by Barbara Goss
She whispered her answer so softly, he had to bend down to hear it. "Yes."
“I can keep you with me all the time, if that will ease your fears. Would you like me to do that?” he asked.
Again, she hesitated.
“No, I’m all right.” Susannah pushed herself from his lap, walked toward the stairs, turned, and said, “I’m going to bed.”
“Wait, I’ll come with you,” he said as he got up from the sofa.
Susannah held up her hand. “No, I need some time alone. Give me that much, please?”
Carter nodded. “Whatever you need.”
After she’d gone up the stairs, Carter sat down on the sofa and held his head in his hands. What should I do? he asked himself the question over and over again. Should he confide in someone else for advice? If so, then whom? Should he give her counseling sessions right, there, at home? He couldn’t stand it if she ever became so distressed he’d have to take her back to the asylum. Just the thought of it gave him the chills.
He walked over to the fireplace and warmed his hands. He was a doctor and he loved her. He had studied mental health and he was able to handle this alone—he had no choice.
Susannah lay upon her bed and cried. Carter didn’t believe her. Her own husband doubted her word.
Was it possible she had imagined it all? How could she blame her husband for not believing her if she had doubts herself? She felt so confused. The feeling of being powerless engulfed her, and she felt herself slipping back into the helpless, scared creature she’d been after the massacre. Then she remembered that she had God in her life. Since talking to Meg, her relationship with God had become stronger, more personal.
She slipped off the bed and onto her knees and prayed. God would give her the strength she needed to fight whatever it was that made her imagine the Indians, or to deal with the ones she saw, should they turn out to be as real as she thought. She played the scene at the clinic over and over and felt positive there were two Indians, one taller than the other, with face markings similar to the Indians from Oberlin had worn.
Meg had once told her there was but one Indian in all of St. Joseph and she was a nice woman, married to a trapper on the edge of town. The voice she’d heard was that of a male. She closed her eyes and tried to picture them again, but she had been so frightened, she’d not noticed anything other than the war paint.
Was she mentally ill, after all?
The thought scared her. Carter wouldn’t want to find himself married to someone who was mentally unstable. What should she do?
She began to pray harder than she’d ever prayed before.
After praying, she was able to think about the situation rationally. If she had seen Indians, who were they? If there were no Indians in St. Joseph, then who were the two people who’d purposely scared her? Who would want her harmed?
Harry? No, she disqualified him. She could also rule out Nathan and Meg, and that left one person who might wish to harm her: Cecilia.
If it were Cecilia, that meant she would have to be in St. Joseph.
How could she find out if she were? She was afraid to ask Carter, since he’d think her paranoid as well as mentally unstable. She’d have to keep that theory to herself.
Carter had stopped at the apothecary that day and purchased a bottle of laudanum, just in case he might need it. If Susannah needed help, she’d get it from him personally, and not the hospital. When he’d asked her to marry him, he’d known about her condition, and he always knew there was a slight chance the illness could return. He loved her enough to accept that risk and he vowed to stand behind her, no matter what.
What bothered him most was the fact that he had no idea what her mental stability was before the massacre. She could have had the problem all of her life. He could only pray that this wasn’t the case. He loved her more than he ever thought it was possible to love another human being, and he'd protect her with his life.
The fact that she’d imagined the Indians told him she wasn’t completely cured, and that worried him.
He turned off all the lamps, banked the fire in the fireplace, and went upstairs to bed. He slipped into the bed with Susannah and put his arm around her. She didn’t respond to his touch as she usually did so he assumed she’d already fallen asleep. He leaned over and kissed her forehead and whispered, “I love you. Goodnight my darling wife.”
Susannah heard Carter come into the bedroom. She felt his arm go around her and heard his words, but felt she wasn’t yet ready to talk to him about the Indian incident yet, so she pretended to sleep. His words warmed her for a moment, but she was disappointed in him because he didn’t believe what she’d seen. She’d have to prove to him, somehow, that she had seen the Indians. If she couldn’t prove she'd seen them, she’d commit herself to the asylum.
In the morning, she felt Carter get up and dress. He walked over to the side of the bed, leaned over, and kissed her forehead.
“You need to sleep,” he said, and left the room.
The day was Saturday and they didn’t have clinic hours, but he had a whole list of home visits scheduled. She wouldn’t be needed, so he’d left her to sleep. After she heard him leave the house, she went to the window and watched him ride down the street. She dressed and hurried downstairs, where she quickly ate the light breakfast Effie had ready for her. While she ate, she made her plans. She’d visit Meg. If anyone knew if Cecilia was in town, it would be Meg.
Seth and Meg lived only a few miles away and it was a lovely, sunny day. As she rode down the streets she noticed the trees all had grown tiny buds that were ready to spring open soon, to provide the shade needed for the hot, summer months ahead. Several homes had tulips already popping up in their yards.
After securing her buggy, she climbed the steps to Meg and Seth’s front door, and rapped with the gold knocker hanging there.
Seth opened the door and greeted her warmly.
“Meg will be very pleased to see you. She’s in the kitchen. In fact, I do believe she just put on a pot for tea.” Seth held the door wide for her to enter.
Seth had darker hair than Carter, but he had the same blue eyes and engaging smile. She liked Seth, and he reminded her of Carter more than Nathan did.
Meg was bent over the sink scrubbing a pot when Seth announced Susannah's arrival.
“Guess who has finally come for a visit?”
Meg turned around with a scowl that quickly turned into a wide smile when she saw Susannah. Her dark hair was in a bun with a few stray hairs hanging loosely about her round face. Meg had the kind of smile that made you feel welcome, and the smile made her eyes twinkle.
Susannah! I just put the kettle on. Only this morning I asked Seth if he’d seen you and Carter. You’re still coming to dinner tonight, right?” Meg asked, drying her hands on her apron.
“I don’t think we can. Not only did I forget to tell Effie about our dinner tonight, you see, I had a bit of a rough day, yesterday. I need to talk to you about it, if I may.”
“Always,” Meg said, hugging Susannah’s shoulders.
After Susannah sat down, Meg poured the tea, and sat down at the table with her.
“Seth will see to the children while we chat.”
Susannah smiled. “He’s a keeper, then.”
“He sure is. Now, tell me what has happened.”
“Yesterday, after Carter left to make his rounds, I answered a knock on the clinic door. I opened it and there stood two Indians with war paint. I screamed and locked myself in one of the examining rooms. Finally, they gave up and left. I was trembling and hid under an examining table. Seeing them brought back all the memories of that day.” Tears ran down Susannah’s face as she told the tale.
“Then, finally, Carter came and rescued me from where I was huddled beneath the examining table,” she said.
“Thank God you’re all right,” Meg said, her hand over her heart.
“That’s my problem, Meg,” she said. “I’m not sure I am all right.”
&
nbsp; “Whatever do you mean?”
“Carter doesn’t believe I saw two Indians in war paint. He said there aren’t any Indians in St. Joseph and if there were, they wouldn’t knock on the door.”
“Hmm,” was all Meg said.
“So, if what he said is true, then I’m still suffering from mental illness.” Susannah broke down in a torrent of tears. Meg stood and bent to hug her and pat her back.
“I’m sure there must be a logical explanation,” she said, a bit unconvincingly.
Susannah didn’t feel assured at her comment since it wasn’t said with confidence.
“Do you think I’m losing my mind?” Susannah asked. “If I am, I’ll commit myself to the mental hospital rather than saddle Carter with having to care for a crazy wife for the rest of his life.”
“Don’t be silly! Carter wouldn’t want that,” she said. “Stop thinking that way! There has to be an explanation.”
“Like what?”
“Do you think some people dressed up as Indians to frighten you?” Meg asked.
“See, there!” Susannah said, excitedly. “You at least thought of an explanation. Carter just thinks I’m crazy, which in turns makes me think I am.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t, Susannah. He loves you so much. He stopped by the other day and told Seth and me how happy and in love he was. He said he loves you more each day.”
“Then why didn’t he suggest the possibility that someone may have done this on purpose?”
Meg sat down again and patted Susannah’s hand. “Maybe he doesn’t want to scare you more. Knowing someone is out to hurt you can be as scary as Indians,” she said.
“I hope that’s the case. I’d hate to think that we have a problem with trust so early in our marriage.”
“Certainly not,” Meg said. “But who in the world would want to hurt you, and why?”
“I can only think of one person: Cecilia,” Susannah said.
“Oh!” Meg covered her mouth with both hands.
“What?” Susannah asked.
“She’s back in town!” Meg exclaimed. “She stopped in one day last week. I had to tell her you and Carter had married because she wanted to stop by and see him.”
“She’s the only one I know of that would want to hurt me. I know she still wants Carter, but the voice that threatened to come back for me was a male voice.”
“If there were two of them, she probably got a male friend to help her,” Meg said. “That horrible, Cecilia. Ugh. I know it was her!”
“How can you believe me so easily when Carter cannot?”
“Because he’s a mental health doctor and he's thinking like one,” she said. “Shall I speak to him?”
“No. He has to come to this conclusion about the incident himself,” Susannah said. “How can I find out where Cecilia's staying?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Meg tapped her lips with her index finger. “I don’t think she knows anyone else in St. Joe except for Nathan, and I know he’d not give her the time of day, let alone a place to stay. She must be staying at a hotel.”
“How many hotels are there in St. Joseph?” Susannah asked.
“Four. The Patee House on Penn Street, Allen’s Hotel on Fifth Street, Hotel Homan on Felix Street, and Andrew’s Hotel on North Sixth Street.”
“I’ll try them all,” Susannah said as she rose to her feet. “I’ll start today.”
“Wait! I may be able to narrow down the choices. The Patee House is a bit pricey‒I don’t think Cecilia could afford that one. So that leaves the other three. If you wait, I’ll go with you.” Meg said. “Seth will mind the children.”
“I'd love to have your company. I’d like to say hello to Audra and Sam first, though,” Susannah said and noticed that the comment brought a smile to Meg’s face.
Chapter 7
Cecilia moved to sit on the arm of the one chair in the hotel room and looked up at Ben provocatively as he lounged in the chair.
“You’ve got to try and visit Susannah, otherwise how will we know if our Indian stunt did the trick or not?” she said.
“You want me to just walk up to her front door and ask for her? Dr. Carter will throw me out on my ear after what I did to her at the hospital,” he said, looking Cecilia over carefully. “You said you’d sleep with me if I played Indian with you.”
“And I will, when the job is finished.”
“When will that be?”
“It'll be finished when Carter puts her back into the hospital.”
“I hate being a part of this…”
“Well, I hate a lot of things, too, but you do what you must,” Cecilia said, moving closer to Ben. “You will time your visit to when Carter is not at home.”
“I’ll try,” he said.
Cecilia hugged Ben pressing close to him. “I’ll reward you for your efforts.”
Meg and Susannah first checked for Cecilia at the Allen’s Hotel, and then the Andrew’s Hotel, without any luck. Next, they tried the Hotel Homan and quickly walked past Benny’s Tavern, a seedy place right next door to the hotel.
The two women walked up to the front desk where an elderly man was sorting keys.
“Sorry, ladies, I just rented the last room,” he said.
“We aren’t interested in renting a room,” Susannah said. “We’re looking for a friend who went missing. Her name is Cecilia.”
“I only have one room rented to a woman. What’s her last name?”
Susannah looked at Meg and shrugged.
“Hillman. Cecilia Hillman,” Meg said.
“Hmm, strangely enough her name is listed as Cilia Hill. Could your friend be trying to stay hidden?”
“Do you recall what she looks like?” Meg asked.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her,” the clerk said. “Someone else checked her in two weeks ago.”
“Thank you,” Susannah said. They took a seat in the lobby. “Should we wait and see if we can spot her coming in or out of the hotel?”
“We could have a very long wait,” Meg said.
“What should we do if we find her?” Susannah said. “I hadn’t thought that far into the plan.”
“I suppose we’d ask her what she was doing in a cheap hotel like this,” Meg said.
When Carter came home from his rounds at around four o’clock, Susannah didn’t greet him at the door as she usually did, which worried Carter. He went into the kitchen.
“Effie, have you seen Susannah today?”
“Yes, she left right after breakfast, and hasn’t yet returned.” Effie said.
“Did she say where she was going?”
“No, and I didn’t feel it my place to ask.”
Carter thanked her, sat down in the sitting room, and worriedly waited for her to return home.
He hadn’t long to wait, for just minutes later, she appeared, a bit breathless and surprised to see him waiting for her in the sitting room.
Carter stood, walked to the door, and greeted her.
“Welcome home, sweetheart. Did you have a good day?”
“Uneventful,” she said, removing her driving clothes and setting them on the table by the front door.
Carter pulled her to him, kissed her, then simply held her. “I missed you.”
“I've missed you, too.”
She’d said the words, but Carter didn’t feel them.
“Where did you go today? Shopping?” he asked.
“No, I visited Meg.”
“Meg? Wonderful. How are Meg and the children‒and, of course, my brother, Seth?”
“They're all fine. Audra's missing her two front teeth, now,” she said.
“Really? She must look cute. I’ll have to tease her about it next time I see her.”
“We’re due there for dinner tonight,” Susannah said, pulling out of his arms and walking to the sofa.
Carter felt disappointed. He’d hoped they could talk some more about the incident with the Indians as he’d been thinking about how to approach the subject
all day.
“Do we have to?” he asked. “I was looking forward to a nice, quiet, romantic evening.”
“I thought so, that’s why I told her we’d do it another night.”
Carter let out a breath of relief. “Come, sit with me until dinner. Does Effie know we're dining in?”
Susannah sat beside him. “She knows because I forgot to tell her about our dinner plans with Meg and Seth, which was another reason I begged off. I told Meg that Effie had probably gone to a lot of trouble already.”
Carter took both of her hands into his. “Susannah, something's bothering you, I can tell. What is it? What’s wrong?”
Susannah didn’t answer him right away, but pulled her hands from his grasp.
“What is it, sweetheart? Tell me.” He grabbed back one of her hands and kissed the back of it.
“You don’t believe me, Carter,” she said.
“About the Indians?”
She nodded.
“It’s just that I know you’ve been stressed over not getting monthly courses, not to mention our quick marriage, the new business, and…well, I thought maybe you'd imagined it.”
“It was real,” she said. “I’m not crazy. Someone is trying to frighten me so terribly that I may end up back at the mental hospital.”
“Who could possibly be responsible for that?” he asked.
“Cecilia.”
“I believe she’s still in Oberlin causing trouble for your cousin, Harry,” he said.
“No, she isn’t. She visited Meg, just last week.”
“She did?”
Susannah nodded. “If we can’t trust each other, Carter, then our marriage can’t survive.”
“Don’t say that!”
“It’s true. It can’t. You didn’t believe me. When I needed you most, you weren’t there for me.”
Carter ran his fingers through his hair. “It just seemed so preposterous‒Indians in St. Joe, knocking on the door in war paint‒it just seemed…I just thought you were under too much stress.”
