Crazy Beautiful

by Penny Dee

  Heath just wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into the warm contour of his body. It felt so good I didn’t even struggle.

  Too good.

  “Anyone ever tell you how much you wriggle in your sleep?” he murmured into the back of my neck. Magical sensations shot along my skin at the warmth of his breath on my neck and the closeness of his firm body pressed up against mine. His arm held me close, his gentle fingers sweeping across my belly as his hand dropped to the sheet.

  My headache dissipated as a thousand pleasures tore threw me. Every nerve in my body tingled.

  “Heath?”

  He shifted next to me, the warmth of his body engulfing me.

  “Mmmm?” he murmured into my hair.

  “Where are my clothes?”

  “You don’t remember?”

  My mind reached back as far as it could go. Nope. Nothing.

  “Why am I not wearing them?”

  His lips curled into a smile against my neck. “Think about it … it’ll come back to you.”

  “Oh God … I … we … didn’t…?”

  I felt him rise up onto an elbow and when I turned to look at him, he was smiling.

  “Relax H-bomb, your virtue is still intact.”

  I felt dumb for having to ask. And dumber for actually asking. But it wasn’t every day I woke up hung over and semi-naked in bed with a guy every woman wanted between her thighs.

  “Believe me baby—” He fluffed his pillow and lay back down again. “If we’d gone there together, you wouldn’t need me to remind you.”

  His arrogant charm pushed through my hangover and I laughed until my throbbing brain shut me up and I pressed my hands over my eyes.

  He pulled me back into him, his bare chest and stomach warm against my back, as his arms secured around my waist. He sighed and I melted against him, my entire body relaxed and content.

  Slept crept up on me and when I opened my eyes four hours had passed and I was alone. I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. It was ridiculous that I could feel so content lying amongst the tangled sheets of the biggest player in town. Yet I was.

  I covered my face with my hands. I shouldn’t feel so relaxed here.

  When the door crept open I sat up. Heath came in carrying a glass of water.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked handing me the water.

  “I’m fine.” I raised the glass in a toast. “Thanks.”

  He bounced onto the bed, lay on his side and flopped his arms over my legs.

  “So what do you want to do today?”

  “Do?” I shrugged. “I should probably go home. “

  I ran my hands through my hair, shaking it loose over my shoulders.

  “Stay here. We can hang out. Chill on the couch and watch a couple of movies.” He looked up at me, his eyes soft as he grinned. It was no wonder women fell over themselves for his attention. How could I turn down that face?

  “Will there be popcorn and ice-cream?”

  His smile widened. “Baby, I’m talking about the full cinema experience.”

  “Then how can I refuse?” I said, laughing at his enthusiasm.

  “I’m hoping you can’t.”

  Then I remembered I had work the next day. “I have work in the morning.”

  “I can get you there. I’ll take you on the bike.”

  “I’ll need a change of clothes.”

  He sat up. “We’ll go now and then grab some lunch.”

  I cocked my head to the side as I looked at him. “Why do you want me to stay so much?”

  He shrugged. “I’m not use to a girl cuddling me in my bed. I guess I kinda liked it.”

  “That’s ’cos after you have sex with them, you’re showing them the door before they even have a chance to put their panties back on.”

  His eyebrows pressed together into a frown and I thought it was because I’d just reminded him of what a player he was. But he must have been thinking about the past week because he said, “I’m sorry about how I acted. How I avoided you.”

  “So you admit it. You were avoiding me.”

  “I don’t know what I was doing. I just thought it’d be easier …” He trailed off and frowned again. His eyes dropped to his big hands where he was absentmindedly playing with his thumbnail. “Whatever it was, it was dumb. And I’m sorry.”

  I knew we should discuss the night I picked him up from the hospital. Namely, about the kiss in his lounge room and how I’d practically begged him to take it further. But last night—what I didn’t know about last night—was seriously playing havoc with my head. It had left my head murky and I couldn’t remember a thing.

  Despite my current state of hangover hell, I still had the sense to see that a serious conversation about our relationship was best left until I could think straight. But it wasn’t just that. Because if I were honest, the simple truth was: I had no idea what I wanted anymore. And I needed time to think.

  Heath Dillinger was breaking my steely resolve.

  And it terrified me.

  “Apology accepted.” I took his hand and squeezed it. “I’m sorry I called you an asshole.”

  He looked up. “You didn’t.”

  I grinned. “Oh, yes I did.”

  He chuckled. “Well, it was deserved.”

  “No more being mean to me, okay?”

  “You have my word.” He smiled. “Unless you start with the name calling again. So was it just asshole? Or were there more creative adjectives?”

  “I can be very creative.”

  He cocked an eyebrow. “Now you’re just teasing.”

  I smiled and stretched, then remembering my lack of clothes pulled the sheet around me self-consciously. “I need a shower.”

  Heath leapt off the bed and grabbed a fresh pair of boxers and a t-shirt from the dresser, throwing them on the bed. “You can wear these while your clothes are drying. I’ll make us a coffee while you shower.”

  Standing lathered in soap under the warm spray of the shower, I couldn’t help but smile at Heath’s kindness. He had a big heart. I wondered if those girls with their false eyelashes, long nails and short skirts, knew what a great guy he really was under all that showmanship he presented onstage. I wondered if they knew he was always smiling, always friendly, always thinking of others first. Or if they even cared. Onstage he was a magnificent creature who soaked panties and set hearts on fire; offstage he was one of the nicest guys I had ever encountered.

  He made me feel things I couldn’t explain. But I would be leaving soon. My life wasn’t in California. There was no point in starting anything that I couldn’t stop when I returned to Georgia. And something told me if I started anything with this guy, I wouldn’t be able to stop. He was too much to love. And I was on a time limit.

  The spray of water felt good on my head and I sighed.

  After a thorough shampoo, I found a tub of conditioner to run through my hair and took time soaping up my body. My hangover was subsiding and I was starting to feel better with every passing minute. The shower was bringing me to life again when suddenly small fragments of the night before swung before my closed lids.

  He broke the surface and rose out of the water, his thick, muscular body tanned and glittering with beads of water. His wet jeans hung low on his hips, the wet fabric of his t-shirt clinging to every curve, every ripple of muscle on his torso. He turned to face me and I could see the wide expanse of his broad shoulders, so round and large beneath his shirt. Big hands ran through his wet hair and his tattoos moved as if they were alive over strong forearms as his muscles flexed. But it was his face, that beautiful, amazing face that caught the breath in my throat. Wet lips broke into a dazzling smile, as blue eyes sparkled at me through dark lashes.

  My eyes flicked opened.

  Oh hell.

  His lips were wet but oh so warm against my mouth. His tongue was smooth and strong as it worked with mine in a slow, intoxicating rhythm.

  I was rooted to the spot, with soapsuds sliding d
own my slick skin, as more fractured memories slowly came back to me.

  “Harlow, I don’t want to make love to you when you’re like this. When I make love to you, I want you to be sober …”

  Oh hell. God. Holy Jesus. Fuck.

  Had Heath really said that? Or had I dreamed it?

  I dropped to the floor of the bath and drew my knees to my chin. Water gushed over my head and over my shoulders.

  “Why not me, Heath?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  Oh my God. No! I covered my face with my hands.

  No. No. No. No. No.

  I was not that girl.

  Not, some whiny girl having a cry about a guy not wanting me.

  “What’s wrong with me? You want everything with a pulse … except me …”

  Ugh! Apparently, I was.

  I groaned and closed my eyes. Great. I’d thrown myself at Heath just like all the other girls and the thought made me feel sick. I would have to apologize. But could I make up for acting like such a whiny princess?

  Rising to my feet, I let the water wash away the last of the soapsuds. Of course I could. I would apologize to Heath for … oh God, did he really have to hold me up while I threw up outside of the club?

  After turning off the faucet I squeezed the water from my hair and wrapped myself in a towel. I was running a comb through my tangled hair when there was a knock on the bathroom door.

  “Harlow…?”

  “Yeah?”

  “There is a spare toothbrush in the third drawer of the vanity. It’s yours if you want to brush your teeth.”

  I retrieved the brush and gave my teeth a good scrub with minty toothpaste and rinsed them well. Slipping into the boxers and baseball shirt Heath had given me I flicked my hair back and stared at my reflection in the mirror. It was then I remembered.

  “I think I’m in love with you Heath.”

  Oh my god. I had mentioned the L-word.

  I think I might be in love with you too H-bomb.

  I gasped.

  Oh hell.

  Chapter Eleven

  HEATH

  The look on her face when she came out of the bathroom told me all I needed to know.

  She remembered last night. Or at least some of it.

  When she hesitantly entered the room I knew she was feeling awkward. She looked adorable in my boxers and baseball shirt with Dillinger across the back. It made me smile. My name looked good on her.

  She sat down next to me, curling one leg under the other. Her hair fell in dark wet strands around her freshly scrubbed face. She looked embarrassed and I couldn’t help but grin. Call me a dick, but she was so cute when she felt uncomfortable and I kind of enjoyed it.

  “So I guess you remember a lot more about last night than I do, huh?” she said, looking so adorable that I fought off the urge to grab her face and kiss her.

  “Considering the amount of alcohol you had … I’d say that is a fair assumption.” I grinned and she closed her eyes in embarrassment.

  When she opened them again she said, “I’m so sorry Heath …”

  I feigned ignorance. You know. Just to fuck with her. Yeah. Yeah. I was douche. But if you saw how amazing she looked sitting there, so pretty and sweet, looking all awkward … hell, she was perfect.

  She bit her bottom lip and my dick felt the tiny flick of her tongue and the soft scrap of her teeth right through to its tip. It moved and pulsed and I could feel it growing. If she kept doing shit like that, I would have to take care of it myself. I hadn’t been laid in weeks and I had world of built up sexual urges begging for release.

  “I told you I was in love with you, didn’t I?” she said, sheepishly.

  “Maybe.” I glanced at her sideways.

  “Sorry about that.”

  My smile faded. “Don’t ever apologize for that,” I said.

  She smiled sweetly. But our eyes locked and something passed between us. The air crackled with it. Something we both felt. A silent fork in the road. It was time to stop circling each other. It was time to admit how we truly felt about one another. I knew it. And in that moment, so did she.

  She shook her head and stood up abruptly. “I can’t do this, Heath.”

  I jumped up and took her wrists in my hands. “Why not? Why can’t this be right?”

  “Because I can’t give you what you want.” She fixed me with those piercing sea-green eyes. “I won’t be this week’s flavor and next week’s leftovers.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I asked a little harshly.

  “You can have any girl you want, and you’re choosing me?”

  “Yes,” I cried. “Yes, that is exactly what I am doing.”

  * * * * *

  HARLOW

  It was hard not to scoff.

  “I’ve seen the girls you’ve been with. I don’t even compare to them.”

  “No. You’re so much more than what they are.” Heath’s fingers slipped to mine. “I’ve never met a girl like you, H-bomb. I don’t want any other girl. The truth is, I haven’t gotten laid since I met you.”

  “Bullshit. I’ve seen you with lots of girls.”

  “Doesn’t mean I had sex with them.”

  I eyed him suspiciously. “Why?”

  He sighed. “Because none of them were you.”

  “Heath, that’s crazy.”

  “What’s crazy, is how I feel about you H-bomb,” he said with sudden enthusiasm, his eyes warm and soft. “You’re in every corner of my brain. From the moment I wake up to when I fall asleep. You’re all I can think about.”

  I looked away. It was hard to look at him. Because when I did, I wanted him.

  “Heath, what I said last night … I’d had too much to drink …” I said.

  He frowned but my words didn’t deter him. “Don’t say that. Don’t reduce it to that level. We both meant what we said last night.”

  “I’m leaving in a few weeks. If we … it won’t work … I don’t belong here.”

  He took my hands. “You belong with me.”

  I looked at him and bit my bottom lip. “What you want is impossible.”

  “What I want is you.”

  He was making it hard.

  “How do I start something that I will only have to finish in a few weeks?”

  His smile was soft. “We can face that when the time comes. We’ll work it out. We can do this, Harlow.” He gave my hands a gentle shake. “I want you to be my girl. My only girl.”

  I found his eyes and was momentarily lost in the infinite blue. It would be easy to give into him.

  But giving in would mean risking everything.

  If I jumped into something with him and lost myself in him, it would only end badly. He was surrounded by too many temptations. Yes, he said he wanted me as his only girl. But for how long?

  Until another challenge came along?

  Could I risk my future when that was a real possibility?

  Look at how quickly he had changed his mind about me the night I’d picked him up from hospital. One minute he wanted me; the next he was rejecting me.

  Was that the sort of guy I could give up my future for?

  I needed to go for a walk. I felt so muddled. I needed time to myself to think. My heart and head were fighting and it was an all-out war. My heart was begging me to take the plunge; while my head was gripping onto the edge for dear life.

  “I’m going for a walk.” I grabbed my coat from the back of a sofa and put it around me. At the dining table I slipped my feet into a pair of Nikki’s sandals.

  “I’ll come with you.”

  “No. I need time.”

  “Harlow …”

  “You don’t know what you’re asking of me,” I said with more force than I had intended.

  Choosing Heath would mean giving up everything. My life in Georgia. My plans for college. I’d have to face the wrath and immense disappointment of my daddy. Not to mention the venom of my mother. All for … whatever this was.


  “You don’t have to be afraid of anything with me. I will never hurt you,” he said gently. “I’ll give you everything you need. Everything you want. If you’ll just be mine.”

  I stopped at the door but only half turned. “I just need some time to think.”

  He looked gutted. “Will you be back?”

  I nodded but couldn’t meet his eyes as I turned and walked out.

  Needing to feel the sea breeze in my hair and the tang of salt on my skin, I headed to the Pier. My head was filled with fog and I needed to clear it before it drove me crazy. I hadn’t expected to meet anyone. And I certainly hadn’t expected to meet Heath. But I had and he had become my best friend and now I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

  What if I pursued something with him and went too far to turn back? But hadn’t I already gone too far?

  As the street beneath my feet turned into the Pier, I felt the gentle tingle of light rain on my face. The smell and sound of the ocean was an immediate comfort and I drew in a deep hearty breath of salty sea air.

  It was late afternoon and the sun was bleeding into a horizon heavy with grey clouds. Foggy coach lights along the Pier created a welcome glow. The rain and approaching storm had driven visitors from the Pier, leaving behind only a few die-hard fishermen. Waves rushed beneath us and thunder rumbled in the distance.

  Midway along the Pier I sat down on a bench and raised my face to the sky. I closed my eyes against the light rain on my face.

  Yes, I was afraid of starting something with Heath, because I was only staying for such a short time and didn’t want the heartache of ending something when I left. But in reality, hadn’t we already had started something?

  Yes, I was afraid of falling for him and having to end it. But hadn’t I already fallen for him?

  Yes, I was afraid of having to turn my life upside down so I could be with him. But hadn’t he already turned my life upside down by making me love him?

  Most of all, I was afraid of giving him my heart and having him break it. But he had already taken it from me.

  It seemed clear then. Sitting there, feeling the gentle rain on my skin and the ocean air in my lungs. All my fears were pointless. Because they were too late. I was already one hundred percent, head over heels in love with him.