Dreams and Shadows: A Novel

by C. Robert Cargill

  Bertrand and Colby had never spoken alone before, and the angel was rapidly growing impressed. “All right, I’ll make you a deal,” he said. “If you answer one question honestly, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

  “Shoot,” said Colby.

  “Why won’t the other angels talk to you?”

  Colby looked down at the street below and watched the rain speed away from them, toward the ground. “Did you know that when you free all the dreamstuff from the body of an angel, all that’s left are a few feathers and the smell of newborn babies?”

  “I did not.”

  “One of your buddies thought he might pull the old visitation in a dream routine. I woke up as he was creeping up on me in the dark. To this day I have no idea what he was trying to tell me.”

  “I guess some of the stories about you are true.”

  “Like I said, there’s a little truth to most of them. Everything else is perspective and window dressing.” Colby took a swig from the bottle and passed it over to Bertrand. “For the descended of Heaven, your kind sure isn’t fond of forgiveness.”

  “The unforgiven have little forgiveness to go around.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “What is it you want to know?”

  “What does it take to be a good man?”

  Bertrand laughed. “You want to know about goodness, so you come to someone tossed out of Heaven?”

  “You fell to earth, not Hell. There’s something to be said for that.”

  Bertrand gave Colby a surprised look, eyeing him from top to bottom. “You’re far wiser than anyone gives you credit for, you know that?”

  “I’ll take that backhanded compliment. Now give me back my bottle.”

  Bertrand took a quick tug before handing the bottle back to Colby, who in turn took another long pull. “Look, I’ll tell you what I know, which is the best that I can remember. How’s that?”

  Colby nodded, wiping whiskey from his lips with his sleeve. “That’ll have to do.”

  “I’m guessing you’re not here for the nickel advice. Love one another and treat everyone as you would have them treat you and all that?”

  “No,” said Colby.

  “Well then, there are two types of holiness in this world: goodness and selflessness.”

  “They’re not the same?”

  “Hell no, they’re not the same. They’re not even close to being the same. A good man does what he’s told; he follows the rules and keeps his nose clean. End of story. If he screws up, he asks for forgiveness and tries to do better next time. By the end of it all, as long as he’s done his best and feels bad for all the times he’s dropped the ball, we call him good.

  “A truly selfless man, on the other hand, is an evil man. The most selfless thing a man can do is evil. A selfless man is one who does what he knows is wrong because he knows the outcome is ultimately for the greater good. A man who willingly commits his soul to damnation so that others don’t have to? That’s the ultimate selfless act. A true spiritual warrior isn’t forgiven in the end—he gets no redemption—but his sacrifice enables others to live pure and chaste lives. That’s the real reward. Of course, you never see that written in the fine print of the brochures.” Bertrand leaned over as if sharing some trade secret. “You think the Crusaders were forgiven because the pope waved his hand and absolved them before they raped and killed and pillaged their way across the holy land? No. Heaven has no room for the self-righteous. Or the damned.

  “You want the cold, hard truth? A martyr—a real martyr—isn’t someone who dies for what he believes in. It’s someone who gives up eternity for it. Someone who knows that they’ll burn for what they’ve done, and does it anyway, consequences be damned.”

  “For someone else,” said Colby, nodding.

  “For someone else,” agreed Bertrand. “Selflessness is only truly selfless if there is no reward but the outcome. Even in the afterlife.”

  “And that’s what goodness is?”

  “That’s what holiness is.”

  Colby looked over with a sober, probing expression. “So, why’d you fall?”

  Bertrand stared out into the rain. “You know, that’s the problem with mortals—no understanding of the soul. You always assume we must have fallen, that we were all thrown out of Heaven.” Then he turned and locked gazes with Colby, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “Some of us jumped.”

  “Do you remember why?”

  Bertrand laughed. He looked away, then back at Colby, laughing again. Once more he looked away, having a hard time keeping a straight face. “You really don’t spend much time around angels. We forget a lot of things—I mean, a lot of things—but we never forget that. The why is branded on our souls and stings every moment we’re away. Yes. Yes, I remember why.”

  The dull, distant rumble of the Wild Hunt was louder now, the clamor of far-off hooves becoming more of an uproar, requiring raised voices. It wouldn’t be much longer before they arrived.

  “Is that whiskey I smell?” called a voice from the other side of the roof. Bertrand and Colby turned, looking over their shoulders at Bill the Shadow, rain cascading off the brim of his hat.

  “Hey, Bill,” the two said simultaneously.

  Bill strode up, taking a seat next to Bertrand. “You got another wing?” Bertrand cast a sidelong glance at Bill, then shook the rain from his other wing, holding it over him. “Thanks,” said Bill, lighting up a cigarette. He inhaled deeply. “Now, about that bottle.”

  Colby passed it over. The freshly opened bottle was now half empty and sloshing.

  Bill drank. “I ever tell you guys about the time I saw the Wild Hunt up close and personal with my own eyes?”

  “I’ve never heard that story,” said Bertrand.

  Colby shook his head silently and then reached across Bertrand’s chest to signal Bill. Bill took a drink from the bottle and attempted to hand it back, but Colby waved it off and pointed to the cigarette. Nodding, Bill took another puff, and then handed it over to Colby.

  Colby took a deep drag.

  “It was a decade, decade and a half ago,” said Bill, “out in the Hill Country. You know, deep in the Limestone Kingdom. I was living out there at the time.” He looked over at Colby. “This was just before you and Yashar showed up.”

  “You were out there back then?” asked Colby, exhaling a puff of smoke as he spoke.

  “Oh yeah. I was even there the night you went all . . .” Bill finished the sentence with a whistle, as if to signify the word crazy.

  “Wait,” said Bertrand. “You were there for that? When he disembodied a dozen fairies?”

  “That’s not what happened,” said Colby, shaking his head.

  “Yeah, I was there,” said Bill. He took another drink from the bottle. “Colby’s right. The legend doesn’t live up to the memory.”

  “Thank you,” said Colby.

  Bill continued. “It was worse.”

  Colby rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on.”

  “Oh, you should have seen it, Bertrand,” said Bill. “There we were—had to be at least a hundred of us—all standing around dumbfounded in front of the eight-year-old boy with his chest puffed out. It was surreal. First this redcap just vanishes in a fruity little explosion of flower petals and then nobody moves. A few redcaps get uppity, but Meinrad—he’s the honcho out there—he waves them off because he knows better. This kid means business. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is shitting themselves. It was as if someone had walked into a crowd with a revolver—we knew that he could take out only a few of us before we tore him apart, but nobody wanted to be one of the six who would catch a bullet, you know?”

  “So how many did he vaporize?” asked Bertrand with genuine interest.

  “Just the one.”

  “Really? Because every time I hear that story, the number gets bigger.”

  “I told you,” said Colby. “It didn’t happen like that.”

  “But it did happen,” said Bill. “That was the night that I
decided to leave. I only go back for the Tithe.”

  Colby looked over at Bill. “Wait, they still hold the Tithe?”

  “Of course they hold the Tithe,” said Bill. “Why wouldn’t they?”

  “Because I told them not to.” Colby’s eyes were cold and angry.

  “No, you didn’t. You just came to get your little boyfriend.”

  Colby was genuinely baffled, drifting off into thought. He’d just assumed they’d stopped.

  Bertrand tapped Bill on the chest with the back of his hand; Bill returned the bottle. “So what does that have to do with the hunt?” he asked.

  Bill nodded. “The hunt came the night before Colby here showed up. It came from out of nowhere.” He looked around. “Not like this. We were out enjoying the night when the roar just washed over us like a flash flood. Cut up a number of my friends right in front of me. I ducked into the shadows and watched as they took off with most everyone I knew well. After that, the Limestone Kingdom went to shit. And I’ve been drinking ever since.”

  The roar became almost deafening as the Wild Hunt rounded a corner onto the street below. While still several blocks away, the riders’ gallop reverberated off buildings, rattling windows, shaking loose grit from bricks. Then the shadows of the large black goats appeared, their twisted horns flailing about in the dark, their feet igniting the earth below with horseshoe-shaped bursts that dimmed and flickered out immediately in the pouring rain. The riders whipped their steeds, pushing them hard and fast through the city, wisps of smoke trailing from their cauterized rags.

  Bertrand brought a thoughtful hand up to his chin, giving a troubled look to Bill. Bill returned a firm, slow nod before the two turned their gaze back to the bedlam below. Something was very, very wrong.

  The hunt from Hell galloped by without incident, without so much as looking up at the roof above. There were a dozen riders in all, their identities indistinguishable from where the trio perched. Each raced their goat as fast as it would carry them, vanishing around a street corner three blocks away, their waning thunder and smoldering hoofprints the only evidence they were still present.

  “Well, that’s not right,” said Bertrand.

  “What’s not right?” asked Colby.

  “The hunt,” said Bill, shaking his head. “They’re not hunting anybody.”

  “How can you tell?”

  “No dogs,” said Bertrand. “They always bring dogs. And they were traveling much too fast; you can’t see anything traveling that fast in the dark, especially when you’re not looking.”

  Bill and Bertrand both looked long and hard at Colby, their faces expressionless. Bertrand offered him back his bottle.

  “You don’t think . . . ,” began Colby.

  Bertrand nodded. “The Wild Hunt only appears where it needs or wants to be. Nowhere else.”

  Bertrand put a firm hand on Colby’s shoulder, his caustic breath smelling as if he might ignite near an open flame. Colby wilted, his nostrils burning. “If things go as badly as I believe they will,” said Bertrand, “and you end up on the right side of this, me and some of the boys will get your back. You bring the whiskey and I’ll bring a pack of pissed-off angels.”

  Colby looked at him with confused, sincere eyes. “Why the hell would you help me?”

  “Like I said, if you end up on the right side of this, we’ll be there. It’s kind of our thing.”

  Colby and Bertrand turned their eyes to Bill, who took one last drag off his cigarette before stabbing it out on the wet stone. “Most everyone I give a shit about died a long time ago. If there’s a ruckus, I’m bound to want to take part. You can count me in.”

  “Thank you,” said Colby.

  Bill laughed. “Don’t thank us yet, kid. There’s a whole lotta hell to be had before it comes to all that. You mark my words.”

  With that, the rumble returned. It was like a train shrieking through the city, off its tracks, scraping and crumpling against the street below it. There was no other sound like it. And it was growing louder still.

  The Wild Hunt rounded a corner back onto the street, having circled around to come back. Colby’s heart jumped, skipping a few beats. His breath grew shallow; he found it hard to blink, even against the ever-increasing sting of the rain. They were coming for him.

  The hunt stopped, all twelve riders coming to a slow trot below the three drunks. The lead rider looked up silently, its goat at a standstill. For a moment, there was a painful quiet broken only by the steady patter of rain. There came a brief, ominous rumble from distant thunder, but nothing else.

  “I think they want a word with you,” said Bertrand to Colby.

  Colby shook his head.

  “If they wanted to kill you,” said Bill, “they’d ride up the side of the building and do so.”

  “So you guys got my back, right?”

  They both laughed. “No,” said Bertrand. “This ain’t bad. Not yet.”

  “Not even close to bad,” said Bill. “They’s askin’ nicely.”

  Colby sighed deeply, raising a single hand in front of his face, pinky and ring finger held down by his thumb while his index and middle fingers pointed upward as a single, joined digit. He kicked off the side of the building, descending slowly without accelerating beyond the initial drop. It took a few seconds for him to touch down, and when he did, he landed perfectly before the lead rider—a single downturned palm steadying his landing.

  Colby rose to his feet, standing boldly before the hunt. He tried as best he could to look stoic, but shook like a scared kitten before the looming, flickering shadows. The goats bleated angrily, wanting to charge—but the riders steadied them. For a moment, Colby and the lead rider exchanged withering glares.

  The rider—a rotten, bubbling corpse of a woman with barely any hair left upon her head, eyes nearly falling out of their sockets, and a few jagged teeth still clinging to her pus-drenched gums—swung her limp, flaccid leg over the side of her flesh-hide saddle, hopping off her goat. Grabbing her mount by the horn to stay it, she walked it forward to Colby, standing just out of arm’s reach.

  “What do you want of me?” asked Colby of the woman.

  The creature shrieked, the wind howling her vowels for her. “Your help.” She raised a single arm, placing her skeletal, rotten hand upon Colby’s forehead. Colby seized up, overwhelmed with visions.

  Before him he saw Ladybird Lake; he was soaring over it like a bird before descending into the waves, deep down, nearly twenty feet below its surface. The water was murky with mud, but as he sank lower, he could make out a mound of lake-bottom silt with a doorway. He moved through it, into an algae-swollen atrium with a dark recess below it into which he sank farther still. There, below the mound, was a series of dark caves leading past what looked like living areas into a sandy-floored room covered in large overturned clay pots. His gaze closed in upon a single pot, a name etched into it:

  JARED THATCHER.

  The woman removed her hand from Colby—shriveled, decaying bits of flesh remaining smeared upon his face. “Free him,” she howled. “Free my love!”

  “You want me to go down there?” asked Colby, his eyes saying hell no.

  “His soul! Let it out! Let it out and you will not be collected!”

  Colby eyed her nervously. “Do I have a choice?”

  The woman nodded, smiling wickedly, patting her enormous goat on the neck. Colby understood immediately what she meant.

  “All right,” he said. “But only if you leave. Right now.”

  The woman nodded, the entire hunt bursting immediately into flames. A fierce wind kicked up, blowing each flaming rider and its steed like a bellows, incinerating them whole, carrying their ashes off into the storm. Within two breaths, they were gone, leaving Colby alone in the dwindling rain. All that remained was gentle thunder, too far away to matter anymore.

  He looked up at the building behind him, Bill and Bertrand staring back, then let out a frustrated sigh, scowling at the fire escape. Then he shuffled,
defeated, toward it once more. He might be doomed, but he’d be damned if he was going to let those two finish the bottle without him.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  ONE LAST STOP BEFORE SUNSET

  Austin continually ranks amongst the heaviest-drinking cities in the country, sometimes going so far as to capture the top spot from the likes of New Orleans, Las Vegas, and New York City. The epicenter of all that drinking is a single street, loaded from one end to the other with bars, clubs, tattoo parlors, and the occasional sex shop. It is Sixth Street, where college kids escape to binge drink and thirty-five-year-olds escape to feel like college kids.

  Where there is drinking, there is misery. Where there is misery, there are the dark things. And Sixth Street is loaded top to bottom with the dark things.

  During the day it is a vacant, lonely stretch of road with a few open pubs and restaurants serving sandwiches to the downtown day crew. But when the sun goes down and the neon kicks in, the shadows crawl out from their holes and the angels perch along the tops of buildings. As the rest of downtown closes up and rolls down their shutters, Sixth Street breathes in and exhales life into every bulb along the stretch.

  Colby tried very hard to avoid Sixth Street. The things that preyed down there weren’t fond of him. Few challenged him directly, knowing full well what he was capable of. But that didn’t quell the dirty looks, the name calling, or the occasional spit on his shoe. Ewan worked on Sixth Street. And Ewan was just about the only reason Colby ever endured the jeers of the things that haunted it. And that’s why he was here now.

  After the pounding the city had taken the night before, businesses were busy installing new glass. Those that weren’t had turned instead to plywood and duct tape. Ewan’s bar chose the latter, punctuating their choice with an ironic sign reading: SPENT MONEY ON BEER INSTEAD.

  Ewan dumped ice from a large plastic bin into the well beneath the bar. It was a half hour before opening. The bar was bright, lit by heavy, industrial lights meant only for setup and chasing out drunken barflies. In the corner, unbeknownst to Ewan, sat two demons, both mostly human in appearance, and a Boggart more shadow than man, drinking in the last lingering remnants of the previous night’s anguish. They paid Ewan about as much mind as he paid them. But Colby was a different story.