A Baby in the Bargain

by Victoria Pade

  So when he came slowly forward, Jani went slowly forward, too.

  And when he kissed her, she was willing and eager to kiss him back because it felt like exactly what they were meant to do....

  There was an instant hunger and intensity to that kiss as their lips parted on contact and Gideon’s tongue greeted hers.

  Both of his hands came into her hair at once to cradle her head, bracing it against the kiss that Jani merely welcomed as she sent her own hands to press against the solid wall of his chest and massage just a little.

  Just a little sensuously...

  She knew that there was craziness to this, in this—she could feel it in the instant return of every bit of the desire she’d felt for him on Sunday night, in the tightening of her nipples, in their straining already for his touch.

  But she suddenly didn’t care. Maybe those three days apart had made her feel deprived and maybe deprivation had made her less cautious, but she was just so happy to be there with Gideon again, to have him kissing her the way he was, that that was all she cared about.

  She vaguely recalled how she’d stopped him on Sunday night when she’d thought that if moments like this were all she could have with him, if she couldn’t have anything more, she had to cut her losses and protect herself. But what she was thinking this time, as he plundered her mouth and she so happily gave way, was that her chances for romance once she was pregnant, once she was a single parent, were going to be greatly reduced. If not nil.

  Whatever was happening between them right now could be her last chance for a long, long time.

  And this was Gideon.

  Her last time could be with him....

  With this man whom she wanted more than any

  man ever...

  It seemed crazy to deny herself that.

  So she wasn’t going to.

  She was going to have him.

  She just had to. Even if he was only kissing her so far, she just had to have more. She just had to have it all....

  She let her hands drop to his waist, to the hem of his sweater and she began to pull it upward, intent on taking it off of him.

  But he instantly ended their kiss.

  “Uh... Hi...” he said with a questioning glance down at what she was doing.

  Jani smiled. Laughed. And said, “I thought maybe you...” She wanted to say: “should stay the night.” But what she said was “...were hot.”

  “Oh, I’m hot all right,” he said with a stirred-up sort of laugh that let her know it had nothing to do with temperature. “But wasn’t it you who said we couldn’t?”

  “Maybe now we can...” Jani whispered with a tilt of her chin.

  “Maybe?”

  She merely grinned and kissed him, boldly sending her tongue on an expedition of its own.

  But Gideon only indulged for a few minutes before he took her by the shoulders and pushed her out to arm’s length.

  “No maybes,” he warned. “Either we can or we can’t...”

  “Well, I can,” she said with a challenging tone that made him laugh before his brow crinkled into an almost pained sort of expression.

  “Oh, believe me, I can, too. I just don’t want you changing your mind at the last minute. Or hating me in the morning...”

  “My mind won’t change, and I can’t imagine ever hating you....”

  He studied her face, and Jani thought that a part of him was wondering if this was a trap of some kind.

  But then he grinned and made a feral sort of groan as he pulled her to him to kiss her again. It was steamier even than before. Whatever minor inhibitions might have existed were gone and the only pause came when he finished the job she’d begun and tore off both his sweater and the T-shirt that was underneath it. But then he came right back to recapture her mouth with his.

  Laying her palms on his bare skin opened the floodgates in Jani; she escaped from all thought to lose herself in what her wandering hands were discovering. In the feel of his naked chest, of his bulging biceps. In the pure breadth of his massive shoulders. In the heat of his broad back where the skin was smooth as her hands coursed all over it.

  He had muscle everywhere there should have been muscle—hard and honed and strong. There was tautness where there should have been tautness, and more still when her hands explored his pectorals, causing his nipples to become almost as tight as hers were.

  And hers were so, so tight, craving his touch...

  He was taking his own sweet time, though, kissing her, kissing her, kissing her, holding her wrapped in arms that could have crushed her but merely enfolded her in the warmest embrace, leaving her breasts aching for some attention.

  But still he didn’t give it. Or at least not the way she expected.

  Instead, just when she was considering placing one of his hands to one of her breasts herself, Gideon found the hem of her T-shirt, tugged it upward and then stopped kissing her to pull it over her head.

  Which was when the unexpected came. Because while her wrists were caught in her sleeves, well over her head, he returned to kissing her—only what he was kissing now were her nipples. Kissing, nuzzling, then taking one fully into his mouth as he yanked her shirt completely off, threw it aside and clasped a hand to her other breast.

  Jani couldn’t keep from moaning softly, her arms drifting down to him again, to his back, just as he drew her breast farther in. And while his tongue traced the outer rim of her nipple, and then flicked at the crest, while his teeth tugged and nipped, his hand kneaded and caressed and lightly pinched, lighting glittering sparks inside her.

  She was lying back on the sofa and she didn’t even remember getting there. But Gideon was over her, on top of her, and the weight of him, what he was doing to her, only made her want him all the more. All the more urgently.

  So urgently that even though it flitted through her mind that they could go upstairs, that possibly the lights should be turned off, there was nothing she could do but writhe as she experienced the wonders of what he was doing to her.

  Then he reared up onto his knees, straddling her, and she saw some merit to the lights being on because she got to look at him. She got her first sight of his naked torso, and it was more amazing than it had been even to touch. Cut and carved, his body was a work of art.

  A work of art that was still partially covered. She needed to remedy that.

  Still drinking in the sight of him, she reached for the button keeping his waistband closed and unfastened it, not hesitating to lower the zipper that was nearly ready to burst, too.

  Before she could go farther, he got up and turned off one of the end table lamps, leaving the room bathed in a more intimate light that Jani liked much better.

  He took his wallet from the rear pocket of his jeans and pulled out a strip of condoms that gave Jani a moment of regret when she saw them.

  But babies weren’t what this was about, she reminded herself, shooing away even the thought to merely enjoy what was happening when Gideon peeled off his jeans and whatever was on underneath them.

  Wow...

  He was definitely a work of art. Everywhere. An example of the perfect male physique brought to grand and glorious life. And one glimpse of him in all his masculine beauty made Jani want him even more.

  He returned to straddling her while he took away what remained of her clothes, too.

  Having him study her the way she’d studied him was a little disconcerting until he groaned his approval, and then stretched out beside her.

  He kissed her again, slowly but with such passion—passion intensified by what his big, strong hand was doing at her breasts at the same time—that needs she hadn’t even known she had began to erupt inside of her.

  She turned slightly toward him and insinuated one of her knees between his, bringing it upward, letting her thig
h rest in the juncture of his legs as she reached for him, enclosing him in a grip that made him moan and tighten his hand at her breast.

  Tongues went wild for a moment before he abandoned her mouth and kissed his way downward. Jani’s spine arched involuntarily when he reached her breasts. Breasts that he delighted and delighted in, strumming a chord that seemed to run from there to the very core of her, and left her thinking she might peak before she should.

  But just then he paused to put on protection. And when he returned, he rolled her to her back and came above her, between her welcoming legs, sliding into her in one smooth swing of his hips to hers.

  Long and hard and sleek—he felt incredible inside of her, and together they were such a flawless fit that Jani had the fleeting thought that she’d been formed especially for him. And when he drew out, then in, then out and in again, she followed each ebb and flow to keep pace with a rhythm that came to her instinctively, naturally, as if that, too, was by some greater design that she’d just realized she belonged to.

  Aware only of her body, and of his, of what they were doing together, she rode the waves, fingers clutching his back. It was heavenly torture when he drew away, and just plain heaven when he drove home again.

  Growing, growing, growing—she could feel something that she couldn’t possibly contain gaining power, a power like she’d never experienced. And then she lost the ability to breathe as it exploded and the most exquisite pleasure rippled all through her, holding her frozen and arched and silent until it began to pass and the tiniest of breathy moans escaped her throat as her lungs remembered to work.

  Clinging to Gideon while her body barely began to come away from that splendor of all splendors, she felt him plunge even more deeply into her, more deeply than she thought possible. He pushed himself up on straight arms, bowed his spine and for one astonishing moment was rigid and still, reaching a height she felt reverberate from him into her in the superb shudder of his own release.

  She lay beneath him, weak and spent and feeling oh-so-blissful. When the moment passed for him he eased himself down to her again kissing her in a way that seemed to seal them together completely. Then he held her tight and rolled so that she was suddenly on top, bodies still joined and melded together.

  Her head went naturally to his chest and she turned to rest her cheek on the pillow of his pectoral, listening to the beat of his strong, strong heart while his arms wrapped her in more strength still.

  “Wow...” he whispered, the exclamation more to himself than to her. “That was not like anything else—ever—for me,” he added.

  He sounded so shaken that it actually worried Jani.

  She tilted her head far back to look at him. “Bad?”

  He laughed. “Bad? No! Why, was it bad for you?”

  Now he was alarmed and that made Jani laugh just a little. “Oh, no,” she said without the slightest uncertainty. “It was like nothing else—ever—for me, too. Do you think it’s some weird fluke and neither of us has ever done it right before?”

  That made him laugh again. “Maybe,” he said. “I know I’m a little afraid nothing will ever live up to it.”

  She hadn’t thought of that....

  “Maybe I should hang around and test it out,” he suggested.

  If he did, she wouldn’t have just this one time, she’d have the whole night....

  It was what she’d wanted to ask of him earlier.

  But she concealed how happy that prospect made her by playing it cool. “Maybe you should... Purely for academic purposes.”

  He craned his head up and kissed the top of hers. “In the name of science,” he said, pulsing inside of her.

  “In the name of science,” she confirmed.

  He rolled them over again, this time to their sides, pinning her with her back to the rear cushions of the couch and her front to him.

  “And what’s a little sleep deprivation?” he asked, giving her tiny pecks of kisses.

  “Sacrifices must be made,” Jani answered.

  Then he brought one hand to her breast, and flexed more deeply within her as he said, “Maybe we should make one more sacrifice before you show me the bedroom in this place...”

  When she was about to say, “Already?” his mouth took hers again before she could, and talking became the last thing she cared about....

  Chapter Ten

  Jani might as well have stayed in bed with Gideon all day long on Thursday. It was what they’d both been tempted to do, and since she hadn’t accomplished anything at work by the end of the afternoon, she was kicking herself for giving in to the call of duty.

  As it was, after a night of barely dozing off between rounds of lovemaking, and making love again this morning, Gideon hadn’t left her house until nine-thirty, and it had taken Jani until nearly eleven to get to her office. Where she hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything because she’d only been able to think about Gideon. About the night they’d spent together.

  And how she didn’t think she could stand it if that one night was all they had...

  She’d reminded herself a hundred times today that sleeping with Gideon was supposed to have been a sort of last hurrah for her. One final indulgence before she got pregnant and became a single parent. A nice memory to carry with her.

  But that was all it was supposed to have been.

  And yet today she just couldn’t accept it for that.

  Her feelings for Gideon wouldn’t let her accept it for that.

  She didn’t want to put a name to what she was feeling but deep down she knew what it was. And she knew it was stronger than even what she’d felt for Reggie.

  She wanted the man.

  She wanted the man and everything else, too—a long life with him, kids with him, going to bed with him every night, seeing his face first thing every morning. She wanted him by her side through the highs and the lows, she wanted to grow old with him.

  She wanted it all with him so much that she was dreading the appointment she’d made for Friday to go through the donor profile notebook at the doctor’s office again.

  Because she knew that there wasn’t anyone in it whom she wanted to father her baby. She wanted the father to be Gideon. Now that she’d met Gideon, now that she had feelings for him, it made it very difficult to go on with her plans for artificial insemination and single parenthood.

  There was a voice in the back of her mind shouting that she was about to step into the pitfall she’d sworn to avoid. That having a child on her own was the solution to the problems that came with hanging her hopes on a man, a relationship. Her way to make sure she had the family she wanted while she still could.

  But that voice wasn’t as loud as the other thoughts that were running through her mind.

  She just couldn’t help thinking that Gideon was so much better a man than Reggie had been. He was honest and upstanding. He had integrity, loyalty, values, a strong sense of himself and his responsibilities. He was intelligent and ambitious and true to his convictions.

  And if all of that wasn’t enough, he was great company, and amazingly good-looking, and she’d never clicked with anyone the way she did with him—out of bed and—now she knew—in bed, too.

  They were just perfect together—that was what the louder voice in her head kept telling her. He was exactly whom she wanted to have kids with, and suddenly the secret wish that there might be a chance with him had leaped to the surface and taken over as an undeniable need to see if she couldn’t make it work with Gideon.

  Am I just hopelessly stupid and naive? she asked herself as she sat at her desk. First Reggie with the gambling problem and now Gideon who hates Camdens and doesn’t want kids.

  She had to admit that even entertaining the idea that she could make things work with Gideon seemed hopelessly stupid and naive. Ridiculously, unreali
stically stupid and naive, in fact.

  Because wanting someone to be different, hoping they could be different, trying to urge and push and cajole them to be different the way she had with Reggie, didn’t make them different. She’d learned that. Over and over again.

  And yet...

  There was still that louder voice also telling her that Reggie’s need to gamble was an addiction. A compulsion. A deeply rooted part of his personality, his character, his makeup.

  But that wasn’t what was going on with Gideon.

  His resentment of the Camdens was definitely deeply rooted. But she didn’t believe that it was an intrinsic part of his personality or his character. His family’s hatred of the Camdens and what they had suffered because of H.J. was just something that had had a strong influence on Gideon.

  But now maybe so had she.

  Not only had she been on a mission to make amends with the community center, but Gideon had said himself when he’d come over last night that clearing his great-grandfather’s name in that newspaper article had lifted a weight from his shoulders. He’d thanked her.

  That might not be a complete pardon for what H.J. had done. But at least she’d begun the healing process for the injuries that were standing in the way of having a future with Gideon.

  That was very different than Reggie’s gambling addiction, which couldn’t be fixed.

  And although it worried her that she could be wrong, it also seemed as if Gideon’s anti-kid policy might be curable, too.

  He’d been badly hurt by losing that little girl he’d thought of as his own. And his response was to swear he’d never let himself be vulnerable again, that he’d stay childless to protect himself.

  But a man like Gideon—who had the capability of loving a child that much, who could be such a great dad, who had said himself that he’d genuinely liked being a parent—was precisely the type of man who should have kids. And Jani thought it was possible that he would eventually come to that conclusion. That once this particular wound had healed and scarred over, he might even want to try parenthood again.