The Sacrifice

by Nhys Glover

  "And what happens to the rebel's war plans in that year? Do they just put them on hold?" Darkin demanded, unconvinced.

  "They do whatever they planned to do before we came along. And as long as they can still say I am with them, new recruits will continue to stream in. I am not happy about that side, but it is better than staying here and being forced to take part in this rebellion directly.

  "It is not that I am a coward. I'm not. But I will not risk all our lives for someone else's cause. If I... we... decide to make it our cause, all right. But until then we stay on the sidelines." I looked at each frowning face, trying to read their minds. Even Calun was closed to me at that moment. I was even more convinced the mental link that had formed between us was only one-sided. I could let them into my head but I could not get into theirs. Except for Calun, and only if he wanted me there. That seemed very unfair to me.

  "You're right," Darkin agreed slowly. "That's what our position was before you came to us. It was someone else's war, not ours. But I feel an obligation to these people now. Some lost their lives helping us set you free. Their healers have worked tirelessly to save your life."

  I nodded. I understood that. But they did not come for me out of the goodness of their hearts. It was a strategic move. I was someone they valued. Having me would strengthen their position. Had I been any ordinary woman they would have left me to rot in that hole.

  Of course, if I had been just any woman, my father would not have wanted me dead. Being seen as special was a two-edged blade.

  "Calun, can you live with this plan?" Darkin asked his silent, emotionally fragile brother.

  I held my breath. I was asking a lot of him. If something went wrong, his beloved airlings might be sucked up into the war-machine and die in droves. Airlings were peace-loving creatures that had even less invested in the machinations of humans than we did. No matter what, I would not let them be turned into fodder for the rebel's agenda.

  I must have been broadcasting these thoughts to Calun because he met my gaze and lowered his barriers. I could see his fears for his friends, his family, and his trust in me. He nodded his head.

  "I guess we have a plan," Darkin said to me, his face still troubled. He was not completely on board, but then neither was I. It was just the only workable plan I could come up with on short notice. Whether I was just postponing the inevitable or not, I felt that this was the best path open to us.

  Of course, it all hinged on the rebels agreeing to it, and having a safe haven for us to go to. It would need to be far away from any war front. Even here at their headquarters would not work. Airlings, wild airlings, would not come this close to civilisation.

  I nodded with some relief. It seemed like we had been at loggerheads for so long. The only time we ever agreed was in bed. But what could you expect from five very different people. No, I was stating that incorrectly. The brothers were largely in agreement with each other. It was me who was at odds with them. Especially over being the Goddess Incarnate.

  What would I feel about it if there wasn't a fraggin' war hinging on my supposed part in it? It was a stretch to see myself as the one the prophecy spoke of. But it was not a complete stretch, if I was honest with myself. I was a magical daughter, born of the magically impotent Godling. I had gifts that might be more than others of my kind. I certainly had attracted more harem men to my side. Now I seemed to be developing new talents, like having my men in my head. Was that a talent? It seemed like a curse. If it went both ways I might be able to appreciate it. My connection with Calun was like that. It made our bond special. What would happen if I shared that connection with all of them? Would Calun's purpose be made redundant? I fought that idea. He would never be valueless to me.

  While the men went to sound-out the lesser rebels about places we might use for our airling purposes, I went to open discussions with the rebel leaders. Reia, who had become my intermediary since my healing was complete, met me as I left my room.

  "I am sorry for intruding on you yesterday. I was just checking on you after the meeting."

  I was over being embarrassed by my sexual activities. There were far more important matters to contend with. Last night I had slept in a pile of bodies on the floor and never felt more content. There had been no more sex. In truth, my body had not stood up to the work out it had been given. None of the brothers were small. And passions had run high. At the time it had all been wonderful, afterwards... well, afterwards I paid the price.

  But I did not regret a moment of it. And once my body was recovered I would do it again. It was more time efficient to share encounters. Although that was not the reason I wanted to go there again. The bond was formed, I knew it was not necessary to do it again. But... well, I liked it. No, I loved it.

  "It shocked you, did it not, seeing us together like that?" I probed with interest.

  She shrugged and looked away. "Yes, I will admit it did. It seemed rather... I mean, I have only heard of such activities happening in... well, in houses of ill-repute. Even though we Elemental Mistresses have harems, we do not share our bed with more than one man at a time. It is not... done, I suppose is the best word."

  I nodded. That would have been my attitude before yesterday. Now I was totally accepting of it. Did I mind that what we did happened in whorehouses? No, not really. I knew that my men did not see me like that. What we shared was not just sex. And because I was the focus of all the attention, I was woman enough to appreciate it.

  "It was the first time we did it that way. I felt the need to bind us closer. That seemed the most effective way to do it. Mayhap it is not right for everyone, but it worked for us. Although some of my men did not appreciate being in my head when I was being pleasured by one of their brothers." I gave a small laugh as I remembered Jaron's look of disgust. I might have to make sure my barriers were up next time. Being naked with each other was not an issue for them, but there were boundaries on intimacy to be considered. Inadvertent incest was not acceptable to them.

  "Do you not feel like you are... used as a sex object?" she asked tentatively.

  I frowned and considered her question. During the throes of passion we all became body parts, in one sense. I lost track of whose cock I held, or whose hands cupped my breasts. But that actually brought us closer. It was like all our bodies became one larger organism striving for union, for pleasure, and for the perfect expression of love. There were moments when we acknowledged the individual elements, but for the rest? It was a blending, a morphing into a group mind.

  "Not an object. Always a person, but part of something larger. At least for the time we are together," I answered as honestly as I could.

  She nodded. "Well, the rules can be broken by you, I suppose."

  I fought not to roll my eyes. Instead, I just focused on my task.

  "I have made some decisions I wish to share with the leaders of your movement. How can I do that?" I asked.

  She looked hopeful. "If you will wait a 'turn, I will gather the relevant members of the committee together so you can talk to them. Is it good news?"

  The lying started here. It seemed to me my whole life had been a series of lies. Luckily, I was good at it.

  "I think so. Only the committee will know that for sure."

  Within a 'turn I was being ushered back into the room I had visited the day before. I had no need of my men this time. All decisions had been made.

  "Air Mistress, you look more... relaxed?" Moyna observed. Had she heard about what we had done? Was there a mischievous glint in her eye? Surely she had not shared her harem as we had done? She looked too proper for such outrageous displays of passion.

  "I am, Water Mistress. I have a proposal to make to you. We are, as yet, unconvinced of my role in this rebellion. I am not sure I am the one spoken of in the prophesies. But that does not mean we do not wish to aid you in your cause." I paused to take in the mood of the group. They were cautious and a little defensive, so I went on.

  "We are perfectly placed to make a signific
ant contribution to the cause. Airlings have been used by the Godslunders for many years, though not well. Not until my men taught the troopers how to handle them and began taming them properly. Since that time, the airlings have become invaluable. What if the rebels could have, not just a few airlings like the Godslunders, but a whole army of them? It might make the difference to this war."

  Pointy Beard was the first to respond. "You would be willing to do this for us? Raise an army of airlings?"

  "It will not be easy, and it will take time. We would have to tame the beastlings first, and then train troopers to ride them. The Airluds were only able to give the Godslunders three airlings per suncycle and their offer was greedily accepted. With intensive work and my help we might be able to give the rebels as many as a hundred airlings in that time, ready to carry rebels into battle or reconnoitre from the air. An invaluable addition to the war effort."

  "That sounds like an impressive feat. Are you sure you could do it in a suncycle? And I am not sure if we have that amount of time to find out," Yianni said thoughtfully.

  "You do not assume your rebellion will be an overnight success, do you? How long has it been in the planning stage? Ten years? More? The Godling will not be easy to defeat. It will take many battles, many campaigns. Many lives. Many mooncycles, even suncycles.

  "And how would you want to use me? At the head of your army where I might die? On the sidelines ineffectually blowing wind in the enemy's face? What happens to your rebellion if I die? You need me alive. But I am unwilling to sit safely here in this stronghold twiddling my thumbs. If I am to be involved I want to be doing something constructive. This is the best use of my time and skills."

  For a moment there was silence. Then everyone started discussing the situation at once. I waited quietly. After about a quarter 'turn, Moyna called the committee to order.

  "It seems your offer is accepted. What do you need from us to make this happen?"

  I felt relief overtake me. Until this moment I had not been sure I could pull it off.

  "The Airluds have long used their home for taming airlings. But that place is known by the Godslunders now. We will need a hidden place, one with plenty of grasses suitable for grazing large flocks of airlings. And we will need housing for ourselves and the riders we will eventually train. Do you have such a place?"

  More discussion, which ended in heated arguments. Moyna called order and addressed me again. "This might take some time. There are several possibilities, as you have heard, but we must weigh up each for more than just their suitability for airlings. Your safety will be paramount, as you have suggested yourself. Leave it with us and by day's end we will have a place for you."

  I nodded with a smile. It was done. I had my reprieve. I just had to use the time wisely, now I had it.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  A whirlwind of activity ensued. At times I forgot that what we were planning would never come to fruition. If I had been committed to this war, if the airlings had been willing, and if we were willing to risk them, it would have been an audacious plan that would have assured the rebel's success. But none of those criteria had been met. I had to remember that. This was an illusion we were creating for our own purposes. Or my purposes, if I was being brutally honest.

  In less than a quarter mooncycle we were ready to leave for our new home at the farthest reaches of the Badlunds, closest to Westsealund, my mother's home. Westsealund and Highlund were the two main supporters of the rebellion. Undeclared, of course. I had even met my uncle, my mother's brother, who was a firm believer in the rebellion and would be our contact once we had left the stronghold.

  Uncle Nouhan was in his mid-twenties, the same age as Darkin. He was an aid to the King of Westsealund. His work took him around the kinglund and further, if required. There was little that went on in his kinglund he did not know about. And because of him the King's discontent with his lack of magical sons was fostered. I knew the fact that my brother had not been returned to him as a magical son was part of this. I wondered what the king would have said if I had been sent in his stead.

  I liked my uncle the moment I met him. He was so much like my mother and me, his white blonde hair the same colour as my own, his eyes a violet blue just like my mother's. He was not a tall man, nor muscular, but there was a presence about him that defied anyone to disregard or underestimate him.

  His introduction to me went like this: "I remember your mother, my sister, well. I was only six years old when she was given to the Godling to wife, but I still remember her. In some ways she was more mother to me than our own was to either of us. She was a motherly type from an early age. The kindest, most accommodating person I have ever known. I missed her bitterly."

  So of course my heart was his from that moment on. My mother was just as he said and, though she spoke little of her home and life before the harem, I had heard her mention Nouhan wistfully.

  "She loved and missed you too," I said with certainty.

  His eyes lit up with happiness. "And she is happy?"

  My heart plummeted. No, my mother would no longer be happy. In fact, I would hazard to say she had never truly been happy since my brother was taken from her. Now that I was gone, and my father had treated me so badly, I knew she would be grieving and may never recover.

  In that moment, I became determined to get my mother out of the harem. When I was growing up it was the only life I knew, the right way for women like me to live. That I rebelled against it by going out and dressing as a boy, did not lessen my sense of rightness of harem life. I was the one who was wrong, not the harem.

  But now I had seen another world beyond the harem, I knew it was not right. My mother might be a favourite of my father, but that did not mean she loved him. Even cared for him. And I knew the life had hurt her. Being the favourite had made her disliked by the other women, their petty and vindictive acts hurt her gentle soul. Though she had never said so, I knew she missed her family. Knowing she would never see them again must have torn even more holes in her soul. Only her strength kept her going. And her love for me.

  And how had I repaid her? By making her lot even harder.

  But no. That was not me. I was not the one who would have sacrificed her beloved daughter for his own ends. That was Father. I could have been the most amenable of daughters and I would still have been taken from her. Murdered using a different name: sacrifice.

  My heart clenched painfully in my chest and I reached for it. Calun's hand was on my arm in an instant, sending me the love I needed. Surprisingly, Rama's hand was next, resting comfortingly on my shoulder. I was seeing more and more of the man he really was under the tough, wounded exterior.

  "I will bring her home to you," I told my uncle firmly. "The harem is no place for Mother. She deserves to be surrounded by people who love her, not jealous women who would do her harm if they could. I have no idea what my fall from grace has done to her. Or my twin, for that matter. Nothing good, I am sure."

  Nouhan nodded sadly. "It is not your fault. I can see you blame yourself, but it is not your fault. You are the chosen of the Goddess, that is your destiny. You could do nothing else than follow your path. I am sure my sister would have given everything to see your destiny fulfilled."

  He thought he was helping, but all his words did was gouge deeper holes into my soul. Nouhan was right. My mother would willingly have given her life for me, Goddess Incarnate or not. I had wondered more than once if the discovery of my escape had been postponed longer than I'd hoped for because Mother had known all along I was gone. She could not say it aloud. There were ears everywhere. But in her small way she had tried to help me.

  I needed to get her out. The need was as powerful as my need had been to escape myself. Before the decision to sacrifice me had been made she had been content with her life, even if not perfectly happy. But that could no longer be true. Nouhan had reminded me who my mother really was and what might have happened to her, because of me.

  "We will get her out," Darki
n said softly. "No matter what, we will set her free."

  Hearing his firm decision spoken aloud reassured me as much as the hands on my body had done. I did not deserve these men's loyalty and love. My mother was likely condemned because of my selfishness; my unwillingness to face death by castration, as Mina had done; and then later my unwillingness to be sacrificed to the gods. I was now seen as a demon spawn and my mother likely punished for giving birth to something like me. Mayhap they thought the demon had bedded her, impregnating her when she was already seeded with the Godling's child. Mayhap they thought I had stolen my brother's magic in the womb. It all sounded possible. Though no one who knew my mother would ever believe she took a demon to her bed willingly. What if he disguised himself as her husband?

  Calun's reprimand came firmly to mind. 'Stop thinking such nonsense. There was no demon. Those are the Godling's justifications for punishing you for running away. And his fear of what you might become. He probably knows the prophecy too.'

  "You are no demon spawn," Jaron announced out of the blue.

  I glanced back at him, standing directly behind me with his hands hovering just a finger width from my waist. He had heard my thoughts. I was too open to them. I had to learn how to close myself off when I needed to.

  'I will teach you.' Calun's calm offer became my next thought. I nodded, both in agreement with Jaron's declaration and Calun's offer.

  I was no demon spawn, just as I was no goddess incarnate. I was a magical daughter, one of many Elemental Mistresses born at this time to restore the balance. And I would learn to control the gifts I had been given, including the one that allowed my harem free access to my head whenever I was experiencing high emotion.

  Later, when we were alone, Darkin raised the issue again. Not my mother. That we had to put away for another time. But my openness to them.