Calling California

by J. P. Grider

  Back in Nathan's marble-tiled galley kitchen, I make myself a cup of coffee from his Keurig coffee maker and search his fridge for something to eat. About half a dozen round foil pans sit on the second shelf, each one labeled in black lettering. I take out the one labeled Chicken Francaise and preheat the oven. Sitting with my coffee, I reflect on the last twenty-four hours. Now that I've had time to think things through, I realize that I am still angry at my mother and pretty disappointed in Griffin. And I am heartbroken for my father. This time should be spent mourning him and not fretting over dirty little secrets, but my mother's lies tainted that for me. Then to learn that my mother was still having an affair with Nathan's father during their early years of marriage? I couldn't believe it when Nathan told me that last night. I barely even know my mother. If she can lie so easily, how can I trust anyone?

  The ten minute timer dings, so I take the cardboard cover off the pan and stick my chicken in the oven. After setting the timer for thirty minutes, I take my coffee into Nathan's living room and sit on his brown leather couch. It's then that I see the cordless phone laying on his end table. So I pick it up and call Tabitha.

  "Hello?" she says on the first ring, and I'm surprised she even answered the phone, since the number I'm calling from isn't a familiar one.

  "Hey," I say, embarrassed to have just picked up and left without alerting anyone where I was going.

  "I was hoping this was you. Where are you?" she practically yells.

  "I'm fine, Tab. Just needed a break from everything. Did you hear about my dad?" I ask, thinking I never even got to tell her my father passed away.

  "Tab, what are you talking about? I was with you last night. Remember? You got mad all mad ‘cause I wanted you to go out with me. Are you sure you’re okay? I’m worried.”

  "Oh my God, Tab. I’m losing it. Yes…I remember you were with me. I’m okay, just a lot going on."

  "Cal, where are you?"

  I take a sip of coffee, wondering if I should tell her. If she doesn't know where I am, then she doesn't have to lie to Griffin when he asks. "I'm... at a friend’s... sort of."

  "What's that supposed to mean, Cal? What friend? And what do you mean sort of?"

  I sigh, recognizing my inability to be vague to Tabitha. "I went to see my new brother. I'm at his house. But if Griffin asks, I don't know, maybe you can skirt around it and, um, not tell him."

  "Okay. I'll lie for ya. But can I just point out that you're mad at Griffin for lying? That's kind of hypocritical, don't you think?"

  I throw my head against the back of the couch and sigh out loud. "Fine. If he asks, tell him. But also tell him I don't want to see him." Then I moan, "Not that he'll listen, I'm sure."

  "He's really worried about you, Cal. You should at least tell him you're all right."

  "No. I don't want to see anyone right now."

  "Except your new brother. He's okay to see?"

  "He's not even home. He won't be until I'm already sleeping. He has hours like my mom's, so I'll hardly see him."

  "Wait a minute. You sound like you’re moving in? Are you moving in with him?"

  "No, I'm not moving in with him. That would be weird, because, well, he's Griffin's brother, and oh my God, Tab, this whole thing is messed up. Is Griffin like my brother now too? Because yuck. Oh geez."

  Tabitha laughs. "No, Cal. Griffin's not like your brother. I mean, not really."

  "Oh God. Oh God."

  "Stop it, Cal. He's not your brother, all right. You both have different parents. I mean, wait, yeah... that's right. He told me that his brother's father is not his father. His father died when he was one or something like that. And, well, his mother is not his brother's mother... anymore. So, yeah, there's no blood. Nothing to worry about."

  I don't even know what to say anymore. I let a long lull fill the air, my mind now numb to any thoughts.

  "Honey. Cal." Tabitha's voice breaks through my trance. "C'mon. It's all gonna be okay."

  All I muster is a throat-bearing groan.

  "You coming home soon? I'm sure your mother needs you right now. Imagine what she's going through right now, Cal. She loses her husband, and now she thinks she's lost her daughter... all on the same day. Man, that's gotta suck."

  "Ugh, thanks, Tab," I remark sarcastically.

  "Yeah, well someone's gotta be the adult, Cal."

  "Right." The kitchen timer dings. "Listen, Tabitha, I have to go. Can I call you later?"

  "Yeah. I'm here if you need me, honey."

  Suddenly, I'm not even hungry for the Chicken Francaise. All I can think about is what Tabitha said about my mother needing me. I shut off the oven, take the chicken out, and put the lid back on. Hopefully Nathan won't mind that I stick it back in the refrigerator right from the oven, but I have to do this now. Before I lose my courage.

  I take a pen out of my purse, take his cell number off the fridge, and write a note to him right underneath it. Pinning it back up with the magnet, I leave the kitchen, grab my purse, and silently say goodbye and thank you to my new older brother.

  Whom I know I'll be seeing again.

  60

  Griffin

  "Jesus Christ, Nate, she's staying with you?"

  The fact that my girlfriend went to my brother, when she ran from me, makes me fuming mad. And irrationally jealous. They're blood, for chrissake.

  "How could you do that to me?" I shout, my brother motioning for me to calm down, since he has a few customers out in the dining room. Not to mention the fact that his kitchen crew is right outside his office where we're talking.

  "Do that to you?" Nate says calmly, sitting behind his shiny mahogany desk. "She was cowering behind the dumpster out back. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she was cold and hungry."

  A sharp pain cleaves through my chest with the picture of an indigent Calista that my brother so vividly paints for me - the exact opposite of what I want for her.

  "What was I supposed to do? Her father just died. She found out her mother'd been lying to her all these years. She learns she has a brother. And to top it all off, her new brother is her boyfriend's brother... who knew about it and didn't tell her."

  I close my eyes and wish it all away.

  "Seriously, Griffin. She couldn't go home. Where was she going to go?" My brother asks, his arms held up in question.

  "To me... Nate. She could have come to me," I say, slamming my fist on his desk.

  "Look, I get why you couldn't tell her when you found out. Dad told me all about it, but..."

  "It was not because of Dad that I didn't tell her," I interrupt him, making sure he truly understands why I waited to tell her. "I could give two shits whether I'm cut off from him or not. It was because of you and because of Cali that I didn't tell her."

  "I don't get it. Because of Cali?" Nate sits back in his librarian-style mahogany chair and crosses his arms.

  "Well, when I came here to tell Ellie that I knew her secret, and I was going to tell Cali," Nate shakes his head in disapproval, but I continue anyway, "I realized that I'd be hurting Cali's relationship with her mother. And I didn't want to do that. Especially that her father was dying... I told Ellie I'd wait for her to tell her, but I asked that it please be soon, since I couldn't stand keeping this from Cali." I stand up and run my hand through my hair, then proceed to finger all of my brother's culinary achievement plaques he has hanging on his wall. Facing his certificates, I say, "Then she chose to tell her the night he died. Who the fuck does that?" I ask, spinning around to look at Nate. "I mean, c'mon, she doesn't have enough to deal with?"

  "Who we talking about, Ellie or Cali?" With an exhausted sigh, he asks.

  "I'm talking about Cali. But seriously, Ellie too. Why would she choose yesterday to divulge this?"

  "Maybe because she felt guilty not telling her husband," Nate suggests, clearly finding sympathy for Ellie.

  Then it occurs to me... he never got to finish telling me how he feels. My intention in coming here was to talk to him a
bout what he was going through. It never occurred to me that he'd even talked to Cali. But as soon as he mentioned that she came by yesterday, I was all over him, asking him what she said? or if she was mad at me? or did he think she'd forgive me?. "So, um, I'm sorry, I keep talking about Cali, because, man, I just love her to death, but we never really got around to your feelings about all this. How... are you?" I finally ask, relieved to at least know that Cali is safe in his home.

  He relaxes back against his chair. "Actually, right now, I'm pretty good. Yesterday was a different story. Don't tell Mom and Dad though. Let them suffer a little." He laughs.

  "You're not pissed?" I sit back down.

  "I was. Cali got me over that though."

  "What?"

  "Meeting Cali got me over it. Yeah, I'm still pissed that they chose not to tell me. And I'm a little hurt by Ellie that she never said anything. I mean, she was, I don't know, like an aunt all this time. And..."

  "How is it that you could think that way about her, yet I didn't even know she existed?" I ask, flabbergasted as to how that could be so.

  "Your thing with Dad was the classic cars stuff. Mine was the restaurant. I mean, I could probably count on one hand the times I've seen you at the restaurant. Mom hated it. Though, in retrospect, I can see why. Ellie was here."

  I nod then shake my head. "This is fucked up."

  "Yeah it is." I look around his office then bring my attention back to Nate. "Were you shocked?"

  Nate stares at me for a long moment. "Not really." He seems to think about it again. "No. Once she told me, I was like, yeah... it makes sense somehow." Nate lets out a chuckle. "She was always so good to me, you know. We had a great relationship. More than employee/employer. But... I guess that's because she's worked here for as long as I'd been alive."

  "Do you think Dad loved her?"

  He nods. "I do."

  "Then why do you think he ended up with Mom... my mom?"

  "Truthfully? Dad's a snob. Wanted someone in his league, I think." Nate uses his fingers as air quotes. "Ellie never had a dime to her name. Dad has this need to impress, and I don't think Ellie fit that mold. But I think he loved her. Otherwise," Nate leans forward, resting his elbows on the desk, "he wouldn't have made me keep her when he opened the second restaurant. Ellie told me that Dad always made sure he brought me in when I was young." Nate sighs and shrugs his shoulders. "Just my opinion, that's all it is. I could be wrong."

  I nod, trying to absorb it all.

  "Listen, Griff, go try to explain your part in all this to that girlfriend of yours. She's a sweetheart. And she's my sister, so don't you hurt her," he faux warns. "Here's the key." He tosses it to me. "Just in case she doesn't let you in." He laughs.

  "Wait a minute." I stop at his office door. "Ellie said Dad fired her. Is that true?"

  "Yeah, but I'm gonna try to see about getting her back. Dad lets me run the place, you'd think he'd let me do the hiring and firing. He doesn’t even let me do the scheduling." Nate shakes his head.

  "Good luck getting him to see things your way." I snort and walk out.

  61

  Cali

  When I reach the sidewalk outside of Nathan's house, I'm momentarily confused. First, I don't remember where I parked my car, and second, I have no idea where I am. So instead of wandering aimlessly through the town of Glen Rock, I sit on Nathan's front steps and try to recall where I had parked.

  Nathan and I walked to his house from the restaurant. But I didn't park there. I remember parking a few blocks from Donavon's, but I can't even remember how to get to the restaurant from here, never mind recalling what street I parked on. So I close my eyes and disregard everything around me. I think I make a left up the street, then a right, to get to Donavon's. When I open my eyes and stand, Griffin is standing in front of me.

  My heart hammers, and my body trembles. I should sit back down in case my knees decide to give, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction. I want him terribly, but I'm still so mad at him. Going against my heart, I let my head take the lead. "I don't have time for you, Griffin." I step forward and attempt to walk by him.

  He sidesteps his way in front of me. "Not until you let me explain, Calista." His tone is firm. Commanding. It shouldn't make me want him more.

  But it does.

  "There's nothing to explain," I retort. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go." But I do not. Want. To go. I want to stay right here and run into his arms. Instead, I sidestep him. "Sorry, I have something important to do right now." This is not a lie.

  He manages his way in front of me again and grabs my upper arms. "This'll just..."

  "Let. Go." I echo the same thing I said to him last night when he grabbed me. It may not be hurting me physically, but I will not accept that kind of behavior from him.

  Sliding his open palms down my arms, he says, "I wasn't trying to be rough." Then in a hitched voice, he rasps, "I'm just so desperate to have you hear me out." That's when I see his hands tremble as he sticks them in his pockets. This unnerves me. Because I do not want to break down in front of him and give in. He lied to me, and I don't tolerate liars.

  Unless of course their husband just died.

  But that's beside the point.

  There's also the ick factor. He's my brother's brother. I just can't wrap my head around that... regardless of what my heart is wrapped around - his finger. But we won't tell him that.

  Griffin stares at me with these huge, moist, desperate cobalt-blue eyes, and I can't help myself. Those knees I was trying so hard to keep steady fail me. But though they buckle, I do not fall. I stand myself upright and walk backward to the bottom step and sit. "Fine, Griffin," I deadpan, hoping like hell to hide most of my emotions. "Say what you need to say... quickly."

  With a simultaneous sigh and nod, he paces back and forth in front of me, hands deep in his pockets, before he kneels down in front of me. "Calista. The moment I found out about Nathan and, well, your mother, I wanted to tell you. But then my mother told me how maybe your mother had her reasons for keeping it from you, and my father should really tell Nathan before I told you. I don't know. In retrospect, maybe I should have just come right to you, but..." Griffin shakes his head and takes this huge fortifying breath – which makes me go soft again for him, because he's so nervous. "But I was so confused. What was the right thing to do? You know?" He moves from kneeling to sitting next to me on the step. We shift ourselves so we are kind of facing each other. A shiver runs up my leg when his knee makes contact with my knee. Then his hand is on top of my knee, and I need to take a deep breath myself. "Cal. When I first heard your story... about the Gameboy... I was afraid to come to you. I'm really not sure why, but something in my gut told me something was wrong. It wasn't just like, 'Hey, that was me you were talking about. I'm the one who gave you that Gameboy.' It was more like, 'I don't think I am supposed to know this.' That kind of thing. You know?"

  He lifts my chin with his two fingers, imploring me to look him in the eye. "I really did try to do what I thought was best for you. I went to see your mother at the restaurant..." I suck in a breath, but he nods, his eyes wide, seeking permission to finish, "so that I can get her take on this. I may not have been the friendliest to her, but I was already in a bad mood because of my father and this whole thing." Griffin moves his hand from my chin and runs it through his hair. His other hand is still affectionately holding the top of my knee. "Anyway, she cried. And she told me she would tell you herself... If I told you, instead of her, I was afraid I'd ruin your relationship with her. But she must have gotten upset with me anyway for making this all come out. I don't know why she told you yesterday though. You guys had enough to deal with, but... Calista, I swear, my intention was never to lie. Never. I just wanted to do the right thing... for you. Without ruining what you had with your mother."

  Griffin reaches for both my hands with both of his, and I let him hold them. "I hope you can understand why I didn't tell you." He probes my eyes for my reaction.

>   I nod. And bite my lip.

  "You understand?" he asks, certainly wanting a verbal response.

  "I do," I say, but I don't smile. I continue to bite my lip. I'm nervous.

  When he leans in to hug me, I press my palm flat against his chest. "I understand. I do. But I can't do this."

  He sags back, his jaw dropped in surprise. "I... I don't... don't understand."

  "I just can't right now, Griffin." I stand and he follows. "You said what you needed to say. I appreciate it, but I have to go." And before the dam holding back my tears breaks, I choke out, "I'm sorry."

  Then I turn and walk quickly away, my tears falling faster than my feet can walk.

  62

  Griffin

  "But... but," I say to her retreating back. But she doesn't turn around. She doesn't even slow up. Her form is moving so quickly away from me, that I don't even run after her. She obviously is done with me. I've ruined the best thing that has ever. Ever. Happened to me.

  Fuck.

  Shit.

  Fuck it. With a running start, I reach her as she turns the corner. Though my instinct is to grab her, to stop her from racing away from me, I don't. I slow up behind her and tap her on the shoulder. Startling her anyway.

  But when she turns around, her face is drenched in sadness. She licks off the tears that bead on her lips then her bottom lip disappears inside her mouth.

  "Calista, please. I can't let you go." My chest heaves, and bile rises up from my stomach. "God, I love you so much. I can't lose you, Calista. I just can't..."

  Her eyes close, and she shakes her head. "Not now, Griffin," she utters through her sobs. "Please, not now."

  And once again, she turns from me and walks away. Growing smaller and smaller the further she gets. And when she slips from my sight, I stand there, motionless, my hands at my sides, my tears and shattering heart the only sign I'm alive.