His eyes darted back to hers. He swallowed and climbed out of bed, and dressed quickly. He pressed a kiss to her lips and left really quickly.
She laughed, and was still laughing as she took her shower.
She looked in her wardrobe. Her window ajar, cool wind cut the room.
She picked out a short cream dress, clingy and stretchy, it was perfect for her game. She put on a red thong, and a bra that was too small. She put her hair up. It had been more than an hour, he was probably desperate by now. She stood next to her window.
“I can’t believe my date was so crap, why can’t I find a man with a nice big cock, who knows how to fuck. Universe, can’t you send me a gorgeous man to see to me. I need it so much.” She made herself sound needy as she leaned out the window.
“Hi.” She gasped as she leant out and looked up. Nathan was smiling down on her.
“Were you eavesdropping?” she sounded angry.
“Yes. I’ll fuck you. I’ve got a big cock, and I know how to use it.” She hoped to God no one could hear either of them.
“That’s a hell of a boast to make.”
“Let me show you, you sound like you need fucking.”
“Well, whoever you are, if you think you’re up to it, you can try and prove yourself.”
“Watch me.” He grinned at her and shut the window. She laughed as she shut hers. Her door knocked seconds later, she took her time opening the door. He wore a shirt and jeans.
He was on her instantly. He closed the door as he kissed her.
She pulled away. “Now, now, you’re merely a stranger, I don’t who you are.”
“I’ll show you who I am, I’m going to fuck you until I know every inch of you. Inside and out.” His words became seductive, and he picked her up, and took her into the bedroom. His hands were everywhere, he palmed her breasts, freeing them from her bra, not taking her clothes off. He set her on the bed. “On your knees.”
She couldn’t speak she was so turned on.
He lifted her dress up, he bent over, and French kissed her pussy from behind, his tongue worked under her thong, finding her soaked already. He pressed his tongue inside her, and she groaned.
Her hips moved with him, but he pulled away, he couldn’t wait. He unzipped and stroked himself a few times, and eased insider her, moved the thong aside.
He put on a knee on the bed, and he thrust into her.
“That feels so good.” She looked at him in the mirror, their eyes met. She lifted up, and he held her waist, she pushed her dress down a little, so he could see her tits as they fell out of her bra.
“Oh fuck, whatever your name is,” she laughed at him, “you’re so tight.” He sounded strained. His hands were all over her as she braced her arms back on the bed. “Touch yourself.”
She held his gaze as she cupped herself, her body jolting as he took her. She was close he could feel it, his eyes dipped to her exposed breasts, the feel of the fabric against him, and he came suddenly, there was no build up, just release, he slammed her as he cried out, she came as she watched him come.
The stilled, both panting.
Her eyes were laughing as she looked at him. He ran his hands up her back as he caught his breath.
He nearly said it, the words were right there. Instead, he eased out of her, he bent down and kissed her arse cheek with a nip. He went into the bathroom, she followed right after.
He sat on the bed, still dressed when she came back in, and he watched her strip hungrily. “What’s up dimples?”
“Part of me wondered the first night we were together if that would be as good as it got, I mean it was so good, I just didn’t think it could get better.”
“And?”
“Every time it’s like the first, but I know you, I know what you like, you know what I like, but it’s thrilling, exciting, more intimate, more everything.”
He reached for her hand and pulled her down to his lap. He kissed her neck, and nuzzled her as she held him tight.
More everything. She blinked at the words. She loved him, she loved him, and it was frightening. She wanted to cry, to say it, to hold onto him and beg him not to leave her when the time came. She couldn’t restrain herself, she shook, tears that she couldn’t hold back threatened.
“Hey, what’s up?” his gentle voice only made it worse, he tried to pull back, but she wouldn’t let him, she didn’t want him to see her. “Suz, my Suzy. It’s okay baby, I promise. We’ll work something out, we will, it’ll be okay.” If he said it, it would be too much for her to hear. Yet every kiss, every word, he was telling her he loved her, and she knew it, but once it was said, it couldn’t be undone.
She shivered, and he pulled back, wiping her face with his hand.
“Come on, I’ll make some breakfast, you get dressed, then we’ll go out.” She nodded.
Nine. Love and trust
All that day he thought about the morning. They were both a little tense, on their best behaviour, trying to put her emotional outburst aside, she because she felt like a needy idiot, and he because he desperately wanted to discuss their feelings and future.
But they didn’t. They pretended it didn’t happen.
Nathan was on the phone with his dad on Sunday morning as he was grabbing some clothes before he went downstairs for lunch with Suzy and Sam.
“How’s Chadford treating you?”
“It’s really good, actually, I met someone.”
“Really? That’s great, it’s about time. Let me get your mother. Diane! She’s just coming, let me put you on speaker. Okay, tell us about your girl.”
“A girl?” the hope in his mum’s voice made him chuckle.
“Yeah, hi mum.”
“Happy birthday, it’s good to hear from you.”
“Thanks, nicely pointed too, well done. Yeah, Suzy. She’s funny, and bright, and everything.”
“Oh my God.” His mum laughed.
“You’ll love her, I’m going to ask her to join us for Christmas. If that’s okay.”
“Well of course. Oh Nathan, we’re so happy.” So was he.
He took the stairs two at a time when he hung up the phone, and let himself into Suzy’s flat. She beamed at him, but there was something wrong, but he shook it off, and enjoyed his lunch.
Suzy didn’t know what to do. She loved him, she did, but it was getting out of control. It was November nearly, and time was going too fast.
After lunch, Sam left. She talked to her about it, but airing out what was going through her mind didn’t help.
They sat on the settee, half asleep after their Sunday lunch.
Nathan was brushing her hair with his fingers, lulling her into complete relaxation, and she managed to put her feelings aside, and just go with it.
It didn’t last long.
Suzy was tense all week and he was quiet too. Nathan went to the gym every night after work, it was too cold to go running, and got home late, he even spent a few nights in his own flat. He needed to back off, give her space, she was struggling with her feelings, he could see it.
He missed her so much he couldn’t sleep.
On Thursday night, he was getting ready to go to bed when his door knocked. He opened it, she was in her pyjamas, standing there looking unhappy. He picked her up and took her to bed.
He kissed her, snuggling her down with him, they didn’t even speak, just to be together was enough.
In the morning, Suzy seemed too quiet, thoughtful. Nathan made her a coffee before she snuck back downstairs.
“Do we need to talk?” Nathan asked her.
“If we talk it makes it real one way or the other, I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
He understood. “But we do have to talk. Something is happening here, and we need to decide what we do, we can’t just ignore it. I can’t. I know what our boundaries are, I’m not going to push you into anything. It’ll be okay.” He kissed her sweetly.
When they left work, the last out as usual, he followed her out, watche
d her get in her car, and followed her home. Deep in his bones, he had a bad feeling. Something about her body language, how quiet she was made him worry.
She poured them each a glass of wine as she started dinner. He wasted a little time before going down. He didn’t want a confrontation, he didn’t want to lose her, but he felt it coming.
She didn’t say anything as he let himself into her flat.
“Suzy.” She stopped preparing the veg for a stir-fry, wiped her hands, and took a drink of wine.
“I don’t know how to do this.”
“What exactly.” He braced.
“I knew when we got together it would be difficult. We only have about eight or nine weeks. This is becoming too real.”
“You know, I was going to ask you to come to my parents for Christmas. I was going to find a way to maybe stay, or be closer, or change roles. Do you know why?”
“Don’t say it.”
“Why? You feel the same, we both feel this.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Why?”
“Zach will come back, if he knows about you, he’ll expose us, he’ll make your life miserable.”
“We could leave. Live somewhere else. Try.”
“After a handful of weeks, you’re going to casually say let’s go off into the sunset?”
“Fuck it why not.”
“It’s not that simple.” She bit out the words.
“We leave and Zach is out of the picture. What else you got as an excuse?”
“Me.”
Nathan rounded the island, and held her arms. “Suzy, what we have is special, don’t throw it away because you’re afraid, we can slow this down if you need to. Go back to weekends only, I’ll deal with it, but don’t shut me out. Please.” He put his forehead on hers.
“I’m afraid Nathan. I’m not who you think I am.”
“You’re exactly who I think you are. Clever, beautiful, sex goddess, funny, sweet, a good person, full of self-doubt, stress, fear, and you fake all your confidence unless you’re in bed, that’s where you show me who you are. I love that.” He kissed her, and her arms went round him.
“I wish you weren’t so fucking wonderful.”
“I know, it sucks to be this perfect.” She laughed at him, and pushed him away. “I mean it. You’re fucking spectacular, and so am I.”
November and December went by in a blur. They were slammed at work with a slew of new contracts to deliver, and Nathan was everywhere, dealing with accounts, admin, and technical. He worked late most nights, as did Suzy.
Both of them were well behaved at work, and they reached a middle ground of sorts, and found themselves in a holding pattern.
They were together from Friday to Sunday night, had dinner on Tuesdays, and he slept over Wednesdays, it was as balanced as they could manage. Monday nights, she hung out with Sam, she didn’t talk about Nathan, and Sam didn’t ask.
Nathan needed to bring up Christmas with her.
The weekend before Christmas, they were lying naked on the settee, wrapped in a blanket. Nathan was seated deep inside her, having the slowest sex they could manage. Suzy was trying so hard not to come. Nathan was holding still before he pushed back in, and she couldn’t stop herself.
“Nathan, please.” He groaned as he eased in and she let out a cry. He smiled at the strength of her internal muscles. She clawed at him, her body covered in sweat strained as she screamed, he merely hummed as she released and clenched again. He could never get over the rush of wetness when she came.
Her climax was stretched out, she looked pained with it, desperate. “Suzy look at me.”
She opened her eyes as the next wave hit when he pushed back in. “Nathan, please fucking do me. I need it, please, I’ll do anything.” She was almost sobbing.
He moved quicker, his own climax hovering. He went harder, and faster, until he called out his own release.
He didn’t move, just rested his weight on her. She ran her thumb down the back of his neck and made him shiver.
“Do you want to come home with me at Christmas? I want you to meet my family.”
All her sated contentment vanished, and he felt the shift in her. He pulled out and she went to clean up.
“Suzy.”
“What?”
He leant on the door as she stepped into the shower. “No snuggle?”
“I don’t do Christmas.”
“Why?” he climbed into the shower behind her, and took over washing her body down. She was still so sensitive. “Talk to me Suzy, or I will torment you.” He took on a wicked gleam.
“I haven’t been to my parents’ for Christmas for four years. They asked me not to go one Christmas Eve because they were having a party, and didn’t want me there.”
“Why not?”
“There are a lot of details about when I left Zach that you don’t know. Ugly things. Things I’d rather not relive. It was a shitty time for me, and my family abandoned me. It was just different for me after that. Christmas reminds me of what happened.”
“Suzy, I need to know what happened. Please.”
She sighed. “Fine. I need booze though.”
They ended up snuggled and bundled up with a whiskey. Nathan waited patiently, but he fear and anger bubbled.
“I loved him at first, I fell, really fell. It’s hard to believe but he was charming and smooth I guess. He seemed so together. I was a bit of a mess, and his confidence appealed to me. That was what I fell for. That wasn’t who he really was, he was an arrogant selfish dickhead.
“My parents are wrong about me, but I went through a tricky patch when I was about nineteen, Rich was a spiteful shit, and accused me of stealing from him. I got into a huge fight with my parents, and I was thrown out, I had to sleep on a friend’s settee for a few weeks. Then, I shifted around houses. Mum wouldn’t let me back home, I made a huge scene, which, of course didn’t help. I had to sleep rough for a few nights, and then when I told one of my friends, they let me stay in their spare room.
“I tried to make a life for myself. I had to come to terms with the fact my parents chose Rich over me, and they always would.
“I didn’t know Zach and Rich knew each other. I started my job working for Zach, and a few months later, we were going out. I was still really vulnerable, when I look back it’s really obvious. I think that’s what drew him to me, I was vulnerable, and could be manipulated. I wasn’t very experienced either, and had no self-esteem.
“Zach took me out one night. He had this weird rule about having a separate life, I was only allowed into his life when it suited him. So I felt special when he chose to take me out with his friends.
“Rich was there. He made a big song and dance about how I was the family fuck up, how I was…anyway, Zach said he’d sort it, I trusted him then, I was in love with this guy, who exuded confidence, then things changed, and by the time Christmas came round, it was over.
“Zach hit me when I tried to leave him. He had everyone believing him and convinced my family I had done it to myself for attention. Mum told me not to go round from dinner because she didn’t want the day ruined.”
Nathan didn’t speak, and drank his whiskey. She stared off into nothing, and he tried to rein in his anger.
“If I’d have known that, I might have punched the bastard when I had the chance.”
She smiled, “which one?”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not that I don’t care, but, I’m not ready for what you’re asking of me, I’m just incapable of it. I wish I were. I know you’ll probably be the most…” her face crumpled, but she pulled away when he tried to comfort her.
“It’s going to take me a really long time to get past it, and I don’t think I will until there is resolution, and I can’t see that happening anytime soon. Five years, think about that, he’s not just going to fuck off. He’s made it his business to fuck me up, like a hobby. You can’t stop that, and I wouldn’t ask you to. I understand you want more, and
in a fantasy world, yeah I would, but I can’t give you what I don’t have.
“I don’t want this to be over, I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t be in a relationship.”
Nathan didn’t really feel his body as he sat there, and for a long time he didn’t feel anything, just shock.
She was watching him, watching him take in what she had said. He stood up, a few minutes later, he looked at her, he was impossibly hurt.
“I’ll go.”
“Don’t, I’m not saying I don’t want to see you.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let me get this clear. You love me, maybe, but you won’t be in a relationship with me, even though that’s what we’re having, but you’ll keep shagging me for something to do until I leave. Well, okay.”
“Nathan, you don’t understand…”
“No, I do understand. Things are a bit complicated, I get that, you could turn to me for support, for help, and I’d give it to you in a flash. Instead you won’t budge.”
“You’re not listening, this has really messed me up, I’m not okay. I pretend I’m okay, but I’m not. In the end I’ll get hurt, you’ll get hurt.”
“I’m hurt now, so what?”
She winced at the volume of his voice. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t get up. He finished getting dressed and left the flat.
She didn’t see him for the rest of the weekend, he wouldn’t answer the texts she sent him, and she didn’t see him Monday, or Tuesday when they broke up for Christmas, and she knew it was over.
It was a clear night, and the stars were bright. Nathan’s car crunched up the gravel drive. His breath puffed as he stepped out into the bitter air. The bare wisteria trunk that wound up the stone of the house was rimy, he smiled, so many memories here.
He thought of Cass. She loved the cottage. He was moving on, finally, he felt that he was finally able to let her go. She would always be part of him, but it was the past, and she was gone.
He tried not to think of Suzy. He wanted new memories of home, with her in them. He shook it off as he picked up his bags, too late for that.
The front door opened. The sight of his mum made him smile, and he put thoughts of Suzy to the side.
Saving Suzy (New city Series Book 2) Page 11
