Do-Overs

by Christine Jarmola

  We tried for a good ten minutes to make the picnic idea fly. Instead our food was flying. When the wind finally conquered Al’s beloved coffee, retreat to the car was conceded.

  “Al, it was a great idea. Just maybe the wrong day for it.” I smiled as I tried to nonchalantly clean the coffee stains off my shirt. Yep, when the wind had blown it from Al’s grasp most had sloshed my way.

  Al started to put the keys in the ignition.

  “We don’t have to go yet, do we?” I asked. “I’m fine with a picnic in the car. Especially this tiny little car.”

  “It does give us an excuse to be rather close.” There was that smile. With a little spark I hadn’t seen before. “So tell me Lottie Lambert, what has been going on in your world the last few weeks? I’ve kind of been stuck on an island out in the South Pacific and feel totally cut off. I’m looking forward to a time when we can see more of each other.”

  “Well, I got you a little Valentine’s Day gift that might help you there.” With trepidation I gave him the gift I had fretted over, discussed with the council on love and basically had a mental meltdown before deciding on. The first gift exchange was such a pivotal point in a new relationship. What to get him? Something fun and whimsical that said we were in a fun and whimsical relationship? Or something meaningful and deep? But that might make him think that our relationship was getting too meaningful and deep too fast. If I gave him something too expensive he might feel stupid for giving me a plywood heart—which I totally loved. If I gave him something too cheap would he be embarrassed that I had given him a piece of junk? I held my breath and my pink eraser as I handed him his present.

  “Oh, Lottie you shouldn’t have,” he said as I handed him my gift. Now did he really mean I shouldn’t have to be nice or did he mean I shouldn’t have at all? My right hand had a death grip on my magical friend while my left hand held his gift.

  Al gave me an ambiguous look as he began to open the envelope. Like a gentleman he read the card first and replied, “Of course I’ll be your valentine.” Then he turned over the two tickets to read what they were for. “Mary Poppins tickets,” he said neither sounding thrilled nor excited.

  “It’s not until next May, but I thought we could go then.” Why did I say that? May was so far away. Did he feel trapped? I needed to erase that last comment. Give him the gift again. I started to wave my eraser but was stopped short by Al’s response.

  “I used to watch this movie as a child and totally hated it. Now...”

  Of all the musicals in the world, how had I picked the one that he hated?

  Before he could finish telling me how totally un-perfect my perfect gift was I flipped my eraser filled wrist and we were back to “So tell me Lottie Lambert, what has been going on in your world the last few weeks? I’ve kind of been stuck on an island out in the South Pacific and feel totally cut off.”

  “Nothing much,” was all I could come up with. No gift after all. Relationship disaster averted. The tickets would stay in my purse where they belonged.

  ***

  We spent the next two hours sitting in that itty-bitty car discussing any and every thought that we had. We talked about classes. I told him the gist of my paper on Moby Dick. I think I blushed when I said the title and then felt stupid for it. He told me about some of the pranks that they had played backstage during rehearsals. Seems that there is a lot of down time during practice and actors are imaginative people who come up with clever distractions. It was mystifying how comfortable I felt talking with Al (except for the final ten minutes as I really had to pee, but I didn’t want the moment to end.)

  Somewhere along the way, with the tacos all gone and before I had to pee, Al gave me a very penetrative look. “You’re special. You do realize that don’t you? Somehow I don’t think you do. I hear you talk about your family, and don’t get me wrong they sound wonderful and I look forward to meeting them. But, Lottie, you always talk about them like they’re just short of supernatural and you’re not.” I had to look away. He was so sincere and I felt so inadequate. “Lottie, please look at me.” I did, feeling vulnerable. “You are special.” His hand gently stroked the side of my face. “I’ve barely gotten to know you. And I hope I’m not frightening you off by being too intense. But, Lottie, you are the most amazing, intriguing, beautiful woman I have ever met.” With that he gave me the most amazing, intriguing and beautiful kiss ever. And I gave it right back to him.

  “Lottie, I’m so sorry I have to say this,” Al said as he took a breath. Oh great. He was going to tell me that I was a lousy kisser or that my breath stank. Which it did, but he’d had the same stinky tacos. “What’s wrong?” he asked sounding panicked as he looked at my face. I was really going to have to work on not being so transparent. “Darling, I just have to get to the theater. It’s getting late.”

  “Oh. Yeah.” I was embarrassed. I truly had to quit jumping to the conclusion that every time he said sorry that the next words would be that he didn’t want to see me anymore.

  -44-

  “All The World’s A Stage”

  There I sat in the darkened theater between Rachel and Olivia surrounded by the K’s. It was finally opening night and there was my amazing boyfriend wowing the audience as he made hot, steamy, PRETEND romance with that Tonkinese girl. It was much easier for me to handle it since I’d been tutored by Al in Acting 101. And if I always thought of her as that Tonkinese girl, rather than long legged Taylor. Yes, handle it I could do, actually like it was still a work in progress.

  The play was a huge success with a packed out audience. Even the president of the college had been there with some major bigwig donors. They must have been pretty important as they were ushered in at the last moment to the best seats in the house and then left right after the curtain call, via the stage. And yes, I did cry when Lt. Cable died. And I illogically rejoiced when Al came to take his curtain call—proof that it was just fantasy.

  Al and I had barely seen each other the past two weeks. We’d been able to cram in two lunches, a run to QuikTrip for a slushy and coffee, and about one hundred and forty-seven text messages.

  Tonight was going to be different. I was to wait for him after the show and we were going to do a very late dinner.

  The crowd was thinning. A few parents and friends of the actors were waiting like me to congratulate their stars. I realized that I too was beaming like a proud mother as I waited for my own little thespian. It took around thirty minutes before Al appeared at my side.

  “You were wonderful,” I said as I gave him a big congratulatory hug. Ummm he felt good.

  “Are you sure? I blew that one line really badly. And I was flat once.” Al, the super confident actor on stage, seemed like a little boy needing approval.

  “Trust me. You were fantastic. Give me the next five hours just to tell you how magnificent you were.”

  An uneasy look came across Al’s face. The kind of look that always made my heart knot up and my brain race with visions that I was about to be dumped. “Lottie, well, I’m so sorry. I have to cancel. There’s this really important donor here tonight. And well, the president wants me to go out to dinner with them. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know he was coming. He hadn’t told me—I mean the president didn’t let me know in advance.”

  I put on my best poker face. If he had to ditch me for Mr. Mega-Donate-The-Bucks I wouldn’t make him feel bad.

  “Oh, Lottie. I’ve hurt your feelings. Believe me, I’m truly sorry. If he hadn’t come so far, I’d demand another night. But he just flew in for tonight.”

  So much for my acting skills. “I’m fine,” I lied. “We’ll get together soon. You have my number. I’m sure you need to get going. You don’t want to make them wait. And I really do need to be working on my Lit. paper. I shouldn’t have put it off for so long. I’ve got to go.”

  Al wasn’t letting me go. He held my arm and drew me close. “Can we do lunch, tomorrow? It’s Saturday. I’m free ‘til backstage call at five.”

  I
didn’t respond.

  “Please.”

  I nodded my head not trusting my voice. Then Al Dansby pulled me close and kissed me like that Tonkinese girl just wished he would have kissed her.

  -45-

  Loose Lips Sink FriendShips

  “Hey, remember us? We’re those friends you used to hang out with before Mr. Dansby came riding in on his fine white steed—or should I say his little, red car,” teased Stina.

  “You’ll have me all to yourself starting tomorrow,” I reminded her. My family always planned an annual spring break ski vacation. With all our activities and crazy schedules we were never able to find a week in the summer for a family vacation, so my mother had decreed over ten years before, that spring break was family week and no excuse other than death or Jason getting drafted to the pros would be accepted. That year I was taking Stina along. With my super jock family all doing the black slopes, I usually spent most of my skiing time alone on the bunny slopes. It had actually been my mother’s idea for me to bring a friend. I think she had hoped I’d bring a guy. But I’d asked Stina before I knew Al well enough to invite him along with my family. In fact I still wasn’t sure I was secure enough to spend an entire week with him around the Double J’s. It wouldn’t be the first time a guy I was interested in had suddenly jumped ship and asked out one of my sisters. I don’t even want to think about the dope who had asked them both out. Kinky weirdo.

  “Sorry I haven’t been around much lately. Once the play was finally over, Al and I seemed to be making up for lost time.” I gave a heavy sigh. Life was good.

  Stina gave a heavy sigh too. I wasn’t sure if she was mocking me or simply enjoying the blissful aura that surrounded me.

  “Are you all packed?” I asked. “I’ll be ready to go by three tomorrow.”

  “Ready and willing. I’ve never skied before. This should be fun. But I hope I don’t slow you down.”

  I gave a laugh. “Never worry. I’m the world’s worst. After ten ski vacations, I still never venture off the green slopes—those are the easy ones. The blues are harder and don’t even ask about the blacks. Major bad.”

  “We’ll just be snow bunnies on the baby slopes and have a blast.”

  I sighed again. I knew I was being ridiculous. I could live a week—well actually ten days due to weekends and us leaving after class the next day. But, I could make it ten days without Al Dansby. I was a modern woman. I was independent.

  I was missing him already.

  “So what is Mr. Wonderful doing for the break?” Olivia asked, entering the room through the shared bathroom. She added a Post It note to the poster hanging on our bathroom door. It was a detailed chart of the LSPS’s life. His schedule, his preferences, his friends. It looked stalkerish to say the least. The General was still planning our strategy. After spring break he was going down. Parts of the plan were starting to worry me. Maybe we were going too far? But then again, nothing illegal was being planned. And maybe, actually no maybe about it, telling a girl lies, and getting a girl pregnant was going too far also and deserved whatever punishment the General had devised.

  Hopefully a week apart would help get things in perspective for everyone.

  “Al said he was hanging out with his dad for the week. It’s so strange. He’s so open and sharing and we talk and talk and talk. Yet, when we’re through I realize he never really tells me actual details about his life in California or his dad.”

  “Maybe they have issues,” suggested Rachel who entered behind Olivia.

  “I don’t think so. He always talks with admiration of him, not like he’s some evil step-father,” I said and unintentionally looked straight at Olivia. Why did I keep doing that? I had undone our conversation about her step-dad just so that she wouldn’t see me giving her those pitying looks, but I did it anyway.

  Olivia looked at me then at Rachel. “Crap, I forgot. I have a thingy. You know a meeting thingy. I’ve got to go,” she said a little flustered. It must have been an important meeting. Or more likely, a very cute guy.

  Stina was quickly asking Rachel for more details on her break plans. Being so focused on my own self the past two months, I hadn’t noticed the gradual relationship building between Rachel and Trevor. (Trevor of the Christmas dance with the asinine brother—my ill-fated date.)

  “I still can’t believe he invited me to spend the week at his house,” Rachel was gushing. Our calm, cool, analytical Rachel was gushing about a guy. “I’ve liked him since freshman year. But, he always treated me like a buddy. Just one of the gang. But ever since the Christmas dance. Oooo momma.”

  Yes, definitely some people had much pleasanter memories of that function than I.

  “You’ll have a blast. I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t come back engaged,” Stina bubbled.

  “I don’t think we’re to the engagement step yet. But I sure do feel like I’m there for his mom’s evaluation. Very nerve wracking.”

  I sighed again. I had to stop doing that. “You’ll pass with flying colors. But if I don’t get this essay done and turned in tomorrow I won’t. Off to the library. Got to work ladies.”

  “Wouldn’t it be easier to write here, without the distractions?” teased Stina.

  “Yes,” I confessed. “But I told the distraction I’d meet him there five minutes ago.” And with that I was out the door.

  -46-

  Distractions

  A table full of books and copies topped with a coffee cup. That is how I found Al Dansby in the library.

  “Isn’t it against the rules to have drinks in here?” I asked as I sat down by him and he leaned over to give me a sweet kiss on the cheek.

  Al gave me his mischievous smile and said, “It pays to have connections.” I looked over to see the barrister guy from last semester working the reference desk. Poor guy. I wondered if he had caught on yet that Al definitely was not batting for his team.

  Looking over the mountain of books I asked the obvious, “Do you have a little homework?”

  Al gave a heavy sigh. It seemed to be going around. “It happens every time I’m in a play. The show takes every waking second of my time and I get so behind. I’ve even learned to take a lighter schedule. I should have graduated this May, but instead I won’t until next December.” My heart gave a happy beat on that note. That would give us more time together. Then I was a little frightened. College didn’t last forever. Was this just a college romance or was there a future here? I was about to have an anxiety attack over a ten-day separation. What would I do if it became permanent? I had to get a grip.

  Al gestured to the stack. “Now I have two papers and an essay due on Friday before I can leave. Perhaps it’s a good thing that you’re leaving tomorrow. It’ll cut down on my distractions.” Then he looked into my face. “No, not a good thing. Then I’ll simply be missing you instead.”

  I started to get out my laptop and get to work. Suddenly there was a present on my bag. Not a romantic little blue Tiffany’s box, but a big two-foot square box, wrapped in the Sunday funny paper.

  “I got you a little spring break gift,” Al said.

  Since when was spring break a gift-giving holiday? Was there a Hallmark card for it? “I’m sorry, I didn’t get you anything.”

  He chuckled. “It’s nothing fabulous. Open it. I thought with you going skiing and well, and after the head/stage incident, well, um perhaps you needed this.” He seemed almost afraid of offending me with the gift. His trepidation made me leery.

  I opened the box relieved only to see a hot pink ski helmet. “Thanks. That’s really sweet.”

  “Promise you’ll wear it. I’m not saying you’re clumsy. In fact other than the one trip to the ER I’ve never seen you even stumble.”

  There it was again. Every time I had ever done any klutzy thing in front of Al I had in fact redone it. In his eyes I should have appeared a graceful swan, yet somewhere in his subconscious he knew that I was a klutz to the point he was worried about my safety.

  “It’
s wonderful. And pink is my favorite color.” Or it would be from that moment on because it would always remind me that Al cared enough to worry about me crashing into trees.

  That got me a full smile. “I know that you’ve skied for years and years. But they are all the fashion rage.” He laughed and then turned serious. “It’s just very important to me that you survive the vacation.”

  “Thank you. I love it. When I wear it I’ll think of you.” No need to point out to him that I was always thinking about him anyway. “Now let’s tackle those papers.”

  I tried to focus on my paper, but, I kept looking at the pink helmet and what it signified. What did it signify? We were going to be separated and Al worried about my safety when we were apart. Then my brain jumped back to the earlier part of our conversation. Next December, after he graduated, would we be permanently separated? Would he still care by then? Or would he break my heart? We were able to get all of five minutes worth of work done before I was interrupting again. “What is your plan?” I asked.

  “First, I’m going to get the essay done as it’s the easiest. Then...”

  I interrupted him. “No, not for tonight. I meant for you. After college.”

  “Well, it’s probably pretty obvious—I plan to work in theater. Hopefully Broadway. I thought about the movie industry. But I really like the thrill of a live audience. The amazing energy of a live cast. A camera is never the same as real people. Then again a camera doesn’t boo, or get up and walk out during the show.” Al gave a little self-conscience laugh on that. “And you, Lottie Lambert, English major. What do you plan to do?”