Leona

by Jenny Rogneby

I looked at Nina, who was sitting across from me. She was wearing the same clothes as at the meeting earlier in the day. A nicely cut granite-colored jacket, a white blouse, and a knee-length, close-fitting gray skirt. That, together with her dark, straight hair, meant she radiated style and elegance. The prosecutors were always nicely dressed. In contrast to the police officers, they had a sense of style. Possibly it was because they spent virtually every day in court, but that was not the whole reason. Few police officers had any taste whatsoever where clothes were concerned. For them, functionality was the most important requirement. That style and functionality could often be combined was not something most cops cared about.

  Nina had already had two glasses from the bottle of wine we were sharing, which made her a little more open and talkative than usual. Even though I had gone over it with myself a number of times, I hadn’t come up with any strategic way to tell her. All I knew was that I had to get it out now. Christer Skoog had been sending a message to me through the information he’d left for Nina earlier today. He knew that Nina would tell me she had received a message from someone who knew something about the case. I had to tell her before he got hold of her again. How it would go, I didn’t know. I simply had to take it as it came. Before the evening was over Nina would know everything.

  Almost everything, anyway.

  I took a gulp of wine. Nina was talking about her newborn nephew, whom she’d been to see. I didn’t hear the details. I was looking at her without seeing her, thinking of other things. I smiled when she laughed and nodded at the right places, but I didn’t take in what she was saying. I was more bothered by the situation than I had expected. The thought of how Nina would react had taken over my mind. I had previously imagined there was only a slight risk she’d strike back and report me. Now I wasn’t sure how I’d arrived at that conclusion. Instead, it became obvious to me that a total catastrophe was more likely. Nina could gain a lot by reporting me. In purely career terms it would be a giant step for her. She would be noticed as a very capable prosecutor, and in addition to the general acknowledgment from managers, colleagues, and others for being loyal to the legal system, it was also likely she would get a management position in the future. My career and my personal life would, naturally, be over. Without a doubt I would have a divorce to look forward to, and a number of years in prison. Not seeing the children would be a nightmare, but subjecting them to the prison environment simply because I longed for them to visit me would be cruel. Afterward I’d be unrecognizable. No one stays the same after a long sentence. People around me would naturally be shocked that a police officer could do something like this. It wouldn’t matter what explanations I had.

  I would be guilty.

  In the eyes of everyone.

  This moment was decisive for my future.

  Nina had fallen silent and was looking at me with raised eyebrows. Had she asked a question that I ought to have understood and answered?

  “Sorry,” I said. “What did you say?”

  “What’s going on with you?” she said. “Has something happened?”

  I took a breath. It was now or never.

  “Nina, I have something to tell you.”

  Nina looked at me. She appeared to hear from my tone of voice that it was important. How should I continue? Should I say that I had done it all because I needed money for Benjamin’s operation? That I had forced someone else’s child to commit crimes so that my own child could get well? Or should I say that I was a gambling addict and had gambled away all the money and put my family in debt? No, I couldn’t take the easy way out. I refused to tell a tale that I was a failed gaming abuser or a desperate mother with a sick child. Should I simply tell it the way it was? That the Leona that most people knew was not me. That since I was little I had mechanically imitated other people to learn to fit in. Be accepted. That I couldn’t handle it anymore.

  Family life.

  Coworkers.

  The police corridors.

  The criminals.

  The nine-to-five.

  Explain that the everyday physical and social existence had mentally chained me, worse than when I was locked in the cellar as a child. Get her to understand that I could no longer repress what was me. That I had no choice other than to break free from everything to be able to live, for real.

  No, that would presumably sound insane to the ears of a normal person. No one would understand it. Women don’t do that. Only men can commit crimes for that reason. For power. Money. For the freedom to leave everything.

  “I wonder if I can tell you something in confidence,” I said.

  Nina looked right at me.

  “How long have we known each other, Leona?” she said.

  “You don’t understand,” I said. “This is information that not just anyone can handle. I haven’t been able to confide this to anyone.”

  Nina reached across the table and took my hand. Perhaps she thought I had a fatal illness. In that moment it almost felt that way.

  “I give you my word. I can’t do more than that,” she said, squeezing my hand.

  I took a deep breath. My palms were sweaty. I wondered if she noticed. I swallowed and looked down at the table. My thoughts flickered. Where should I begin?

  “Nina, what I’m about to say is going to be shocking to you. I hope that, before you judge me, you will listen carefully. Whatever happens after this…”

  I fell silent. Looked around.

  “I want to say that it has been very meaningful for me to work with you. You are one of the best prosecutors and you are hopefully sufficiently open-minded to be able to handle this.”

  I wasn’t getting to the point. I looked at Nina, who was looking at me with her eyes wide open. Analyzing, trying to read what I would say next. I breathed in. It was sink or swim.

  “I’m the one behind the girl robberies.”

  Now it was said! There was no going back…or? It felt strangely surreal. Had I said the words or simply thought them? I wasn’t sure.

  Nina looked at me.

  I looked at her.

  I tried to read her.

  She was trying to read me.

  Everything around us stood still. Nina frowned with her eyes fixed on me.

  “I don’t understand…”

  Nina forced me to be explicit. There was no point in trying to soften it. The shock would be what it would be.

  “It was me the whole time, Nina. I staged the robberies at SEB and Forex with the girl, the money, everything.”

  Nina slowly withdrew her hand. She looked at me with suspicion in her eyes.

  “I don’t believe my ears.”

  I had to convince her. The quicker she understood the shorter the stage of shock would be.

  “The seven-year-old girl is the daughter of a criminal who was convicted in an old case you and I handled several years ago. You probably remember the arson at…”

  “Sockenplan?” said Nina with eyes wide open.

  I nodded.

  “But what…Are you out of your mind?”

  Nina raised her voice. I had been too preoccupied by the situation to notice that the restaurant, which had been rather empty before, was now full of people. I put a finger in front of my mouth to dampen Nina’s outburst.

  “But my God. What…? Have you been threatened or something? Why have you…”

  Nina could not seem to get the words out. I answered by slowly shaking my head. I could understand Nina’s reaction. Without more information that was presumably the only reasonable explanation for why someone would do something like this, that they would do it under coercion. Nina continued.

  “We are friends but…this is not something you can just toss out over dinner. This is about your whole life, Leona.”

  I didn’t say anything. It was best to let the whole thing sink in for a few seconds. This was a lot for Nina to handle. She fixed her gaze on the side of the table.

  “And not just yours. Now this is about my life too,” she continued.


  I knew that it would not take long before Nina realized that I had forced her to confront a major moral dilemma.

  “Don’t you understand what a fix you’ve put me in? I have to report you, you know that. You get that, right? It doesn’t matter that I gave you my word. This is bigger than what I might want. I have no choice.”

  That was exactly the perspective on life I had turned against. I had been there myself. Struggling to fit in, believing I had no choice other than to go with the flow and live my life like other people. That it would be best that way. And simplest. Whatever people said, it was easy for most people to live like everyone else. If they didn’t have the will or the drive to do something else and truly struggle for it, they ended up in an expensive suburban house, spending the vast majority of their waking time at work, to chase money to buy more things for their expensive house and car, with not enough time to spend with the family, and living in a semi-lousy relationship. For me, on the other hand, that hadn’t been an easy path. I had to strive harder than others for all that. It had been a daily struggle. And to what end?

  Nina didn’t have the same starting point as me. I was different. She was like the majority. But perhaps, perhaps I could get her to see that that life did not suit her either.

  “You always have a choice though, Nina, don’t you? Isn’t that what we always say to the criminals?”

  “Yes, exactly. And by that we mean you always have a choice to do the right thing.”

  “Do you really see life as being that black and white, Nina? Where everything is either right or wrong? So what is the right thing? Is it right to live the kind of life you and I are living? Sitting at the office ten or eleven hours a day. Stressing our asses off every day, every week, every year. For what? To either hit the wall before retirement and take disability, or retire at age sixty-five completely worn out and bitter, with a pension that you can barely live on. You can afford to mess around in your garden at home, and that’s it! And if you have money for more, then you don’t have the energy because you’ve worked so hard over the years. Is that a life you want to live? Is that the right choice?”

  Nina was silent. We had talked many times about the workload and the profession, about life and dreams. I knew that Nina also had thoughts about whether it really was worth living this way.

  “So what is the alternative? You’ve injured a child, Leona. That’s crazy. Where is the girl?”

  “Don’t worry about her. She is well taken care of. Doing well. A very capable little girl.”

  “Capable? No, I don’t understand what’s happening. Tell me this is a joke. That they’ve started showing Candid Camera on TV3 again and now they’re fooling ordinary people. That I’m just one of the many dumb prosecutors who will get flowers and a good laugh in a few minutes. Leona! Tell me this is one big joke.”

  “Three and a half million euros is not something you joke about.”

  Nina’s mouth dropped open. I continued.

  “SEB told the police who were first on the scene that the take was 1.2 million kronor, but that was a misunderstanding. The police officer who took the information wrote the total in kronor, but it was euros.”

  Nina continued staring at me without saying anything.

  “At Forex it was one and a half million euros.”

  I looked at Nina. I couldn’t interpret her expression.

  “One and a half million euros is yours, if you’re part of this, Nina.”

  “You’re out of your mind, damn it!”

  She got up. I took hold of her arm.

  “Nina, sit down. Listen to what I have to say. You can report me or do what you want, but please, listen first. Then the choice is yours.”

  Nina stopped. I wasn’t sure whether she would hit me or sit down again. I looked her right in the eyes. She sat down slowly.

  “You have to understand,” I said. “I’m not an idiot. I’ve thought this through, Nina. We’ve worked with serious crimes for many years. Seen all the mistakes clumsy crooks have made. If there’s anyone who should be involved in this it’s us. We’re the experts. We know how the legal system works and we know how police work. We know everything about the evidence, how prosecutors and defense attorneys think, and how courts function. Besides, we’re women. You’re aware of the statistics and know exactly how small the risk is that we would be even suspected, much less indicted, and even if against expectations we were to be indicted the risk is slight that we would be convicted. Women seldom commit these kinds of crimes.”

  Nina listened attentively.

  “Everything has gone according to plan so far,” I continued. “No one at the bank was injured, either. Okay, people were scared, that’s unavoidable, but nothing more. The only thing I was worried about was which prosecutor would be assigned as preliminary investigation leader. When I heard that it was you I realized immediately that I couldn’t fool you and naturally wouldn’t want to either. I only needed to find the right occasion to tell you. And now I see the possibilities for both of us to be able to change our lives. If we just cooperate.”

  Nina remained seated. She took two large gulps of wine and shook her head.

  “I should have known this about you, Leona. You’re not like the other cops.”

  “Do you mean that in a positive way?”

  Nina stared vacantly ahead of her.

  “Life has probably never been black and white and simple, even if we’ve wanted to imagine that it was, don’t you think, Nina?”

  She seemed completely lost in her own thoughts. Was I saying the wrong things?

  “You’re forcing me to make a major life decision,” said Nina quietly.

  “Good,” I said.

  “Good? I have to determine my whole future here and now. I can’t go home and think, that would just seem strange. If I’m going to report you, I have to do it now. If I don’t do it and instead latch onto your sick ideas then I risk prison for both you and me. Then all we’ll be able to do is dream about having a chance to return to the existence we have now, which you seem to despise so intensely.”

  I shrugged.

  “Sometimes others make choices for you, Nina. You know how hard it is to take yourself out of your own existence and usual patterns despite the fact that you’re not even comfortable with them. Maybe this is the push you need to get out of the rat race.”

  I was on my way to turning her around, I sensed it.

  “See it as me giving you a chance, a possibility to change. We’ve talked about this before. But talking won’t do. Don’t you owe it to yourself to do something?”

  I paused. Wanted to be certain that she was taking in what I was saying.

  “Nina, think about the possibilities. What you could do with that money. You could do all the things you’ve only dreamed about. If you still want to work, you could go down to part time. You don’t have any small children either. Travel, find a man abroad, move to another country for a few years. Come back and start working again doing something you like. None of that would be impossible to achieve. The possibility is right in front of you, Nina.”

  Nina sighed. I thought I could detect something dreamy in her eyes. I smiled at her.

  “You have to risk something to get something, don’t you?”

  She shook her head.

  “This is completely sick.”

  “Or else this is the best thing that has happened to you. Happened to both of us.”

  I hadn’t convinced Nina, I saw that. I would have to use more weapons.

  “There’s another thing, too.”

  Nina only stared at me, as if she expected yet another shock. A bomb that would strike her even harder than the last one.

  “It’s Benjamin. I need the money for his operation. The county refuses to pick up the tab. They maintain that the chances for a good result are too uncertain. I really need the money.”

  “But can’t you borrow it? The bank, your parents, friends, I have a little…”

  “That won’t work, Nina. I�
��ve already done that. Put me and my family in debt. I’ve thought of everything,” I said.

  My patience was starting to run out. Didn’t she understand that everything had already begun? It was too late to start finding new solutions. But it was evident that what I had said was not enough to convince her. I needed to pile it on a little more. I leaned forward. Almost whispered.

  “Nina, I’m in serious trouble and need your help, do you understand? From what I remember I stood up for you once when you needed it, even though it involved breaking the law.”

  Nina leaned back and crossed her arms.

  “I wondered just how long it would take before that would come back and bite me.”

  We sat in silence.

  “I stood up for you, Nina. Now it’s your turn. Friends stand up for each other.”

  “But damn it, you’re a police officer, Leona. And no real friend puts someone in this kind of difficulty. You’ve gone way too far over the line.”

  Nina got up quickly, grabbed hold of her coat and handbag, and moved quickly toward the exit. I pushed back my chair and ran after her. I ran between the tables. Nina was already at the exit. I ran into the waiter, who looked at me with surprise. I pulled the badge out of my pocket.

  “I’m a police officer,” I called on my way past him. “I’ll come right back in and pay.”

  Nina had run out onto the sidewalk, moving toward Sturegatan. I caught up with her. I took a hard and unrelenting hold on her upper arm.

  “Stop, damn it, Nina! We’re not done.”

  “I don’t want to be part of your awful criminal plans, Leona, don’t you understand?” she sputtered, trying to tear herself loose from my grip.

  “Calm down, you’re behaving like a five-year-old,” I hissed, letting go of her arm. “None of this goes away just because you run off.”

  She looked around as if she hoped someone would come and rescue her. I sighed.

  “I would really like us to do this together, as friends. But you give me no choice, Nina.”

  She stared at me as if she sensed that I would bring up more difficult news.

  “You’re already involved in this, whether you want to be or not. Do you think I would take the risk that you would report me? Nina, you’re not going to be able to. If you try, you’ll go in yourself. I’ll say that you and I planned all this together. We are both already linked to the girl through Ronni, who was convicted after our arson investigation seven years ago. People have seen you and me have lunch. We’ve had all the time in the world to plan this together.”