“That’s what true love is Pip” I smile at my best friend, who takes my hand and smiles back,
“So is this” she winks at me and clicks next.
The next few days are a blur of jetlag and phone calls to family. Rafe, Matthew and I head to Buxton to see my parents and celebrate the news; I use the time up there to pull my book together. It’s turned out very different to any of my previous releases, it’s about a girl who goes travelling in the hope of finding love, but instead finds friendships that she never imagined could exist, there’s no romance at all, it’s just a lovely story about a group of people brought together by a love for travel, despite the differences in their backgrounds. I’m really proud of my work and think it feels more mature than anything I’ve produced previously, I can’t wait to present the manuscript to Francesca, I’ve even managed to finish it before the new deadline she gave me.
My parents, being the eternal hosts that they are, have taken it upon themselves to plan an engagement party for the boys. It will be in Rafe’s café but Dad will be catering it and Mam will plan every detail, I of course am just expected to turn up and look pretty, which I’m grateful for.
The evening before the three of us head back to the capital is spent drinking wine in my childhood bedroom, listening to eighties Madonna and pulling together a guest list. We have great fun joking about what certain people might wear and who will go home with whom, but before long Matthew’s mood changes and he goes quiet,
“Babe, what’s up? Having second thoughts?” Rafe asks, he is joking but there’s concern in his voice,
“No, of course not, it’s just” he looks at me “Michael!”
Stupidly, we hadn’t even thought about him before now. It will be the first time that any of my family will have seen him since the wedding, Rafe has refused to be in the same room as Michael for fear of killing him, but, he’s Matthew’s twin, how can they not invite him?
“Don’t worry, I’m a big girl I can handle it. And so can Rafael” I shoot my brother a look that says ‘you will behave yourself and not ruin this for your fiancé’ he smiles a shy smile in response and Matthew writes his brother’s name on the list.
It’s the day of the party and I’m excited, my parents are staying with Rafe for a few days which means that all of my family is within close reach. Pip, Mam & I have decided to have a pamper day to get ready for this evening, well, Pip, Dad and I decided, Mam protested saying she had too much to do, but the Alvez men just wanted her out of their hair and their very capable hands.
After a hot stone massage, a facial, manicure and a pedicure I am ready for my hair to be tamed by a professional. I will do my own make up, but I’m the first to admit that I am crap with hair. Enrique is a friend of Rafe’s and is coming to the party later, so takes pleasure in making me as presentable as possible.
My Mam and I are next to each other in the salon while Pip is getting her hair washed. I can’t help but notice our similarities in the mirrors. My skin is darker than hers and my hair less wiry, but we have the same flame red colour and bright green eyes. She is strikingly beautiful still and I can only imagine what my Dad must have thought the first time he laid eyes on her.
Mam had gone to Spain at eighteen under the pretence of wanting to study the architecture of Catholic churches in Europe; the irony is that it was Catholicism she was running away from. Mam had grown up in a strict Irish Catholic family just outside of Cork in Ireland. Her father was an alcoholic who ruled with an iron fist and her mother was a timid woman who relied on Hail Mary’s to get her through her loveless marriage. Mam refused to live like that and vowed to make her escape. She got a job in a sandwich shop in town and saved her money in a jar under her bed, her mother protected her savings from her father by telling him it was for ‘Bernadette’s quest to follow God’s path and spread his word,’ Mam has always suspected that her mother knew she was running away from getting stuck in a life like her own and wished for nothing less for her only daughter.
Mam met dad in a tapas bar where he worked and he says he was in love the second he saw her. They began a relationship and once Mam became pregnant with Rafe, she knew she could never go home. She was unmarried, pregnant and in love with a Spaniard, her father would never let her back in the house, and she would be treated like the town leper. She agreed to stay with Dad in Spain and she never looked back.
Enrique styles my hair to suit my dress and I feel like a fifties film star, Pip and I head home to finish getting ready, dropping Mam at Rafe’s house on the way.
“Wow RoRo, you look bloody sensational!” Pip approves of my tight black evening gown, it has a thigh high split on the left side and the one shoulder design accentuates my Latina curves perfectly, I feel great. I head into my room to pick up my clutch bag and my phone flashes to alert me to a message, ‘Rosetta, I’m home. Please will you see me, I need to explain’ I don’t have the time or will to deal with Jackson right now, so I turn my phone off and head out to the party without it.
On arrival at the party my Mam grabs me by the arm and directs me to stand near the entrance, she tells me that I look beautiful and that I have to greet the guests to make them feel welcome, I can tell that she is anxious about doing Rafe proud and I do as I’m told without protest. Matthew’s parents arrive and greet me with apologetic eyes and warm hugs; I welcome them to the party with a friendly smile and reassure them that what happened was not their fault. Now that they’re here I am nervous about coming face to face with Michael, but I have my war paint on and refuse to let anyone see that.
My Uncle Frank has made the trip from Dublin and is holding up the line while he tells me over and over how much I look like my mother, finally Frank hugs me and I am thankful for his strong hold as I see Michael over his shoulders and momentarily think I may collapse. Frank releases me and I gather my composure, I can do this.
“Rosetta, you look stunning this evening” Michael leans forward to kiss me on the cheek and I step back slightly holding out a hand for him to shake instead. He smiles and lifts my hand to his mouth kissing it and I feel bile rising to my throat,
“Enjoy your evening Michael” he smiles at me and heads into the café and I decide my time as the welcome party is over; I need a drink, fast. Michael looks nothing like Matthew thank goodness. He is two minutes younger, a foot shorter and nowhere near as handsome. While Matthew is tall, blonde and toned with hypnotic blue eyes, Michael is shorter with mousey brown hair and grey eyes. Michael is not in bad shape considering that he is lazy when it comes to anything except finance, but his skin is pale and compared to his brother, he bores me senseless. Looking at him tonight I don’t know why he had such a hold on me, but I immediately feel the same worthlessness that I did the whole time I was with him.
I can’t bare the insecure feelings and drink to drown them out. Thoughts of Jackson hurt my heart and thoughts of Michael embarrass me so, all I can do is pick up another vodka Red Bull and drink it as quickly as I can so I that I can move on to my next one. I am having a lovely evening, it’s great to see Rafe and Matthew so happy, my parents are in their element and I am over the moon for them all, but I am drunk, and becoming more so by the minute, I need air and escape outside whilst nobody is looking.
“Rosie, you’re very drunk, do you think that’s wise, you know how forgetful you are when you drink” Michael has followed me out of the party and I stare dumbfounded at the audacity of his lecture
“It’s none of your damn business Michael, leave me alone” I stumble as I try to step away from him, my head spins and he takes hold of me to stop me from falling,
“I’m sorry Rosetta, I never meant to hurt you” Michael kisses me and want to push him away, I think of Jackson and then I think of that girl wearing his shirt, I want to hurt him. I break away from Michael and he looks at me, unsure what my next move will be,
“Get us a taxi Michael, to my place” I know I’ll regret it in the morning, but right now, I don’t care.
I wake the
next morning to mix of tinnitus and BBC News 24 and memories of the night before come flooding back. I throw the back of my left hand over my eyes in an attempt to block out my mistake and something scratches my forehead, I look at my hand am horrified, it’s my engagement ring.
“Oh no! No no no!” I repeat to myself in a panic, and I feel that I may throw up. What happened last night?
“Good Morning my angel, you’ve made me a very happy man” Michael walks into my bedroom in his boxers and a t-shirt carrying two cups of tea, even after this long he still doesn’t realise, or care that I hate tea.
“Michael, I’m sorry” I’m very aware that I’m naked and am trying cover myself as much as I can with the duvet “I was very drunk last night”
“I know you were my princess, don’t worry. All is right with the world now” he touches the end of my nose and it makes my skin crawl,
“Michael, I don’t really remember much of last night and…” he cuts me off
“Well Rosie, you forgave me. We’ll be married soon enough” he smiles at me and my heart sinks, something about Michael makes me feel so unworthy, and I know I can’t say no to him
“Oh, well, no rush hey” I take a sip of tea and my stomach churns, what have I done?
Chapter Thirty
I spend the rest of the day in a daze, I cannot bring myself to switch on my phone as I know that my family and Pippa will have lots to say to me, I’m not ready for that yet. Michael left just after eleven am, but promised to be back this evening, the second he was out of the door I practically ran to the bathroom and switched on the shower. I took off my ring and placed it on the window ledge and now I sit in the bath with the hot water raining down on me. My mind plays tricks on me telling me that I will never get anything better than Michael and that he is my only option if I don’t want to be alone. Jackson appears in my mind’s eye and I tell myself that despite my feelings, he’ll never commit to me the way Michael will, I push the thoughts of them both out of my head and I start to cry, uncontrollably I sob, the shower washing away the tears as they fall but failing to rid me of the feelings of hurt and regret.
After maybe an hour of crying I have run out of tears, my head and throat hurt and I realise that I have to pull myself together. I wash myself and turn off the shower. After drying my body and my hair I pull on some clean pyjamas and climb back into bed, I need to sleep off the night before, and want to block out the unwelcome thoughts in my head, I am meeting with Francesca tomorrow to see what she thought of my book and I need a clear head. I curl up in a ball to protect myself from my own stupidity and feel my eyelids become heavy, my last waking thought is that I hope I am asleep when Michael comes back, I can’t face him, I don’t want to.
When my alarm goes off at eight am I have a brief moment of panic before I realise that Michael isn’t next to me. I hope that I dreamt our reunion but when I see the ring back on my finger I know I didn’t. I feel annoyed that he must have put it back on me whilst I was asleep, again! Is he that much of a control freak that he can’t wait until I’m awake? I already know the answer. I dress quickly and pull my hair into a pony tail, I call a taxi whilst I apply a little make up and I see my mobile on the dressing table. I think of Jackson and panic at the prospect of bumping into him again at Gold Square, ‘Man up Alvez’ I tell myself as I push the thoughts aside and head downstairs to meet my ride.
My trip to Gold Square publishing is uneventful, there no Jackson, I’m on time and I manage to stay relatively calm despite my nerves for the meeting. I’m greeted by a smiling Sarah, who comments on my tan and whispers that she saw a sneak peek of my manuscript of Frankie’s desk and loved it; she winks at me when Frankie steps out of her office to welcome me inside.
“Rosetta, this is a new direction for you. I love it” Francesca smiles at me in a way that I haven’t seen in almost two years “I’m proud of you Rosie, this is your best work”
“Thank you Frankie, I’m really proud of it too” I smile a nervous smile but I feel giddy inside that I did it.
“Rosie I want this out there ASAP, it’s perfect. It’s gone to print already and I have already started to plan a launch. Ill email you some details, review it all and let me know any problems”
I am stunned; I’ve never known Frankie to send anything to print so quickly, especially not before meeting with me to discuss it. I’m excited and can’t help the grin that spreads across my face,
“Francesca, thank you for giving me an extension. You gave me time to produce something that I’m really proud of. I’m really grateful” I am sincere in my gratitude and Frankie knows that,
“I believe in you Rosie, I’m hard on you at times, but it’s because you’re so capable. This is brilliant work and the figures are going to reflect that” I can almost see the pound signs in her eyes as she smiles a big yellow toothed grin “I have another meeting Rosie but I’ll email you” I stand to leave “Oh Rosie don’t forget the Christmas party next week, ill pop it on the email”
I had forgotten. I don’t want to go as I know Jackson will be there, but how can I say no now. If I don’t show it will be a kick in the teeth for Frankie, I know she will want me to network and talk about my book all evening. I shake my head and block out the thoughts of the party, I need a coffee and I need to face the music, so I head to Rafael’s.
I walk sheepishly into Rafael’s and see Rafe behind the counter, he glances toward me and shakes his head before continuing to serve a customer, I can see his jaw clenching and I bite my lip nervously, I hate letting him down. I head for my favourite table near the window and Rafe leaves Sophie manning the counter to come and join me.
“Decided to show your face then?” he is angry, I can hear it in his tone and don’t know how to respond, so I don’t “You better start talking Rosie, not only did you leave my engagement party, you left with him. How are you planning on explaining that?” I’m embarrassed, customers in the café must be able to hear him and I look around the café anxiously, “Come with me” Rafe realises that he is causing a scene and takes me through to the kitchen and out of sight and earshot of his patrons. “What the fuck Rosetta? Mam has been in tears, Dad is beside himself, what did you do?”
“Rafe I, I don’t know, I’m sorry” I swallow hard trying to stop myself from crying “I’m going to be alone Rafael, don’t you get it? They all leave me in the end so why not get back with Michael. We don’t all get the happily ever after you know!” Rafe glares at me, confused by my outburst and visibly angry at my behaviour. He notices the ring on my finger and laughs,
“You’re fucking stupid Rosetta if you think he won’t do it again, I’m not going to back you up this time little sis, you’re on your own” his tone is slow and deliberate and his words cut me like a knife, Rafe and I have always backed each other up, the thought of not having him in my corner terrifies and hurts me and I become angry at him, despite knowing that he is right,
“Fuck you Rafe, I didn’t ask you for anything, least not your opinion. You’re just jealous that you’re not the only one in the limelight now, how dare I steal you fucking thunder hey?” I regret the words before they have left my mouth but was unable to stop them from escaping,
“Rosie get out! Sort your head out before you talk to me again” Rafe has never dismissed me before and I feel sick, I start to cry and leave the café. My heart is breaking and my life seems to be falling apart whilst my career is on the up. I am lost and realise that Michael is all I have now; I head home, defeated, deflated and miserable.
It’s five forty am. I haven’t spoken to Pippa or my family in over a week and my life feels completely empty without them. I have spent the last six days feeling suffocated by Michael, he has practically moved back in with me and I have taken a long bath each night just so that I can lock myself away from him. I’m unhappy and don’t want him there but have resigned myself to giving it another go, everyone else has abandoned me so why not. The worst part of the whole thing is that I feel violated every time he
touches me, I let him ‘make love’ to me as he calls it but I basically lay there and wait for it to be over, he is satisfied with that, sex between us was always for his pleasure and not mine, I guess that’s why Jackson made me feel so alive, he was all about pleasing me. My mind drifts back to my time with him but I am brought back to the real world by the sound of Michael’s alarm.
The Christmas party is tonight and I have been restless knowing that I am likely to see Jackson there; Michael is oblivious to it as he gets ready for work and I head into the living room and sit at my desk. As well as my novels, I do some work as a freelance journalist and am currently writing a story about the nursery that we visited in Ao Nang. When we were there Jean told me that she wants to open three more just like it, but they rely on funding from sponsors, I said that I would do what I could to help, Pippa promised me the use of her photos, but she isn’t speaking to me at the moment and I feel awkward asking. I decide to just work on the article and come back to thinking about the pictures once it is done.
I spend as long as I can lost in the article, the memories of the day spent at the nursery make me smile and the escapism is exactly what I need, but as four pm rolls around I know that I need to shut the laptop for the day. I have a Christmas party to get ready for, and in the back of my mind I know that I want to look perfect if I am going to bump into Jackson. I head for the bathroom and begin operation beautify!
Michael and I arrive at the party and I am almost immediately ambushed by Francesca, “Rosie, you’re here, there’s somebody you have to meet, come on” she drags me away and Michael heads to the bar.
I have been at the party for over an hour and have not yet had a drink or said two words to Michael, I am grateful for the latter as quite frankly he bores me. In the taxi on the way here all he talked about was an article that he had read in the financial times, I had zoned out by the time we came to a stop. I am talking to a book reviewer that I have apparently met before but don’t remember and I spot Michael over her shoulder, my heart stops when I realise who he is talking to and I have to separate them, I make my excuses and head back towards my fiancé.
Meeting Mr Write Page 12
