Something Other than Fear

by Taylor, Kerry

  “Robert?” I cried as I answered hurriedly.

  “Lucy, honey is that you? What’s wrong?”

  “Oh Rob……I’m sorry….I’m so sorry, but I need you to come and get me. I’ve fucked up…..I’ve really fucked up” I sobbed desperately.

  “What do you mean sweetheart? Where are you?”

  “I’m…...I….” I had no idea. “I don’t know Rob, a hotel?”

  “What the hell are you doing at a hotel at this time?”

  “Please Rob……please just come and get me? Please….I’m scared and…..my bag it’s….oh God, please Rob?” I begged.

  “Sweetheart just take a breath. I am going to come and get you. Everything will be ok. Can you see which hotel you’re in?” I looked around for the hotel name. Finally I found a pad with the name printed on top.

  “I-it says the….Hilton Hotel.” I was beyond distraught and I couldn’t stop the hysteria in my sobs.

  “Ok Lucy……I’m coming sweetheart. I’m coming right now. Just tell me, are you safe where you are?” He asked calmly.

  “Y-yes….I’m in the lobby. I’m ok.” I whimpered.

  “Ok, that’s good honey. Stay where you are. I’ll be there in ten minutes, just sit tight and try to calm down a little for me, ok?”

  “Don’t tell Matt….or Jack, please Rob.”

  “I won’t, for now.” He agreed, much to my relief.

  “I’m sorry Rob.” I whimpered.

  “You don’t have to apologise Honey, ever, not to me. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

  “Ok.” I put the phone down and hurried across the lobby before anyone saw me and questioned the state I was in. I hurried out of the main entrance and out front onto a surprisingly busy street. The frozen concrete was painful on my bare feet, but I just ran not able to think clearly and terrified the guy from that hotel room would come looking for me. I hid around the corner of the hotel building and watched the street diligently for Rob’s car, the whole-time shivering in the freezing temperature and hoping no one noticed the state I was in and approached me.

  I huge black SUV pulled up to the entrance of the hotel a few minutes later. It screeched to a halt and Rob leapt out and towards the lobby of the hotel as I pitifully tried to catch up with him, slowed down majorly by my inability to see straight.

  “Rob!” I cried desperately just as he stepped into the lobby. He turned and looked at me and I saw his face fill with worry. He raced back towards me and I ran at him until I hit his chest with a thud. He wrapped his arms tightly around me as I gripped onto his shirt with everything I had. I was once again sobbing and desperately gasping for breath.

  “Lucy, what’s happened?” He asked as he continued to hold me. “You’re freezing!” He pulled off his leather jacket and wrapped it around my trembling shoulders.

  “It’s all my fault…….I messed up Rob…..I really bloody messed up” I sobbed as I realised this had all happened because I had tried to drown my problems in vodka! Rob gathered me up into his arms and carried me to his car, where he gently placed me in the passenger seat. He stood then at the door and studied me, assessing the state I was in.

  “Lucy, I really need you to tell me what the hell happened sweetheart?” He said calmly. I tried to take a breath and calm down a little.

  “I…..I don’t know Rob. I wish I did, but I fucked up and I don’t remember.” I cried.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I…..I woke up here. I don’t know what I did, but……I woke up naked…..and not alone.” I admitted with shame.

  “What?!” I saw Rob’s face fill with anger. “You better start at the beginning Lucy, because I am seriously about to lose my shit and kill every man in that hotel!” He raged and I knew he thought I’d been raped, maybe I had. How would I remember?

  “Oh God Rob! I’ve made such a huge mess of everything!”

  “Just tell me everything Lucy. Whatever it is we can sort it, just tell me sweetheart.” He urged more calmly. He took my hand and I gripped his tightly.

  “I’ve been going out to that bar…..the one I was in when you found me” I admitted.

  “What do you mean? How many times?” He seemed so shocked.

  “A lot. Almost every evening, for weeks now. It was the only thing that helped Rob, I’ve been so lonely, and the drink is the only thing that stopped the flashbacks.”

  “I didn’t know you were having flashbacks, Matt never said anything about them.”

  “He doesn’t know Rob. I didn’t want to worry him anymore than he already was.”

  “Oh Lucy!”

  “I know,” I cut him off. “It was stupid. I see that now.”

  “So you went to the bar last night, what happened?” Rob pushed on.

  “A guy got chatting to me. H-he bought me drinks for hours and then…..he….he asked me to go back to his hotel room with him…..I don’t even know why Rob, I was drunk, but I-I said yes. We got into a taxi and…..well…. that’s the last thing I remember. Next thing I know I woke up n-naked in his bed with him naked beside me.” I was sobbing great gulping sobs between my words and it was a wonder Rob understood a word I said.

  “You don’t remember anything? You don’t know if you said yes?”

  “I don’t even know if I was bloody conscious Rob!.....I don’t remember a frigging thing!” I cried.

  “Which room were you in Lucy? This guy and I need to have a chat!” He said, filled with anger and rage. I could see it in his eyes. He was ready to kill.

  “I don’t even know which floor; I just ran out Rob. It’s my fault anyway, he probably did nothing wrong. I’m the one who drank until I blacked out!”

  “Probably isn’t good enough Lucy! You were obviously completely wasted; he should have stayed well away from you in that state. He could have drugged you for Christ’s sake, which could be why you blacked out. We don’t know. Either way the guy is sick, and I want to tell him so!”

  “Drugged me?” I couldn’t even take that thought in. Had he drugged me? I had no idea. I’d been very drunk, I knew that, drunk enough to black out maybe or definitely drunk enough to fail to notice someone spiking my drink! “Oh God Rob……this is such a mess!” I cried.

  “It’ll be alright sweetheart, but you can’t let this guy get away with what he’s done.” Rob said more calmly. I thought about his words and I knew he was right in a way, this guy knew at best he was taking advantage of a very drunk girl and at worst he had drugged and raped me, but it was partly my fault too. I hadn’t told him to sod off, I’d let him sit with me and buy me drinks, I’d laughed and chatted with him and I’d agreed to go back to his room with him. I was so ashamed, the thought of ever facing that guy again made me feel ill.

  “Please Rob……please just take me away from here……please. I can’t…….I……I never want to see that guy again……..please Rob?” I begged desperately. He looked at me as he calmed down a little, then he nodded and closed the door. He jumped in the car beside me and started it up.

  “You want to go home?” He asked.

  “No! Not home Rob, please. I don’t want Matt or Jack to see me like this. Can I go to yours for a while, please?”

  “Matt will be home in a couple of hours; he’ll want to know where you are.” My tears started again as I realised it was highly unlikely I was going to be able to keep this from my brother. I could just imagine the look of shame and horror on his face when I told him about my latest fuck up. It made me feel ill.

  “Lucy?” Rob looked across at me and held my hand. “It’s ok sweetheart. I’ll take care of it.” He hit speed dial on his hands free and I saw Matts name flash up as it rang. I wanted to plead with Rob not to say anything, but Matt answered before I could.

  “Hi Rob.” He greeted.

  “Hey Man, I just wanted to let you know Lucy’s not at home, she’s with me.” Rob said casually.

  “And what is my sister doing with you at six in the morning?!” There was an anger to his voice that I didn’t ex
pect. He didn’t like the idea of me seeing Rob clearly. That surprised me. If he didn’t like that idea he’d definitely freak out if I told him about my exploits of the previous night!

  “Chill the fuck out man! She had a really nasty nightmare and got scared and I was the only one she could get hold of. I picked her up and I’m taking her to mine for a bit. I’d have stayed there with her, but I got work to do.”

  “Is she ok?” Matt asked more calmly.

  “She’s good Matt, just a little shaken up. I’ll set her up in my spare room and let her rest, then I’ll bring her home later today, ok?”

  “Yeah, of course mate. I’m sorry I flipped out. I just worry about her. Thanks for taking care of her.”

  “No problem man. I’ll call you later.” With that Rob hung up and I allowed myself to breathe again.

  “Thank you.” I whispered.

  “I don’t like lying to your brother Lucy, he’s one of my best friends and I am always nothing but honest with him, but I’ll do this for you sweetheart. I’ll keep this secret for you.” I didn’t know how to reply to that, so I didn’t. I just sat silently for the rest of the journey to his place, clinging the whole way to his hand for comfort. He parked in an underground car park and helped me down from the high seat of his SUV, then led me into the lift and out of it again to his apartment.

  “Home sweet home.” He declared as he opened the door. I looked around as he switched off his beeping home alarm. The place was huge and ultra-modern, with remarkably high ceilings and floor to ceiling panoramic windows. We were on the twenty-second floor with a breath-taking view of the city. His furniture was all top spec, and very modern and the whole place was very minimalist. There were no photos or knick knacks in sight, everything was completely immaculate, just the same as Matt and Jack’s places. No wonder those guys got on so well!

  “Do you want some coffee honey?” Rob asked as he moved through to his ultra-sleek, high gloss kitchen. He flicked on some space-age looking lights and the whole place lit up.

  “I……If it’s ok…..I….I’d really like a shower. I feel so dirty, I just need to get this dress off.” I said as I pulled awkwardly at the garment.

  “Sure sweetheart. Follow me and I’ll show you where everything is and find you something clean to put on.” I followed him down the hall and into a huge bathroom complete with a fancy, jacuzzi bath and a shower cubicle big enough for an entire football team.

  “So, there’s clean towels in this closet here and shower gel and shampoo under the sink. Help yourself to whatever you need.” He instructed as he pointed the cupboards out. “Just hold up a second and I’ll find you something clean to put on.” He raced out of the room and hurried back with a pair of grey yoga pants that clearly weren’t his and a huge t-shirt which clearly was. “Here, the pants are my sister’s. She left them last time she was here. I think they should about fit.”

  “Thank you.” I whispered again.

  “No problem. Take as long as you need sweetheart. Just yell if you need anything.” I thanked him again and then locked the door closed behind him. I ripped off my dress and underwear and set the shower running as hot as it would go. As steam erupted from the monstrous cubicle I climbed in and fell apart, curled up under the burning water.

  ROB

  I went through to the lounge where I paced up and down trying to get a hold on my anger. I didn’t care whether she agreed to go to the hotel with that guy, I wanted to find him, and I wanted to kill him! What kind of man would sleep with a woman so clearly out of it? What had he done to her? Had he drugged her? He needed to pay for upsetting her as he had. No one should be able to upset her, not after everything she had been through, not when she was so……so what? What was it about this woman that drove me so crazy? What was it about her that made me want to sweep her into my arms each time I saw her? It was everything; I knew it was, everything about Lucy drove me wild, her stunning wide, innocent eyes, her perfect rose lips, her sass, her cute accent and her body, that tiny little petite body drove me insane! I wanted her, and I got the sense she felt the same, that night after I found her in the bar weeks ago, but she’d been through hell and I was so worried I’d push her too quickly, so I’d stayed away. Now she was in my shower, in pieces and all I wanted to do was kill the guy who had put her there!

  “Mason, it’s me! I want the guest list of everyone staying at the Hilton in the city and I want background checks on all the guys staying there alone, ASAP!” I barked down the phone at one of my tech guys before he could even utter a word.

  “On it boss!” And with that he hung up. I wasn’t ready to let this guy get away with what he’d done, he’d be sorry he ever met Lucy when I was done with him! When I was satisfied I had done something to track this fucker down I went to the kitchen and set about making coffee. I remembered how Lucy had reacted to the strong coffee I made her last time, when she was wasted at Matts, and decided to make it a little weaker than I usually would.

  I made two cups and collapsed down on my sofa to flick through the channels and find something to watch. I wasn’t really paying attention though, my mind was running overtime, wondering if I was doing the right thing keeping everything Lucy had told me from Matt. I meant what I had told Lucy, I had never been anything but truthful to both Jack and Matt. They were my family and we were always in everything together, but I couldn’t ignore the state Lucy was in. She was fragile and obviously suffering a lot more than she had let anyone know. She had hit the bottom of a very deep dark hole that morning and she had chosen to call me, not Jack or her Brother, but me. She trusted me and I didn’t ever want to betray that trust and I never wanted to make her feel I wasn’t someone she could count on. No, I had to keep her secret. I would have to keep an extremely close watch on her to make sure things didn’t spiral any further, but I wouldn’t tell Matt unless things did get worse, then I’d have no choice. I would just be there for her, as she needed me to be and hope I could help her through.

  I tried to sit back and make myself relax before Lucy came in. I didn’t want her to see how tense and wound up I was, she was upset enough. I reached for my coffee and revelled in the feel of the caffeine hitting my system. I’d been on my way home from a security detail when Lucy called the office, and I had been up all night. All I wanted to do was fall in to bed and sleep for a few hours.

  “ROB!” It was almost a scream. I slammed my coffee down on the coffee table and hurried through to the bathroom worried sick by the tone of Lucy’s desperate cry of my name.

  “Lucy! What is it? Are you ok? Open this door!” I demanded all at once as I banged on the bathroom door in a panic. She unlocked the door and I heard her sobbing behind it. I slowly opened it so as not to hit her and peered around the gap. She sat on the floor, her back leant against the tub. She had on the yoga pants I had given her and held the t-shirt across her front. Her hair was dripping wet and she was crying hysterically into her knees which were pulled up to her chest.

  “Lucy?” I tried to calm myself and my voice as I slowly entered and knelt down in front of her. “What is it sweetheart?” She looked up at me with those innocent eyes, filled with pain and more darkness than I had ever seen one person bare.

  “I didn’t feel it……it didn’t hurt until I got in the shower.” She whimpered so quietly I only just caught it.

  “What Honey?” She moved then and turned so her back faced me and there, in shallow cuts on her back was a clear word ‘SLUT’. The anger I had tried so hard to calm just minutes ago in the lounge was now back with a vengeance! He had hurt her; he had actually taken some kind of blade to her beautiful skin! She must have been at least unconscious to not realise he had done that to her, more likely drugged. He was a dead man!

  “You see it, don’t you Rob? I-I’m not imagining it?” She asked feebly through her tears. Yes I saw it! What the fuck? Why would he have done this? It made no sense.

  “You don’t remember him doing any of this Lucy?”

  “No…..not
hing.”

  “This proves you were unconscious and I’m quite sure drugged too. I’m worried now, about what he put in your system. I think we should talk to a doctor sweetheart and get you checked over.” I said as calmly as I could. I was getting out of my depth here and I wouldn’t put her at risk.

  “No Rob……..please…..not Matt!” She begged as she turned back to me.

  “Sweetheart, I told you I wouldn’t tell Matt and I meant it. We have two options. I know a guy who’s in private practice. He doesn’t know the other guys and he’ll keep it all confidential or if you don’t like the idea of a stranger, I can call Jack? I’ll do whatever you want to do?” She started to cry again and fell forward against me. I pulled her tight to my chest, trying hard not to touch the cuts on her back and just held her.

  “I can’t cope with another man I don’t know touching me Rob.” She eventually said, the sound muffled as she kept her face buried in my shirt.

  “Ok, so I’ll call Jack then.” I said calmly, but firmly.

  “But what if he tells Matt? I don’t want Matt to know what I’ve done Rob. I don’t want to let him down again!” She sat up and looked me dead in the eye.

  “Lucy, you haven’t done anything to let Matt down. If you told him he would understand.”

  “No! I don’t want him to know Rob……You said you wouldn’t tell him!”

  “And I won’t Lucy, but it doesn’t mean I think you shouldn’t.”

  “I can’t……I won’t!”

  “That’s your decision honey. I’m going to call Jack to come and make sure you are ok and to look at these cuts, ok?”

  “Ok.” She conceded.