She moaned every time her nipples brushed him, he caught one up and kissed it, she pressed it into him. He sucked and licked them until she came again, her whole body did, he felt it everywhere in her, and the grip she had in him inside was too much, he called out himself unable to restrain himself. He held her tightly as he climaxed, bouncing her on him as he went.
He rested his head on her shoulder, and she stroked his hair. They stayed that was for a long time until she whispered. “I need caffeine.”
He laughed. “Okay, me too.”
She put on her robe and went to the bathroom. He stood in the kitchen in his pants, tight little boxer briefs, and she sighed. Those dimples really did something to her.
“Tea or coffee?” he asked as he found his way round her kitchen.
“Mornings require coffee.” He nodded. When they had a cup each, he broached the subject of them.
“So, this is pretty good.”
“It is.” She looked at him, wondering what he was going to say.
“I kind of think it’s too good.”
Huh. Not what she had expected.
“Okay, well, that’s fine. I understand.”
“Do you? I have no idea what just happened between us.”
“Look, you’re here for three more months, that’s all there is for us, we take it or we don’t. I’m not playing an off and on game with this. Life’s too short. If you’re confused or unsure, then it isn’t right, and we don’t do it.”
He looked at her confused. She didn’t sound or look angry, she was neutral, carefully so. What had happened last night hadn’t just affected him, and he didn’t want to leave, he wanted to see where it went. But she was guarded, careful, and she was waist deep in something horrible, her caution was understandable.
They stood there a few minutes.
“Nathan, last night was nice, but…”
“Nice? Nice. You’re using the word nice to describe last night?”
“It was nice.”
“It was fucking amazing. You say good, hot, life altering, bone shattering, you do not say nice. That’s like saying it’s fine, or okay.”
“Okay, it wasn’t nice. It was good. Happy?”
No, he wasn’t happy. “What were you going to say, you said ‘nice, but’?”
“Just that if you’re unsure, I’m okay. I’m not going to cry or beg.”
He might though. He put his mug down and nodded. He went and got dressed. He pulled his jeans on, he hadn’t felt so connected to anyone in so long, he had forgotten how it felt, hadn’t realised how much he needed it, needed her. The realisation was unexpected and he didn’t quite know what to do with it. He was still frowning when he finished dressing and came back out.
She was still in the kitchen. “I’m sorry if I said the wrong thing.”
“No it’s okay, maybe your right. It can only be temporary right?”
“Exactly.” He stood in front of her, his eyes dipped to her lips. She was breathing hard, and he knew she wasn’t unaffected by him.
“I want to see you again.” He’d hoped they would shower together, then hangout, and talk until dark. He’d hoped, and now he didn’t, if sex was all she’d give him, he’d have to take it.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
He kissed her cheek, and left, it was only half past ten, she wasn’t sure how she would get through the rest of the day. As the door shut behind him, she knew that what happened was important, to both of them, but it couldn’t be, she could let it be.
She thought it might be too late for caution.
Five. Go with the flow
She got up early on Monday and went to the gym. She could get ready for work there. She pounded the treadmill, and went on a rowing machine. She could have gotten to France by lunch at the pace she went at. She thought about Saturday night, about Nathan, about everything.
She wanted to go upstairs to his flat, she wanted him, desperately, but she didn’t. She was a coward at heart. She knew it, deep down, she was afraid, so afraid all the time, and if she let it, it would cripple her. It was a part of her, it was a truth that she concealed. Nathan would see through her at some point, maybe already.
She hoped he would come to her, but he didn’t, he avoided her all of Sunday.
It was eight when she stepped out of the shower and dried off, the gym quietening out just then. She plaited and coiled her still wet hair on her head and concealed the hell out of the bags under her eyes. She was too tired for contacts, and wore her glasses.
She wore trousers, nicely fitted and her rose sleeveless blouse, she put on a light little cardy, and went upstairs. She was at her desk with a coffee by twenty past. First one in.
A few people did a double take as she opened the first account file when they started to filter in.
People were still arriving as they all went into the meeting. She stood at the back, diligently avoiding everyone.
Except Nathan, he zeroed in on her. He looked like crap too. But she could still feel him, his tongue, his fingers, his cock inside her.
She looked at her nails. Bright coral pink. She thought doing them would cheer her up. Nope, didn’t work.
She only half listened to the meeting. Nothing that affected her.
“Ms Martin.” Oh God. “If you have a minute.” Nathan wasn’t looking at her, but at his laptop, everyone was filing out, no one looked twice.
She sat across the table from him. “Yes Mr Maxwell.”
“Are you okay?” she looked up.
“Yes. You?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
“Why do I feel like we’re fighting?” he spoke very quietly.
“We’re not.”
“Then why am I miserable? I thought you didn’t have time for games?”
“I’m not playing games. I don’t know what you want me to say.” She stood.
“I want you to be honest. Have dinner with me. Please.”
“I can’t. I thought we understood each other.”
“I’m not sure that we do. I want you, but I think we’re at cross purposes.”
“This isn’t the place for this conversation. I have work to do.”
“Then have dinner with me, so we can have the conversation.”
“I can’t go out with you.”
“I’m good enough to fuck but not to eat with? Is that about it?” he said it quietly, but she could see the anger flickering.
She just looked at him, and then left, trying not to shake, she was beginning to think she had made a very bad decision about Nathan Maxwell.
At lunch, Mia asked her if she wanted a sandwich. They went down to the little van outside.
“So, what’s going on? With you and Mr Maxwell.”
“How did you…I forgot, you see all. Fine, I slept with him. I know, terrible idea. He overheard me talking about him in the most inappropriate way, he's my upstairs neighbour, and overheard it all, I didn’t know he lived upstairs. I thought he was going to sack me, but he basically propositioned me, and I know it sounds gross when I say it out loud, but it wasn’t, and now it’s weird.”
“Why is it weird?” Mia never judged her, it was nice.
“We had really good sex, I mean, I can’t even. I really like him. He’s sweet and…never mind, and I got the feeling he wants more than a fling, which, okay, yes, if I was a normal person, that’s fine.”
Mia nodded. “But your life…”
“Yes, and I thought he understood, he knows about the scrotum, I mean he even kind of saved me.”
“Who the what?”
“He turned up at the carpark to the flat. I was locked in the car, and Nathan drew him away from me.”
“Wow.”
“I know, he is. Mia, I’m afraid, it’s getting out of control. I mean I’ve been afraid for five years. Five, but I won’t back down, I just live with it, because what choice do I have? Now though, I don’t know anymore.”
“And you don’t need a ridiculously perfect m
an ruining your shitty life?”
Suzy laughed. “Pretty much.”
“He’s too good to be true.” Mia nodded as she spoke with a wry tone.
“And it’s temporary. Then he moves off to the next job.”
“Wow.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, to me, and I have an okay man that I am happy to keep, most of the time, and three kids, so I know my stuff.” Suzy grinned. “It seems like you should tell him that you only want to fuck him while he’s here, no more. Otherwise you’re not interested.”
“I think I could fall in love with him though.”
“Do you want him to be a regret that you didn’t do or one you did. I mean, they’re not all like shitforbrains.”
“Maybe.”
She worked over, chatted with Jan, and went to class. Nathan was waiting for her afterwards. He wore a t-shirt and Shorts. The shirt was loose, the sleeves cut off, and she could see his body underneath.
“Hi.”
“Nathan, I’m sorry if I’m being weird. You’re right, we should talk.” He followed her out, he’d parked near her, but he got into hers.
“You want to do this here?”
“I don’t want to go out with you, I don’t want to do this at home, there isn’t anyone here from work. Listen. My life is pretty messed up. I’m still me, I’ve hung onto that, but I have lived with this guy hanging over my head, dictating my life to me. It’s naïve to think it doesn’t affect me, how I think, what I do. I’m not saying that I never date, but I don’t have relationships. Your timing is pretty bad, he’s left me alone for a while, but he’s back, and that means I have to consider every aspect of my life. I can’t go out to dinner, I can’t be out in public without careful planning and set parameters. I can’t do those things. It’s not safe for me, or you.”
He watched her for a moment. “What happened?”
“I worked for a storage solutions company, just the admin, and he owned it with another guy. Zach was charming and suave, and I was a bit naïve, and believed in people. He flirted and pursued me, and I was flattered. One minute we’re just going out with each other, nothing full on, just dates, hanging out, and then he started to be…” she shifted and faced Nathan, “he used to make me feel like crap, not obvious things, but just that I wasn’t good enough, I was bad at my job, made mistakes, wore the wrong thing. Public humiliation. But he’d patronise me, and tell me when I was good, or that my mistakes didn’t matter, to make it better, like a pat on the head. Hard to define, hard to quantify. We were only together about five months.
“Then he wanted to move in, share all our money, he wanted access to my phone, he was possessive, jealous. Then violent, he would make little violent displays close to me, to let me know he was angry. That he could hit me, that I should be afraid.
“He never took no for an answer. He kept calling me, turned up at my house, sent me gifts, all sorts of shit. He suffocated me. I can’t escape him. He told me that once. He turns up at my mum’s house when I’m there. Mum always liked him, my dad not so much, she invites him in for tea, and tells me to stop being silly. I don’t go anymore.”
“Jesus.”
“Can’t help me, no one can. I could leave Chadford, but it’s my home, I don’t want to go, why should I, why should pay for having my life ruined by a dickhead? Why? Why shouldn’t he pay, he should be in prison, and that’s the end of it. I’m not safe, and no one gives a fuck because I have tits, yet I have to put up with it, I have to live with it. So I do. Sometimes he leaves me alone, and I won’t hear from him for ages, and then he’ll just turn up again. The other day was the first time he has approached me in years. Things will escalate I can feel it.
“Sorry, anyway. What it means for me, and for whatever this might be between us is that I can only offer so much of myself, I have to compartmentalise things. Sex and intimacy is one thing, emotions are another, relationships, or even friendships with men are limited.”
“I understand. I hadn’t realised how hard it was for you. I’m sorry. I just really like you, what we shared was something else.”
“I’m not saying it wasn’t, but it can’t be any more than what we have available to us. The question we have to ask ourselves is, is it worth it?”
He nodded and thought. “Yes. It’s worth it.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Then let’s set some rules, so we both know what’s what.”
“Weekends only, it’ll help keep the distinction between work and us.”
“Okay, it’ll also help us not get burnt out. But, I do reserve the right to change that rule, I am only here for a limited time.”
“Fine, but no ‘can I come round tonight’ while we’re at work. And nothing other than professional at in the office.”
“Done. I want to eat together, I can cook for us.”
“Okay, so how about we spend Friday through to Sunday together, fuck, eat, hang out, sleep if you like.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” It would probably kill her, but she couldn’t not.
“Good. Let’s seal the deal.”
He leant over to her and placed a gentle kiss to her lips. “Okay dimples.” He grinned.
“Right, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See ya.”
She started her car as he walked to his. He watched her go, and she tried not to look back.
Nathan hadn’t seen her Tuesday or Wednesday, but he caught sight of her on Thursday and nearly died.
She wore a tight black skirt, to the knee, patent high heels, the ones from Saturday, and a sheer cream blouse, she wore a cami under it, but when she leaned forward over her desk, he could see straight down it. He didn’t stare.
He said hello to a few people. She looked up over her glasses at him, her hair in a perfect French plait. He tried not to look at her like lunch.
“Suzy, you haven’t sent the update report.” He looked at his watch. He utterly failed at looking casual. No, she was sure he didn’t generally have flings in the places he worked.
Over his shoulder, she could see two women looking at his arse. He wasn’t wearing his jacket, and his arse was lovely to look at.
“I’m sorry Mr Maxwell. I can send it now if you like?” she looked slightly nervous suddenly.
“That would be great, it’s not a big issue, it’s just I have to forward it on, you know what it’s like.”
“Okay, yeah. Thanks.”
He nodded and wandered off. She puffed out a breath.
Malcolm looked over from his desk when he’d gone. “He likes you.” He mouthed the words and Suzy gave him a sour look, and rolled her eyes. She went to his desk, he had a smug smirk on his face, and she held his gaze. “I don’t fuck where I work.” She went to lunch.
Friday was worse. She wore a knee length shirtdress, little belt tight round her waist, he didn’t know what it was about that dress, maybe it was the buttons up the length of it, but he wanted her in the worst way. He wondered if she was wearing stockings, what her bra looked like, he imagined just unbuttoning it and having a look. He had to think unsexy thoughts as he stood in the kitchen chatting to a few people as Suzy made a drink.
She gave him a momentary glance as she went past him. She knew he wanted her. He hoped she was struggling too.
She left on the dot of five, her car was gone when he reached his at half past. He drove and picked up some wine, and something to make for dinner, when they got round to it.
He knocked on her door at five fifty five.
He was too easy to read. No one had mentioned him to her other than Malcolm, and she didn’t think anyone was picking up on it.
She had no texts or anything all week, it was a good week, and she was in a good mood. She had spent last evening with Sam, and told her everything, who was supportive, and that gave her courage. She felt terrible for bailing on their Friday night wine and pizza might, but Sam said it was fine as long as she shared details.
She picked her clothe
s with care. She caught the look on his face, well concealed, but there. He’d come straight round, she could feel it.
She freshened up when she got in, and waited, she didn’t even take her shoes off.
She looked at the clock at five to five and thought she read him wrong. She was debating calling him when her door went. The second she opened it, and she saw Nathan’s face, her heart dropped.
He put down the bag on the side and turned to her, he didn’t speak, but kissed her, a deep greedy kiss.
He pulled his jacket off, and walked her toward the bedroom, continuing to undress the whole time. He had thought about this all day, he knew what he wanted from her.
She went with it, he was naked before they reached the door, but he backed her into an empty space of wall just by it. He went down on his knees, and undid her belt, he pulled it out and threw it down.
He slowly undid the buttons from the bottom up. He held her eyes as he did it. He only undid the dress to her waist, he pushed the fabric open, and she rested her head back. He kissed between her legs over the black satin and lace of her briefs. He ran his fingers along her hold ups, and caressed her bottom. He moaned as he pulled her knickers down. He left them at her knees and kissed her clit, he tongued, and sucked on it, as he held her legs in place.
He pulled away, and she swore. He pulled her knickers off, ran a hand down her calf, lifted her ankle, and rested her leg over his shoulder.
She held onto his hair as he continued, she hissed as he put two fingers in her, crooking them slightly, and pushing in deep.
The sensation built quickly, he knew exactly how to touch her. She cried out as she came, it was hard, and she bucked against the wall. Her legs trembled and nearly gave out, but he held her firmly. He stood up, and kissed her, then turned her round. He placed her hands against the wall, he lifted one of her legs out and back, and held it to his hip. He eased into her, they both cried out.
He squeezed her other hip, knees bent to get deeper into her, she put her bottom out a little. It was deeply uncomfortable, but he felt so good. He moved in and out of her for a while, but he wanted more, he pulled out, and spun her, kissing her when she faced him. He lifted her up and re-entered her, she clung to him for dear life, as he took her like that. It was so good as he jolted her up against the wall, grunting as he went, his moans when he came and stilled were muffled into her neck.
Saving Suzy (New city Series Book 2) Page 6
