The Vegan's Hunter

by P. S. Turner

  “Can I help you guys?” Tyler asked.

  “No but she can,” the fat one said laughing.

  “Billy!” the one with the red hair said sharply. Billy stopped laughing at once. “I know you,” he said looking at Tyler with squinted eyes trying to place him. “You’re that bow hunter guy.”

  Tyler nodded. We may be able to get out of this peacefully after all.

  “I’m Clifton Jones,” he said offering his hand. Tyler reluctantly shook it. Clifton looked at him with his eyebrows raised as if expecting Tyler to notice something.

  “Nice to meet you,” he said, after an awkward pause.

  “Clifton Jones lead singer of ArcRiot,” he said.

  “Right,” Tyler answered, having no idea what ArcRiot was. “Big fan.”

  “You’re also the owner of Harry’s Homes aren’t you?”

  Tyler nodded, unsure where this was headed.

  He pointed to a pudgy, middle aged man with glasses standing behind him. “Ray here would like to offer you $500,000 for the center and all of your animals.” Ray’s eyes went wide but then nodded.

  “It’s a non-profit organization,” Tyler said. “There’s no money to be made.”

  Clifton smirked. “It’s not for money.”

  Tyler didn’t want to imagine what it was for. “Sorry. Not for sale.”

  Clifton’s smirk vanished from his face.

  “If you’ll excuse us guys we’re going to turn in for the night.” Tyler motioned for them to be on their way.

  “Of course,” Clifton said looking back at the two tents. He turned to Kayley, “that is of course unless you want some company in your cold tent with a famous celebrity.”

  “If you want to wake up without a dick my tent is the one on the right,” Kayley said, staring him down.

  Billy, Ray and the younger kid all exploded in laughter. “She got you boss,” Billy said in tears.

  “Don’t tempt me,” Clifton whispered to her.

  “Gentleman.” Tyler spat out the word. “If you don’t mind.”

  “Of course.” Clifton walked past the tent and stopped at Tyler’s bow. He picked it up, admiring it. “You’re not going to let us leave without a parting gift are you?”

  Tyler stared him down.

  “I was hoping for your girlfriend but I’ll settle for this.”

  “Just leave,” Kayley said.

  “We’ll be seeing each other soon Mrs. Brooks.” He disappeared into the darkness followed by his three goons.

  Kayley wrapped the blanket around herself and looked at Tyler with fear. “How did he know my name?”

  “Yes!” Al slapped his desk. “That’s what this network is about.”

  Tyler was showing Al the footage of the mountain lion pouncing on Kayley. He was thrilled.

  “I wouldn’t be surprised if this video went viral,” he said, pushing play again and watching it with wide eyes.

  “I’m just happy that she wasn’t hurt,” Tyler said. Al hadn’t even asked if Kayley was okay.

  “Yes, yes, me too,” he said, looking serious. “This will make a huge boost in your ratings.”

  Tyler relaxed in his chair feeling like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. His animals would still have a home. For now. He left Al’s office feeling like he was walking on air. I’ll take Kayley out for a celebratory drink.

  He stopped for a coffee at the snack bar when he felt a slap on his shoulder. “Nathan,” the voice behind him said. He recognized the voice and almost turned around swinging.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked Clifton. He had no rifle in his hands this time. Tyler puffed up his chest and stepped forward. His hands were clenched into fists.

  “Easy fella,” he said, stepping back and tapping the bulge on his waist popping out from under his camouflage jacket. He had a cigarette between his fingers even though the studio was nonsmoking. “I wouldn’t want this to escalate seeing as it’s the first day on my new job.”

  “What?”

  “Oh you haven’t heard?” he asked, feigning surprise. “I got my own hunting show. Killzone. I’d like to film an episode at your center. Have you thought about my offer?”

  “I thought I made it clear. It’s not for sale.”

  “One million dollars.”

  “Take your money and shove it up your-”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa, that’s no way to speak to a coworker. I spoke to your bank and made an offer on the center. If you’re late even one minute on a payment, the bank is going to sell it to me.”

  “You mean your friend Ray.”

  Clifton rolled his eyes. “I’m coming for your center, your girlfriend and your time slot.” He pushed past Tyler and threw his cigarette butt into his coffee.

  Clifton

  Clifton crept past the sleeping security guard and made his way to the editing room of the studio. It was late in the night and he had picked the lock of the back door. He had his key card but wasn’t about to use it. He didn’t want his entrance recorded on the computer.

  He passed a poster for Bow Hunter with Tyler’s stupid face on it. This guy was being difficult. Why wouldn’t he just sell him the center? It would make a great first episode. Hunting the lions and tigers from the helicopter. He had a new RPG that he wanted to try out. There was an elephant with its name on it. He could have a whole season worth of footage from that center. There was even a trained bear that was taken from a circus. He could make it seem like they were in the wild and have the bear pretend to attack him and then he could blow its head off with a shotgun. People would love that. He could see his show shooting up the charts. He would be famous again. Well he was famous now. He’d always been famous. But he would be back at the level he was in his twenties.

  No one says no to Clifton. Tyler just had to miss one payment and the place was his. Clifton made sure of that. The bank manager was a huge fan of ArcRiot and he was happy to make the deal. Clifton had to play at the man’s house for his son’s bar mitzvah but he didn’t care. It would be a nice change from the big stadiums that he used to play. It would be like playing in high school parties again, like before he got famous. He would be playing for the little people. A nice change from all of the celebrity parties that he usually attended. Maybe the guy had daughters…

  Clifton spat on the Bow Hunter poster and continued to the editing room. He opened the door and sat down in front of the computer. He rolled the mouse and the screen lit up. Clifton wasn’t very good with computers. They were for nerds who never got laid. But he had to do this so he got Ray’s son, Fred, to teach him how. He found the file Bow Hunter, season 3, episode 9, just like Fred had told him too and hit delete. He went into the recycling basket file and hit delete again.

  Now for the actual tape. He made his way to the storage room and found the three cameras reserved for Bow Hunter. He opened each one, pulled out the tape inside and stuffed it into his pocket. Target practice for the new flamethrower that Ray had bought him.

  He made sure to leave everything in its right place and crept back out. He passed a poster of Eating Vegan. Damn that girl was fine. She would’ve been all over him the other night if Billy hadn’t acted like a pervert and scared her off. She probably would’ve invited him into her tent. He licked his lips.

  A great idea came to him. If she had been a guest on Tyler’s stupid show she would love to come on to his. He nodded his head, smiling. He liked where this was going. He’d bring her on the helicopter, show her how good of a marksman he was, show off his gun collection, then play some guitar after a few bottles of wine. She’d be begging him for it.

  He’d call Al in the morning to set it up.

  He stopped at the snack bar, unplugged the coffee maker and continued with it in his arms. He smiled as he opened the door to the parking lot. Cool air hit his face. Things were finally looking up. He was going to be famous once again. Well even more famous than he was now.

  Kayley

  “I have another amazing opportunity for yo
u,” Al said, from across his desk. He had just told Kayley how happy he was with the episode they filmed. He loved the drama of it and the split second reaction of Tyler, killing the mountain lion just in time. She noticed how he never asked if she was hurt during the incident.

  “What is it?”

  “It’s a great opportunity. Rockstar Clifton Jones has requested for you to be a guest on his new show Killzone.” His eyebrows were up as if expecting Kayley to jump up and down in joy.

  “Absolutely not,” she replied, crossing her arms.

  “Why not? Your spot on Bow Hunter will be a huge success. This will make the ratings of Killzone skyrocket.”

  “Do you really expect me to sit there as they murder animals from a helicopter? Why would I want that psychopath to have any more ratings?”

  “Because he’s part of the family now.” He crossed his arms and stared at her.

  She stared back, silent.

  Cara burst in breaking the awkward silence. “Mr. Snyder, the last episode of Bow Hunter has gone missing.”

  “What?”

  “It has been deleted off of the computer,” she explained waving her arms around, “and all of the tapes have been taken. The editing team has looked everywhere. They’re gone.”

  “It was probably your Rockstar Clifton Jones,” Kayley said.

  Al shot her a dirty look. “Get everyone to look for it,” he said, waving Cara away. “Let me know as soon as you find it.”

  Cara rushed out of the office.

  “We had an incident with Clifton while camping. I’m sure he was the one. He has it out for Tyler.”

  “Well that’s the end of Bow Hunter,” he said, picking up the phone.

  “Wait. What do you mean?” she asked, hitting the hang up button with her finger.

  Al looked at her surprised. “Tyler had one last chance to get his ratings up and that was it. Now there’s no episode so no more show.” He shooed her hand away from the telephone receiver.

  “You can’t do that,” she said with urgency in her voice and pushed the button again.

  He wrinkled his brow. “I thought you of all people would be happy.”

  “He runs an animal conservation center with the proceeds of the show. If you cancel the show the center will go to Clifton. I don’t even want to think about what he’ll do with the animals.”

  Al put the telephone receiver down.

  “I can give him one more chance,” he said, raising his eyebrows. “If you help me out.”

  “What do you mean you’re going on his show?” Tyler asked. He had rushed into the studio when they told him his episode tapes were missing. Kayley was in the stock room helping him look for them.

  “I did it to help you out,” she tried to explain.

  “What are you talking about?” he said slamming the drawer. “How could that possibly help me out. I can’t believe you’re helping out that lunatic.” It probably wasn’t the best time to tell him about the guest spot. He was frantic and stressed about losing the tapes and not in the right state of mind.

  “I’m not doing it for him.”

  He opened a cupboard and slammed it close. “You’re doing it for yourself? Good move. It will be great exposure.”

  “What?” She touched his arm. “Can you just please listen to me for a second and let me explain?”

  He yanked his arm away as if her fingers burned. “You went on to my show so that Al would sign your show. Did he promise you a corner office if you went on Killzone?”

  “Screw you Tyler,” she said. “Don’t talk to me like that. You don’t even know what’s going on.”

  “I know I have to find these tapes or my show is canceled and then all of my animals die. And I know that while all of this is going on, all you can do is think of yourself.”

  Kayley shook her head. “I was wrong about you.” She walked out of the room and stopped at the door. “You are just a psychopath.”

  Clifton

  “What do you mean you don’t want a gun?” Billy asked. “How are you going to shoot anything?”

  “I’m not murdering any innocent animals,” Kayley said with her arms crossed.

  “Why not?” Fred asked. “It’s fun.”

  Clifton was starting to regret having invited Kayley to come on his show. Not only did she refuse to get in a helicopter for the hunt, she also refused to leave Colorado! Now he had to hunt elk like every other boring, chump, hunting show on TV. Well, he would put his spin on it. No other show hunted with machine guns and grenades.

  “Let’s just go,” Clifton ordered. They weren’t even five minutes into the hunt and the boys were already annoying him. And the vegan hippie was even worse. She had been complaining about everything. Drinking beers in the car, Billy staring at her boobs and especially the assault rifles. She kept saying that it was cruel and going on about ‘animal rights.’ Clifton hated that expression. Whoever thought that animals had rights were idiots.

  Kayley walked at the back of the line. Why was she being so stuck up? A few beers around the campfire tonight would loosen her up and then he’ll tell her that he forgot to pack her tent. Then…

  “Kayley,” he called to her. “Walk up here with me.”

  “I’m fine back here thank you.”

  Fred was smoking a cigarette with the camera off and pointed to the ground.

  “Fred,” he hollered. “Turn the camera on. What if I say something clever. You’re going to miss it.”

  Ray smacked his son in the back of the head. “Put the camera on. Cliff is always saying funny stuff.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry Cliff my son can be a real dolt sometimes.”

  Fred turned the camera on and pointed it at Clifton. Time to be a TV star. “We’re going on an elk massacre with my employees Billy, Ray and Fred, and my tart of the week, Kayley.”

  “Excuse me?” Kayley said.

  Clifton ignored her. “We got power and more power,” he said showing his AK 47 and his belt of hand grenades.

  “What the hell are those for?” Kayley yelled when she saw the hand grenades. “Are those even legal to hunt with?”

  “Cut,” Clifton yelled. “Stop interrupting me. That was a perfect intro and you just ruined it.”

  “That was real good Cliff,” Ray said. Billy nodded in agreement.

  “Of course it was good.” Clifton rolled his shoulders trying to blow off some steam. “Let’s do it again. This time no talking.” He pointed his finger at her and stared. That ought to scare her straight.

  “Action,” he yelled. “We’re hunting elks with these weapons here. Wait. Try that again. Action. The four of us. I mean five. Cut.”

  Stupid girl interrupted him and ruined his mojo. “We’ll do it again later.” Clifton said, sulking up the path.

  They had been walking all day when they finally heard an elk bugling in the distance in the late afternoon. “Alright here we go,” Billy said, dropping his pack on the ground. They walked to the edge of the thin tree line and looked down into the valley below. It was a perfect location. There was a bull elk on the other side of the slopping valley eating grass. It would make for a perfect shot once they lured him into the middle of the valley. There were no trees to block the view of the grenade blasts.

  “Fred turn the fucking camera on,” Clifton yelled. “God damned amateurs. Am I the only professional?”

  They all dropped their bags and started checking their weapons.

  “What’s going on?” Kayley asked with a jittery voice.

  “We’re about to have some fun is what’s going on,” Clifton answered.

  Ray and Billy cheered.

  “Fred go stand over there and film,” Clifton directed. This kid was hopeless. He had to do everything himself. “Billy you call the bastard in. I’m going to nail this one. Everyone else throw your guns over there,” he said pointing to a tree behind them.

  Ray and Billy dropped their shoulders in disappointment. They were both about to protest but then dropped their guns beside
the tree. An M16, HK416 and a pistol were stacked in a pile out of reach.

  “Come get in the camera shot,” Clifton said to Kayley waving her over. “Sex sells. My audience will like a pretty face to look at.”

  She just stood there with her arms crossed like a useless lump of flesh. He would have to have a talk with her later. He placed his gun on the ground and plucked a grenade off of his belt.

  “Action,” he yelled. “We got a bull elk over there eating some grass. I wonder if he knows that he’s about to eat a lead salad.” He laughed at his own joke. “Billy here is going to call him in.”

  Clifton nodded at Billy who blew on the cow caller. The elk raised his head in the distance and then called back. Billy blew it again. The bull elk trotted up the valley towards them gaining speed as he went.

  Clifton turned to the camera. “Now this fella thinks that he’s coming to meet a slutty cow but he’s really got a date with this.” He lifted up the hand grenade. The elk was in the middle of the valley now. Almost within throwing range. Clifton placed his finger through the pin, ready to pull it as soon as the elk was close enough. This was going to get him tons of ratings.

  “Wait,” Kayley yelled.

  This chick is going to ruin everything. Clifton turned around and Kayley was pointing Ray’s pistol right at him. He chuckled.

  She wasn’t laughing. “Put down the grenade.”

  “You’re going to shoot me?” he asked. “There’s a camera on you lady. Do you want to go to jail?”

  “Put down the grenade. Let the elk go.”

  He wasn’t laughing either this time. She had a glint in her eye that Clifton didn’t want to test. He also didn’t want to look like a fool in front of the guys. “Alright,” he said and dropped the grenade on the ground. “Don’t shoot.”

  He put his hands in the air and stepped towards her slowly. “Just give me the gun. We’ll let him go.”