by Penny Dee
Until the video vamp next to him broke the spell and intimately turned his chin, compelling him to look at her.
I closed my eyes as the heartbreak crashed over me.
I didn’t need to put myself through any more of this. I fled the club and stormed outside. But Heath was right on my heels and as I reached the street he spun me around.
“It’s not what you think.”
“It never is,” I cried as six weeks of pent up emotion bubbled to the surface and erupted out of my mouth. I yanked my arm free.
“I can’t win with you. No matter what I do, you’re always going to hate me for what happened in Vegas,” he cried.
“That’s not true!”
We had gone from zero to yelling at each other in mere seconds.
“Then what was that? Jesus Christ Harlow, I wasn’t doing anything but talk to a girl at the bar. Why do you care anyway? You don’t want me anymore.”
His words hit me like a giant slap to the face. I wrapped my arms around my chest and looked away, trying to stop the tears in my eyes from falling, afraid my emotions would betray me and he would see my heartache all over my face.
But it was too late.
When I looked up, I saw the confusion settle across his face.
“Is that why you’re upset with me?” he asked with disbelief.
I looked away, my heart thundering against my chest.
“Harlow—” I could hear the hope in his voice.
He covered the steps between us and grabbed me by the arms. His forehead fell to mine and his breath was warm and sweet against my cheek. I closed my eyes and inhaled the familiar scent of him, breathing in the comfort of him. My heart ached as every pore craved to be with him.
Being that close to him weakened me. There was so much to say. To do. But I wanted nothing more than to feel those strong arms embrace me, and hold me tight once again against the warmth of his body.
Every reason I had used to convince myself to stay away from him was quickly becoming no reason at all.
“Are you telling me there is hope?” he asked with quiet desperation. “Please baby, tell me you want me back and I’m yours.” His hands found my face. “Tell me you’re mine or –” He frowned with pain. “I can’t keep doing this. It’s killing me. Every time I see you I die a little more inside. Tell me you love me or set me free.”
There was almost no space between our lips. Only one small raise of my chin and our mouths would meet in a kiss I was desperate to feel. His breath was a soft whisper against my lips and before I could stop myself I tilted my head back further so we were almost touching.
The door to the Sugar Shack opened and broke the spell.
“Heath…?”
I turned to see the girl from the bar standing in the doorway wearing little more than a pissed off look on her face.
Suddenly those reasons to stay away from Heath had reappeared as large as life.
In that moment she encompassed everything I was afraid of. She represented every girl, every groupie, every barely clothed she-devil that would come between us in the future.
I couldn’t do it. The pain was still too raw. I looked at the girl leaning against the doorway like a Wild West saloon whore and took a step back. It was too soon.
“No—” Heath whispered desperately.
How many more of these girls would I have to endure if I went back to him?
Heath knew what I was thinking and what was coming because he started to shake his head.
“Baby, don’t—” he pleaded.
My voice broke as it caught the lump in my throat. “Consider yourself set free.”
He took a step back as if I’d punched him. The agony on his face quickly turned to despair.
“Again?” he said disbelievingly. “You’re rejecting me again?”
I wanted to yell “no” but I had to protect my heart from being broken again.
He inhaled deeply and his nostrils flared as he slowly dragged his teeth across his bottom lip.
I could see the hurt and anger collide within him. He couldn’t have looked more hurt if I’d hit him with a sledgehammer.
He stepped forward, his eyes bright with anger.
“You’re setting me free?” He could barely contain himself. “Just like that? Knowing how I feel about you? Knowing how much I love you? Knowing how much this hurts me?” His eyes hastily searched my face as his anger rose. He stepped closer. He was furious and when he spoke his voice was dangerously low. “Fine. You don’t want me anymore? You want to set me free … fine! I’m free.” He banged his chest. “I’m done. Do you hear me? I’m done. You won’t have to worry about me fucking up your life anymore.”
I saw saloon-slut smirk in the doorway and my anger got the better of me.
“We were done the moment you stuck your dick in someone else!” I yelled at him before turning my back on him and storming away.
I cried all the way home, then climbed into the shower and cried some more. I cried because we were done and because he had broken us. I cried because we had yelled at each other again and then severed our ties. I cried because we were so fucking dysfunctional despite how amazing it felt being with him.
But mostly I cried because I missed him and I loved him so fucking much it physically hurt. I didn’t want it to be over. I wanted it to be how it was before he ripped my heart out and stomped all over it.
But you can’t undo the already done.
And you can’t unsay the already said.
A mental image of him fucking his anger out of him with the girl from the bar sent another wave of heartache through me. I didn’t want other girls putting their hands on him. He belonged with me.
No.
Not anymore. We had just made absolutely certain of that! My inability to forgive him had just poured gasoline all over our love and set fire to it.
Feeling miserable, I didn’t even bother removing the towel from my hair before climbing into bed and hiding under the covers.
When Bridget arrived home and cracked open my bedroom door I pretended to be asleep.
But sleep was the furtherest thing from my mind.
Chapter Eighteen
HEATH
It had been another great gig. The crowd was smaller than those we had been playing to lately, but they were hard-core fans and their excitement had electrically charged the air. We could do no wrong and for the first time in weeks I’d felt happy and alive again. The music. The fans. Performing with my brothers on stage, it’d all come together to form an awesome show. We were at a small licensed venue on the outskirts of town. And damn it felt good to be home.
After the show, none of us were keen to leave. We stayed behind for a drink with friends and fans, some we knew, some we didn’t. I was designated driver. I wasn’t going to touch another drop of alcohol until I sorted things out with Harlow.
Not that I was making any progress.
Since our confrontation at the Sugar Shack I hadn’t heard from her or made any attempt to see her. I was waiting until her anger had subsided. I thought she might have calmed down a little bit while we were away touring with the Masters of Mayhem music festival, maybe even missed me a little. But that was just proof of what an asshole I was. Time wasn’t going to soften her anger. What I had done to her wasn’t going to be repaired by a few weeks apart.
Sometimes, as the days passed by me, I wondered if anything could repair what I had done. I was losing hope. I had fucked up the one chance I had with the most amazing girl in the world and I was at a loss as to what to do next.
There had been plenty of opportunities to move forward. Blondes. Brunettes. Redheads. At every gig. At every meet and greet. Hell, even the thirty-something receptionist at the bus charter company offered me her cell number on a post-it note attached to our charter agreement.
Then, in Virginia, when I’d returned to the edge-of-town motel we were staying at, I’d flung open the door to see a girl waiting naked for me in my bed. How the hell she’d
known it was my room was beyond me. I was learning that some of these girls would do crazy shit given the opportunity and side stepping them was getting exhausting.
But I wasn’t interested in moving forward. I had tried and I couldn’t. I was in love with the only girl I could ever imagine sharing my life with. And I wasn’t prepared to risk that for anyone else.
Granted, the only one girl I was interested in actually hated me.
But there would be no one else.
While in Seattle during the festival tour, Armie had insisted we visit Renton and the childhood home of his idol, Jimi Hendrix, only to find it had been torn down. “Fuckers,” Armie had yelled disillusioned that the sacred site had been razed. “Let’s go get a drink as a salute to Jimi.”
So he and I had gone into town and found a bar where Armie had toasted Jimi for both of us with several bourbons. As we walked back to our car we passed a jewelry store down a little side street. It was a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it type place with a small display window out the front and a small, skinny front door with peeling paint and a rusty door knob. But something drew me to the window and there, right there, in the middle of all the other items was the ring. The one I would one day slip onto Harlow’s finger when I made her my girl, permanently.
If she ever stopped hating me.
“Dude, seriously? She thinks you’re an asshole.”
I loved Armie for his brutal honesty.
“I know, and she’d never say yes to me in a million years,” I said, staring at the stunning diamond and platinum piece. But it was too beautiful not to have. And I knew I would search for a hundred years and never find a ring more perfect for Harlow. It was just like her; one in a million.
“Well she won’t ever say yes if you never ask her,” Armie said looking at the window display through thick-rimmed glasses. He was a vision of dark spiky hair and black clothing against the stark white timber of the jewelry store. He tapped at the window as if there was a puppy on the other side. “Some things are too precious to walk away from.”
I didn’t know if he was referring to the ring or if his observations included Harlow. I never asked him, but I had the feeling he was telling me to go for it.
The ring cost me almost more than I would make on the tour, but just having it made me feel closer to the girl I was crazy about. I couldn’t explain it. I just had to have it. For her. Even when hope for us was fading.
Now we were back in town and I still hadn’t seen or heard from her and the ring was tucked safely in my sock drawer.
I wasn’t going to push my luck and force her to see me. I wasn’t in a position to piss her off any more. So the plan was to let time slip by and let the Universe take over. If I kept my faith in us, then somehow we would work this out.
“So have you thought about how you’re going to ask her?” Armie had whispered to me before we went on stage.
“I have to work out how I am going to get her to talk to me first. Let alone marry me,” I replied.
The show was over, it was just after one in the morning and I yawned. It had been a good night but I was feeling the onset of fatigue.
While on tour, we had landed a recording contract with a major label. Things were finally starting to happen for Vengeance and there was a potent enthusiasm within the band. Armie had written a lot of material on the road and we were keen to get into the studio and start creating our second album.
We had booked a studio for the next morning, which was only hours away, to work on recording the album and I wanted to start with a clear head.
My car keys jingled in my hands. “I’m ready to call it a night. Who wants a ride home?”
Jesse, Piper and Armie decided to come with me. Tommy had already left with his new girlfriend Saskia, and Zack was heading home with a girl called Jane, who was his every-now-and-again girl.
Armie was a little drunk but talked excitedly about starting in the studio. We were on the verge of something exciting happening to the band. This was our shot at the big time and we were all ready.
The car park was almost deserted as we left the bar. The night had wrapped up and the people were gone. The lack of heat in the air was a solemn reminder that summer was almost over.
As we headed towards the Challenger along the side of the road, Armie started to goof around. Jesse and Piper walked ahead of us, their arms around one another as Jesse smoked. Seeing them together and so into each other opened the hole in my chest. It was times like these, when the day was winding down and it was time to turn in, when I missed my girl the most. I let myself think for a moment of how much I wished I was going home to her arms, and how badly I wanted to curl myself around her warm body as I fell asleep. Then I forced the thought away. Because I ached too much when I thought shit like that.
“Dude, check this …” Armie was attempting a handstand with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. But he was a little too intoxicated and fell flat on his face. I burst out laughing. You could always rely on Armie for some comic relief.
Jesse and Piper paused and turned to watch him.
“You’re such a gymnast,” Jesse joked.
Armie picked himself up and attempted another handstand only to fail once again. He paused on the road to pick up his cigarette.
“Let’s go Mary Lou Retton,” I said.
The light appeared from nowhere. One moment it was dark and the road was deserted, the next moment the bright light hit us. I heard the roar of the engine, the sudden screech of brakes and then the brilliant brightness of car headlights as they descended upon us.
* * * * *
HARLOW
It took me a moment to realize my phone was ringing. I fumbled in the dark and answered it.
Straight away I heard sobbing. “Harlow. It’s Piper.”
“Piper? Why are you crying?”
“You have to come down to the hospital.”
Fear tingled up my spine. I quickly sat up and turned on the bedside lamp.
“What’s happened? Are you hurt?”
There was more sobbing and anxiety prickled across my body.
Please God, let Heath be okay.
“He’s dead Harlow …” Piper’s voice broke.
I sucked in a deep breath and held it.
Not Heath. Please don’t let it be Heath.
“There was a car. We were walking –” Piper broke off sobbing and I clutched the phone. I felt sick.
“Who died Piper? Who?” The sharpness in my voice surprised me and I realized I was speaking through gritted teeth. My heart stuttered and missed a beat.
She sobbed and sniffed. “Armie’s dead, Harlow. Armie’s goddamn dead.”
Within twenty minutes I was running through the doors of the emergency department. Tears streaked down my face. They’d started in the car and I’d be damned if I could get them to stop.
I found Jesse in the waiting room with his head in his hands as Piper comforted him. She looked up when I walked in, her eyes red from crying. She jumped up and hugged me with a sob. I bit back more tears as she broke from our embrace and looked up at me, her face tear stained, her nose swollen from wiping it.
“What happened?” I asked quietly.
“The guys had just finished a show. We stayed back for a few drinks.” She sniffed, wiping her eyes with her fingers. “Heath offered me, Jesse and Armie a lift because he wasn’t drinking so he could drive. We were walking to the car when Armie was goofing around on to the road. He was drunk.” She started to cry again. “It happened so quickly. One minute we were goofing around and the next—” She broke off in a sob and Jesse took her in his arms.
He looked at me, his face drawn. “A car came around the corner. They were speeding but Armie was in the middle of the road. He didn’t have a chance.”
“Where are the others? Are they okay?” I asked Jesse.
“Zack and Tommy are outside, having a smoke. Heath is down the corridor.” He nodded towards a corridor leading away from the waiting room. “He’s not doin
g too good.”
I headed down the brightly lit corridor bracing myself for Heath’s condition. I found him leaning against the wall, his forehead buried in his arm. He looked up when I said his name. His beautiful eyes were wet with tears. His face crumpled when he saw me and he pulled me to him, burying his face in my shoulder and grasping me close.
“We’re going to get through this,” I said quietly. He pulled back and exhaled deeply, fighting off another wave of emotion. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it, turning his eyes to the ceiling. His dimples flickered as he fought with the emotional pain.
“I just—” He ran his hand through his hair. “I can’t believe he is gone.”
“Do his parents know?”
His eyes found mine as tears spilt down his cheeks. “I had to fucking phone them. Jesus Christ, I had to tell them. The police were going to, but I didn’t want some stranger turning up on their doorstep.” He wiped his cheek. “They’re flying in tomorrow.”
I pulled him into my arms again and felt him relax into me.
“We need to get you home. There’s nothing more you can do for Armie here at the hospital,” I said gently. “You, the rest of the guys, Piper, we’ll go back to your place and we’ll face this together, okay?”
He pulled back from me, bewildered, and his blue eyes were bright with tears. “I don’t know if I can do this.” he whispered.
I held him by the chin so I could look him square in the eye. “You can and you will. But we will do it together, okay?”
We headed back to Heath’s house. Shock and grief set in on everyone. Hardly anyone spoke. We stopped and picked up a couple of bottles of bourbon and sat in the lounge room and talked. There were tears. The pain was raw. It seemed so unreal.
When the sun came up I pulled the blinds so it was dark and slowly fatigue took over and sleep finally found everyone.
* * * * *
HEATH
When everyone fell asleep, to my surprise Harlow took me by the hand and led me to my bedroom. Without words we slipped out of our clothes, down to our underwear, and climbed into bed. She immediately wrapped her arms around me and held me against her. Her warmth and the soft beat of her heart was an elixir to my torment. It helped me to fight off another wave of tears.
