The Stainless Steel Rat Go's To Hell

by Harry Harrison

  "You are the brother who operated the machine and did not pass through to Hell."

  James could only nod in silence. Coypu admired his invention. "If I can get this strong a response after such a brief transit-1ust think how Jiving Justin will light up in the dark! As soon as I have manufactured a few thousand meters, simple enough to do, all the restrictions on free movement will be lifted. No attempt will be made to apprehend the miscreants or stop them from leaving-"

  "Great!" I cried aloud gustily. "They can run but they cannot hide. Every train, bus, spaceship, scooter, rickshaw, every form of transportation, will have a meter close by. We'll follow them and they will lead us to another of their machines and we will grab it and the good guys will win!"

  Of course it didn't happen that easily. Instead of-trying to run, Slakey and Slakey had apparently gone to ground. When they didn't walk into any of our traps, the good Professor Coypu went back to the workbench and improved upon his original model. Which, all things considered, was pretty crude. He built larger ones with amplifying circuits that would work over greater distances. Then military jets quartered the skies over the islands-and had a trace within hours.

  "Here," the Special Corps technician said, opening up a large map and tapping his finger on a red-marked site. We all leaned close. "The pilot of the search plane took off, circled for altitude-and all the bells went off."

  "That is right in the middle of a city," I said.

  "It certainly is. In fact it is the center of the capital of this planet, Hammar City. The first reading we had almost blew the needle off its bearings. And it hasn't moved since we spotted it. But there are two other, weaker traces in the city-and one of them is moving."

  "Is it possible that there could be another machine, which would explain the strong trace? And the other contacts might be a couple of Slakeys?"

  "Professor Coypu is of the same opinion. He says if you plan to take any offensive actions you must speak to him first."

  "No problem. Where is he?"

  "In the nightclub downstairs doing research."

  "Research ...?" It was mind-boggling time again. "But which club? There are seven in this hotel."

  "The Green Lizard. Very ethnic."

  I wondered what could be ethnic about lizards; I soon found out. The sound of jungle drums filled the hot, moist air, while the screams of nocturnal animals cut through the semidarkness. I ducked under the low leaves of the trees and almost choked myself on a vine.

  "May I be of service, human visitor?" a large green lizard said, smiling faugedly before me. While the head was that of a lizard the green body was human and enthusiastically female. Painted green I realized, this fact was visible even in the dim jungle light. Also visible was the even more interesting fact that paint on skin was all that she was wearing; nothing else. I wondered just what kind of research the professor was doing here.

  "Coypu," I said. "I'm joining him. Small man, gray hair, good teeth..."

  "This way, please, dear human visitor." She led me through the jungle-a fine figure to follow to a log table. Coypu sat on a chair stump just as naked, though not as attractive, as my leading lizard. He was sucking at the straw of a tall drink in a section of bamboo while he scribbled equations on a large leaf.

  "I'll have whatever he has," I said, then forced my gaze back on the professor when she slithered away.

  "Ahh, Jim, sit down."

  "I don't want to interrupt your work."

  "You're not. I have just finished with all of my research. So that tomorrow I'll be able to finalize my scientific paper titled 'Saunan Substitutions for Reenhancing Subliminal Sexual Inhibitions.'"

  "Sounds fascinating."

  "Indeed it does. I'm also writing a shorter and more popular version for the Internet called 'Chicklist for Hungry Hunters.'"

  "You're onto a winner. What did you want to talk to me about?"

  "Plans. We must find a fail-safe way of getting our hands on an intact model of Slakey's universal differentiator. My research cannot proceed until that has been done. Twice now his machines have gone up in flames before they could be examined. Let us try not to let that happen again. I have constructed a device that will make that possible."

  "What is it?"

  "A temporal inhibitor. An intellectual offspring of my temporal helix. Which you will remember, since you traveled on it, when you traveled back in time and had some interesting adventures while you were busy saving the world. You deserve some credit in this invention as well. You will also remember that when you saved the Special Corps from time attack you met those time travelers from the future, who gave you a machine. It froze everyone around you with a time stasis. Once I knew it could be done the rest was easy."

  "You're a great man, Professor"

  "I know that. Finish your drink and sally forth. You'll find the temporal inhibitor, or TI for short, on the table in my room. It works just like the one you used before. Turn it on and everything around you freezes in time. Except for you, of course. Go, Jim, go forth with the TI and use it to get the dimensional machine. Leave me now for I have important research to do here and you are a married man."

  I went. Picked the lock on his suite and looked at the flashlight on the table. I picked it up and turned it on. Instead of lighting up it hummed industriously. Nothing else appeared to have happened that I could see. I turned it off, dug a coin out of my pocket and threw it into the air, turned on the flashlight. The coin hung in midair, dropped only when I turned the TI off.

  "Next stop Hammar City!"

  I used the room phone to call the suite where the boys were staying. There was a recorded message for me suggesting that I join them in Waterworld, the most popular nightspot in the hotel. I slipped the TI into my pocket and left, and found the nightspot easily enough, following the sound of wet music and splashing waves. But I hesitated at the entrance, having had more than enough of nightclubs after the Green Lizard. This one was better lit and provided more clean-cut fun. With the lighting effects and almost nul gravity field, the illusion of being underwater was very good. The waitresses had mermaid tails and swam laden trays of drinks and food to the floating tables. The happy customers danced a few feet off the floor, twining themselves sinuously about to the happy beat. I could see Bolivar dancing with Sybil, both enjoying themselves greatly. He didn't seem to mind when James cut in-or was it the other way around? Not that it mattered. They were young and in high spirits and deserved every bit of relaxation they could get. I could take care of getting the machine myself while they danced the night away. I was picking up some needed devices from my room when the phone pinged and turned itself on. Inskipp glared out of the screen at me.

  "What do you think you are doing, diGriz?" "Just running a little errand. Picking up something for Professor Coypu," I said innocently. A scowl replaced the glare.

  "No you're not-at least not alone. I know everything, remember. Including exactly what it is you are getting for Coypu. There have been too many mistakes made of late. Sloppy work. That practice ends now. Captain Grissle of the Space Marines has his squad waiting for you in the lobby at this very moment."

  "Thank you, thank you, you are kindness itself. I'll join him right away."

  I would of course exit from the back entrance of the hotel and avoid the noxious military presence of the marines. There was a loud hammering on the door.

  "While the squad is waiting in the lobby that will be the captain coming for you now. Go."

  I seized up the TI and thought of using it on the marine, but the snarl from the phone changed all that.

  "I'm watching you, diGriz-no games!"

  I muttered a few favorite profanities under my breath as I opened the door. A burly marine with nasty tiny red eyes and a jaw like an anvil was standing outside. He saluted a quivering tense salute. I touched the flashlight-TI to my brow~

  "Transportation to the airport is waiting," he shouted.

  "After you, sir"

  It was all very well organized;
at least the Special Corps could get this kind of thing right. Marines stamping, guns waving, sirens wailing; the usual. Captain Grissle briefed me on the way, ticking off the points with a raised finger.

  "One. The Hammar City police have the area where we are going under close observation. Investigation has shown that the machine you are looking for is in a meeting hail owned by an organization called the Circle of Sanctity. Very exclusive, bigwig politicians and industrialists. Some of the members of this group are being interrogated right now."

  "Do you know what this whole operation is about?"

  "I do, Agent diGriz. I have been in on this investigation from the very beginning. Point two. Unlike the other churches involved in this investigation, this operation appears to be all male. Instead of looking forward to Heaven, this lot is into money-and power. An industrialist named Baron Krummung seems to be in charge."

  "They get rich, he gets richer."

  "That's it."

  "Identification?"

  "Positive. A bit older, fatter and balder. But he's Slakey, no doubt at all."

  Another incarnation. How many of them were there knocking around the galaxy? Depressing thought-there could be any number, armies of the same man, images clicked at different points in time. And all of them sharing, the same thoughts and memories. That didn't seem possible-I decided not to even think about it.

  "How do you want to handle this operation?" the captain asked.

  "Am I in charge?"

  "Completely. Orders received from the highest level."

  "Inskipp?"

  "None other."

  "He's getting mellow in his old age."

  "I doubt that. We follow your instructions exactly. As long as I and my two sergeants are with you at all times."

  CHAPTER 10

  THE FLIGHT IN THE BALUSTIC-ORBIT SST did not take very long at all. Plenty of G's at each end, acceleration and deceleration, with free fail in between. I slept when we were weightless, found it to be very relaxing indeed. And I had plenty of sleep to catch up with. Ground transportation, and another marine officer, a lieutenant this time, were waiting for us. There was a lot of snapping of stiff salutes, so dear to the military heart. I waited impatiently until all thumbs were back on seams on trouser legs.

  "Tell me. Lieutenant, has anything changed since the last report?"

  "Negative, sir. The detectors are keeping track of the two individuals just as before. They have not moved again and we have kept our distance from them. Neither of them is in the vicinity of the machine."

  "Do they have any idea they are being tracked?"

  "Negative. We have never approached them-never even seen them in fact. Our orders were to keep distant observation until you had secured the machine."

  "I'll do that now. Lead the way."

  I was keeping this operation as simple as possible since I didn't want a third goof-up. The front door to the building was already open and secured; more marines were keeping out of sight inside. My armed guard trotted behind me when I trotted, stopped when I stopped.

  "Tell me again," I whispered. The lieutenant pointed to high, double doors at the end of the hail.

  "That's it, where they meet. It is a conference room, circular, about twenty meters across." He handed me a small metal box with a collection of dials on it. "Your detector, sir."

  "Give it to the captain to carry. Is the door unlocked?"

  "Don't know, we haven't been near it. But I have the key here."

  "Good. Here's what we do. We walk quietly up to the door. You put the key into the lock. You try it. If it is locked then you unlock it. As soon as you are sure it is unlocked you give the nod-and pull the door open." I held up the TI. "This is not a flashlight but is a temporal inhibitor. You open the door and I turn it on. Everything in that room will be fixed in time. Nothing there, human or mechanical, will be able to move until 1 turn it off again. Which I will not do until the machine is secured. Do you all understand?" Their eyes were glazed-and with good reasons. I shrugged.

  "You don't have to. Are you all ready?" They nodded enthusiastically. "Then let's do it."

  They all saluted again and at least they were quiet about it with no stamping boots this time. Grissle and his two sergeants were breathing on my neck as we crept forward I readied the TI. The lieutenant put the key in the keyhole, turned it slowly-then pulled hard and the door flew open.

  "Zapped!" I shouted as I switched on the TI. It was pitch dark inside and I couldn't see a thing.

  "Can you turn on the lights?" I asked. There was no answer. Frozen in time. The lieutenant was strangely off balance and still pulling on the door handle. My glassy-eyed squad were as still as statues. I stepped back a bit and as soon as the field enveloped them they could move.

  "We're going in there," I said. "But I can't see a thing-and

  I don't dare turn this device off to find a light switch. Suggestions?"

  "Battle torches," Captain Grissle said, shifting the detector to his left hand and unclicking his torch from his belt. A bright beam flared out, followed by the others.

  "Stay close," I said. "Hold hands, hold my arms-or you'll look like him." I pointed to the crouching and immobile lieutenant; they all cuddled together. We shuffled forward slowly like competitors in an eight-legged sack race, towards the far end of the room.

  "Reading steady," Grissle said, "and the needle is pointing at that door over there."

  The door was open scat least I didn't have to worry about that. Shuffle-shuffle we went, lighting up the interior of the adjoining room.

  Revealing the rack of electronics. A duplicate of the last one I had seen-except that this one was intact.

  "There!" I pointed.. "That's what I want. Cuddle, clutch and shuffle. All right, stop here. Because we have a problem. I will have to turn this TI off if we are going to disconnect this thing." I pointed at a glowing light on the control panel. "We'll have to turn its power supply off as well if we are going to take it away with us. Any suggestions?"

  "The sergeants will draw their weapons to protect us," Grissle said, "You and I grab the machine, move it, look for any switches, power lines, whatever. There's nothing else we can do."

  I thought about it for a bit and could not think of any alternatives.

  "Let's do it. Get your guns out. Shout if you see anything.

  Or better yet-try to shoot first. I'll turn the time-freezer off and restore the status quo. Ready?"

  Grim nods of agreement; the sergeants with guns pointed, the captain taking a firm grip on the machine.

  "Here goes..."

  I touched the switch.

  And everything happened at once.

  The machine burst into life, lights flickering in quick patterns. With a terrible shriek someone appeared next to me, seized me and pulled me off balance. I grabbed him with my free hand....

  We were going. Going someplace, somewhere, the sensations that weren't sensations again. Going.

  All I was aware of was my heart thudding louder and louder in an empty silence. Fear? Why not? Back to Hell? Or Heaven...

  White light, strong, warmer air. And the tinkling, clanking, crash of broken glass.

  I was on the ground, sharpness under my back, with a fat and older version of Slakey stumbling away from me. The temporal inhibitor was still in my hand.

  "Got you, Slakey," I called out, pointed and pressed the switch.

  He ran on, stopped and turned, swaying dizzily, laughing.

  "That weapon, whatever it is, won't work here. No imported machine will. You fool, haven't you learned that yet?"

  I was learning, but very slowly. And my punctured legs hurt. I put the inoperable TI against the broken crystal on the ground, used it to push against the sharp shards as I stood up. I pulled a sliver of glass from my leg and watched blood stain the fabric.

  "We're not in Hell," I said, looking around me. "Is this your Heaven?"

  It might very well have been because it was incredible. I gaped, very much in awe. But
not so much that I didn't keep Fat Slakey inside my field of vision. What I saw was like, well, like nothing I had ever seen or imagined before. A world of transparent beauty, crystalline, exuberant, colored and transparent and rising up around me. Shrubbery of glass, analogs of trees and leaves, transparent and veined, reaching out on all sides.

  But not where I was standing I realized. Here it was all broken shards, a circular area of destruction. Broken and fragmented.

  "No, not Heaven," Slakey said.

  "Where then?"

  When he did not answer I took a step towards him and he raised his hands.

  "Stop there! No closer. If you stay where you are I'll answer your question. Agreed?"

  "For the moment." I was making no promises. But I knew so little that anything that kept him talking would be of help. "If not Heaven then where are we?"

  "Another place. I don't come here often. It is of little or no use. Whimsically I used to call it Silicon Valley. Now-I call it Glass, just Glass."

  "You're Professor Slakey. And perhaps you might also be the one who runs the operation we just left-Baron Krümmung."

  "If you like." Surly, looking around. I took a tentative step which got his attention. "No!"

  "I'm not moving, relax. And tell me what this is all about..

  "I tell you nothing."

  "Not even about yourself in Hell?"

  He slumped when I said that. "A tragic mistake. I won't make that kind of mistake again. I can't leave of course, too long in Hell. Too long. Certain death if I left now."

  "The gun? Why the gun?"

  "Why? What a stupid question. To live of course, to eat. The colmicon contains little or no nutrition. A slow death that way. A gun to hunt with, a gun for a hunter."

  It was a sickening thought, for there was only one other food source in Hell. I was in the company of a madman-and I understood so little of what was happening. But he was talking and I had kept the important question aside, spoke it now as casually as I could.

  "That woman on Lussuoso. Where did you send her?"

  "That woman?" He laughed, a laugh devoid of humor.