Facing Fear

by Harley Turner

  “Tourists always leave eventually.”

  Troy didn’t know what to say to make her believe him. “Maya, I have nowhere to go. I have no reason to go back home. I’ve spent my entire life not fitting in anywhere. I don’t feel like that here. I have no intentions of leaving. I wish I could get you to trust me when I say that.”

  “I want to,” she admitted, “but sometimes people say things they don’t mean. Or they mean it at the time and change their minds.”

  “Why are you so afraid of tourists? What happened?”

  Maya was quiet while she thought about how to answer him. There were so many reasons. “There is this girl I work with,” she started. “She met a guy here, during Sturgis week actually, a few years ago. He promised her he would stay. Of course he bolted about a month later when she got pregnant. She is barely older than I am and raising a three year old on her own.”

  “Maya, I wouldn’t do that.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  Troy wasn’t sure how to answer her. Before he had met Maya, he very well could have been that type of guy, but not with her. Maya was different. She made him want to be different. Better.

  “You’re not the only one afraid,” he said, slightly changing the subject. “After Trinity cheated on me, I swore to myself I was done with relationships. I said I would never give one person the opportunity to break me like she did. That all changed when I met you. I don’t know why, but there is something about you that I can’t seem to stay away from. Something amazing.”

  Maya tried to turn away when her cheeks started to turn red, but one hand gently on her cheek held her gaze on his. Troy moved another step closer and she didn’t pull away. His lips were almost touching her forehead.

  “We’re both scared,” he whispered to her. “Let’s conquer this fear together.” Before she had a chance to respond, he dipped his head and crushed his lips to hers.

  He expected her to push him away. He almost expected her to slap him. He was shocked when she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back.

  Kissing Maya was like nothing he had ever experienced before. Her soft lips seemed to tremble as they moved against his. He could smell the coconut in her hair. He could taste the salt from her tears. Her cheeks were still wet.

  Maya was terrified but she couldn’t bring herself to pull away. The kiss was much softer and gentler than Troy appeared to even be capable of. She felt so safe wrapped in his arms. The way his muscles flexed around her made her push her entire body closer to his as she rose onto her tip toes.

  Troy never wanted the moment to end; He wanted to hold her in his arms forever. He had never felt that way before. Not even with Trinity.

  When the kiss finally broke, they were both left struggling to catch their breath.

  “Maya, are you okay?”

  All she could do was nod. She wasn’t capable of speech. She wasn’t sure if she was even capable of coherent thought. All the times she had imagined her first kiss, she hadn’t expected it to be so amazing.

  She looked down when she felt Troy touch her hand. His fingers intertwined with hers.

  “Maya, I’m not going anywhere,” he said, causing her gaze to leave their hands and return to his face. “I want to be with you,” he started. “Not a little summer fling. A real relationship. I know we just met, but I honestly can’t imagine my life without out.”

  “’So it’s gonna be forever, or it’s gonna go down in flames?’” were the words that finally escaped her mouth.

  Troy laughed out loud and she could feel the heat rush to her face. Why did she have to say something so stupid?

  “Did you seriously just quote Taylor Swift lyrics?” he asked when his laughter died down. Maya wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

  “I Prevail actually,” she muttered. “Well, I guess they were her lyrics first, but I prefer their version,” she rambled.

  “Well at least you have decent taste in music.” The way he smiled at her made her think that maybe it wasn’t such a terrible thing to say.

  “Promise you won’t leave?” she said quietly. She knew he had several times, but she needed to hear it again.

  “Aw, you’re not going to say it in lyrics?” he joked.

  As soon as she felt her face turn red, she buried it in her hands. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled into them. “It seems to happen a lot when I’m nervous.” She couldn’t be more embarrassed.

  Troy reached his hand out to pull her hands from her face. The smile on his face as he looked down at her deepened her blush.

  “Don’t apologize. It’s cute,” he said as he brushed his lips against her forehead. “And I promise you I’m not leaving. I will tell you every day if I have to. I’m not going anywhere Maya.”

  Instead of replying, she moved closer and rested her head on his chest. He immediately engulfed her with his arms. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She didn’t have the words to describe how she felt in his arms. As terrified as she was, she couldn’t seem to continue to push him away.

  She didn’t know what she was feeling. Her emotions seemed to be running together. All she knew was she was excited to see where the relationship would go.

  She knew there was a huge chance that Troy would end up ripping her heart out, but at that moment she didn’t care. She needed Troy in her life. She needed to stop living in fear.

  “When can I see you again?” he asked, interrupting her thoughts.

  Maya ran through her schedule in her head. She didn’t have any days off in the next few days, but since it was Sturgis week she had requested to not work nights.

  “I’m only working until five this week, but I promised to spend time with Gavin after work. We start school in a couple of weeks,” she rambled. Her mood fell when she realized that she really wouldn’t have the time to spend with Troy once school started.

  When he noticed her mood change, Troy held her tighter. “What’s wrong?”

  Maya shook her head, not wanting to talk about it, but he had other ideas. Troy pulled away and held her face in his hands and stared directly into her eyes. She wanted to pull away, but something in his eyes stopped her.

  “Don’t do this Maya,” he said. “Don’t hold back just because you’re afraid. Don’t be scared to tell me what you’re thinking,” he insisted.

  Maya explained her worries to Troy. She didn’t have an evening babysitter for Gavin because she had planned on being home with him. Once school started, she would have even less time with her days spent in class and her evenings full of work and family obligations.

  Her lack of time was one of the reasons she didn’t date. She genuinely didn’t have the time.

  “We will figure it out,” Troy promised as he once again wrapped his arms around her. “We don’t need to know how it will work right now. Let’s get you home to your brother.”

  Maya nodded but she didn’t want to move away. She wasn’t ready to leave the comfort of his arms.

  He held her for about another five minutes before he moved his arms and reached down for her hand. “We have to get going if you want to get home on time,” he whispered.

  “Maybe I don’t want to.”

  His smile melted Maya’s heart. “I can see how important keeping your promises to your brother is to you. I’m not going to be the reason you break that promise,” he insisted. “I will find a way to see you tomorrow.”

  Finally she nodded and started to walk to the trail that would lead them back to the Jeep. The fact that he was so insistent to get her home on time made her want to stay even more, but he was right.

  The drive back to Maya’s house was silent, but Troy never let go of her hand. When she pulled in her driveway, she was holding back tears again.

  Troy reached across the Jeep to pull her into a kiss. “I should get going,” he whispered, “but I don’t want to.”

  “I don’t want you to either,” she admitted. She was terrified that as soon as he was out of her sight, he would change his mind
and she would never see him again.

  “I wish I could stay longer, but I need to leave before your brother gets home,” he said.

  Part of her wanted to insist that he stay, but Troy was right. He didn’t want to invade on her time with her family.

  “Promise me I will see you again?”

  Troy smiled as he kissed her forehead. “I promise,” he said before he opened the door and walked away.

  Maya remained in the Jeep as she watched Troy walk toward his bike. She knew if she wasn’t safely buckled in her car she wouldn’t be able to stop running into his arms and not letting him leave. He turned and blew her a kiss before he started his bike and drove out of sight. Eventually she exited the vehicle and made her way into the house. She had just enough time to check on her dad before Gavin’s bus was expected.

  As she opened the front door, she nearly collided with Tracy. “Sorry,” Maya muttered.

  “Why didn’t Cody stick around? When did he get a motorcycle?”

  Maya just shook her head. Did everyone know how Cody felt except her? The more people that mentioned it, the more it made Maya feel stupid for not noticing. She was saved from having to answer when Gavin’s bus pulled up. Maya ran out the front door to greet him.

  Gavin’s bright green eyes lit up as he ran down the bus steps and saw her waiting. He kept running right into her arms as she waved to the bus driver.

  “How was your date?” he asked when he pulled out of the hug.

  Maya smiled and shook her head. Of course Gavin had realized that she was up to. Although it hadn’t technically been a date, she supposed it had ended up as one. Gavin may have been only eight, but he wasn’t an idiot.

  “Maya, have you been crying?” he asked as he looked up at her. Her hands immediately flew to her face. Of course the little bit of makeup she had been wearing had smeared from her tears. Why hadn’t Troy said anything? Why didn’t she think to look in a mirror?

  “What’s wrong?” he asked when she didn’t answer right away. “Is Dad okay?”

  She nodded. “Dad is fine,” she assured him. “I had a kind of interesting day.”

  “But it wasn’t with Cody?”

  Maya sighed. “No, it wasn’t with Cody. Let’s go in,” she changed the subject. “You can help me with dinner.”

  Gavin followed his sister inside and after running off the quickly give their father a hug he joined her in the kitchen. He rattled on about his day at camp as she started to boil spaghetti noodles.

  “I’m really glad that you are enjoying it, but why don’t you save your stories until dinner,” Maya suggested. “I’m sure Dad will want to hear about it.”

  Gavin nodded. “I’ll go set the table,” he said as he skipped off to the dining room.

  Just before dinner was ready, Maya disappeared into the bathroom to fix her makeup. She didn’t want to draw more attention to what she had done that day. She wasn’t sure if she wanted her family to know. Was it too soon to tell them about Troy? What if she told him about him but she never saw him again? What if her dad insisted on meeting him and it scared him off.

  She hated feeling so out of control. She was terrified that he would change his mind and disappear as soon as she let her guard down.

  Maya shook the questions and worries from her head as she moved the food from the stove to the dining room table.

  When they were all seated, Gavin easily took over the conversation as he told his small family about his day. Maya was grateful that he enjoyed it. When Cody’s mom suggested summer camp, Maya was worried that he wouldn’t like it, but she really needed him to go to save on child care costs. Listening to him animatedly describe his day all the time made her feel better about forcing him into it.

  “We have a camping trip next week,” Gavin announced. “If I can go, I will be gone for three whole days and we will be sleeping in tents just outside of Crazy Horse. We are also going to Bear Country and Reptile Gardens.”

  “That sounds like a great time Gavin,” Tracy exclaimed as she fed their father. “What do you mean if you can go?”

  Maya cringed. She had caught that too. Gavin’s smile faded as he looked at his sister. “Its eighty dollars,” he said quietly as he twirled the noodles on his fork.

  Eighty dollars was definitely a lot of money for them, but Gavin rarely asked for money. Unlike most kids his age, he understood that money really didn’t grow on trees and they usually didn’t have much extra money. However, Maya had put aside the money she had made in tips while waitressing.

  “When do you need the money?” she asked

  “I need the permission slip by Wednesday and it has to be paid by Friday,” he explained. “I don’t have to go, but if I don’t, there will be no camp Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday.”

  “If it’s something that you want to do, we will make it work,” Maya assured him. “I can ask Tom for some extra hours while you’re gone and I have some extra money put aside.” She was hoping to use that money for Christmas, but she couldn’t tell Gavin that he couldn’t go.

  “Thank you Maya!” Gavin shouted. “You’re the best big sister ever!”

  ~7~

  T roy was in an amazing mood when he jumped on his bike and rode away from Maya’s house that evening. He hated having to leave, but he had things to do and Maya had her family to return to.

  He couldn’t believe that he had been able to get through Maya’s walls in only one day. He didn’t have the words to describe how he felt. He was no longer just drifting through life. Suddenly, he had a purpose.

  Then he was terrified. What if she broke him like Trinity had? He couldn’t survive his heart being ripped out again. Something told him it would be even more painful with Maya.

  He was falling for her and he was falling fast. He knew she was as scared as he was. He needed to find a way to prove to her that he wasn’t going to leave. He needed her in his life. He couldn’t leave.

  Before he realized where he was heading, he found himself parking his bike to walk the streets of Deadwood.

  His stomach growled as he walked passed countless shops that he had no interest in. He decided to get something to eat at Maya’s restaurant even though he knew she wouldn’t be there. The food was definitely amazing.

  “She’s not here today,” the manager called over to him as he made his way passed the bar.

  Troy couldn’t help but smile. “I’m just here for the food,” he told him.

  Tom smiled back and went back to work. Ana idea formed in his head, causing Troy to turn away from the hostess waiting to seat him and walk up to the bar.

  “You wouldn’t happen to need any more staff would you?” Troy asked. Maybe a job would help Maya realize he was there to stay.

  “How long are you in town for? I won’t hire a tourist who just needs money to support a gambling habit.”

  “I’m too young to gamble in this state sir," Troy pointed out. “And I definitely plan on sticking around,” he added to answer Tom’s question.

  “You’re not just here to stalk my staff, are you?”

  “No sir,” Troy assured him. “I like it here. Feels more at home than home ever did.”

  “Legal trouble?”

  Troy shook his head. “I’ve had some in the past,” he admitted, “but that is behind me. It was a stupid mistake that I paid for.”

  “Bad breakup?”

  “Not recently. I’m not running from anything sir,” Troy insisted. “Yes, I had a horrible breakup a while back and I didn’t handle it well. I ended up in jail. Now I just want to move on with my life.”

  “Did you hit the girl?”

  Troy shook his head. “Hit the guy she cheated on me with. I have never hit a woman and I don’t see that changing.”

  “Am I going to have any trouble from your buddies by having you here?”

  “If you are asking if they are going to be looking for me for abandoning the MC, the answer is no. I’m not part of the club. Never have been and never will be. However, I can
’t promise that if they walked in here that my brother won’t be a complete drunken idiot.” Troy answered every question Tom threw at him, but his hopes of being able to work alongside Maya were growing smaller by the minute. He hadn’t even thought about his record or the guys from the club when he asked for the job. He hadn’t even planned on asking Maya’s boss for a job; it just happened.

  Tom was quiet for a while. Troy was sure he was just thinking of a polite way to tell him no.

  “Do you have any restaurant experience?”

  “No sir, but I am a hard worker and a fast learner.”

  Again Troy was met with silence. His stomach growled making the silence even more awkward.

  Tom laughed. “Why don’t you get something to eat? We will talk more later.”

  So he wasn’t refusing hiring Troy, but he wasn’t exactly offering him a job either. Troy thanked him for his time and returned to the hostess stand.

  Once he was seated, the waitress dropped a glass of water on him.

  “Why are you back?” she whispered as she glared at him.

  Troy looked at the waitress. She was maybe his age with curly dark hair and brown eyes. She was cute, but he didn’t recall ever seeing her before.

  “I’m sorry,” he told her, “but I think you have me confused with someone else.”

  “Are you sure? You weren’t here in Deadwood four years ago?”

  Troy shook his head. “I have never been here until just a few days ago,” he assured her.

  Chloe stared down at the young biker. Once she really looked, maybe she was mistaken. He was too young to be Jackson, but the resemblance was remarkable.

  “I-I’m sorry,” she stammered. “You just look so familiar,” Her face turned red.

  “It’s not a problem,” Troy assured her as he brushed the ice off his lap. It was going to be an uncomfortable ride back to the hotel in wet pants.

  After the waitress cleaned what she could of the water and took his order, Troy sat in silence as he watched the waitresses and other staff interact with each other and their customers. They made it look so easy. They all seemed to genuinely enjoy their jobs and they bickered and joked with each other like a family. Or at least how he imagined a normal family would be.