Desperate (Harris Trilogy Book One)

by Teresa Greene

  ****

  The next morning Lila tried to get Kate out of bed to no avail. Devastated, she couldn’t bear to live since Jacob had shunned her. She thought she could rely on him to be her friend and was shocked at his reaction to her news. If he took her pregnancy so badly, how would everyone else react?

  “Miss Kate,” Lila pleaded, “please tell me why ya so upset.”

  Not wanting to speak of her troubles, she rolled on to her side. A knock at the door had her pulling the covers over her head. The last thing she wanted was to talk to anyone. The door opened and she heard heavy footsteps.

  “Kate, I’ve been waiting to have breakfast with you.” Grandfather pulled the sheet away from her face. “Why are you still in bed? Are you sick my dear?” When he saw her pale complexion and swollen eyes, his concern intensified. “What is wrong?”

  The moment Lila excused herself from the room, Kate burst into tears. “Oh, Grandfather, I’m afraid I have ruined my reputation. I am carrying David Harris’ baby. I don’t know what to do.”

  Emotion shimmered in his eyes. It took a while for her confession to sink in. It was two full minutes before he spoke. “Kate, surely David will marry you. Have you informed him of your condition?”

  She blew her nose on the handkerchief he offered her. She sat up propping the pillows behind her head. “I don’t want him to know. He was adamant about marrying Abigail so she can have him. I do have some pride, Grandfather.”

  Her grandfather’s voice was brisk. “This is not the time for pride. I know you are in love with David. You are not the type of woman to lay with a man and not expect marriage. Don’t even try to tell me you don’t love him.”

  “Yes, I love him. I want to marry him, and he knows my feelings. I begged him not to marry Abigail and marry me instead. He feels obligated to marry her.”

  “I insist you tell him, and then he will be obligated to marry you.” His tone brooked no argument. “Under the circumstances you have no other choice in the matter.”

  Stubbornly, Kate snapped, “No, I will not tell him. I will not force him to marry me, spend my life wondering if he married me because of the child I carry.”

  “What about Jacob? Maybe if you explain …”

  “I did confide in Jacob last night. I told him everything.” Her eyes clouded with tears. “He was so angry he will never forgive me. He probably thinks I am promiscuous. I can’t believe I lost my innocence to a man who never promised me anything. Now I have lost Jacob because I couldn’t control my lust.”

  He enfolded her in his embrace. “My dear, you are no match for a man of David’s expertise. He is accustomed to getting what he wants from a woman. He seduced you.” He pushed her to arm’s length. “Can’t you see that he took advantage of your innocence?”

  Remembering the first time she made love with David, she felt heat touch her cheeks. She wanted him to make love to her so she felt she was also responsible. “I was a willing participant Grandfather; but I did think he loved me or I would never have let him touch me.”

  “I know, dear. Stop worrying. Where is the young woman who dressed as a man and joined the infantry? Let’s see some of that spirit. We’ll figure something out. How far along are you?”

  “Two months.”

  “Well, that gives us about a month before your waist starts thickening. I promise we will come up with a plan. No need to panic.”

  She was glad she confided in her grandfather. A flicker of hope burned in her heart. At least he did not shun her as Jacob had. Maybe her grandfather would find a way for her to keep her baby and not ruin her reputation.

  ****

  Jacob felt terrible. He lifted the bottle to his lips and took several swallows before slamming it down on his desk in the study. When Kate told him she was pregnant, he felt as if someone had reached in his chest and squeezed his heart causing extreme pain.

  At first he wanted to break her lovely neck for ruining his plans for a life with her. Last night he stormed away from Kate and entered the first bar he came to. Drunk and in a foul mood, he instigated a fight with three, huge sailors.

  He was paying for it now. His right eye was swollen and purple. It hurt like the devil. He hoped he had inflicted some damage on the sailors before he was thrown out of the bar.

  He took another drink. It didn’t matter how much he drank, he could not erase her face from his mind. All he could see was the pain in her large, soulful green eyes.

  Well, she deserved it for causing him so much grief. Still he was pretty rough on her. She needed a friend and he had pushed her away.

  Ignoring the knock at the door, Jacob rubbed his throbbing temples. It was now 10 o’clock in the morning and he had not yet been to bed.

  Scott opened the door and ambled to the chair across from Jacob’s desk and sat down. “You look like hell.”

  Scott had heard the whole sordid story when Jacob returned home that morning. For a solid hour he had ranted and raved before his anger subsided. Now he was wondering how he could ever be forgiven for all the terrible things he said. “I feel like hell. How could she do this to me, Scott?”

  “She didn’t do anything to you, Jacob. The damage was done before she even knew you.”

  His words slurred, Jacob asked, “You like her don’t you?”

  “Of course I like her. Not once has she treated me with anything but respect. I know my scar intimidates most women. Kate does not even notice my ugliness.”

  Through blurry eyes, Jacob looked at Scott’s scar. An angry husband caught him in the bed with his wife and sliced open his face with a saber.

  Elbows spread on the desk he dropped his chin on his clasped hands. “She is unique. I love her.”

  “I know you do.” Scott picked up the bottle on the desk and moved toward the door. Before he left he turned and faced Jacob. “Drinking will not solve your problem. You need a clear head to decide what is best for you. You will make the right decision.”

  How could he still love a woman who carried another man’s baby? He wondered if he loved her enough to accept the child as his. Perhaps he should give the idea some thought before he spoke to Kate again. Maybe Scott had a point. What transpired between David and Kate happened before he fell in love with her. It was time to get sober and stop wallowing in self-pity. Decisions he needed to make required a clear head.

  ****

  Kate’s spirits were a little higher. She had stayed home for a couple of days under the pretense of being sick, and decided she was ready to face the world again. She was thankful her grandfather had not spoken again of her pregnancy. Without a doubt he was disappointed in her, but still he would never admit it to her. Their relationship was still too fragile.

  The mistakes he made with her mother had him walking on eggshells. He didn’t want to make the same mistakes with her. Maybe he would come up with a plan to save her reputation.

  By the time Kate arrived at the hospital, she was trembling from worry at the reception she would receive from Jacob. All morning she looked over her shoulder expecting him to appear and ask her to leave. It took a lot of effort to go about her duties.

  With stiff movements she stripped the sheets from the beds. The hair on the back of her neck prickled and she knew he was watching her. She peered up directly into Jacob’s dark, green serious eyes. He looked haggard and tired. What was he thinking? He closed the distance between them.

  She said a little prayer, “Please, God, don’t let him ask me to leave my position.” She really needed something to keep her mind occupied now more than ever. If she didn’t stay busy, worry would drive her crazy.

  “May I speak to you in my office?”

  A jumble of nerves, she allowed him to take her hand and escort her to his office. What would she do if he dismissed her? Would she be able to talk him into letting her stay?

  As soon as he shut the door behind him, she asked, “What happened to your eye?”

  “I’m afraid I drank a little too much and picked a fight.” />
  Hand trembling, she reached out to touch his face, but pulled back at the last moment. “Are you okay?”

  A weak smile on his full lips, he answered, “Yes Kate, I am fine.”

  “I’m sorry for the pain I have caused you. You probably want me to leave my position here but I need to work. If I sit home all day the worry and tension will destroy me.”

  He took both her hands into his. “I’m the one that should be apologizing to you. I can’t get over the way I treated you. I’m sorry. You need a friend now and I turned my back on you in your time of need.” He brought her hands to his chest. “I thank you for being honest with me. You could have married me and then try to pass the baby off as mine. Can you please forgive me for my anger?”

  She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. “I forgive you, Jacob. But only if you forgive me.”

  “You have done nothing to be forgiven for. David took advantage of you, Kate. You were no match for him. You are young and not knowing the ways of men couldn’t have known what was going to happen. If I had been in his place, I may have done the same thing. You are magnificent inside and out.”

  Suddenly shy, she blushed and lowered her eyes. “I have to take some of the blame. I should not have been so naive.”

  “Who else knows of your condition?”

  “Just you and grandfather. I was pretty overwrought after our fight. My grandfather was extremely worried so I confided in him. He took it better than I thought he would. He’s trying to come up with a plan now.” Kate let out a nervous laugh thinking of her grandfather concocting a plan.

  He jammed his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “I’m impressed with your attitude. Most women would have gone to bed and given up on life. You have a lot of grit.”

  The compliments gave her courage. The stress of the last few days melted away. Yes, she was still in trouble, but with Jacob in her corner she felt hope. He would stand by her.

  “Will you please have supper with me tonight? We need to talk. I promise I will be civil.”

  “I would love to have supper with you. Pick me up at 6 o’clock. Now I have work to do. I’ll see you tonight.”

  Kate stepped into the huge hospital room that housed twenty soldiers to find Penny changing the bandages on a young soldier’s leg. The sound of her friend’s giggle sounded like music to her ears. A smile lit up her pretty face and her cheeks turned pink from something the young man said. Penny was flirting. Lately she had joked and laughed more. Kate felt a twang of hope. Just maybe the abuse Dr. Wilson inflicted on her would have no lasting effects.

  Her hand stopped in midair when she saw Kate watching her. With quick motions she finished the bandage and crossed the room. “Are you feeling better?”

  “Yes, I’m glad to be back to work.” If only she could confide to Penny about her pregnancy. A woman’s perspective would be wonderful, but then she promised her grandfather she would not mention her condition to anyone.

  “I came by your home after work last night, but Lila said you were not up to company.”

  She choked on the guilt. Lies never were easy for her. But then she had been plagued with morning sickness so she wasn’t actually lying. “I spent most of the day in bed yesterday.”

  To change the subject she asked, “Looks like you have an admirer. The young man you were tending can’t keep his eyes off you.”

  Penny clapped her hands together in delight. “Isn’t he handsome? He is nice, amusing and I really like him.”

  Kate leaned in and whispered, “By the way he is looking at you he thinks you are pretty special.” Nothing would make her happier than for her friend to find someone to spend her life with. Someone as unselfish and caring as Penny deserved to be happy. She felt honored to have such a dear friend.

  ****

  Supper had been spent in solitude, neither having much to say. Kate was nervous, worried why Jacob wanted to talk to her. For someone who said he wanted to talk, he seemed mighty tight-lipped all of a sudden.

  Pushing his food around on his plate, he asked, “Kate, have you considered my advice? I think you should tell David you are carrying his child.”

  “I can’t. I only want David if he wants me. I will not marry someone who does not really want to marry me. I grew up with a mom and dad who loved each other so much. They died together because of their powerful love and devotion. I want that too. I will not settle for less even if I have to ruin my reputation. I will have my child without the sanctity of marriage.”

  The sound of his fork dropping onto his plate caused her to jump. He flicked a glare across the table. “How do you think your child will be treated, Kate? It will be called bastard. Can you live with that? I don’t think you can. How do you think society treats a woman with a child that does not have the benefit of a husband?” Sarcasm dripped from ever word.

  Unable to suppress the pain his words caused her, she felt the color drain from her face. Her fingers bit into the arm of the chair. In a small, disbelieving voice she said, “This is what you wanted to say to me, Jacob? I’ve heard enough. I’m leaving.” She stood intending to leave but he grabbed her hand pulling her back into her seat.

  “Marry me, Kate. I will love your child as if it is mine.”

  Shocked, she couldn’t believe what she just heard. She wet her suddenly dry lips. She whispered, “You still want to marry me? Even though I am carrying another man’s baby, you will marry me?”

  “Yes Kate, on one condition. You stay true to me. Even if David decides he wants you later, you stay with me. Once we are married we stay married. You never divulge he is the true father of our baby.”

  Ecstatic, she wanted to run and jump in his lap. She wanted to kiss him, to prove to him she would be the most devoted wife he could ever have thought possible. Could he be that unselfish? “Are you sure, Jacob? First and foremost is my baby. Can you accept my baby as yours?”

  “Yes, I want you that much, with my heart and soul. Nothing would please me more.”

  Happy tears flowed down her cheeks. “I will never tell David. All he will ever know is you are the father. But you must swear to me you will love this baby as if it’s yours.”

  “I swear, Kate.” He held his hand over his heart. “I love you and I want you more than I thought possible. I have been miserable since our fight. We need to make haste if we are going to pass this child off as mine. How about next Wednesday? That will give you a week to prepare. We can use the excuse of the war to keep it simple and quiet.”

  “I accept your proposal. Next Wednesday sounds splendid. We will need to discuss the arrangements with grandfather.” Kate and Jacob continued eating their meal in silence both nervous at the thoughts of a quick wedding. Everything seemed to be working out and she was once again feeling happy.

  Her mood quickly changed when Abigail walked into the restaurant. The moment she saw them she excused herself from her escort and made a straight line to their table. Dark hair draped over her shoulder, she looked magnificent in the dark blue dress. As she sashayed toward them, Kate’s skin prickled. Something told her there was going to be trouble.

  “Hello, Jacob. I hope you are doing well.”

  “Yes, Abigail. I’m fine.”

  Abigail glared at her. “Miss Monroe, I just wanted you to know I still haven’t found my missing slave. Are you sure you don’t have some information that might help me? He is such a strong buck, and I need him back in the fields where he belongs.” She shook back her curling mane of coal black hair.

  Apprehensive because of Abigail’s questions, she gripped her hands into fists under the table. She wished she could wrap them around her neck and choke the life out of her. If Jacob discovered she had been harboring Jim, he would be mad as hell. “As I told you the last time you asked me about your slave, I have no idea where he is.”

  “You do know it is against the law to harbor an escaped slave don’t you, Miss Monroe? If I find out you have helped Jim escape to the North, I will make sure
you are arrested. You had…”

  Jacob’s menacing tone cut Abigail short. “Abigail, I suggest you take your accusations some where else. I will not stand here and listen to you threaten my fiancé with these unfounded accusations.”

  Eyes sparkling, Abigail said, “I knew you two were courting, but I had no inkling you were engaged.” It was obvious Abigail was ecstatic with the news. She was absolutely beaming. With her out of the way, nothing would stand in her way to marry David. As quick as lightning she turned and walked away with a huge smile plastered on her face.

  “She can be a little strange can’t she?” Kate couldn’t believe how quickly Abigail’s mood changed from fury to delight. Her behavior was almost comical. That is until she looked at Jacob and all humor evaporated.

  Angry green eyes glared at her. A sexy eyebrow lifted. “Do you have something to tell me?”

  By his tone he was suspicious. “What would you like to know, Jacob?”

  “Don’t be coy with me. I could tell by your expression you were not telling the truth. You know something about Abigail’s slave. Will you please tell me what it might be?”

  “I would rather not involve you in this, Jacob.” She leaned over and squeezed his hand. “Trust me, everything is under control.”

  Strong fingers twined with hers and she could feel his power and strength. “We are to be married. I’ll have no secrets between us. Tell me what you know about Jim.”

  Without a doubt he would not relent until she told him. Besides he was right, they were to be married. Bending close, she softly whispered, “Jim is recuperating at grandfather’s townhouse from the lashing he received because of Abigail’s orders. His wounds were life threatening. His sister, Lila, my grandfather’s maid, has been hiding him in her room for several days, but he is not well enough to travel. I have been secretly assisting Lila in nursing him back to health. We just don’t know what we will do with him when he has recovered. I will not send him back to Abigail. So if that is what you were thinking forget it.”

  The intense look in his eyes had her squirming in her chair. His voice firm, he ordered, “I want to see Jim now.”