  ‘So—coffee?’

  Emily felt the inexplicable urge to cry. Daisy holding out the hand of friendship to her made her realise how much she’d missed her old friends and colleagues, and she’d hardly seen them since she’d been on maternity leave.

  Time to make new friends?

  ‘That would be really lovely. Thank you.’

  * * *

  Ben and Daisy lived in a big Victorian house similar to Jake’s, but filled with the evidence of a busy family. A huge American fridge-freezer plastered in pictures held up by fridge magnets, multi-frame photos of them all on the walls, a small dropped sock lying on the stairs, probably a refugee from the washing pile—it was warm, homely and very welcoming, and she loved it.

  Loved spending time with Daisy and Liv, too, while Tilly entertained herself with Henrietta’s dressing up box and the babies crawled or lay kicking on the floor between them.

  Then Daisy broached the subject of dinner. ‘I’m glad I’ve got the two of you together, because we said we’d like to have you and Jake over for dinner, and then I gather from Ben that you’d suggested we should all come to you instead, which seems a bit unfair.’

  ‘It’s not unfair, we’d been talking about it the night before, and we’d love to have you all. It’s tricky with the on-call rota and babysitting, I know, but it would be great if you could manage it.’

  ‘I’m sure we can, but it was our idea, too, so why don’t you do the main course, and we’ll bring the starter and the dessert and we’ll do it that way. Agreed?’

  ‘I’ll do the dessert and bring a cheese board,’ Liv offered. ‘Any preferences?’

  ‘Chocolate,’ she and Daisy said together, and then laughed.

  They ended up staying for an impromptu lunch of hummus and vegetable sticks followed by another slice of Daisy’s apple cake, and then Liv had to go for a health visitor’s appointment and Emily left straight afterwards.

  ‘Thank you so much for inviting me this morning,’ she said, giving Daisy a quick hug. ‘It’s been lovely getting to know you both, and I’m really looking forward to our dinner. I don’t know anybody in Yoxburgh apart from Jake and the few people I’ve met at work, and I hadn’t realised how lonely I was.’

  Daisy frowned. ‘Well, we can’t have that. There are lots of us with young families around here, and we’re always happy to get together. Don’t get me wrong, small people are lovely, but it’s good to have an intelligent conversation with an adult,’ she said with a laugh. ‘Leave it with me. A group of us get together on Tuesdays with our little ones. Is that a work day for you?’

  ‘No—no, it isn’t, but won’t they mind if I muscle in?’

  ‘Absolutely not. I’ll give them a call, and in the meantime I’m always around, so don’t be lonely. There’s no need.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  She hugged her again, then walked briskly home, conscious of the huge pile of Jake’s ironing she’d been ignoring. She’d done most of it, but he must be running out of shirts by now. If the children had a nap...

  * * *

  ‘I had an interesting case today,’ he told her that evening as they sat down to eat. ‘Her first labour went wrong and she ended up with an emergency section, so she’s going for an elective section and because it was so traumatic for all of them she wants this one to be as natural as possible, so she wants a skin-to-skin Caesarean. I’ve scheduled her for next Wednesday because I thought you might like to be in on it.’

  Her eyes lit up. ‘I’d love to! It’s fascinated me for ages but I’ve never seen it done. Have you done many?’

  ‘Quite a few. I’d do them all like that if I could, but the parents have to be up for it and it has to be a low-risk case with no clinical reasons for not doing it, so it’s not that common, which is a shame because the outcome’s better for everyone. The babies seem so much calmer, and so are the parents, and it’s almost like a normal birth. Very gentle, very calm, the parents can watch the baby being eased slowly out, they’re the first people to see the sex of the baby, and then we use delayed cord clamping just like in a vaginal delivery, and lift the baby up onto the mother’s chest straight away, and many of the babies start feeding immediately—I’m a huge fan of it, and the parents really appreciate it, too, especially if they’ve had a traumatic delivery in the past.’

  ‘Gosh, I can’t wait to see it. They didn’t do it at my last hospital, they thought it was too risky.’

  ‘I know, but you’ve met Ben. He’s all about innovation and pushing the boundaries, and he jumped on this when they rolled out the trials. And talking of Ben, I gather you and the kids spent the day with Daisy.’

  ‘Yes, we did,’ she said, a smile lighting up her face. ‘It was great. I was beginning to feel a bit isolated, but Daisy wasn’t having any of that and she made me feel so welcome.’

  ‘I told you she was nice, and I’m really glad you got on. I’ve been worried about you not having any friends round here.’

  ‘Well, you don’t need to, I get the feeling Daisy’s going to take me firmly under her wing and introduce me to all her friends, so I’m fine. Oh, and we talked about dinner. We just need you guys to sort out the date.’

  He nodded. ‘OK. I’ll get on to Ben and Nick and we’ll find a time that works. Are you all done, or do you want more?’

  ‘No, I’m stuffed, I had too much cake at Daisy’s as it is. I’ll be like a house.’

  Not a chance, he thought. She’d been too thin in the aftermath of Pete’s death, and it was only now that she looked back to normal. Sure, she had curves, but they were healthy curves—and the less he thought about them, the better, he thought, and put their plates into the dishwasher.

  * * *

  The following morning Emily announced out of the blue that she was going to take Zach to see Pete’s parents for the weekend, which left him alone with Matilda.

  It was only what they’d been used when Jo was still around, but although they did everything they’d normally have done,
there was something missing, and he felt curiously lost, as if he’d been cut in half.

  Which was ridiculous, and he told himself that countless times as the hours slowly ticked away until her return.

  And then when she did come back, Tilly ran to greet her with a huge hug and a kiss, and Zach reached out to him, arms flapping in excitement.

  ‘Da-da,’ he said, and he felt the air leave his lungs in a great whoosh.

  His eyes flew to Em’s, and she froze, stopped in her tracks by Zach’s reaction. And then he said it again, more urgently, leaning over and reaching out to him, and Jake lifted the baby into his arms and cuddled him close, his eyes filling.

  ‘Em, I’m sorry,’ he breathed, but she shook her head and smiled, her own eyes filling, too.

  ‘It’s his first word,’ she said, and then turned away, unable to speak any more. He reached out and wrapped his spare arm around her, drawing her into the hug, and felt Matilda wriggle in between their legs and hug him, too.

  Another one for the family album? Except there was no one to take the photograph, but they didn’t need one, the memory would be etched on his heart for ever.

  He gave Em a little squeeze, let her go and kissed Zach’s head. ‘Hello, little guy. Have you had a good weekend with Granny and Grandpa?’

  ‘Da-da,’ he said again, and grabbed Jake’s cheek.

  ‘Ouch. Gently.’ He prised the chubby little fingers carefully off his face and searched Emily’s eyes. ‘Are you OK? Has something happened? You look a bit shaken.’

  She gave a fractured little laugh. ‘I am a bit. We passed an accident on the A14 on the other carriageway. There were lots of emergency vehicles there, it looked quite nasty. It’s good to be safely back.’ Her eyes found his again, the blue turning to storm clouds. ‘Jake, we need to talk later.’

  He frowned slightly. ‘OK,’ he agreed. ‘Have you eaten, or does Zach need supper? I was just about to feed Tilly and there’s enough for two.’

  ‘That would be lovely. Could you do it for me? Would you mind? I need to put some washing on for tomorrow.’

  ‘Sure.’

  What on earth was going on?

  He had no idea, but he wanted to find out, and he wasn’t going to wait any longer than he had to.

  * * *

  He’d made a pie with the leftover chicken from the roast he’d had with Matilda, and after the children were in bed he’d dished up and put it in front of her, but she wasn’t hungry, the image of the car accident too vivid in her mind.

  And the way Zach had reached for him, calling him Dada...

  She put her knife and fork down and met Jake’s searching eyes.

  ‘What’s up?’ he asked softly.

  ‘I’ve been thinking about the children. Spending time with Pete’s parents, seeing the accident—Jake, dreadful things happen, and I’m worried about the babies. What if something happens to one of us? Jo’s all but given Matilda to you, you have no idea where she is, she hasn’t been in contact once—who could look after Tilly if you died? And Zach—if anything happened to me, I know Pete’s parents would have him in a heartbeat, but they’re getting older, his mother’s got arthritis in her knees, his father’s had a triple bypass, and by the time we left they were exhausted. They’re nearly seventy, and there’s a very good chance they won’t be around by the time he’s in his teens, or at least not in any position to care for him. What then?’

  He nodded slowly. ‘I know. Stuff happens, and it’s easy to say it happens to someone else, but it doesn’t always. One of our team had to leave because his wife had got cancer and they needed to be near family, but they’re lucky to have them. My family couldn’t help. My parents were old when they had me, and they don’t know Tilly because they’ve cut themselves off from me, and my brother’s in America. It didn’t matter until now, but as you say, Jo’s dropped off the face of the earth and I have no idea how to contact her. My texts haven’t been delivered, my emails have bounced—it’s like she never existed and I’m not sure we’ll ever see her again, so I have to think about the unthinkable.’

  ‘And?’

  He shrugged. ‘I have no idea. I’ve got friends, but the only person I’d really want to look after her is you, and that’s too much to ask.’

  She could feel her smile was crooked, but there was nothing she could do about it. ‘Not if I asked the same thing of you.’

  Her words hung in the air between them, and after an age he sucked in a breath and looked away.

  ‘You’d trust me to look after Zach?’

  ‘Of course I’d trust you! I’m trusting you now, aren’t I? You’re doing it already, and I am for you, but we’re both around. What if one of us wasn’t? Zach was miserable all weekend.’

  He nodded slowly. ‘So was Tils. It was like something was missing. So what do we do?’

  She shrugged a little helplessly. ‘I don’t know. I think we need to talk to a solicitor, because I think it needs to be something formal and witnessed—I don’t know. Legal guardianship? How does that work? And what about Jo? Could you make me Matilda’s legal guardian while she’s still alive? And what about our properties? I haven’t looked at my will since Pete died, and I need a new one. Things are very different now.’

  ‘I know. I know nothing about it, but I agree, we need to find out, and we need to put something in writing that will give the children protection for the future. And of course I’d have Zach, without a second thought. I love him, Em. He’s part of the family, and so are you. You were right when you took that photo. It is one for the family album—and I know it’s a little unconventional and very early days, but I feel like we are a family, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.’

  She felt her eyes fill, and put her hand over her mouth. ‘Oh, Jake—neither would I.’

  ‘Good. So let’s eat this before it’s stone cold, and then we can draw up some kind of a plan, and tomorrow I’ll make an appointment to see a solicitor as soon as we can fit it in, because you’re absolutely right, we need to do this, and the sooner the better.’

  * * *

  Monday was busy—very busy on the labour ward, and with a full antenatal clinic in the afternoon.

  Brie Owen came back for a routine check-up, and everything was stable, to Emily’s relief. She was now over thirty weeks, a critical marker, and Emily sent Jake a text to tell him Brie was doing well because she knew he’d be thinking about it.

  A message pinged back straight away, to thank her for the update and telling her he’d made an appointment to see a solicitor on Friday at four.

  It would be tight for him to finish by then, she knew, but maybe he’d come to some arrangement with one of the others to cover them. She’d need to book the children into nursery, as well. She’d have to find time to do that.

  She did a final round in the labour and high-risk antenatal wards, then went home, turning the key in the door and walking in just as Jake was ushering the children out of the bathroom and towards bed.

  ‘Emmy,’ Matilda shrieked, and she ran up the stairs and scooped her up and hugged her. Zach was flapping in Jake’s arms, and she took him, too, and followed Jake along the landing with the children clinging to her like baby monkeys.

  ‘What a lovely welcome,’ she said with a huge smile, and he rolled his eyes.

  ‘Tilly’s talked about you non-stop. I don’t know why I bother,’ he muttered, but his eyes were laughing and his warmth and good humour wrapped around her like a blanket.

  ‘Here, let me take her off you before you drop her,’ he said as Tilly wriggled, but Zach lunged at him with a shriek of ‘Da-da!’ and he caught him just in time.

  ‘What about Mama?’ Emily said, rolling her own eyes. ‘Talking of not knowing why we bother...’

  He gave a soft snort and took Matilda from her, dropping a kiss on Zach’s head before handing him back, his affection for the l
ittle boy so evident it made her well up again.

  ‘Right, little man. Bedtime,’ she said firmly, and took him into her room and shut the door before she made an idiot of herself and cried in front of Jake.

  * * *

  They had another of the ‘dine in for ten pounds’ meals for supper, because Jake had taken the children to a nearby farm park for the day and he’d been too busy to think about food, and afterwards she filled him in on her day so he was up to date before he went to work in the morning.

  He disappeared into his study then, and she curled up on the sofa with the book she’d been trying to read for months.

  He emerged a little after ten and plonked himself down on the sofa next to her. ‘What are you reading?’

  She handed him the book and he glanced at it and frowned. ‘Blimey. The Theory of Everything? That’s a bit impenetrable.’

  She laughed. ‘Tell me about it. Pete read it after we watched the film and said it was great, but I can’t understand a word. I loved the film, but the book’s utterly defeating me. I didn’t realise our minds were so different.’

  ‘No. There again, I’m not a physicist so I wouldn’t hope to understand Stephen Hawking, but I loved the film, too.’

  They talked about films then, the films they’d loved, the ones they’d hated, the ones that had made them cry, and then he yawned hugely, unravelled himself off the sofa and announced that he was going to bed.

  ‘Sounds like a good idea. I’m having coffee with Daisy and her friends at ten tomorrow, and I’ve got a few things to do before then—like the rest of the ironing. I don’t suppose you’ve done it?’

  He snorted. ‘In what spare minute? Don’t worry, I’ll do it tomorrow before I leave.’

  She was already awake when she heard him stirring at six, so she quietly followed him downstairs, took the iron out and had just finished the first shirt when he came into the utility room, hair still damp, dressed only in a pair of trousers, his bare and well-muscled torso tantalisingly close.

  ‘Are you just showing off again, or did you want this?’ she asked drily, holding out the freshly pressed garment and hoping he couldn’t see her heart thudding in her chest through her pyjama top.