Maybe This Time

by Jennifer Snow

  The night before it had felt like they’d turned a corner, that they’d left the past behind. She’d realized it was okay to let herself go with him; she’d felt safe, secure, loved…

  She’d realized she loved him.

  Oh God. Had she made a huge mistake? If he was still hoping for a career in hockey, then how could they be together? She’d said herself she could never love another hockey player. Never live that life anymore. The stress it put on a relationship was tough. The stress it put on a family was tough. She couldn’t put Dani through that again. And at least Dean had a semipermanent contract in one city. Who knew where Jackson’s career could take him. Moving all over the country wasn’t an option for her at this stage in her life.

  She fought for a breath as she stood and paced the room, panic setting in. Damn, what had she done? What did she do now?

  It was time to distance herself. She’d gotten too close, too fast. Her head hurt and her heart ached even more. She swallowed the lump rising in her throat as the bedroom door opened.

  “Good morning, pretty girl,” Jackson said, coming into the room and falling onto the bed.

  The sight of his easy smile, the relaxed happiness in his eyes, and the way his black T-shirt fit snug across his chest and shoulders, the short sleeves stretching across his biceps, made her new resolution to once again cool things between them feel like an impossible task. “Hi,” she whispered, hating the weakness she heard in her voice. She needed to be strong if she was going to push him away.

  His smile faded slightly. “You okay?” he asked, standing and reaching for her.

  She moved out of reach, needing to put some distance between them before she could say what she needed to say. If he touched her, held her, kissed her, she’d never be able to do this.

  “Abigail?”

  “I heard you on the phone just now,” she said.

  He walked toward her. “Well, then you heard me say I’m not planning to try out.” He placed his hands on her shoulders and bent at the knees to look in her eyes.

  “But why wouldn’t you? This is an opportunity of a lifetime—to get this second chance, especially at your age,” she argued, moving away. His touch was dangerous. It weakened her resolve, and she had to do this. She refused to be the reason he didn’t at least try out.

  “Hey, that hurts a little,” he said with a small, nervous sounding laugh. “Look, Abby—you’ve been perfectly clear the hockey life is not what you want for you and Dani anymore, and I understand that.”

  Her heart raced and her mind reeled. What was he saying? That he wasn’t going to try out because he thought that’s what she wanted to hear? She cleared her throat and forced her voice to remain steady as she said, “I don’t know why you think you need to take Dani and me into consideration for any decision you make.”

  His face fell and the look of confused hurt almost broke her. Summoning every ounce of strength, she continued, “I think you should try out.” The lie felt like peanut butter stuck to the top of her mouth.

  He frowned. “You do?”

  “Yes. I mean, this is the career you’ve always wanted, right? A second chance doesn’t happen every day.”

  He looked as though he was weighing the intent behind her words. “But you’ve said you’re done with all of that…”

  She forced a hard expression, praying all of the feelings she had for him were hidden deep inside and nowhere on her face. “I am. But my life decisions have nothing to do with yours.”

  He stepped back as though she’d slapped him. “So, what you’re trying to tell me is you’d be okay with me trying out because you’re not considering a life with me anyway?”

  Floor, just open up and swallow her now. She swallowed hard as she nodded. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to tell you.”

  His eyes narrowed. “You don’t mean that.”

  God, how had she let things get complicated? All she’d wanted when she’d moved back to Glenwood Falls was to get her life back on track—build a new home, create a new life for her and Dani, and she’d been succeeding in that.

  Why had she once again allowed her heart to get involved, possibly jeopardizing everything she’d worked hard to achieve? Why had she once again fallen for a man who could break her heart? Whether it was now or later, he would.

  “Jackson, we both knew this—us—was a long shot, and now you have another chance at your dream. You should take it, because that’s what you’ve always wanted.”

  “What if that’s not the most important thing anymore?” he asked, a note of desperation in his voice, pleading with her not to break his heart.

  She swallowed hard. She knew that while he may believe that now, hockey was always the most important thing, and she wasn’t ready to repeat past mistakes. He may care for her, may even love her, but the game always won in the end. If she did take a chance on him—and he decided not to try out—he’d only resent her in time. “Don’t give up your dreams for a woman who doesn’t share your feelings,” she said as firmly as her quivering voice would allow.

  He stared at her for a long moment. The silence was excruciating, and she wasn’t sure how much longer her legs would hold out or the tears would stay lodged in her chest. “I think you should go.”

  “Abby…”

  “Jackson, I thought I could do this, but I can’t.” She turned away from him and shut her eyes tight, a part of her hoping he would wrap his arms around her and make her believe this time could be different, that she could trust him, love him, have a life with him. The other part of her knew that no matter what he said, some things just didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to.

  He must have realized that, too, because a second later, she heard the bedroom door close behind him.

  Chapter 20

  Okay, I’ve got Pretty in Pink and The Princess Bride. Which one should we start with?” Abigail said, holding up the movies two nights later.

  Taylor and Dani sat on the sofa staring at her like she’d suggested they watch porn.

  “What?”

  “First of all, those movies are ancient,” Dani said.

  Ancient? They were from the late eighties…

  “And they are all mushy-gooey-grossness,” Taylor said, wrinkling her nose.

  She sighed. So much for a girls’ night sleepover party. “Let me guess, you want to watch Slap Shot—again,” she said, rolling her eyes as she reached for the movie the girls watched every time they were together.

  They nodded eagerly.

  She put the DVD in the player and said, “I’ll go get snacks.”

  “Do you want us to wait for you?” Dani asked, pausing the movie as the opening credits started.

  “You know, I think by now, I could probably act it out, so no, go ahead and start without me.” Going into the kitchen, she put a bag of popcorn into the microwave and reached into the fridge for the homemade fudge Becky had given them for the sleepover.

  Even though it was a school night, she’d suggested the sleepover because Neil had arrived home that afternoon from his tour overseas, and the couple had barely been able to keep their hands off of one another long enough to say goodbye to their daughter.

  And Taylor had been plenty relieved to be out of the house for her stepfather’s homecoming, too. Abigail couldn’t blame the girl. The sight of the happy couple so disgustingly in love had made her nauseous as well, for other reasons.

  Since the dreadful morning-after conversation with Jackson, she hadn’t seen or spoken to him. She’d avoided the arena the night before, letting Dani go to the practice with Taylor instead. He hadn’t called or texted, and she was almost relieved; avoiding him was easier when he wasn’t trying to get her attention.

  And while she was thrilled for Becky and Neil, seeing two people so in love when her own shattered heart was barely holding together was absolute torture. She hadn’t worked up the courage yet to ask Becky or Taylor if Jackson had decided to try out for the team or not, and she wasn’t sure she was ready t
o hear the answer anyway. She’d know soon enough.

  She carried the popcorn and a plate of the fudge into the living room. “There you go,” she told the girls, reaching for a handful before settling in her chair near the window, where she planned to grade homework assignments. Watching a hockey movie wasn’t high on her list of things that could make her feel better, either.

  Half an hour into the movie, the doorbell rang.

  Oh thank God, something to save her from having to listen to the girls’ delivery of the dialogue before the actors on the screen could say their lines. She rushed to the door, planning to keep whoever it was—delivery guy, Jehovah’s Witness, whoever—there as long as humanly possible. Her eyes widened in surprise. “Becky?”

  Her friend stood on the step, wearing yoga pants, Ugg boots, and a fall jacket that refused to close all the way over her belly. Mascara-stained cheeks suggested the night hadn’t gone the way she’d hoped. “Do you have room for one more?” she asked, before a sob escaped her.

  “Of course! Come in,” she said. “Should I tell Taylor you’re here?”

  “Not yet. Can we just chat in the kitchen?” she asked quietly, sniffing.

  “Yeah. Pretty sure the girls won’t notice I’m gone.”

  “Slap Shot?” Becky guessed.

  “Yep.”

  In the kitchen, Abigail placed the container of fudge on the table. “Tea?”

  “Yes, please.” Her friend sat with a heavy sigh.

  A minute later, Abigail joined her. “What happened? You two were acting like hormonal teenagers grossing everyone out two hours ago,” she said.

  “Everything was great until I told him about the business.” Becky removed a tissue from her pocket and blew her nose.

  Crap. Without much contact with him when he was overseas, Becky hadn’t been able to tell Neil a whole lot about the business before actually going ahead with it. And not that he should have been able to talk her out of it, but he did have a right to know about something as big as this, when it affected his future as well. “I take it he wasn’t as supportive as you’d hoped?”

  “Not at all. He said he didn’t think now was the right time to be taking a risk on something like this.”

  He didn’t understand. “And of course you explained it wasn’t a risk at all, because you already have four orders to fill for the L.A. store and possibly new business for the New York location next year?” Becky wasn’t taking any risks. She had most of the clothes needed to fill the first two orders already made, and Jocelyn had sent the payment for the first one. Besides, the clothes were a hit. The jacket and dress she’d originally sent had sold in an hour, according to Jocelyn. And the first full order had almost sold out as well.

  Becky nodded, popping a piece of fudge into her mouth. “Yes, and he said he didn’t know where I thought I’d have the time to make clothes with a new baby in the house and all of the responsibilities I have with Taylor’s commitments…”

  Abigail didn’t know Neil. From what she’d heard and seen so far, he was a great guy, but this lack of support was surprising and disappointing.

  “I told him all he saw when he looked at me was a baby-maker housekeeper who keeps shit together while he’s off saving the country.” She sniffed.

  Abigail offered a sympathetic smile. She’d been there. Especially at eight months pregnant when hormones often clouded common sense. However, in this case, she wasn’t sure her friend was exaggerating. Neil did sound like he expected her to hold down the fort without considering she may want a life and career of her own, outside of her family. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for the idea to create conflict between you two.”

  Becky shook her head. “Don’t you be sorry for a thing. You’ve been so wonderful and supportive, and I want this new business, for me.” She took a tissue from her pocket and blew her nose loudly. Then a determined look replaced the sad one as she said, “And Neil is just going to have to deal with that.”

  * * *

  “She said she was doing it with or without my support, and I had to just deal with it,” Neil said, chugging back his second beer in twenty minutes.

  Jackson sat across from him, exhausted from six hours of training for the tryouts happening in three days in Loveland. “Look, you knew how strong-willed Becky was when you married her. Did you really think she’d respond well to the caveman attitude of ‘I’m the man. You’re the woman. Cook, clean, and pop out babies while I support you’?” His buddy had been away far too long if he thought his sister wouldn’t chop his balls off for that macho attitude. He was struggling not to tell Neil just how he felt about him not supporting his sister’s new passion, but he kept his cool. The man had just come back from a war zone; he’d give him time to readjust before setting him straight.

  “I just thought those kinds of decisions were supposed to be made together.” He swirled the beer around in the mug. “I mean we are a team, right?”

  “Yes. But think about this from her point of view. A lot of the time, she’s a team of one, holding everything together while you’re away.” The way Abby must have done all those years with Dean. He understood why she wasn’t eager to return to that life, but damn it, he hadn’t been asking her to.

  “What am I supposed to do?” Neil asked and he tried to focus on his friend’s problems. “You know the tours overseas pay better than regular duty. I don’t want to be over there, away from her and Taylor. I was so worried the whole time that something could go wrong with the pregnancy and I wouldn’t be here.” He slumped back in the seat. “But we need the money.”

  “Even more reason to be supportive of this new business. Abby says the store owner in L.A. is in love with Becky’s clothing. She wants to feature it in both stores. This could be something for her—for both of you. Maybe if it does well, the money won’t be as important,” Jackson said, his thoughts once again returning to Abby. In two days he hadn’t heard from or seen her; it became obvious she was avoiding him when she hadn’t even shown up to watch hockey practice the night before, and he knew when to back off.

  For the first time in his life, he’d been honest and gone after what he’d wanted, and he’d made a fool of himself. He needed to get away for a while, and that was the primary reason he’d called Coach Turner that morning to see if the spot on the tryouts was still available.

  Across from him, Neil ran a hand over his buzz cut. “I’m terrified, man, okay? While I was away, I had a lot of time to think about Becky, Taylor, and the baby and what if something happened while I was away. If this business puts her under stress…”

  “Hey, relax. I get it, but nothing happened. Becky and the baby are fine. Better than fine.” A lot in thanks to Abby.

  Neil sighed as his shoulders slumped. “I was an asshole, wasn’t I?”

  Jackson nodded. “Yep.”

  He pushed the beer away. “Let’s go. I have to go tell her that and beg her to forgive me so we can get back to…”

  Jackson covered his ears. “Stop. That’s my sister.” And the last thing he needed right now was to hear about anyone in love. The temptation to reach out to Abby was killing him. Going back and forth about his decision to try out was torture. But she’d told him she didn’t want him, so what choice did he have? He tossed several bills onto the table and grabbed his coat. “So, back to your place?” he asked as they headed outside.

  “No, she left first. Went to Abby’s I think. Do you know where she lives?”

  Damn it. “Yeah, I know the place quite well, actually,” he said, climbing into the truck. Leaving the parking lot a minute later, he headed straight toward the one person he’d been struggling to stay away from.

  * * *

  The doorbell rang just as the credits were rolling on the television. “Wow. I haven’t had this many people stop by my house since we moved in,” Abigail said, pushing herself up off of the living room floor, where she and Becky had been going over the last-minute details for her baby shower on Wednesday. She’d calmed down quite a b
it, but she still refused to go home.

  Opening the door, she wasn’t entirely surprised to see Neil standing on the other side. She’d expected he’d come to his senses sooner or later and come in search of his wife, but the sight of Jackson next to him was a surprise. “Hi,” she said awkwardly.

  “I’m here to get Becky,” Neil said.

  She straightened. “First, I think you need an attitude adjustment…” she started as Jackson punched his shoulder.

  “What Neil meant to say was, can we come in?” His gaze locked with hers, and her pulse raced.

  They’d been doing a pretty impressive job avoiding one another in the last few days, and she hadn’t realized how badly she missed seeing him or hearing his voice until he was standing right there. She swallowed hard, as she reluctantly nodded and stood back. “Sure, why not?”

  Neil rushed inside, past her, but then hesitated in the hallway.

  “She’s in the living room. Start with an apology,” she said, closing the door behind Jackson.

  As Neil went in, immediately both little girls ran out and headed toward Dani’s bedroom. Smart kids, she thought. One of two things was about to happen in the living room, and neither one was something she wanted to witness, either.

  Instead, she headed for the kitchen.

  Jackson followed. “Can I hide in here with you?” he asked.

  “Technically, it’s your house,” she said, then she took a breath. Now was as good a time as any. “Actually, I’m hoping to change that. I’ve decided we would like to buy the place, if you’re still willing to sell.”

  His face clouded. “I am.”

  “Right. I guess with the tryouts in a few days, there’s a chance you won’t even be in Glenwood Falls much longer…” Becky had delivered the news about his decision to try out just moments before. Playing on the team would require him to live in Loveland, and if by some chance an NHL team called him up during the season, he could end up living anywhere.