'Til I Kissed You

by Pam Howes

  ‘They’re both alive, that’s the important thing,’ the officer replied kindly.

  ‘Let me just ring the hotel before we leave. Both their fathers are in London,’ Jane explained. She ran to the phone, dialled the hotel number and was put through to Eddie’s room. He answered immediately.

  ‘Jane, calm down, love. What is it? - Oh God, no! Right, we’re on our way home. Be with you as soon as we can.’

  ‘Please drive carefully, Ed. We’ll meet you at the hospital.’ Jane replaced the receiver as Sammy gripped her hand. ‘They’re on their way.’

  ***

  Eddie rushed out into the corridor and banged on Roy’s door. Roy opened it a crack and peered out, bleary eyed and unshaven.

  ‘I told you, Ed, I don’t want to go out. I can’t face it.’

  ‘Get ready,’ Eddie ordered. ‘We’re going home. Nick and Jess have been in a car crash. Move yourself, Roy.’

  Roy held onto the doorframe, staring blankly at Eddie who shook him gently by the arm.

  ‘Roy, come on, the girls need us. Get your stuff packed. I’ll give you five minutes.’

  He hurried back into his own room and threw everything haphazardly into his case. What next? One minute he was looking forward to a quiet meal and an early night. Now, he had this nightmare dash up the motorway and had to try and keep his wits about him. He knew Roy wouldn’t be able to share the driving. He’d been drinking constantly since they arrived and today had been no exception. He’d drunk his mini-bar dry before seven tonight.

  Leading Roy by the arm, Eddie steered him to the hotel reception area and checked out.

  He threw their bags into the car boot, helped Roy into the passenger seat and fastened his seatbelt. He clambered in himself and lit two cigarettes. Putting one between Roy’s lips, he started up the engine and began the longest car journey of their lives.

  ***

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  ‘Come with me, ladies, we’ve a room free. I’ll organise some tea for you.’

  Sammy and Jane followed the young nurse down a narrow corridor and into a small but pleasant room. It was simply furnished with two comfortable chairs and a low coffee table piled high with magazines and newspapers. The nurse switched on a lamp, closed the sash window and drew the faded cotton curtains. ‘I’ll be back in two ticks.’

  ‘Can we see Nick and Jess?’ Jane asked tearfully, helping Sammy onto a chair.

  ‘Not just yet. Jess is in theatre and the doctor is with Nick. Someone will be with you very shortly to explain what’s happening. I’ll go and get the tea.’

  She came back with a tray, closely followed by a white-faced Jon and Jason.

  ‘Helen’s staying with the kids and I tracked down Jason at Jules’ house,’ Jon said.

  ‘Any news, Mum?’ Jason put his arms around Sammy’s shoulders.

  She shook her head and related what the young nurse had said. ‘We’re waiting for someone to come and tell us how they are. At least they’re both alive, thank God. The policemen who brought us here said Nick had to be cut free from the car. It was wrapped around a tree.’

  ‘Jesus Christ!’ Jason exclaimed. ‘Our Nick’s a really careful driver. I know that car was fast, but he could handle it. Does Dad know about the accident?’

  ‘Dad and Roy are on their way home,’ Jon told him. ‘When I spoke to the officers before they brought Mum and Sammy here they told me that a car had overtaken Nick and Jess on a bend, then swerved back in front of them to avoid hitting a lorry coming the opposite way. Nick must have slammed on his brakes, lost control, hit the tree and the other car drove off.’

  Another two hours passed slowly before a serious looking, white-coated doctor entered the room.

  ‘Mrs Mellor?’ He addressed Jane. ‘Jessica is stable and comfortable. She has a fracture to the right wrist, a broken right ankle, which we’ve pinned, and a few cuts and bruises, but she will be okay. You can see her now.’

  Jane stood up, tears coursing down her cheeks.

  ‘What about Nick, Doctor?’ Sammy asked.

  ‘I’m afraid it’s too soon to say. He’s still unconscious. He has several fractured ribs, a punctured lung and a broken ankle, but his other limbs are intact. It’s his head injuries we’re very concerned about. He’s being transferred to ICU as we speak, Mrs Cantello. I’ll arrange for you to be taken up there right away.’

  Sammy looked up as the young nurse who’d brought the tea re-entered the room.

  ‘Nurse Hammond will escort you and I’ll speak with you both later,’ the doctor said.

  Nurse Hammond smiled sympathetically as Jason put his arm around his mother and helped her to her feet. ‘I’ll take Mrs Mellor to Jessica and then we’ll continue up to ICU to see how Nicholas is doing.’

  ***

  Jess was sleeping peacefully but her lovely face bore the brunt of being thrown against the windscreen. There was a deep cut above her right eye, her chin had been stitched in several places, her nose was swollen and the start of two black eyes was apparent.

  Jane bent over the bed and gently stroked her daughter’s face. She turned to Jon who held her tightly while she sobbed against his chest.

  ‘Mum, come on, she’ll be all right, she has to be.’ He swallowed hard; fighting back his own tears for the sister he adored who was lying so pale and still. ‘You need to be strong for Sammy.’

  Jane touched his cheek. ‘Jon, what would I do without you? I might not be your real mum, but I love you so much.’

  ‘You are my mum.’ Jon hugged her. ‘In every sense of the word you are my mother. Shall I ask if I’m allowed to see Nick?’

  Jane nodded. ‘Yes, go on; tell Sammy I’ll be with her shortly. I just want to sit with Jess for a while.’

  As Jon left the room, Jane looked at her watch. Where had the time gone? It was almost midnight; Eddie and Roy would be with them soon. She prayed that Ed was driving carefully. One road accident tonight was enough to cope with. What an awful week it had been, she thought, first Roy and Sammy and now this.

  As Jane sat holding Jess’s hand her eyelids flickered open.

  ‘Mum,’ she uttered weakly.

  ‘I’m here, darling.’

  ‘Mum, where’s Nick?’

  ‘He’s okay, love. Sammy and Jason are with him at the moment.’

  Jon re-appeared and sighed with relief on seeing Jess with her eyes open. ‘Thank God! Hi, Sis, how are you?’ He kissed her forehead and gently stroked her cheek.

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said tearfully. ‘What happened, Mum?’

  ‘You had a crash on your way to pick up Sammy and me. Don’t you remember?’

  Jess frowned. ‘Will you go and see if Nick is alright, Mum, please? Then come back to me.’

  ‘They wouldn’t let me in.’ Jon whispered to Jane.

  ‘Okay.’ She stood up. ‘I’ll see what I can do. You stay with Jess, please, Jon.’

  ***

  Jon took Jess’s hand and sat beside the bed. He felt sick inside at the thought that he’d almost lost her. She was the most precious thing in the world to him and at that moment he longed to tell her that he loved her, that he’d always loved her and always would. Instead, he was forced to live a lie and pretend that he was happy with Helen and life was hunky-dory. He smiled as Jess looked at him, her lips trembling.

  ‘Will Nick be alright? I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to him.’

  He nodded and swallowed hard. ‘They’re doing everything they can, Jess.’ He hoped he sounded reassuring. ‘You just concentrate on getting well.’

  ***

  Jane hurried down the corridor to ICU and was shown to Nick’s room where a team of staff were attending to him.

  Sammy told her there was little response from Nick. ‘He’s not even breathing on his own. He’s all wired up to those contraptions. They’re waiting for brain scan results. I wish Roy was here, I can’t cope with this,’ Sammy said tearfully as Jason put his arms around her, his lips trembling.

&n
bsp; ‘They won’t be long, Sam,’ Jane said. ‘Just hang in there. I’ve left Jon looking after Jess. She’s opened her eyes and she’s asking for Nick. What shall I tell her?’

  ‘Tell her he’s all right. She doesn’t need to know anymore for now,’ Sammy advised.

  Jane sighed. She squeezed Sammy’s arm and left.

  ***

  Tired and weary, Eddie asked at reception where their respective families were. He was taken to Jess’s room and Roy to Intensive Care.

  The tears that had threatened all night tumbled freely down his cheeks as he stood by his daughter’s bed. Jane, who had been dozing in a chair, looked up as he sobbed.

  ‘Ed, thank God you’re here.’ She stood up and he threw his arms around her, holding her tightly. ‘I’ve been on my own since Jon took Jason back to our place for the night.’

  ‘Is she going to be okay?’

  ‘Yes, thank God,’ she whispered. ‘But I’m not so sure about Nick.’ She explained the situation.

  He nodded wearily. ‘Roy won’t be able to handle this. He’s in a terrible state as it is. He sobered up a bit on the way home but he’s still a mess.’

  ***

  Sammy turned as Roy was shown into Nick’s room. She gasped at his gaunt and unshaven appearance. His usually twinkling eyes held a haunted expression as he stared in disbelief at the still form of his son. He collapsed onto his knees, crying.

  Sammy dropped down beside him and cradled him in her arms. ‘Roy, come on, you have to be strong for me. Don’t you dare go to pieces, Cantello. I can’t handle this on my own. I need you, Roy.’ She shook him by the shoulders.

  He looked up through his tears. Sammy took a tissue from her pocket and wiped his eyes and nose as though he were a small child. ‘Roy, help me through this, please.’

  He nodded and stood up, pulling her into his arms.

  Strong until that point, Sammy broke down and let the tears flow. At that moment she felt she could forgive Roy anything, just as long as Nick survived.

  ‘What have they said?’ He spoke quietly, smoothing her hair from her face.

  ‘Very little.’ She relayed what the doctor had told her earlier. ‘It’s just time I suppose. The scans will show if there’s any brain damage and we’ll have to cross that bridge when we come to it.’

  ‘I want the best treatment money can buy.’

  ‘Money’s not the answer to this, Roy. They’re doing everything they can.’

  ‘Mr and Mrs Cantello go and stretch your legs and get yourselves a coffee,’ Nurse Hammond said. ‘There’s nothing you can do at the moment. I’ll come and find you immediately there’s any change.’

  ‘Come on, Roy.’ Sammy took his arm. ‘I bet you could use one after that long journey.’

  They found a little cafe in reception where Sammy ordered two coffees, a ham sandwich and a packet of chocolate biscuits. She carried them to a table tucked in a corner in the hope of avoiding the curious stares from several people who, she guessed, were trying to place Roy’s familiar face.

  ‘Here, get those down you. You look as though you haven’t eaten for days.’

  He nodded, absent-mindedly stirring his coffee. ‘I haven’t, not since Rozzilo’s on Monday. I’ve no appetite. I’ve lived on booze and fags for the last couple of days. Do the police know what happened? Was the crash, Nick’s fault?’

  Sammy told him what the police had told Jon.

  He nodded, took a sip of coffee and grimaced. ‘Ugh, cheap crap!’ He looked at her. ‘I wish I’d never bought him the bloody car. This is all my fault.’

  ‘Roy, he would have used the BMW or my Porsche tonight anyway, and they’re both fast cars. The accident could still have happened. Don’t blame yourself, please. It doesn’t help anyone.’

  He took her hand across the table. ‘He has to survive, he just has to. I’m so sorry for what I’ve done, Sam. You and the boys are everything to me. I’ve been a complete arse over Livvy. I know you want a divorce, Ed told me. I don’t blame you, but won’t you re-consider?’

  ‘Roy, at the moment all I can think about is Nick. What’s happened between us doesn’t even come into the equation. I feel numb right now. I’m not going to lie and promise you that it will be okay. Let’s get through the next few days and then we’ll see.’

  ‘I love you, Sammy,’ he said, adding, ‘with all my heart.’

  ‘And I love you too, Roy, but it’s not that simple.’

  They walked back down the corridor and popped their heads around Jess’s door. Eddie was sitting on the one comfortable chair in the corner of the room. Jane was sleeping on his lap, her head resting against his chest. He smiled at the pair as they walked in.

  ‘How is she?’ Roy whispered.

  ‘Sleeping. Whatever they’ve given her for pain has zonked her out.’

  ‘Poor Jess.’ Sammy bit her lip. ‘She’ll go mad when she looks in the mirror. I hope that cut on her chin doesn’t leave a bad scar.’

  ‘That’s the least of her worries,’ Eddie said. ‘How’s Nick?’

  ‘No change,’ Roy replied. ‘His face is a bit of a mess and there’s no response. He’s still not breathing unaided.’

  Choking back tears, Eddie shook his head as Roy and Sammy said their goodbyes and returned to their bedside vigil.

  ***

  After sitting in one position for hours, Eddie had developed pins and needles in his left leg and was desperate for a pee, but didn’t want to disturb Jane. His mind wandered over the earlier news she’d imparted, about Angie’s father’s death and the family wanting Jon to attend the funeral. He really hoped that Jon wouldn’t want to go.

  What if Angie’s sister showed him photographs of his late mother and Richard? There would be sure to be some lying around the family home. Would Jon spot the likeness between him and Richard Price and put two and two together? Or more likely, would Sally spot the likeness between the now adult Jon and Richard? They were identical. Eddie sighed. He’d tried so hard to hide the truth, but at the back of his mind there had always lurked the dread that one day something like this would happen and consequences would have to be faced.

  ***

  When Jess was discharged from hospital her parents drove her back daily to visit Nick. She sat by his bedside silently cursing the pearl engagement ring and the old wives saying about pearls and tears. She was convinced it was contributory to the accident and wished desperately that she’d chosen something else. She brought books and read to him, played tapes of his favourite singers and groups, Sting, The Cure, and Queen.

  She sang along to a tape of some of their own songs, fully expecting him to open his eyes and join in. She brushed his hair, telling the nurses how fussy he was about the way he liked it styled. His facial injuries had healed and he looked as handsome as ever, but was still wired up to the equipment that was keeping him alive. She talked to him about their forthcoming wedding, the honeymoon in The Maldives and the possibility of having a family in the future. But Jess knew in her heart these things were unlikely to happen now.

  Once hospital staff realised whose teenagers they were looking after, word quickly spread. The newspapers printed a front-page report of the accident and showed a photograph of Roy and Eddie receiving an award for their recent song-writing achievements. Flowers and gifts were delivered to the hospital from fans and there were always a couple of reporters on hand waiting for a news update, but Jess avoided them when she could. She was unable to share her grief with strangers.

  Two more weeks ticked slowly by and as Nick showed no signs of recovery, Jess slipped further into the depths of despair. ‘He’s not going to make it,’ she sobbed against Jon’s chest.

  ‘He will; you mustn’t give up hope,’ Jon said, wiping her eyes.

  Jon and Jess were taking their turn with the twenty-four hour vigil Sammy had insisted upon. She wanted to be certain that if Nick showed the slightest response to anything, someone close should be there to witness it.

  Jess shook her head. ‘I�
�ve had a feeling for months that something was going to happen. Something bad I mean. The recurring dream and the feelings I had in France and at his birthday party. They were premonitions, I suppose. Whenever I’ve tried to picture me and Nick married, I can’t, no matter how much I try. It’s been like looking at a blank photograph. It’s not there in my head. I said on his birthday he would always be eighteen and I was right. He’s going to die.’

  Jon swallowed hard, took her in his arms and buried his face in her hair. ‘I wish I could take the pain away.’

  ‘Just being here with me helps,’ she said. ‘I need you. I couldn’t do this without you, Jon.’

  In the last week of August, Nick developed a chest infection, which quickly turned to pneumonia and Jess realised her fears were to become reality.

  A distraught Roy called them all to the hospital. Nick was not expected to last the night.

  Numb with grief, Jess sat by Nick’s bedside holding his hand. She couldn’t cry tonight for some reason, but felt she’d shed more tears lately than she would ever have imagined it possible to shed in one lifetime. She gazed round at them all. Her Dad, tears in his eyes, holding Mum who was sobbing. Roy and Sammy; a truce declared, divorce proceedings on hold, devastated beyond belief, clinging to one another. Jon, his arm around Jason who was crying heartbrokenly, was a rock.

  Nick passed away just after three am. The consultant told them he would have remained in a permanent vegetative state even if he’d survived the pneumonia. At that point, Jess knew it wouldn’t have been right for such a vibrant and lively young man and she laid her head on his chest and said her goodbyes. Jon led her out of the room, following their parents, leaving Sammy, Roy and Jason to say their goodbyes in private.

  ***

  Nick’s funeral was a family and friends affair and afterwards he was laid to rest in Ashlea churchyard, alongside Roy’s late Italian grandparents. A memorial service held the following week in Ashlea church, where Nick and Jess had been planning to marry, was attended by family, friends, fans of The Zoo and staff from the hospital.

  Following the service the congregation was invited back to Roy and Sammy’s home for a celebration of Nick’s life. As Roy, Sammy, Jason and Jess left to walk the short distance to Jasmine House Eddie spotted the lone figure of Livvy Grant, standing by the side of the church.