Knowing Her

by Raquel De Leon

  “I didn’t know if you guys liked anything in yours, so I grabbed a little of this and that.” What had appeared to be a bundle of napkins was actually a variety of small containers of non-fat milk, honey, sugar, and Splenda wrapped in a single napkin.

  “You really are a ‘Type A’, aren’t you?” Lian smirked and took a packet of sugar.

  Sharon winked at her. “Darn skippy.”

  “Try to control those things around women that aren’t your girlfriend, yeah?” Teresa sipped her tea to add to the effect.

  “Shut up,” Sharon said with pink cheeks. She cupped both hands around her drink and pulled it closer to her body.

  Lian picked up her cell phone. “I think I have Jennifer’s number here somewhere.”

  “For the honor of Grayskull, I swear, leave her alone,” Sharon whined.

  Teresa froze and then looked at Lian. “Grayskull? I didn’t think you were old enough to even know that show existed.”

  Sharon scoffed. “Are you kidding? Not that old crap. It’s been remade into something way better, all queer-coded and with some decent intersectional feminism.” When neither Teresa nor Lian commented, she continued. “Oh, seriously? It’s on Netflix.”

  “Huh.” Teresa glanced back at Lian, who only shrugged. “Cool, but don’t insult the original. There weren’t a lot of options back in the day.”

  Lian tilted her cup in Teresa’s direction. “I’m with her.” She raised the cup to take a drink from it. “That being said, I’m going to head back to the office. I’m working a corporate case right now and I want to be able to leave at a reasonable time.”

  “Just a sec.” Sharon played with the lid of her cup. “I mean, I don’t want to intrude, but I think it could be cool if we all did something for Pride together.”

  When Lian froze, Teresa studied a spot on the table. She was aware that Lian could only tolerate big crowds on certain days. It wasn’t something Lian had said, but Teresa had noticed. Lian seemed most comfortable if her outings involved food or work.

  About to make a suggestion, Teresa stopped herself when Lian straightened her shoulders.

  “The parade isn’t really my thing, but I’d be fine going to one of the music nights or something.”

  “Really?” Teresa blurted with wide eyes.

  Lian smiled, her nose crinkling at the edges. “Yeah. There’s a few different themes scheduled. Everything but the dance night is pretty relaxed. One or two are in some cafés around downtown, and one is in the park down Main Street.”

  “That sounds great!” Sharon squirmed in her seat. “I know our little group has kind of solidified into the four of us, but Jen’s been dying to meet you all. Would it be okay if I invited her?”

  “Fine by me. I’m sure April will want to come along with Vivian.” Teresa was delighted that Lian had agreed to the outing. She was looking forward to it, with or without Jennifer. She and Vivian already had loose plans to do something together; Lian had been the only one she was unsure about. She nibbled her lower lip. Though she and Holly hadn’t established their relationship to be as serious as either Vivian’s or Sharon’s, maybe Holly would like to join them, too. They’d been seeing one another for months, and maybe it was time they had the ‘girlfriend’ conversation.

  “Text me details, maybe start a group chat,” Lian said as she stood up.

  Deciding it was a suitable time to end her lunch break, Teresa got to her feet as well. “That sounds like a good idea. I look forward to hearing from everyone.” She paused and held up her half-full cup. “Thanks again for the tea, Sharon.”

  With a last exchange of smiles, Teresa started the short walk back to work.

  ***

  The sidewalk was moderately busy as Lian strode to her car, many people traversing either to or from their lunch breaks. Lian didn’t mind the small rush of people, knowing they had schedules to keep to. The rules on the concrete were simple: no eye contact, no conversation, no waving. It suited her just fine.

  With a quick but penetrating look around, Lian took her keys from her pocket and unlocked her car. No one was paying attention to her. She smiled and got inside, immediately pushing the start button so the air conditioner would kick on. The days weren’t too hot yet, but the brisk walk to her car had made her feel warm.

  Overall, she was pleased with the lunch.

  Though her original intent had been to bring Teresa and Sharon together (and allow Vivian to gain some understanding of who Teresa was without pressure) Lian was happy that they’d all managed to form a bond. Even so, she wasn’t sure what had prompted her to accept Sharon’s invitation, but it was too late to second guess herself. She kept her word. Both Teresa and Sharon seemed happy, and that’s all that mattered.

  She tried not to think about the fact that she’d have to schedule around the plans she had with the rest of the Barrera clan. She hadn’t been seeing Vivian’s family as much recently, but the annual volunteer work they did for Pride month was something she wouldn’t skip. It made her stomach twist to feel like she was keeping something from both Teresa and the rest of the Barreras, especially when she considered how long Teresa’s parents had been searching for their missing child, but she didn’t have much of a choice. She frowned when she realized it must be all that much harder for Vivian, who was even closer to both Teresa and the rest of their family.

  Lian absently tapped her steering wheel with her thumbs as she spotted a gap in traffic. She smoothly pulled her car onto the street and tried to think of anything else.

  Teresa had only mentioned Holly once, Lian realized. Good.

  Perhaps Teresa and Holly were finally cooling down, the novelty of their relationship—if it could even be called that—wearing off. Lian could only hope. She didn’t hate Holly, but there was just something about her that made Lian wary.

  In their lone (albeit brief) meeting, that something had niggled at Lian. Lian had done her best to suppress the feeling, but it was hard. She told herself she was being overprotective because Teresa was Vivian’s sister and Teresa was already dealing with a lot of life changes at once. The last thing Lian wanted to do was drive another friend away with her interminable curiosity.

  Teresa hadn’t complained yet, so she had to be doing a decent job at containing herself. Maybe if Holly and Teresa went to the Pride parade with Vivian and April, Lian could get a second opinion. April had good instincts; maybe the annoying part of Lian’s brain would shut up if April could give Holly a stamp of approval.

  She’d talk to April when she got back to the office. Her lips twitched as she fought a smile. Provided that April and Vivian had finished with their lunch.

  Lian moved her hand to press a button on her steering wheel. “Call Caroline.”

  Her car made a beeping noise as her command was processed, then she waited patiently for her sister to answer.

  “Hey Lian, what’s up?” The casual greeting made Lian smile. Her luck was holding. Caroline hadn’t been too busy to answer, and she didn’t sound like she was in a rush.

  “Hey, Carol. Not much. I’m just headed back to MBI and was confirming that your schedule would still allow for you to stop by the store on your way home.”

  “Well, now that you mention it…”

  Chapter Three

  As soon as Teresa stepped outside of the clinic, she shut her eyes and took a deep breath. She’d had better days.

  Firstly, she’d woken up thirty minutes late. It had thrown off her entire morning, and she’d nearly forgotten to feed Artemis. She’d barely made it to work on time; it wasn’t until she was preparing for her first patient of the day that she realized she hadn’t taken her pills. The vitamin, she didn’t mind forgetting, but her estrogen…

  Of course, she didn’t carry around any spares. In the years she’d been taking it, she could count on one hand the times she’d missed a dose. She would take one as soon as she got home, but it still irritated her.

  Then, when her day was nearly over and she was on her last patien
t, her emotions had nearly gotten the best of her. She’d performed countless mammograms in her time on the job, but it was never easy when the results were grim. Her chest ached at the memory of Mariana Gutierrez, who had done her best not to cry as she’d come out of her appointment with the radiologist. There had been something about the look on her face that had made Teresa think back to when she was a teenager, to when tía Angelina had informed the family she had breast cancer. That wasn’t something Teresa normally struggled with. She’d come to terms with her aunt’s death a long time ago.

  It was just one of those days. At least it was almost over. She slowly released the breath she’d been holding, determined to relax for the rest of the evening. There was an emergency bag of chocolate hidden away in the top cupboard of her kitchen with her name on it.

  She was halfway home when her phone went off. Holly’s name appeared on the middle console’s screen.

  With a smile, she answered. “Holly, hey! You don’t know how happy I am to hear from you.”

  Holly laughed, the warm sound making Teresa’s shoulders relax a final degree.

  “Hey, babe. One of those days, huh?”

  Teresa nodded her head even though Holly couldn’t see it. “You have no idea.”

  “Mmm. We’ve all been there.” She paused. “It makes me wish I had better news.”

  It felt like Teresa’s stomach fell several feet. She pushed a hand against her abdomen. “Oh?”

  Holly sighed. “I’m sorry to say I have to cancel our plans for the parade. I was volunteered to cover someone else’s shift on Saturday.”

  “Ugh.”

  “But you shouldn’t let that stop you from going and having a good time,” Holly continued. “Didn’t you say you wanted to go with your sister?”

  The idea seemed less exciting without Holly’s presence. She and Vivian would still be doing one of the music festival nights together, anyway. She’d really been looking forward to finally introducing the two, and maybe having an important talk with Holly after. “That’s sweet of you, but it’s not like it’s my first parade. The crowds, the heat—I’m not sure it’s worth all that if I don’t also get to make out with someone.”

  Holly laughed again. “I know we said we were exclusively casual, but I guess I could give you special dispensation if it really means that much to you—”

  “Holly, no!” Teresa was smiling in spite of herself. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” Thinking of the ‘girlfriend’ conversation she still wanted to have, she bit her lip.

  “Yeah, I do. I just want you to have a good time. It’s Pride month!”

  Still mildly disappointed, Teresa forced herself to let it go. “Exactly. We have a whole month to do something. Being a third wheel with April and Vivian during the parade isn’t my idea of fun.”

  Teresa’s car was quiet, save the faint sounds of the outside world that filtered in. She was only a few blocks from her apartment.

  “If you’re sure,” Holly said at last. “I promise we’ll do something together. As soon as I can.”

  The phrasing made Teresa tilt her head and squint. “Well, now that you mention it, everyone in the lunch group is kind of getting together for one of the music nights. April and Jennifer are coming, so it’s kind of understood that plus ones are okay. Do you think we could do that?”

  “Ah, well. I guess once everyone decides which night, I can see what I can work out with my schedule. Hey, I’ve actually got a little paperwork to finish up, I just wanted to tell you about the change in plans ASAP. Text me later?”

  “Of course,” Teresa automatically responded. It hadn’t been an outright refusal. “Bye.” As the call ended and she reached her parking spot, Teresa sighed. She wasn’t feeling very hopeful. “Just one of those days,” she sullenly repeated.

  Her phone rang again almost as soon as she got inside her apartment. A glance at the caller ID revealed Vivian’s name. Oh, no. With her luck, Vivian was calling to cancel, too.

  “Viv, hey.”

  “Oh, good. I caught you. Hi, Teresa, how are you?”

  “I’ve been better.” Teresa crossed the room and set her bag down on the couch. Artemis scampered in before she could fully straighten, so she flopped down alongside her bag. Artemis meowed her approval and hopped up onto her lap.

  “What’s wrong? No, better yet, do you feel up to coming over for dinner? I’m cooking for April and ‘Kayla here tonight.”

  Teresa brightened, then deflated. “No, that’s alright. I wouldn’t want to impose.”

  Vivian scoffed. “You’re my sister, Teresa. It’s your job to impose. Besides, I was going to invite you anyway.”

  The retort made Teresa laugh hard, her bad mood evaporating. “Well, when you put it that way. Let me just change out of my scrubs. Do you mind if I bring Artemis? I’d hate to leave her after she was alone all day.”

  “That’s completely fine. Makayla loves animals and Artemis is a sweetheart.”

  “Fantastic. I’ll see you in about half an hour.” Teresa carefully set Artemis aside as Vivian agreed and bid her farewell.

  If Teresa was quick, she could squeeze a shower in before she had to leave. She’d wash her hair in the morning. Singing under her breath, Teresa went to gather a change of clothes. Her evening was looking up from the maudlin sulking, bag of chocolate, and glass of wine she’d planned for her own little pity party.

  On her way out some minutes later, she remembered to dash back in and take the pills she’d forgotten that morning.

  ***

  The leather couch creaked faintly as Lian uncrossed her legs and let her socked feet drop to the ground. She was in some casual grey sweats and a t-shirt, her usual attire for when she was bumming around the house.

  “Sucks that they called Colton in,” Lian said as she shoved popcorn into her mouth. “The movie was actually pretty good.”

  Seated in her usual corner, Caroline chuckled and lazily rolled her head to the side. She peered at Lian. “Yeah, but what can you do? It’s his fault for being so good at his job.” She paused, her attention flickering to the credits slowly passing by on the TV. “Are you sure you’re okay hanging out? I know the parade is today.”

  Lian snorted and set aside her mostly finished bowl of popcorn. Unlike Caroline, she’d forgotten about it as the movie progressed, resulting in having some left over for the climax and ending of the movie. “My aversion to tightly-packed crowds doesn’t suddenly go away just because it’s Pride month.”

  Though, Lian had to admit, it had been tempting to go when she’d learned of Holly’s last-minute cancellation. Vivian had coaxed Teresa into attending the parade with her and April anyway. Lian knew that meant Teresa might feel like a third wheel, but she ultimately thought it was better that the Barrera sisters attend together without an extra distraction.

  “In that case... let’s go refill our drinks, take a bathroom break, and watch another one.” Caroline grunted as she stood up, adjusting her black yoga pants at the waist.

  “Sounds good.” Lian was slower to follow, having felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She allowed Caroline to go first so she could check the message. It was from Teresa.

  ‘Good news! April and Vivian have yet to make out publicly.’

  Lian snorted and quickly typed back her response. ‘Vivian does have some standards. Still, I wouldn’t get too comfortable.’

  She tucked the phone back into her pocket, already knowing it wouldn’t be the last text of the day. The thought made her smile. Though Lian had been initially cautious, she couldn’t imagine regretting the friendship.

  “I wish I had your willpower.”

  Lian quirked an eyebrow at Caroline and set her glass down on the kitchen island.

  Caroline rolled her eyes as she closed the refrigerator. “Your commitment to cut out as much soda from your life as possible.” She gently wiggled her can of Coca Cola in Lian’s direction. “I couldn’t do it.”

  “It was necessary.” Lian picked her
glass back up once Caroline wandered to the pantry. She moved to the water dispenser in the door and began refilling her water. “Colton’s cooking is lethally good.”

  “I know, right?” A goofy smile graced Caroline’s face as she briefly closed her eyes. “He cooked for me on our third date. I wanted to marry him on the spot.”

  Lian grinned, and then turned once her glass was full. “I think anyone would have.” She nearly joked that it had been the deciding factor on moving in with them but decided not to; the real reason was still a sensitive issue. Even though it had nearly been a year since Caroline had decided to stop trying to keep a pregnancy to term, the wound was still fresh.

  The room that had been picked out as a nursery years ago had been kept shut for some time, with only Lian really entering to keep the dust under control. It still struck her how so many women suffered through multiple miscarriages, but how little it was talked about.