Silverfall

by Raven de Hart

  “No, it’s fine. Way better than what I was planning before.” I opened the door and let him in. He’d put his friends at risk for this? Idiot. He definitely deserved the scolding. That and more, but I couldn’t help but remember that it was for me. He was stupid for me, and that brought a tiny flash of heat into my belly and up my cheeks.

  Leon lay down on the couch. He was only half-hard, but I was still impressed. He spread his arms out and patted the couch. “Join me?”

  I stripped off my underwear, stepped over, and then curled into him on the couch. “Thank you.”

  “Now I get the thank-you?”

  “Not for the sex.” I rubbed my fingers down his chest, his stomach, and into his bush. “Not that I won’t appreciate the sex. But you made the effort, and a lot of guys don’t go that far.” Even if the effort involved mortal risk for a bunch of strangers. “I still have stitches. So do you.”

  “I’ll be extra careful.”

  I rolled over to lie on top of him. His cock pressed against my crack, hardening and lengthening. I turned my neck to get Leon just in sight. “Thank you. Again.” I flipped over to look him in the eye. His breath smelled like hay. I pushed it from my mind. I could tackle his horsey eating preferences later.

  Leon reached up and hugged me. Rough, thick fingers kneaded my shoulders and the muscles along my spine, forcing me deeper into him and molding me into a perfect complement to his body. He leaned his head up and wrapped his lips against mine. I closed my eyes and felt his heart beating into my chest. Three heartbeats of kiss. One heartbeat of a break. Three kiss. One break. His dick grew against me, pushing toward my belly button. His heart sped up.

  And still: three beats of kiss. One of a break. Almost like a machine.

  No. I had to stop thinking. We didn’t have much time. I pulled away from him and lifted his legs above my head, exposing the winking hole. I lowered myself to it and licked it. Salty sweat coated my tongue and cheeks. Earthy musk filled my nose, my lungs. My hips ground against the couch cushion. I left streaks of wet precum behind, dragged my balls across it on the backstroke, a tickle of cold.

  I lapped my tongue against the tight bud of muscles and felt each bulge and canyon in the tight skin. He tensed and then relaxed. Each release opened him wider and let my tongue slip deeper inside of him into the warm curves and folds. I let spit drip off my tongue to his hole. It left droplets on the cushion and ran in a stream down his back and onto the couch.

  “Hey.” The throaty cough of a word pulled my attention up to him. He panted, his chest thrusting high and then dipping too far down. “Let me suck you off. So nothing goes wrong with the stitches.”

  I chuckled under my breath. “I will. Just let me have my fun first.”

  “No.” He stopped me halfway back to his asshole. I looked back. His blush had deepened, and he looked away. “We don’t have time. Just let me suck you off.”

  “Right.” It took me a couple of seconds to get my brain back together. “Right.” I don’t know why I repeated it. The word just kept coming off my tongue. “Right.” I climbed up onto Leon’s chest, lifted and dropped with his breathing. As soon as my dick got close enough to his mouth, his lips wrapped over the head. It was warm. It was wet. He bobbed. My intestines knotted around the hot ball of growing pleasure, choking it.

  Why bother? I didn’t want a roll in the hay. I wanted to be close to him, with him. Not just in him and against him. More than sweat. More than his agenda. More than…this.

  I watched his face, taking me in and then pulling back. His cheeks sucked down to hollows. It felt nice. I rested my hand against his chest and found his heartbeat again. I tried not to notice it. Three heartbeats down to the base. Three more back up to the tip. Every. Time.

  Fixed. Unnatural. Measured. My intestines tightened more, leaving just an ember, just the primal pleasure, and the nerves firing. But no connection.

  I closed my eyes so I didn’t have to watch him. I didn’t need to sit there and manage. He was being chivalrous. Just doing the duties expected of him. When my balls jumped up, I almost didn’t notice. The heat came and twitched out of me.

  It was all…nice. I hated the whole goddamned thing.

  I slid off Leon’s chest and walked back to my boxers. “Well, thanks.” My words came out sounding pissy, tight, and unsatisfied. I focused on it and tried again. I had to do my duty too. “Remind me to let you do that more often.”

  “For sure.” He wiped a streak of cum from the corner of his mouth as he got back to his feet. “Is there some back way out of here? I don’t have any clothes.”

  “Yeah. Just take the stairs at the other end of the hall. That door leads out to the Dumpsters.”

  “Thanks.” He kissed me on the cheek but didn’t even slow his stride. He just kept going out the door. “I’ll text you.”

  Of course. It was his duty.

  * * * *

  I shuffled back up the stairs. Work wasn’t bad. Thank God Dana had bought my excuse for missing work. The stitches on my chest helped corroborate the in-the-hospital story. But when I came out into the hallway, I stopped. Things had to be getting better. A giant bouquet of roses normally didn’t mean anything bad, and I had a vase of them sitting in front of my door. Carl used to send them to me when he wanted to spoil me, and they never disappointed. Just seeing them sparked a tiny flame in my core. But it didn’t last. Why would it? Just thinking about Carl was a cold enough blast to snuff that flicker of life.

  I stepped up to the bouquet and grabbed the card. I wanted to throw it down as soon as I read it. I wanted to rip it up or burn it.

  I paid someone to deliver it. I’m sorry about everything. You know you can call me anytime. We’ll just pretend we don’t know anything about the elks—Carl.

  I wanted to destroy that note. I wanted to. I needed to. But I just pocketed it, grabbed the roses, and headed inside. They smelled perfect. Honeyed and strong. I put them in the sun and topped up the water in the vase. I liked the smell. It had nothing to do with Carl. I wouldn’t take the bastard back.

  But that was no reason not to keep the flowers.

  Leon hadn’t gotten me flowers yet. I understood it. Sort of. His job was dangerous. And yeah, he texted me every now and then. He even bothered to call. I don’t know where he kept his cell phone when he was shifted, but he kept in contact. But I didn’t get to see him, not even Silver.

  That quickie still hung heavy in my thoughts. It had just been so passionless, so mechanical. One of the few times sex left me feeling worse.

  I locked my door and slid down it, the metal slab cold against my back. When I hit the floor, it was like something jarred loose. I sobbed into my arms. Again, I was unwanted. But I couldn’t even do anything about it this time. Leon was wanted. I wanted him. I wanted my fucking unicorn.

  I looked up and wiped my eyes. My life hit me as I looked around. Furniture and appliances. Function. But no color. No liveliness. I hadn’t left a single mark here in the past decade. My love life? A string of exes stretching all the way back to Montana.

  I pulled my phone out and headed straight for Terry’s number.

  You got time off? I just had to hope.

  I can make some. What’s up?

  You, me, and a bottle of wine. Or three.

  Everything okay?

  Fuck no. Just need to talk. You know how it goes.

  Tonight?

  I was thinking now.

  That bad?

  Carl sent me flowers and I didn’t throw them out. And I’m worried about everything with Leon.

  I’ll be right over.

  Thank God he had flexible hours.

  * * * *

  We were half a bottle deep, and I was feeling lighter. I knew it was just a shell. That I was still seriously messed up about everything that had happened. But I had Terry. For all the bullshit, I loved him.

  He leaned in close and gestured at me with the cheap plastic wineglass. “Enough stalling. What happened with Leon?”

/>   “I don’t know exactly.” I drained the rest of my glass. Crappy wine but it was sweet enough that I didn’t hate it. “He came over for a quickie, but it was weird. He just wanted to go down on me and wouldn’t let me do anything.”

  “A blowjob with no work on your part? How do you stand for such injustice?”

  “But it wasn’t right. It felt like he was just going through the motions. Like he didn’t even want it.” Didn’t want me.

  “How exactly do you think a quickie works? If you want some passionate, life-changing, Barbara Walters Special-kind of sex, you’ve got to give it more than five minutes.”

  I tried to argue, but it made sense. “So it’s normal?”

  “You expect me to believe you’ve never had a quickie?”

  I tried to cycle back through and find something. I poured another glass of wine while I thought. “Back when I was hooking up from the personals.”

  “And was that mind-blowing for you?”

  I laughed. “I guess not.”

  “So you haven’t completely lost it.” He sipped at his wine, sucked in air across his teeth. As though he actually knew anything about wine. When he set his glass down, he fixed his gaze on me. “What’s actually happening, then?”

  “It was nothing, I guess. Just me freaking out.”

  “But why? I know you, Tony. You don’t just freak out for no reason.” He ran his fingertips across the tops of the roses. “And this? This definitely isn’t normal.”

  “Terry—”

  “No bullshit. Just real talk.”

  I sighed and closed my eyes. Of course he was right, even if I didn’t know it. But it was time to figure shit out, and I could only think of one thing that would have me so damned upset. “It’s his aunt.”

  “His aunt?”

  I nodded. “Leon’s aunt doesn’t approve of me.” Saying it, it felt too obvious to have ever missed. “She basically raised him, and she doesn’t think I’m good enough for her nephew.”

  “So she’s a bitch?”

  I giggled at that. Probably the wine. “She’s a little gruff, yeah.”

  Terry took my hands in his. “But you know it’s not up to her, right? It’s Leon’s decision, it’s your decision, but it doesn’t have anything at all to do with his aunt.”

  Didn’t it? I honestly didn’t know how the whole thing worked. She was in charge of the unicorns around here, and that included Leon. If she thought it was a problem for him to be with me or that it was dangerous for them, wasn’t it completely her business? “It’s not that simple. She’s… It could be putting him in jeopardy.”

  Terry nodded, released my hands, but he kept eye contact. “So tell me something, then. What does Leon think?”

  “What?”

  “Leon. Big-dicked guy you’ve been fucking? Took you out for Italian?”

  “I know who he is, believe it or not.”

  “What does he think? Is he worried about it, or is he fine with everything? ’Cause really, that’s what’s important.”

  “Well, he wants to be with me.”

  “Then don’t worry about it.” He grabbed his wine and finished off the glass. “Either he knows his aunt well enough to know that nothing’s going to happen, or he doesn’t care about the risk. Whichever one it is, I’d say you’re damn lucky to have found him.”

  I just stared at him for a couple of seconds, and then my lips pulled up. Pretty soon, I was laughing. Leave it to Terry to shock me again and give me just the right advice. “We both went to the same high school. How is it that you ended up so much smarter than me?”

  “I didn’t end up smarter. You just needed an outside perspective.” He winked and then grabbed the bottle and poured himself another glass of wine. “Now, how about we deal with this whole rose situation?”

  I scanned across the red cloud of petals. “It was just such a nice gesture. He was trying to make up for stuff.”

  There was The Stare again. Terry wasn’t having any of my bullshit. “Do you really wanna keep these, Tony? Knowing that they’re from Carl, and now that your head’s finally clear?”

  Well, if he put it like that. I stood up, grabbed the vase, and walked over to the trash can. Another whiff of the perfume. It brought back a lot of good memories…and one very, very bad one. I turned the vase over and dumped them in the trash. They could still smell good without me having to see them.

  I turned back around and looked at Terry. “You ever think about charging for this service?”

  He flung his head back and laughed. I laughed with him. Not for any reason. Well, wine could have been a reason. But we laughed just because we were laughing. Because with everything clear, there was no reason not to laugh.

  * * * *

  After Terry left, I couldn’t keep from smiling. He had helped me. He always would. But I needed some damn sleep too. Real sleep. Otherwise I’d crash out on the job, and then Dana would kick my ass for sure.

  I didn’t have much time, but a few hours was better than nothing. And a few hours with a peaceful mind was a lot better than tossing and turning and worrying about Leon and Carl and whatever else decided to pop up and bother me.

  I checked my phone just once before heading to bed. I had a message from Leon.

  Stay happy. I’ll see you when I can.

  I smiled and shot back a response. I’ll try. You stay safe.

  I knew it wasn’t possible with his work, but I also knew he would try. More importantly, I cared if he tried. I wanted him safe.

  I hit the pillow and sighed. My last thought before slipping to sleep was Leon. My Leon.

  Chapter Nine

  I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist. May have been my house, but I’d learned to stay covered. Terry had some kind of radar and always seemed to show up when someone was naked. Often enough that I didn’t really have anything to hide at this point, but still. Not something I wanted to deal with right before work.

  The knock on the door didn’t even surprise me. I groaned but headed across the room.

  “Just a second.”

  I flipped the deadbolt over but froze when I reached for the doorknob. I couldn’t pull away, couldn’t turn it, and couldn’t even stand up straight without a shiver rocking through my thighs.

  Terry had a key. Terry never knocked.

  I took a few deep breaths, calmed the shaking, and then looked through the peephole. No one. Someone knocked and left.

  “Probably just a kid.” I’d seen all of two kids in the complex since I moved in, and they lived on the first floor. “Just a stupid kid’s prank. The same shit I used to pull.” But I wouldn’t open the door to check. I backed away, staring at it. When would it explode or fall in or burn? How many of those black-clad people would come in shooting?

  I ran into my bedroom, grabbed my phone, and flicked through my recent contacts. I hit Send as soon as I saw the right name, didn’t even think about it until I heard the first ring. Chances were, Leon wasn’t even human right now. Even if he was, he didn’t have time to run his ass down here.

  I still didn’t hang up. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I just…I just needed to hear Leon’s voice. That would make everything all right. He could get this to stop. I knew it.

  Three rings and then a beat of silence. The voice-mail message would start any second now.

  But it didn’t. He picked up. “Hello?”

  I laughed. I actually laughed when I heard Leon’s voice come over the line. “Hi.”

  “I don’t have a lot of time. You just got lucky and caught me right when I was texting you.”

  “I’m scared.” I hated the way it sounded passing my lips. My stomach spewed acid and boiled knowing what it would do to Leon to hear me say it. “Someone just came and knocked on my door, but there was no one there, and I don’t want to open it.”

  He’d reassure me and tell me that it was all paranoia. He wouldn’t call it silly, either. He’d just talk me back down to some kind of logic. Way better
than I was doing for myself.

  “Stay put. We’re coming.”

  “What? You really think it’s them?”

  “Just make sure you’re ready to run if you have to.”

  “Run?” What was he talking about? This wasn’t reassurance. “Leon, talk to me. Please.” No response. I waited, but I just got the blare of the line going dead. I hung up and set the phone down. My tremors came back, vibrating every cell. Someone was out there. Unicorn hunters. Carl had told them where I was after all. They wanted me to get to Leon and the others. I wasn’t worth any money to them, but I doubted that would keep them from killing me. It just meant they could take less care than they did with the unicorns.

  It wouldn’t have to be “humane.”

  I forced those thoughts from my head. If I had to move, I needed things. Pants. Shirt. Wallet. Phone. Knife. I recited the list, the mantra, over and over again, muttering to myself as I crossed off each item. Yesterday’s clothes would work. I slipped on shoes and then headed for the kitchen and grabbed the big French knife from the counter. Not clean, but still sharp enough. I hoped. I didn’t really want to find out how good of a weapon it was.

  The silence tightened in around me, a vise, crushing me down to a single hardened rock of nerves. Something would happen. Leon wouldn’t get here in time. Lionshead was here already.

  I yelped at the next round of knocking. Rap, rap, rap. A few seconds. Rap, rap, rap. Louder. Faster. Harder. My chest tightened, breathing sped up. I started to get dizzy. My vision blurred. Oh God.

  Cracking wood. I backed up toward the window, holding the knife across my chest. I saw the wood bulge around the deadbolt, crack, and tear apart. The shout of it ripping to pieces and shattering open filled the apartment and tightened the vise again and again.

  It fell in slow motion and landed with a bang, an explosion. Three black figures stood in the doorway. I had a second before the bullets flew. They pierced the wall and shattered the glass. Shrapnel bit into my shoulders and scalp, slashed through my hand. The knife dropped, and I thrust myself to the side out of the blade’s path. The neighbors would have heard. Except that most of them would be at work this time in the afternoon. The unicorn cavalry would probably show up before the cops, anyway.