Strongholds

by Vanessa Davis Griggs

  “Baby, I’m not pointing out things that are wrong with you. I love you. I just want you to be happy.”

  “Well, I’m happy, Mother. I am so happy I don’t know how to contain myself.”

  Fatima put the roses in the vase and started arranging them with the greenery and the baby’s breath. “I have a great job, with great pay, and great benefits. I have a three-thousand-square-foot house, a luxury car that I can afford to keep both the maintenance and repairs on, all the designer and otherwise fancy clothes and shoes I can stand. I attend a church where the Word of God goes forth every week. I even have money saved up in the bank so when my wonderful siblings with responsibilities, mind you, and those without, let us not forget him, need something, they know they can come to the Bank of Fatima twenty-four/seven because my mother is going to hammer at me about what the Bible says I should do when people ask me for a loan that’s never really a loan, since a loan generally means you’re going to be paid back, which has yet to ever be the case with them. I am happy, Mother. Hap-py!”

  “Well, you don’t sound very happy, Baby. Did I say something to upset you? I didn’t mean to upset you if I have, especially not on your birthday.”

  Fatima carried the roses into the other room as she released a sigh. “I’m not upset, Mother. I’m glad you called.” The doorbell rang. “That’s my doorbell. I have to go.”

  “All right. We love you!” her mother said.

  “Love you, too. Bye,” Fatima said. She hung up and walked to the door. “Yes,” she said to the man standing with a Kangol hat on and his back turned toward her.

  “Delivery,” he said in a deep, slightly muffled voice. He then turned around with a slightly large, square box in his hand.

  Her gaze went from the box to his face. “Darius?” Her voice was laced with surprise. “What are you doing here?”

  “Happy Birthday,” he said with a mischievous grin. “Surprised?” He smiled as he continued to hold the box out to her.

  “You remembered my birthday?” Fatima smiled as she slanted her head slightly toward him and tried not to let him see she was now blushing.

  “Of course, I remembered your birthday.”

  “But you never seemed to have remembered it before.”

  “That was then; this is now. Are you going to take this, or are you waiting for my arm to fall—”

  She laughed. “Don’t you dare do that.”

  “Do what? That scene from the movie Mahogany with Billy Dee Williams and Diana Ross? One of your favorites, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well?” He started lowering the box as if it was becoming harder and harder for him to keep holding it in the air. “Are you going to take this or what?”

  She took the box and found herself smiling even more, no matter how hard she tried not to. Through the plastic window, she could see what was inside it: a beautiful cake with her name scripted in purple with purple and yellow flowers surrounding it.

  He rubbed his hands quickly together and blew into them as though they were cold, which they couldn’t be since it was the middle of May in a very hot Alabama. His eyes traveled unhurriedly from her head down to her feet. “May I come in?”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Fatima said, standing her ground.

  “Why not, beautiful? You do know you are so beautiful to me. You light up my world. You are a queen, a woman of royal distinction. Purple for royalty, for her majesty the queen.” He bowed before her, then stood back erect while shaking his head and grinning.

  She looked at him as her eyes began to widen. “You? That was you who sent me all those things today?”

  “A bouquet of flowers in a lead crystal vase. Yellow roses because you really are the sunshine of my life. You, without a doubt, light up my world. And a dress fit for a queen going out to celebrate one of the most important days of my life—the day you, Fatima Adams, graced this earth with your presence and blessed all those who have had the fortunate pleasure to meet and know you.” Somehow on cue, his eyes twinkled.

  “Darius…”

  “Can we please just go inside and talk? I won’t do anything inappropriate. I won’t pressure you. I just want to talk…somewhere other than outside for your nosey neighbors to see. And you know some of them be looking. If after we talk you want me gone, you just say the word, and I promise I’ll not ruin your special day today by fighting you on it.”

  Fatima pushed the door open and let Darius pass inside. She carried the cake to the table in the kitchen. When she came back, Darius had taken off his hat and put it on the coffee table. He was holding a small velvet box in his hand. He patted the place next to him. “Come sit next to me. Please,” he said.

  She stood where she was.

  “Please. I have something for you. A birthday present. Come on, sit by me.”

  She walked over slowly and slid down cautiously next to him.

  He took her hand. She felt electricity instantly and snatched her hand out of his.

  “I’m not going to hurt you,” he said as he reached to take her hand back. “You felt it, too, didn’t you? There’s a connection between us, positive and negative charges that cause sparks and a steady current to flow through your body.” He slowly and gently brought her hand up to his lips and planted a soft kiss on the back of it.

  “I don’t think this is such a great idea.”

  “And I think I’ve missed you so much all of these months. I can’t stand this, Fatima. I can’t stand not having you in my life. I love my wife, but I’m not in love with her. She doesn’t make me feel the way you do. It’s different with us. When I turned around and saw you just a little while ago, my heart literally did a flip and then skipped a beat. I’ve never known a woman to cause that type of reaction in me. You’re very special, Fatima, and I’m not going to let us go by the wayside without at least putting up a fight.”

  “You…are…married, Darius. How many different ways can I say that to you?”

  “But for how long? You met my wife that Sunday. There’s nothing between us anymore. Couldn’t you tell? Didn’t you feel it? We don’t have anything in common. Not like you and I seem to.”

  “You don’t really know me, Darius. All you know are the stolen moments we’ve shared. Sure it’s easy for you to compare a woman you’re with day in and day out to one you see only briefly, and most times, when she’s at her best…when I’m at the top of my game. You don’t know all the bad things about me. And for that matter, I don’t know all your negative junk either, except for the fact that you will cheat on your wife. I do know that.”

  “Ooh, low blow. Score one for you.” He picked up the small box he’d held earlier, which was now resting on the couch beside him. “I want you to have this,” he said as he handed her the box.

  She didn’t reach to take it. “What is it?”

  “Open it and see.” He nodded his head once and pushed it closer toward her.

  “I don’t like what that box looks like it might be.”

  He turned the small box around in his hand as he pretended to examine it better. “Looks like a blue velvet box to me. People get them every day. It seems harmless enough. What does it look like?”

  “It looks like a ring box to me.”

  He laughed. “Very good. I see you are at least familiar with jewelry. Now, do you think you can take this box and open it so we can see if you like what’s inside or not?”

  “I really don’t want to.”

  “Fatima, why are you being silly?”

  “I’m not being silly, Darius. I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, but this is my heart you’re playing it with. This stuff hurts.” She looked into his eyes. “Do you understand this at all?”

  “Of course, I understand. I’ve been hurting for the past two months. I call and you wouldn’t even answer. I think about you day and night, but I can’t do a thing about my feelings or thoughts. And believe me, I’ve tried. I submerged myself in my work. I spent extra time with my
children. I tried doing some of the things you and I at least wanted to do together, with my wife. Like going out and having fun, for example, which she doesn’t want or care to do. Ever. But no matter what I did, nothing would take the place of my thoughts of you.”

  “That’s why you need to stop doing stuff like this. Every time you do it, it’s just like having a wound that’s on its way to being healed and somebody comes along and starts pulling and picking at it until it opens up and starts bleeding again.”

  He took her hand. “Don’t you think if I could stop, I would? This is not easy for me either. Woman, you’ve got some kind of a stronghold on me. Yeah, okay. I’m a man; I’m supposed to be tough. But men want and need to feel love, too. We men want to feel like someone out there thinks we’re somebody special just like you women do. But we can’t go around spouting off junk like that. Not out loud. We can’t ask for it like you women are allowed to. We look weak if we do. And let’s face it, women just don’t care for weak men.” He held the box out to her once again. “So please, take this and open it.”

  Fatima pressed her lips tightly together and shook her head slowly but continuously. “I’m scared. I just can’t. This hurts too much.” She began to cry. “I don’t want to love you, Darius. I promise I don’t. And every time I believe I am finally getting over you, something happens, like this, and I’m right back where I started with you.”

  He took his thumb and alternately and gently began to wipe the tears from each side of her cheeks and face. “Do you want me to leave?”

  She continued to cry. He leaned over and pulled her into his arms as he held her. “Fatima, do you want me to leave? Because I didn’t come here to hurt you today. It was a special day for me because I realized this is the day you were born. And I was thinking about what that really meant in my own life. I knew those other years I was not here for you on your birthday. I knew you had to spend your special day without me in the past. But today, I was determined I would make it up to you. I wanted you to know how much you really do mean to me. Whether we’re just friends or whatever, I care deeply for you.”

  She looked up at him. “You always know the right things to say, don’t you? You always seem to know what I need, when I need it. So if I open that box, what am I going to find inside it? A friendship ring? Or the ring you know would mean the most to me even it means nothing substantial to my life?”

  “Do you think I’m trying to play you right now?” Darius tried to appear sincere. “I love you, Fatima. I can’t help that.” He leaned down and kissed her. Then he kissed her again. “Why don’t you go upstairs, take your new dress, put it on, and let’s you and I go to Anniston or Tuscaloosa or Huntsville or Chelsea…somewhere where no one knows us. And let’s celebrate your birthday the way you’ve always wanted us to.”

  “You mean dinner…a movie…spending time together without having to be anywhere at any particular time or having to watch the clock?”

  “Yes.” Darius kissed her on her nose. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

  “Then we come back here and spend some more time together, just you and I. And we make wild, passionate love or you just hold me…like you’re doing right now?”

  He smiled even more. “Whatever you want. Whatever happens. Just the two of us. Together.”

  She looked up at him the way a little girl who was shy would look up at an adult. “Yeah. That does sound good, doesn’t it? Really good.”

  “Oh yeah, girl. Now you go on upstairs and get ready so we can get this birthday party started.”

  She stood up, walked over to the bouquet of flowers and inhaled deeply. She went and caressed the buds of the roses that were still tight-lipped. She picked up the dress at the end of the couch with all its fine, beaded work, ran her hand over portions of it, and smiled. She looked over at him. “And after we’ve been together and confessed our undying love for each other, then what?” she asked, still maintaining her smile.

  The smile on his face began to drop. “Then what?”

  “Yeah. Then what?”

  “Then we go on with real life. I mean, I don’t understand what you want me to say right here. Then you and I go back to reality. To our real lives.”

  She smiled. “Oh. You mean, then you get up sometime during the early morning hours—before the sun breaks—and you hurriedly put your clothes back on. You kiss me on the lips, then the cheeks, and you tell me how hard it is to leave. But you have to get home before it’s too late. After all, you are a married man; we both knew that fact going in….”

  “And you know I won’t want to go, but that’s the way it has to be. For now anyway. Not forever, just for now.”

  “Right. Because you love me. And you would never do anything to hurt me.”

  He stood up and walked over to her. Wrapping his arms snugly around her, he whispered softly, “Girl, you know that. That’s why I’m here right now. Your birthday is special. You’re special. Do you know what I had to do to even be here today like this? And then, for me to be available for us to do all the things we’re planning on later today and tonight. I had to lie to my wife who, incidentally, is now three months pregnant. But I’m here for you. My wife thinks I had to go out of town on some important family business, and that I’m doing all I can to get back home before daybreak just so we can make it to church together as a family tomorrow. I’m going to be worn out.”

  “Your wife is pregnant again? So you’re having another baby? Well, I suppose congratulations are in order.” She let out a small laugh, then pulled it back in. “And yet, you’re here with me? You’re doing all of this…for little ole me.”

  “Yes,” he said as he scrunched up his face, wondering what Fatima was really trying to say. “I’d do anything for you. You know this. So quit using up all our valuable time with all this nonsense about how I feel about you, and let me show you just how much I really do care.”

  She smiled, pulled the dress closer to her body, and started slowly walking up the curving staircase. She stopped and turned around to look back down at him just once more.

  He winked as he shook his head slowly, scanning her body again as he bit down hard on his bottom lip…just before he moistened both his lips and grinned. “Hurry up now. I can’t wait.” He rubbed his hands together, puckered up his lips, and kissed the wind in her direction.

  Chapter 27

  Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow.

  —Isaiah 1:17

  “Charity, it’s good to see you. You look well,” Dr. Holden said as he sat down in his chair next to the chaise lounge.

  Charity smiled at him as she paced around his office trying to walk off some of her nervous energy. “Thanks.”

  “How do you feel you’re doing?”

  “I feel better about a lot of things. Some things still bother me, though.”

  “Like?”

  “Like how I could have two other personalities and didn’t realize they even existed. I mean, you would think if we’re all sharing the same body, I should know when something is off like that. Yet, I didn’t. Or maybe I did, but I chose to pretend I didn’t. On top of that, it looks like I am the one responsible for the two of them being brought into existence. How do you even handle something like that?”

  “It’s not like you did it on purpose,” Dr. Holden said.

  “No?”

  “No. You were a little girl. Something happened. You didn’t know how to cope. It was overwhelming. A large part of the development of defense mechanisms is unconscious…What you did is called splitting. It’s a way to deny reality, a way to ultimately survive.”

  She let out a slight laugh. “Yeah. And the best way I knew how to survive was to create two people who otherwise wouldn’t exist? I mean, I’ve heard of make-believe playmates, but that is carrying things a little too far.”

  “Maybe not. It was the way your mind chose to deal with the pain and stay sane. I admire you for being as strong as you are rig
ht now.”

  She started wringing her hands. “Yeah, I’m strong all right. So strong that I can’t even control Miss Faith and make her tell me what happened so this nightmare can be over. I’m not a little girl anymore, Dr. Holden. Whatever happened that I couldn’t deal with back then, I’m old enough to be able to deal with now. At least I would think.”

  “Yet, you have Hope and Faith who, to this day, seem to still exist.”

  “From what Sapphire tells me, not so much Hope. I think Hope understands I’m a different person now, and I don’t need the two of them anymore. Not separate from me anyway. This is so crazy, Dr. Holden! I just want this to be over with.”

  “When you’re ready, you can come over, sit or lie down, and we’ll get started.”

  “Sapphire is not going to sit in with us on our session?”

  “No. But she’s outside. Unfortunately, we’ve not been able to get ‘Miss Faith,’ as you call her, to cooperate with Sapphire when she’s around.”

  “Yes, I heard she says she’ll only speak with you. See, that’s what I mean. I really like Sapphire. So how can I have a side of me that hates Sapphire? And why can’t I control her? Why can’t I just turn Faith off? I should be able to make her talk to Sapphire or to me, for that matter. Flip a switch and presto.”

  “Let’s not dwell on that,” Dr. Holden said. He turned on the tape recorder and got his notebook in position. “The object of all this is to get Faith to talk and tell us what she knows, then help you toward the path of complete healing. Whatever we need to do to accomplish that, we’re all committed to doing it. Especially if it will release you from what has been oppressing you all of these years.”

  Charity laid back against the lounge. She nodded to Dr. Holden that she was ready to begin.

  “Okay, Charity. From here on out, I want you to relax. And I want you to listen to my voice and go where I tell you to go in your mind.” He spoke about general things until she was more relaxed. Then he said, “Charity, do you remember being a young girl in your mother’s house in New Orleans?”