Her voice altered as she confessed, "Yes, you did hurt me. You hurt me because I thought we ... were friends. First you said we must talk; then, you claimed there was nothing to say! You offered friendship and comfort; then you behaved as my enemy and tormented me. I don't understand youl Play your games on someone else, Blazing Star, You're a wicked devil; I'll never ... like you again."
When he did not respond, she asked sarcastically, "Would you explain a few things? Who told you I was chasing after your chief? And why would you believe such lies? I'm not in love with him and never could be. You sound as if it's a crime or a sin to find me desirable. Even so, why punish me for your feelings? I didn't try to entrap you. I only wanted to know why you were avoiding me and being so cold after behaving so differently the other times we met."
He inhaled deeply. "The wife of Crazy Horse and others think you desire him and he desires you. To become his second wife would cause much trouble in his teepee and much trouble in camp. Perhaps envy blinded their eyes to the truth. When I said I must not desire you, it was for your happiness and safety, and mine. You were to leave on the new sun. If you desired me as I believed, it would be wrong to take you to my mat knowing our union would make you think I was claiming you as my woman, my mate. If you yielded to me, it would change nothing between us. When you learned this, you would hate me; you would think I used your desire to trick you to my mat. You are beautiful and rare, Tamaha. You strip a warrior's mind of reason and place wild thoughts in his head. You cause a man's blood to run swiftly and his body to hunger. I cannot help wanting you. I thought it wiser to cool the heat which burns within us."
"You think I'm a whore, Blazing Star? You think I would sleep on the mat of a stranger? That you and I would ... Even so, when does a man unselfishly reject a woman he finds desirable? Besides, I would never sleep with a man I didn't love," she told him bluntly.
"I have not and do not see you as a whore, Tamaha. Desire is a powerful force, one which can defeat or control the strongest person. It would be wrong to let you believe love and desire are mates."
Something in his tone of voice during his last statement snared her attention. "I do not understand the difference between love and desire, Blazing Star. How can a person desire someone they don't love?"
"You are much too pure in mind and body, Tamaha, or you could answer your question. For you, they are the same. For me and others, it is not so. It does not take love for a hungry body to feed on another's. If you were not the granddaughter of Sun Cloud, I would take you this moon, or I would try. Each time I saw you, I craved you. I did not take you because I thought you white. When I learned of your Oglala blood, I could not take you and hurt Sun Cloud or you. A body that burns with such a fire is dangerous and hard to master. But to master two wildfires would be impossible. My cruel words and actions were to put out your fire for me. If I could anger you, you would not let me near and your temptation would be removed. But though I did not wish to hurt you so deeply, I could not lead you to think there could be love after such a union. Do you understand, Tamaha? Your dream does not match mine," he lied desperately.
She lacked experience and knowledge about men, but his meaning was clear; he felt passion for her but not love. Even so, he cared enough to spare her anguish and shame by spurning her. Could she leave forever without knowing him, without having him? "You hurt me and angered me, Blazing Star, but you did not put out the fire within me. I have never known such feelings for a man. I swear there is nothing between me and your chief. I cannot return with you, for the temptation you present is too great. I would make your words true, for I would coax you to my mat. I know a real lady wouldn't say such things, probably not even feel such things; if she did, she would never confess them aloud. I have been so confused since I met you. Even that first day, I felt a powerful pull toward you. Whether it's wrong or not, I can't help how I feel. But I wouldn't want you. to think badly of me after I left. So I must remain here and never see you again. If I had known you were beyond my life-circle and you were in Grandfather's camp and teepee, I would never have gone there. Please find some way to comfort Grandfather; I love him very much. Would it be too difficult to hold me and kiss me good-by?"
He was as taken by surprise at her request as she was to hear herself issue it. She flushed but did not back down. "I could not promise to stop with a kiss, Tamaha. I have wanted no female since my eyes touched upon you. I hunger for you like a starving man. To touch would cause smoldering embers to burst into a roaring fire. Such flames could consume us. You must not tempt me; you must free us from this forbidden spell. You cannot be my woman."
"Why do you speak of what cannot be? Why can't you admit to what is there between us? I need to feel your arms around me, our spirits touching. I need to sense you share my feelings. I need to understand why it cannot be for us. I need you, Blazing Star." She showed all her feelings in those few words. She loved this man, and she was about to lose him. She had told Amanda to pursue Reis boldly and brazenly. Should she not take her own advice? Time was fleeing, and so was he.
She earnestly offered, "For a short time before we must part forever, can't we forget everything but us? Can't we be man and woman, Tamaha and Blazing Star, for a short span? Must we part as white and Indian, as Miranda and a Sioux warrior? I swear I will let you leave when the time comes, but must you go away like this? Surely no pain can be greater than never having you?"
"I fear you would not let me leave after we joined, Tamaha. Once you have known me and our union, the fires would burn brighter and higher. You do not know the powers of passion. I do not speak from pride. I speak from the lights I see in your eyes and the defiance which I have seen in you. You should not love me, Tamaha; you cannot have me. I will take you to Sun Cloud, then ride away."
"Are you so weak and cowardly that you cannot control your body and mind long enough to give me a single kiss?"
Blazing Star was aware of her coaxing ploy and took no offense at her clever taunt. Despite his expertise at concealing his inner emotions, turmoil was exposed in his gaze. "It takes al l my strength and courage to master my hunger for you. Do not sway me, Tamaha. Do not ask for the forbidden."
Miranda knew she was flirting with emotional peril, challenging Fate. "You say I should not. love you; but I do. You say I cannot have you; yet I want you more than life itself. You say I cannot be your woman; yet, in heart and soul, I belong to you forever. You say I must free us, but I have no strength or will to do so. You say I should not tempt you; yet you have tempted me many times. Even when you aren't standing before me in temptation, you visit my dreams and encourage my surrender. You say it cannot be; yet it is and always will be," she murmured raggedly as tears slipped down her cheeks.
"Go, Blazing Star. I'm not holding you prisoner. Take the wanapin with you; its memories are too painful to bear. Why did you enter my life-cycle if you can't become part of it? Why did you keep appearing to me, imprisoning my heart and soul? There is no other man to compare with you. I could never desire and love another after knowing you. You shouldn't have come after me. It was less cruel to let me leave in anger. It was so much easier when I thought you despised me. But knowing you want me as I . . . " She could not finish, for tears choked off her words. She turned and walked to the bed and flung herself face down upon it. She had never imagined the day when she would be enticing a man to seduce herl The sacrifice of Blazing Star was too much to endure, and she wept at her loss.
He watched her for a time, then went to sit beside her. He stroked her silky hair as he pondered what to do. He stretched out beside her, moving his hand up and down her back as his dilemma increased. He encircled her body with his arms and pulled her against him. "Do not weep, Tamaha. It is as a sharp lance into my body to see you suffer this way."
She turned her head and locked her gaze with his. There was no need for words; her eyes said it all. She rolled to her back, her hand caressing his tanned cheek. His head came down to seal their lips, to fuse their destinies into
one. Her arms went around his neck, and they sank entwined to the bed where their bodies would join in rapture in a dreamy world shared only by lovers.
When his lips left hers and he leaned away, both read the passion blazing brightly within the other's eyes. Right or wrong, dangerous or wise, this moment could take no other course. When she smiled up at him, it drove every doubt or restraint from his mind and body. His mouth returned to hers, exploring and tasting the sweetness of her response. He crushed her so tightly in his arms that she could hardly breathe, but she did not care.
For a long time he held her tenderly, and his gentle kiss became more savage. He knew this time could not be rushed, for it would exist only once for them. His lips touched every inch of her face and throat, then each hand. His body surged with new life and joy. He could as easily stop the seasons as this joining.
Never had Miranda known such excitement and happiness as here in his arms. His warm breath caused tremors to sweep over her tingly flesh. As his tongue swirled about in her palm, she shivered with delight. When he removed her gown, she made no attempt to halt him. Nor was she embarrassed when he removed his own garments, dropping them to the floor upon hers.
His gaze was so loving as he murmured huskily, "If you wish to say no, Tamaha, now is the last moment."
She smiled and replied, "There is no such word for you."
As it should be between lovers, there were no reservations, no inhibitions; it was right and natural between them. There was no modesty or shame, only pure love and its mate, desire. His hands were careful as they claimed her flesh, roaming her sensitive body as each area responded instantly to his contact. His touch was skilled and masterful. Soon, there was no spot upon her that did not cry out for him to conquer it and to claim it as his own. Flames licked greedily at their bodies, enticing him to hasten his leisurely conquest of her body.
When he bent forward and captured a compelling breast with his lips, she groaned in pleasure. As his tongue circled the taut point, she watched with fascination, wondering how such an action caused her body ro quiver and warm. Wildly wonderful emotions played havoc with her thinking; it seemed she could do nothing but surrender to pure sensation. One hand slipped down her flat stomach to claim another peak, and he teased both simultaneously.
Her hand wandered up his powerful back into the ebony mane. Each time his mouth left one breast to feast upon the other, it would protest the loss of warmth and stimulation. His mouth drifted upward to fuse with hers. Between kisses, moans escaped her lips, moans which spoke of her rising passion, moans which proved all she had said was true.
His own passion straining to be freed, he moved over her to feel her warm moistness against his throbbing flesh. Assured she was prepared for his entrance, he cautiously pushed past the barrier which eagerly gave way to his loving. Her demanding womanhood surrounded his aching shaft with exquisite bliss. He was so consumed by desire that he nearly lost all control, something that had never happened to him before. He halted all movement to cool his molten blood. Dazed by heady passion, he urged her to lie still until his control returned, but she did not.
She was feverish by now, thrashing her body against his. As he began to move within her, the contact was staggering and she cried out softly in mounting need. Her face was imprisoned between his hands as he deftly savored it with his lips. His hips worked swiftly and skillfully as he increased her great need. She heatedly yielded her body to his loving assault, seeking the pleasures and contentment only he could provide.
He dared not free her mouth as he felt her body tense and shudder with her release, muffling the cry of ecstasy which would have alerted anyone nearby. A sense of intoxicating power surged through him just before his own stunning release came forth. He was so shaken by their potent joining and enchanted by her magic, that he almost shouted his victory aloud. He moved rhythmically until the urgency had fled and they were curled together peacefully.
He held her in his arms as he lay on his side. When his respiration returned to normal, he twisted his head to gaze over at her. Sensing his movement, she shifted her eyes to meet his probing gaze. They exchanged smiles, then hugged tightly. There was such an immense sharing of love and joy. She lay her face on his damp chest and snuggled closer to him. He kissed her forehead and sighed tranquilly. It was not the time for speaking; it was a time for touching and feeling, which they did until she was fast asleep with her arm lying across his chest.
Blazing Star knew his time was gone and he must leave. How he longed to stay at her side, laughing and talking and making love for hours. He looked at her, memorizing each feature. He whispered too quietly to disturb her, "If it is the will of the Great Spirit, we will meet again. If we do not, love for you will live forever in my heart and desire in my body, Tamaha."
The valiant warrior recalled what she had said about painful farewells. She was right. It was easier to leave while she slept, while those lovely eyes of golden brown could not tempt him to stay or to take her along, while those sweet lips as soft as the petals of a pasqueflower could not tease him so he would forget to leave before dawn, while her clever tongue could not plead or argue against their necessary parting.
He arose carefully so as not to awaken her. He slipped into his clothes, cursing the war which was tearing them apart, which would always separate them. She snuggled into the warm spot he had left beside her, inhaling the musky odor from his sated body, stirring his soul to joyful song. He watched a serene smile which flickered briefly on those lips. His dark eyes traveled over her bare flesh, sparking new fires within him, fires which had no time to burn. He must leave quickly!
His gaze fell on the wanapin, and he vividly envisioned those two episodes which had supplied the rattler-rings and the grizzly claw. He placed it on her pillow, for she was resting on his. He hunkered down beside the bed, staring into her face. There was so much he wanted to share with her, so much to tell her and so much to hear, so much to enjoy; but he could not. Where she was concerned, there was no difference between love and desire within him. But he dared not confess that tc her. More than anything, he wanted to lie down beside her, to make love to her again, to hear her laughter, to see her smile, to hold her tightly, to run his hands over her skin, to spew his seed within her and to let it grow into proof of their love. He wanted to walk beside her beneath the sun in the cool forest, holding her hand, listening to her giggles as the grass tickled her bare feet. He wanted her pressed against his body every moon. It was too late to linger, too late for her to become his wife, but not too late to dream and to suffer for what could not be.
When he recalled how one of the most awesome and grisly massacres of an Indian village had taken place under a white flag of truce and an American flag of submission, he grieved for what this despicable war was costing him. He would rather give up his life than his love! But memories and warnings could not be denied or forgotten. He had been an impressionable eighteen winters on that frosty day at Sand Creek. He would never forget the white butcher named Chivington, that white killer who did not care what Indians he slew, friendly or hostile, armed or weaponless. Blazing Star could not understand the hatred behind a man who could instigate and plan the slaughter of babies and women, declaring, "Nits make lice!" It had not mattered that the Cheyenne Indians at Sand Creek had been friendly, had been camped there under orders of the soldiers at Fort Lyon! It had not mattered that they had surrendered immediately! It had not mattered that the truce and American flags had been raised to reveal their friendship! It had not mattered to the other whites that the soldiers at the Sand Creek Massacre had slaughtered innocent women and children, nor that they had mutilated the slain males, nor that they had scalped any Indian of any age and sex!
Yet, the whites accused the Indians of being savages! They claimed the Indians started the wars and refused to cease the conflicts! Refused? he mentally scoffed. All they refused were defeat, death, reservations, and annihilation!
Chief Black Kettle and his wife survived and escape
d the Sand Creek Massacre in 1864, only to be slaughtered by a yellow-haired man called Custer four winters later, in 1868, at the Washita bloodbath! It was between those two bloodlettings, in 1866, that the white-eyes called Sherman said on paper to the Great White Father in Washington that the Sioux "must be exterminated." Sherman-said to have tried to destroy half of the white lands in a war not long past-told the white leader that the soldiers would act quickly and harshly to complete the "extermination of men, women, and children" of the Sioux! Now, here in the Indian ancestral grounds and nearby hunting grounds, there were three powerful white warriors with hatred burning in their hearts: Sherman, Custer, and Sheridan. They had joined once before to battle an enemy larger and more powerful than the Sioux Nation, defeating what they called the Confederacy, the South, the Rebels. Now they were joining forces against the Indians, mainly the Sioux. He could not place his beloved in such danger, danger which even a flag of truce or surrender could not halt!
He reached for the locket with her mother's picture, placing it in his medicine pouch. It was Tamaha's image he saw in the picture, an image he would forever hold. Taking one look at his beloved, he turned and left, using a string to close the latch behind him. "Waste cedake, Tamaha." He murmured his love for her, then vanished into the shadows.
Savage Conquest Page 31
