Desperate (Harris Trilogy Book One)

by Teresa Greene

  “Sorry, Captain, I don’t know.” His hand snaked out and he caught the reins in his hand. “You may take my horse, Captain Harris.”

  He quickly mounted the horse and raced to the field hospital. It was still chaotic, so David walked among the many cots until he saw General Lee, head bent with a worried look on his face.

  Moving to his side, David asked, “What happened, General?”

  His voice full of emotion, Lee answered, “His own men shot him. He was riding in the gloom of nightfall and they mistook him for the enemy.” The words hung in the air between them before he whispered again, as if he couldn’t believe it himself. “His own men shot him.”

  A grimace of unspeakable pain showed on Jackson’s face. Blood had soaked through the white bandage wrapped around his left arm. Pale and gray, it looked as if wasn’t faring very well.

  Doctor Greene approached David and General Lee. “We have done our best to make him comfortable. It is possible he may lose the arm. We’ll do what we can to keep that from happening.”

  “You are an excellent doctor, Jacob. He is in good hands.”

  “Thank you, Captain Harris. Now if you will excuse me, I have other patients to attend. Jackson is now in the hands of God.”

  He would hate to see such a powerful leader fall. If anyone can survive such a horrific wound, it was Jackson. He prayed to God that the great man would survive his injury.

  After waiting with Lee for several hours, David returned to his quarters. Revulsion and hatred because of the war swamped him. How many more great men, husbands, and sons would die before it was over?

  The moment he stepped inside his tent, he heard Kate’s voice. Walking to her cot, he peered down at her angelic face. By her pitiful mumbles, she was having a nightmare. Her brow was wrinkled and she had a look of pain on her face. He touched his hand to her shoulder and softly whispered, “Kate, wake up, you’re dreaming.”

  ****

  She sat up trembling from the terrible nightmare. In her dream Bob Lewis was chasing her through a forest at night. Bob’s hand reached out and was just about to grab her when someone woke her. It all seemed so real. Taking huge breaths, she tried to fill her lungs with air. Panic threatened as she shifted her gaze around the tent to get her bearings. She slapped at the hand on her shoulder.

  “It’s okay, Kate, it’s me David.” He sat on the edge of the cot and held her to his chest.

  When he touched her, he lost all control. He began kissing her feverishly. Each kiss was like a lick of a flame. They were both locked in passion, which engulfed them. Not bothering to unbutton the nightshirt, he jerked it over her head, and threw it to the floor. His rough hands covered her breasts. “You are beautiful, Kate. I could look at you all night.” His eyes seemed to penetrate to her very soul as he looked at her breasts. Head lowered, he sucked on a puckered nipple.

  She thought she was going to die from pure pleasure. She pulled his head even closer and he began to suckle harder. Her heart raced with excitement as his mouth did incredible things to her nipples.

  His mouth moved to her lips. This time he stuck his tongue in her mouth making her gasp. She kissed him back by mimicking his movements with her tongue. Shivers of excitement ran down her spine as his tongue tangled with hers.

  Spreading her legs, he slipped his finger inside. She pressed against his hand and closed her eyes reveling in the sensations. “Oh, my, that feels wonderful.” Her voice sounded strange even to her. Her reaction seemed to drive him crazy with desire. Slowly, he moved his finger in and out as she went wild beneath his hand as her whole body began to throb. She cooed and arched her back. She almost cried when he removed his finger.

  He whispered against her ear, “You are so sweet, Kate.” In seconds he had shed his clothes and stood in front of her naked as the day he was born. Excited and a little scared, she took a moment to look at him. He fell on top of her and devoured her mouth with a kiss that curled her toes.

  He took her hand and pulled it to his shaft. “Touch me.”

  Not sure what to do, she stroked her fingers over his hardness. “Wrap your hand around me.” She did as he asked, and was rewarded with a loud moan of pleasure. He put his hand over hers and squeezed causing his whole body to jerk. The light from the lantern cast a soft glow and she could see the ecstasy on his face.

  He raised above her, spread her legs, and thrust inside her with one powerful motion of his hips. She tried to push him away as pain tore through her. He held her down and kissed the tears streaming down her face.

  “I’m sorry Kate, but I have to finish. If you allow me to continue, I promise you will feel pleasure.”

  “No, stop it hurts.”

  His tongue slipped between her lips and he gave her a deep, long kiss. She relaxed and wrapped her hands in his hair. He began to move inside her again. The pain subsided and Kate began to move with David. Her breathing became labored and her movements intensified. As his hips rocked against her, she writhed beneath him.

  Something strange was happening. She felt the most odd sensation building. Her body trembled as she climaxed and felt an intense burst of heat. David groaned loudly, tilted his head back, and closed his eyes. He gripped her thighs and kept slamming into her. With one final thrust, he grunted and collapsed. He rolled off of her gasping for breath.

  Never in her life had she felt anything as magnificent as making love. Curling her nude body against David, she fell into a deep sleep.

  ****

  Kate woke up alone. She grabbed the pillow beside her head and placed it over her face needing more sleep. The pillow smelled of David and she felt tingling between her legs. Last night had been one of the most momentous nights of her life. He made her feel special and loved. Something she wondered if she would ever feel again.

  She listened but didn’t hear David moving around in the front section of the tent. He must have returned to the battle.

  She had slept very little since it was so late when she went to sleep, and was still exhausted but content. She had never felt so happy in her life. She was in love with Captain David Harris. The passion they shared last night had been amazing.

  She hoped he did not think her too bold. Memories of her mother surfaced. Her mother had always conveyed, “Never sleep with a man unless he married you.”

  Funny, she didn’t feel it was a sin. Something that wonderful couldn’t be wrong. Anyway she was sure he would propose after what they shared last night.

  Kicking back the covers, she dressed in her male garb. A couple of cold biscuits of sausage were left on the table and she devoured them quickly before heading straight to the field hospital. Even though she dreaded the day ahead, she could not wait to see David again that night. She could withstand anything knowing she would return to his tent to sleep with him. Their days may be filled with death and turmoil, but their nights would be sweet. Her cheeks turned red thinking about their night of passion. She had enjoyed it immensely and couldn’t wait to make love again.

  When she arrived at the field hospital, she was shocked to find Thomas Jackson had been shot by one of his own men. She hated to see the powerful leader so pale and still. Doctor Jacob Greene had sedated him so he was quiet, bearing his pain in silence. Jacob informed her there was a possibility Jackson would lose his arm.

  Unable to watch any longer, Kate threw herself into her work with a vengeance. She changed bandages, fed soldiers, cleaned wounds, and assisted with surgeries. The day was a painful repeat of the day before. How long could the battle continue? Her female perspective stumped her. She was struggling to comprehend how men could enjoy war. All the death and waste was impossible for her to understand.

  Kate stopped by Adam’s cot. “Jake, I hear I have you to thank for saving my leg. I’m beholding you kept old saw bones away from me.” Still in a lot of pain, his voice sounded winded.

  She smiled shyly, “You would have done the same for me. Besides, it is Doctor Greene who saved your leg. He is a wonderful field surgeon.�
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  She placed a hand to his forehead. “You’re running a fever. Do you feel okay?” She studied his face, noting the dark rings under his eyes.

  “My leg hurts like hell.”

  She pushed the sheet to the side and saw the bandage wrapped around his leg was covered with blood. No one had taken the time to change it. Her skin went cold. She would hate for his leg to be amputated after Jacob had spent so much time operating to save it.

  The quinine had been used up yesterday. She poured him a liberal amount of whiskey into a tin cup. “I’m sorry, Adam. This is the only pain killer and antiseptic left.”

  Cupping her hand to his neck, she lifted him to a sitting position and placed the cup to his lips. A grimace on his face, he sputtered, “I don’t know how people can drink that swill.” He fell back to the pillow. “My father would not be very proud of me.”

  She placed her hand on his shoulder. “Maybe the whiskey will alleviate some of the pain.” A devout Christian, Adam had never drunk liquor. “Under the circumstances I’m sure your father would empathize.”

  “Thank you, Jake.”

  She cleaned his wound and wrapped it in a fresh bandage hoping it would help fight off some of the infection. Before she finished, an angry voice caused her to shudder. “Private Monroe, your services are needed elsewhere. You cannot spend all your time with one patient.”

  She stood and met the bloodshot eyes of Dr. Williams. “Prepare the soldier for surgery.” He pointed a bloody hand toward the young man lying in a cot with a stomach wound.

  Doing as she was told, Kate dropped to her knees and removed the crimson, bloody sheet from the man’s abdomen. She cleaned the area where the young man had been shot. At least he was unconscious and she didn’t have to listen to him moaning in pain.

  Twenty minutes later, she continued her duties of emptying bedpans, changing dressings, and washing men laying in their own filth with steely determination. The day drug on and it was quickly growing dark.

  Dr. Greene and Dr. Williams had not stopped in forty-eight hours. The opportunity to rest was not an option. The injured and dying soldiers kept coming, like ants at a picnic. Williams would stop to get a drink of whiskey and trudge on.

  Anxious to get back to the tent she was sharing with David, Kate slipped away before dark. She hoped he was there waiting for her. When she entered, the tent was quiet, and seemed bereft because he had not yet returned.

  She quickly removed her bloody clothes and the hated binding from her body, and began washing the filth away. When she washed between her legs, she felt the soreness in her thighs, and remembered her night of making love with David. She hoped he would return soon.

  Scrubbing until her skin turned pink, she washed away all evidence of her terrible day before David returned. His day had probably been worse than hers since the men being injured and killed were his men. Feeling melancholy, she had an urgent need to see him. After the horrible day she had, she needed him to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay.

  For hours Kate lay in bed fighting sleep. A light breeze gently whipped at the tent. She could hear a lonely soldier playing “My Old Kentucky Home” on a harmonica and then “Dixie”. He must be so homesick. How many days, weeks, or years had he been away from his family?

  She thought of her father sitting by the fire at night after a long day in the fields playing his harmonica. She missed her family terribly, but now she would make new memories with David. They would have a house full of children, and many years of happiness together. She couldn’t wait until they were married.

  The lull of the music and her exhaustion took over. Unable to hold her eyes open any longer, she fell into a deep sleep.

  ****

  The next morning Kate woke with a nagging sense of unease. David had not returned. Her first thought was he had been injured or worse. She wanted to go look for him, but that would only cause suspicion. Instead she decided to go back to the field hospital to help out. If he had been injured, that is where they would take him.

  Nothing had changed from yesterday. Still more injured soldiers. “When will it end?” thought Kate. She went to work with a lack of enthusiasm. If she felt this defeated, how did the doctors feel?

  Kate decided to check on Adam. Thankfully, his fever had subsided and he seemed to be out of danger of losing his leg.

  She had a heavy heart. She needed to see David. If only she knew he was okay, she would be better prepared to handle the day ahead of her. Convincing herself the battle was keeping him away, she tried to stop worrying.

  To keep David off her mind, she moved to the operating table where Dr. Greene was removing a bullet from a soldier’s shoulder. “I’ll take over. Go take a break.” She didn’t have to offer twice. The attending soldier took off in such a hurry, he didn’t even say thank you.

  She dabbed at the blood oozing from the wound. “You are very adept at helping the sick and injured soldiers. I’m very impressed with your abilities. You have an iron will and seem devoted to your fellow soldier.”

  “Thank you, Dr. Greene. I’m not too proud to admit at first I was scared to death. It took me a while to adjust. My grandmother was a natural healer and I learned a lot from her, but nothing she ever taught me could prepare me for this. I don’t see how you do this day after day. It must be so depressing watching all these young men, some of them only boys, die.”

  As he finished stitching the ghastly wound, Jacob smiled and replied, “I wish I could say you get accustomed to the death, but you never do. I do what I can and the rest is in God’s hands. We appreciate all the care you have given the injured, son. Maybe you should consider a profession as a doctor when you are older.”

  The compliments made Kate feel better as she carried on her care of the soldiers. It was dirty work. Some of the patients had dysentery and it was a chore to keep them clean. Sanitation was a problem. The medical equipment and facilities were not sanitary causing disease and sickness to spread quickly. Some of the patients contracted malaria and typhoid. As the day wore on, things only got worse.

  Dr. Greene covered the young man he had just performed surgery with a sheet. He closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. Two soldiers removed the body, washed the blood off the operating table, which was no more that a board covered with a sheet, and placed another injured soldier in his place. Tired and close to collapsing, Dr. Greene squared his shoulders, took the scalpel into his hand, and cut into the soldier’s leg to remove the metal ball. At this point more men were dying than they were able to save.

  By the end of the day, Kate was so weary she could hardly carry herself back to her quarters she was sharing with David.

  She pulled back the flap to the tent and entered. Resentment tightened her belly. He still was not in residence. What if he had been killed and no one came to tell her? No that was not possible. Even though she was not on speaking terms with Lieutenant Emerson, he would at least let her know if something had happened to David. Besides, she would know in her heart if he had not survived. He was okay.

  She scrubbed until her skin was clean trying to remove all the germs from the day so she would not get sick herself.

  Kate decided to sleep in the nude because she was feeling bold. She wanted David to know how much she needed and wanted him. Surely he would be pleased with her new found courage.

  Hearing movement in the front section of the tent, she wrapped herself in a blanket anxious to speak to David. Mesmerized, she stood in the middle of the tent and watched him fill a glass with whiskey. In one swallow he drained its contents and poured another. Obviously, something was bothering him.

  As if sensing her presence, he turned and saw her standing there. She smiled but his expression was serious and he said nothing. Instead he lifted the glass to his lips and took another drink. It looked as if he had not slept. His eyes were swollen and his shoulders slumped.

  “What is wrong, David? Has something happened?”

  Raking his eyes over her body, he
ordered, “Put your night shirt on, we need to talk.”

  Kate felt dejected. She dressed slowly knowing by the tone of his voice she was not going to like what he had to say. She walked over, and sat down beside him on the small cot where they had made love.

  Placing his glass on the table, he took her hand in his. Her hand looked so small compared to his. He looked directly in her eyes. “I have always tried to be a man of honor.” His gorgeous face masked with pain caused her to become uneasy. “I did not know you were a virgin. I would never have taken that from you if I had known. That is something you should have been able to give your husband on your wedding night. I took that away from you and I will always feel guilty for my weakness.”

  The color drained from her face and her voice quavered. “I gave my virginity to you because I thought you loved me. I love you and I thought you loved me too.”

  He ran his fingers through his hair. “Kate, I am engaged to be married. As soon as the war is over, I am to marry my neighbor, Abigail Weatherly. She has waited for me and I am an honorable man and must live up to my obligations to her, and my family.”

  A sheath of ice covered her whole body. Pulling her hand away from his, she lifted it to her chest. She took several deep breaths to slow her heart rate. “Why did you make love to me?”

  “A young woman who dresses as a man and joins the infantry seems to be no innocent. I had no idea you were a virgin. I misjudged you and for that I’m sorry. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

  Kate hissed, “Sorry! Does that give my innocence back? I thought you wanted to marry me or I would never have made love to you. I explained why I dressed as a man and left my home. I felt I had no other choice. You said you were a man of honor. I see no honor in taking a young girl’s innocence and then saying you’re sorry.” To keep her voice low, she gritted her teeth. She wanted to scream at him, she was so mad. “There are no words to make up for what you have done to me.” The disappointment crumbled her.

  He took a long breath. “After considerable reflection, I hope I have a solution to your predicament. Tomorrow we pack up and go back to Kanway Company. The battle here is over. You have to make a decision. I will contact your grandfather and you can go live with him. The other choice is my parent’s plantation in Richmond. Think about it tonight, and when we get back to our encampment, I will have you escorted where you choose.”