Bridget sat down next to me. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” she asked.
“Ugh,” was my only reply.
“Was it that bad?”
I sat back up in the tub. “Why does everyone assume that things were bad?”
“What else are we supposed to think?”
I slid back into the water. “That’s fair, I guess. The actual—” I gestured with my hands.
“Sex,” she supplied.
“The sex was fine.”
“Just fine?”
“Well, what is it supposed to be?” I leaned my head against the back of the porcelain tub, letting my body relax.
Bridget adjusted her sitting position. “So he didn’t make your toes curl? He didn’t make you feel like you were struck by a fantastic bolt of lightning?”
“It can feel like that?” I asked her.
She shrugged. “Sometimes. It depends. It was never that way with clients. To be honest, I got bored with them. It was just like pulling a lever at a factory after a while, only it paid more and gave me a worse reputation,” she sighed, handing me a cloth. “When I found myself a man I cared about though, that was different. It was like our bodies were connected. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt.”
I shook my head. “Toward the end, it did start to feel good, but it didn’t feel like that.”
“Maybe you two just need to get to know each other better,” she suggested. “It hasn’t even been two weeks, right? I think you’ll get there.”
I was about to respond when I heard a commotion from across the hallway, a high–pitched outrage floating through the thick walls.
“What on earth is that?” I asked, moving to climb out of the tub.
Bridget held her hand out to stop me. “I’ll go find out. You relax,” she said. She stood up from the tiled floor and moved into the bedroom. She returned, a slight grin on her face.
“It’s Annabelle,” she said. “She’s yelling at somebody.”
I felt the blood drain from my face. “Could you make out what they were saying?”
“Not really. It was quite muffled.” She chuckled. “You could tell she was really laying into him, though. I’d hate to be that poor sod.”
I sank lower into the tub, embarrassed. I didn’t need to be in the hallway to know that Annabelle was yelling at Jasper, or to know what she was yelling at him about. I wasn’t sure if I was more humiliated about letting my emotions get the best of me, or that she was trying to fight my battles for me.
“I think I’m ready for lunch,” I said, pulling myself up.
“Are you sure?” Bridget asked. “You still seem tense.”
“I doubt anything but a bottle of wine will change that,” I joked. Bridget handed me my dressing gown and I wrapped myself in the soft material before crossing to my wardrobe.
The dresses Annabelle had ordered for me had arrived. If my life here was going to be anything like the last few weeks, I had no idea why I’d need such finery. The dresses were gorgeous, but hardly appropriate for simply staying at home.
“Oh, pick this one,” Bridget said from behind me, reaching her hand out to clutch a lightweight yellow dress.
“Why this one?” I pulled the dress from the hanger, the soft fabric floating through the air.
“I like it,” Bridget said. “It’s summery, and I think the color would be pretty on you.”
“That’s as good of a reason as any,” I said. I pulled on my undergarments, then Bridget helped me put the dress on. She was right, it was perfect for summer. The organza was light, and wouldn’t feel overbearing like my wedding gown. The soft fabric moved beautifully around me every time I turned.
Bridget brushed my wet hair and twisted it back softly, not too tight or formal. It looked lovely, but the rest of me still looked a little rough. There were dark bags under my eyes, and my face looked drawn and pale.
“All this and no one’s even going to see it,” I sighed.
As Bridget and I went downstairs, we could still hear Annabelle yelling from Jasper’s room. I moved us down the hall quickly, not wanting Bridget to start asking questions. We were finally out of earshot by the staircase. Bridget and I split in the hallway by the kitchen. I sat down at the little metal table overlooking the garden, while she went into the kitchen to let the cook know I was ready to eat
Daisy brought me a some tiny sandwiches with a pot of tea, and I thanked her. I didn’t have a dining companion, but it was hard to be bored sitting out here. There was so much to look at, from the butterflies landing softly on the flowers to the squirrels climbing the trees to the birds chirping overhead. I loved everything about the gardens, from the sounds of the birds and forest animals to the smell of fresh air and pine. My body began to relax.
I finished my meal, the tea warming my stomach and relaxing me. I glanced around the gardens and surprisingly saw Jasper. I tilted my head, watching as he walked from around the house into the dark forest. Curious, I left my dishes on the table and moved down into the garden. It looked so different, so much more peaceful than it had the day of the wedding. This time, crossing through the garden didn’t make me panic, but instead I felt peaceful. The water babble by my feet as I walked along towards the tall trees. It was the most soothing thing; I wished I could record it and play it on nights that I had trouble sleeping. I was watching a few fish swimming downstream when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and jumped. The wolf stepped out of the shadows.
“Oh, you scared me again,” I said. My hand was on my chest, and I could feel my heartbeat slowly returning to normal. The wolf strode over to me and nudged my knee in an apology.
“It’s quite all right,” I said. “It’s not your fault. I’m just jumpy.”
He looked up at me, his eyes wide.
“It’s just been a long few days,” I sighed. I held out my hand. “I got married, see?”
He put his snout under my hand, encouraging me to pet him. I obliged him, scratching him behind the ears.
“I’m not upset about getting married, mind you,” I said. “Jasper seems like a nice enough man. I could do much worse. The problem is, I never see him. I realize he’s busy, and the house is huge, but even when we run into each other, it’s like he doesn’t really want me there. He’s…cold.”
I felt myself getting a bit anxious, but I tried to hold my emotions back. “Last night, our wedding night, he left my room right away. I hadn’t expected him to stay the whole night, necessarily, but it made me feel…”
I sighed again. “It made me feel unwanted. Like something is wrong with me, that he didn’t want to stay with me.” It was the first time I had been able to put the feeling into words. Silent tears slipped down my cheeks.
The wolf rested his head on my knees, letting out a sort of sad whine. I petted him, his thick fur feeling like silk under my hands. I bet he kept very warm in the winter.
“It just made me feel even more lonely than I already am,” I said. The wolf looked up at me again, his eyes questioning.
“I have a friend here, Annabelle, but she’s often busy. I have Bridget, too, I suppose, but she has work to do. There’s not anyone else here except Jasper or his men, and they’re always in meetings or away on business. I’m all alone most of the time. Jasper has this beautiful library, but he won’t let me in it.”
I shook my head. “It’s a pity. The room is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, with books stacked up to the ceiling. I could spend hours in there. I think if I had access to the library, I’d never feel lonely again. But he says there are valuables in there, like I don’t know how to be careful with books!”
I looked down at the wolf. “It makes me like he doesn’t trust me. Like a child.”
He buried his face into my knee.
“I like you,” I sighed. “I wish there was a way I could make you stick around, but I suppose you have your own wolf friends and wolf family. Do you have a wolf family?”
He nuzzled me again.
“I must be crazy, but it’s strangely therapeutic to talk to you,” I told him.
He licked my hand, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Thank you for making me feel better,” I said.
I heard a cracking sound come from the woods, and the wolf turned his head. His eyes were wide and ears pointed as he listened. He turned back to me, licked my hand one more time, then sprinted off in the direction of the noise.
“Bye,” I called out. I stood and watched him go deep into the trees until he disappeared.
I turned my attention to the house. It was probably time to go back inside; if I stayed out much longer I ran the risk of burning my skin, and I suspected that wasn’t the proper look for a duchess. I glanced once more back at the woods, but neither the wolf nor my husband were anywhere in sight. My heart was still heavy as I made my way back into my new home and my new husband.
Chapter Thirteen
The next day, I took my breakfast on the balcony again. It was peaceful out there, and it was less suffocating than eating in the house. I was enjoying my day when I heard a noise behind me.
“May I join you?”
I turned to see Jasper. My face flushed, full of embarrassment. “Of course,” I said. I didn’t meet his eyes. Instead, I was still looking at the fountain below me.
He sat down in the chair next to me, and motioned for Daisy to bring him his food. He turned to me, but I still couldn’t look him in the eyes. He put his warm hands on mine, and my breath hitched.
“I wanted to apologize,” he said.
I looked at him, startled. An apology hadn’t been what I was expecting. I didn’t say anything, and waited for him to continue.
“I’ve been selfish,” he explained. “I haven’t considered how difficult this must be for you. I’ve been feeling quite overwhelmed, and I can only imagine you’ve been feeling the same, or more so. You’ve been taken from your home and put into a new life where you don’t know anyone. I realized that you must be extremely isolated. I want to apologize for any part I played in your loneliness.”
“Thank you,” I said, stunned.
He looked down at our hands. “You must have thought me quite rude to leave you the night of our wedding. I’ll admit, I was having trouble dealing with my emotions. I didn’t want you to see me upset. You have to understand—I have not been with a woman since my Cecilia died. In a way, I felt like I was betraying her, even though I know that’s ridiculous. Please understand, it wasn’t you that made me leave.”
My eyes teared up. “I understand.”
“As I’m sure you heard, Annabelle gave me quite the lecture yesterday. She called attention to some of my less flattering attributes, and made me realize what a horrible husband I’ve been. I can’t imagine how you’ve been able to find things to fill your days with. You must be absolutely suffocated with boredom.”
“I found a book to read.”
He laughed a little. “That isn’t nearly enough. I sent Annabelle into town to find some things for you to do.”
“I appreciate that.”
We were both quiet for a moment. Despite his apology, an awkward tension still hung thick in the air. I finally spoke.
“I like it out here,” I said. “There’s a lot to look at. I thought maybe I’d go for a walk in the woods later.”
His jaw tightened. “No.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “Pardon?”
“The woods are dangerous,” he said. “There are wolves and bears in there.”
“Annabelle said the wolves were friendly.”
“Most of them are, but not all. Promise me you’ll stay out of there. I would hate for you to get lost or attacked. We’ll find something else for you to do.”
I simply nodded, but I was frustrated. Jasper squeezed my hand.
“I’m sorry for keeping you out of the library. I didn’t realize how much you would enjoy our books.” He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small, heavy key on a ribbon. “I do have to keep the library locked,” he said, “for security reasons. But I see absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t have a key. You are my wife now, and this is your home. I do want you to be happy here.”
I took the key from him. “Thank you,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. My mind filled with the endless opportunities of books I would have before me. I couldn’t wait to finish my meal so I could explore the library, but it seemed rude to hurry while I sat with my husband.
“I had another idea,” he said. “I know you haven’t had much of a chance to get to know the men I work with, or their families. How would you feel about a party?”
The idea almost made me laugh. “We just had a party.”
He smiled back at me. “Yes, I know, but I thought that something a little more intimate might be nice. Something a little more relaxed. We could invite the men I work with and have a garden party. Play some games. You could get to know them.”
“I would like that very much.”
Somehow, despite all the talking, he had managed to devour his breakfast. He stood up and offered his hand to me.
“Why don’t we try out that key?” he suggested.
I took his hand and we walked together through the house to the library. When we got to the door I looked up at him, and he nodded at me. I pulled out the key from my pocket and slipped it into the lock. A satisfying click echoed as the latch released and the door opened.
The scent of books hit me, a sort of mix of paper and wood and vanilla. My eyes roamed the stacks.
“I don’t know where to start,” I told him. “What do you suggest?”
“A lot of what we have here is history,” he said, “but what do you like to read?”
“I’m not sure. My father mostly had medical books. Those were interesting, but I think I more enjoy fiction and poetry.”
He guided me across the massive space to a row of low shelves underneath the window.
“Our fiction section isn’t as large as some of our others, but I think it will take you a while to get through all of these,” he said with a grin.
“Just here?” I asked, motioning to the shelves under the window. I could have those read in a few months.
“Oh, no. This whole wall,” he said.
I stepped back. On either side of the window were two shelves extending to the loft above. There were hundreds of books here.
“Wow,” I breathed.
He looked down at me, his eyes warm. “I’m glad you like it.”
“I love it,” I told him. “I could stay here all day.”
“I have absolutely no problem with that. This window ledge makes a great reading nook. I used to sit here all the time as a child. I don’t fit very well anymore, but I bet you will.”
I ran my hand along the smooth wood. “I’ll need to get a cushion.”
“I’m sure that can be easily arranged.”
I took a step back from the fiction section and gazed around the rest of the room. “How is everything organized?” I asked him.
“Under here,” he said, motioning to the alcove under the loft, “this is all medical and science. This wall,” he gestured to the largest wall, with shelves going up two floors, “this is all history and religion. There’s a sliding ladder on the end there if you need to reach something higher up, but if it’s too high I’d prefer you ask me. I don’t want you getting hurt.”
Normally I would have dismissed him. It felt patronizing, but his eyes were earnest. I think he really wanted to make sure I was safe.
“Up above,” Jasper said, pointing to the loft, “is our collection of family journals and books. Those won’t be of any interest to you; we mostly keep them for records and posterity. There are some mythology books up there as well.”
“Wonderful,” I said.
“You have free rein of anything on this floor, but I have to ask that you don’t go upstairs. The books there are very old and very valuable. I’d prefer you not touch them.”
I gazed up at the dark loft, curious. Shadows danced in the light of the candle, but all the books stayed shrouded in black. “I’ll stay away,” I promised.
“Spend as much time in here as you like,” he encouraged me. “I know it can get lonely, even when I’m home. Just be sure to lock up when you leave. If anyone gives you a problem for being here, just show them the key I gave you.”
“I will.”
He hesitated. “I have to run into town for business. Will you be all right here?”
I looked around at the stacks of books. “I think I’ll be just fine.”
Now that I had access to a lifetime’s worth of books, I felt much better. I fell into a sort of routine, eating breakfast on the balcony when the weather was nice, sometimes with Jasper, and sometimes without. I filled my days with reading, scrapbooking, or taking walks through the garden. My evenings were often spent either with Annabelle or with a book, curled in a chair in the library. Yet, despite my risen spirits, Jasper still insisted that we have a garden party. Less than a week after our conversation, our lawn was filled with Jasper’s men and their families.
Annabelle had gotten excited and taken over the planning. Wrought–iron tables and chairs were scattered around the garden with chiffon tablecloths. Croquet had been set up in a clearing by the woods, and a phonograph was playing music by the fountain. She had insisted I wear a lavender dress with my hair loosened, while she herself wore a dress in baby blue. Daniel was running around in a pair of matching blue overalls.
“This is lovely, isn’t it?” Annabelle asked proudly as she took a petit four from a tray.
“You did a wonderful job,” I assured her.
“You don’t think I went overboard?”
Perhaps a little, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. “I think it’s perfect.”
“You know,” she said, breaking off a small piece of cake and giving it to Daniel, “the whole purpose of this was for you to mingle, and you’re not mingling.”
“I’m not the best at mingling, I’m afraid,” I admitted. “Not when I don’t know anyone.”
The Wolf's Wife (The Wolf's Peak Saga Book 1) Page 11
