How to Stop a Witch

by Bill Allen

  Greg could hardly believe the man was going to let them escape over such a stupid riddle, but he knew better than to hesitate too long. “Er . . . we need to get moving. You understand, right?”

  “Huh? Oh sure,” the man said, waving them along.

  Priscilla glanced at Greg, not believing either, but he motioned for her to go, and she wasted no time herding the others past the man and off the other end of the bridge.

  “Hey,” the man called out to Greg. “You’re not thinkin’ of going through Dragon Horns Pass, are you?”

  Greg stopped on the edge of the bridge and turned back to face him. “I think we are.”

  “Well, either you is or you ain’t, which is it?”

  “Okay, yes, we are.”

  “Well, then it really didn’t matter whether I et you now or not, did it?” And with that he crawled back over the railing and disappeared beneath his bridge.

  Friendly Faces in Ghastly Places

  “What do you think he meant?” Melvin asked as they quickly put some distance between themselves and the bridge.

  “He was crazy,” said Greg. “I’m sure he didn’t know what he was talking about.”

  “But it sounded like he didn’t think we’d survive our trip through the pass. Do you think he knows something we don’t?”

  Of course, Greg thought. We don’t know anything.

  “Greg just said he was crazy,” Lucky told Melvin. “He didn’t know a thing.”

  “But what if he did?”

  “He didn’t.”

  “Yeah, but what if he did?”

  “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Greg said.

  “This another one of your riddles?” Melvin asked. “Because that chicken thing was lame.”

  “It got us over the bridge, didn’t it?” said Kristin. “Besides, how would a lame chicken cross a road?”

  Melvin groaned and picked up the pace. As they left the danger of the non-troll behind, the tension began to ease. Soon the two girls started whispering and giggling. Apparently they’d forgotten that even if they did manage to cross the pass, and even if they were able to rescue Nathan, retrieve the Amulet of Ruuan, get back to the Styx and reach Pendegrass Castle in time to stop Witch Hazel, Greg was still destined to die.

  At least, Greg hoped they’d forgotten.

  “I’m hungry,” Melvin announced.

  “Me too,” Greg admitted, “but we don’t have anything to eat, so try not to think about it.”

  “We’re going to have to think about it soon,” Priscilla said. “I wonder if there are any more towns out here.”

  “Don’t know,” said Greg. And he also didn’t know where they were going to find food if there weren’t. He was still contemplating the matter when the bushes rustled, and four men stepped from the brush, weapons drawn.

  “Organ hunters,” Lucky warned, though in Greg’s opinion, far too casually.

  One of the men was a full head taller than the rest. He waved away the thought. “No, no, we’re not hunting organs. We thought you were.”

  “Us?” said Priscilla. “Why would you think that?”

  “Your robes,” said another of the men. “You are sorcerers, aren’t you?”

  “That’s right,” said Melvin, strutting forward. “What’re you gonna do about it?”

  “Shut up, Melvin,” said Greg. “No, we’re not sorcerers,” he told the men. “We’re just dressed this way to keep away trouble.”

  The tall man nodded uncertainly. “How’s that been working for you?”

  “Hard to say,” said Lucky. “Who knows how much we’d have been attacked without them?”

  The man chuckled. “I suppose you’ve got a point.” His face turned serious. “Lucky we stumbled upon you. Five youths like yourselves, wandering around lost in the these woods . . .”

  “Who says we’re lost?” asked Melvin.

  “You’re headed toward Dragon Horns Pass. You’re either lost, or you’ve lost your minds. No matter which, you’re lucky we found you. We can show you the proper way to Edmonton.”

  “But we’ve just come from Edmonton,” said Greg. “We need to get to New Haven.”

  “New Haven? Where on Myrth is that?”

  Priscilla stepped forward. “It’s supposed to be five miles north of Old Haven.”

  The man scoffed. “You can’t go to Old Haven. Why, to get there you’d have to go straight through Dragon Horns Pass.”

  A brief murmuring broke out among the men.

  “Apparently that’s a bad thing,” Kristin noted.

  “Come,” said the second man. “We live not far from here. Perhaps after a good meal you’ll be thinking more clearly, and we can set you on a proper course.”

  “But we need to rescue our friend,” Priscilla told him.

  “Did he say a good meal?” Melvin whispered to Greg.

  “I am really hungry,” said Kristin. The others agreed. Even Rake let out a growl from inside Greg’s pack, earning several concerned looks from the strangers.

  It appeared they had reached an unspoken agreement, but Greg had seen enough of the Netherworld to be cautious.

  “How do we know we can trust you?” he asked the men.

  “You don’t,” the tall man answered. “But you’ve got to eat somewhere, and you won’t find any other food between here and Dragon Horns Pass.”

  “Maybe they could ask some of the folks there to give them some organs to eat,” another said, and several of the men chuckled.

  “Quiet,” said the tall man. “These fools have forgotten what it’s like to walk alone in an unfamiliar woods. They didn’t mean to scare you. I know you have no reason to trust us, but I give you my word, we mean you no harm.”

  Seeing as Greg and his group really had no choice, they followed the men from a reasonable distance back to a small village called Edward’s Demise, a short march away. The whole way Greg worried they may be walking into a trap, but the men made no move against them, and Edward’s Demise appeared no more threatening than Edmonton had been. Most of the homes there barely managed to stand upright, just like those they’d seen in Edmonton. Also, just like in Edmonton, everyone living there was grossly disfigured in one way or another.

  At least they were friendly. A one-eyed woman named Erin invited them into her home and offered them food. She offered to put them up for the night, too, which sounded wonderful to Greg. It had been a long time since he could sleep without needing to keep one eye open. Then again, when he saw how Erin had but one eye to keep open, he started to question just how safe they were in the small town of Edward’s Demise. Probably just as safe as Edward had been.

  “We can’t stay,” he told her. “We need to reach our friend Nathan.”

  “Why do they call it Dragon Horns Pass?” Kristin asked.

  Erin placed a steaming bowl of gruel in front of her, observed Kristin’s frightened look and spoke in a soothing tone. “Don’t worry, child. They just call it that because of its shape. It has nothing to do with real dragons. We’re perfectly safe here.”

  “Well, that’s a relief,” said Greg.

  “’Course, if you was planning on headin’ up that way, you’d have plenty to worry about,” said her husband Sean. “Like about a hundred organ hunters on any given day. Good spot for ’em, you understand, what with the pass being the only route to the east. Why go out to hunt when you can just hang around in one spot and let your prey come to you?”

  “Prey?” said Greg.

  Erin laughed teasingly. “Organ hunters don’t scare me as much as all those creepy insurance agents.” She witnessed their worried expressions and adopted a similar one herself. “What’s wrong?”

  “We need to get through that pass,” Greg told her.

  Erin’s mouth dropped open. “What on Myrth for?”

  “We want to get to New Haven.”

  “Where?”

  “They say it’s five miles north of Old Haven,” Priscilla told her.

  Sean
offered a skeptical look. He swallowed a large spoonful of gruel. “And what business do you have in this . . . New Haven, then?”

  “We’re trying to find a man named Dolzowt Deth,” Priscilla answered.

  Sean’s gruel sprayed all over the table. Erin gasped, nearly taking out her one good eye with her spoon when she raised a hand to cover her mouth.

  “Who?” Sean asked.

  “Dolzowt Deth,” Priscilla repeated, and both spoons hit the table.

  “Why on Myrth would you want to look for a man like that?” Erin asked, her voice trembling between two octaves.

  “We think he’s got our friend,” said Greg.

  If Erin hadn’t already dropped her spoon, she’d have surely dropped it now. “If so, then it’s too late for your friend.”

  “Yes, Dolzowt is not particularly kind to his prisoners,” Sean told them. “At least that’s what they say. I don’t know that any have ever lived to tell the tale.”

  “Nathan’s different,” said Kristin. “He can do magic.”

  Sean’s eyes grew wide. He retrieved his spoon and thrust it out before him for protection, though Greg could tell he held little confidence it would do the job. “You consort with sorcerers?”

  “No, Nathan’s not a sorcerer,” Priscilla said. “He’s a magician.”

  “Sorcerer? Magician? A robe by any other name.”

  “That’s rose,” Kristin corrected.

  “Who’s Rose?” asked Erin.

  “Wait,” said Sean, “I thought you said you were going to some New Haven place. Dolzowt Deth lives on Deth’s End, a small island off the east coast about five miles north of . . . oh.”

  “You mustn’t go there,” Erin warned. “You’ll die if you do.”

  And if I don’t, Greg thought to himself, but he thanked her for her concern and assured her they had no choice.

  She spoke very little to them after that. Probably didn’t want to get too attached to anyone who was sure to be dead before the day was up.

  “Uh, one other thing,” said Greg.

  Erin looked at him reluctantly, as if she really had no choice.

  “You wouldn’t know where we could find Tehrer, would you?”

  Erin didn’t answer, but Greg could tell from her expression that the thought of finding Tehrer was not one she entertained often.

  “Nathan will know,” said Priscilla.

  “All the more reason we need to find him,” said Greg. He finished his gruel about the same time as the others and thanked the strangers for their kindness.

  “You’re sure you don’t want to go to Edmonton?” Erin asked as they were preparing to leave. “Aside from this one nasty man who guards the bridge down that way, it’s quite lovely this time of year.”

  “No, we really need to get to New Haven,” answered Greg.

  It wasn’t hard to read the concern on her face. “Oh . . . well, suit yourselves then. I’d say we’ll be seeing you, but . . . well, my momma taught me not to lie.”

  Dragon Horns Pass

  “Look,” said Lucky. They were no more than a hundred yards from the cut through the mountain, the tall rock formations that gave Dragon Horns Pass its name looming too high overhead to recognize from this angle.

  Greg looked into the gap where Lucky was pointing. More than two dozen men camped at the edge of the gap, barring the way to travelers, and that was just those they could see. Who knew how many more were camped within the gap, or on the other side?

  “We can’t go through there,” said Kristin. Greg was glad he brought her along. For once he didn’t feel like the only one capable of seeing the obvious.

  “We have to,” said Lucky, “if we don’t find Nathan and the amulet before whatever happens to him happens, we’re never leaving this place.”

  “Maybe we can go around,” suggested Priscilla.

  “I don’t think so,” Greg said. “Usually a mountain pass is called a pass because it’s the only way through. We don’t have time to look for a different route that may not even exist.”

  Earlier Kristin had helped Priscilla neatly trim a few locks of hair that they could use for payment, but Greg worried what sort of riot they might incite if they were to show such a treasure to anyone in this world.

  From within the pack on Greg’s shoulders came a warning growl.

  “Shh,” said Melvin. “Did you hear something?”

  “Yeah,” said Greg. “Rake.”

  A head appeared in the field directly between them and the pass. When the head quickly grew into a head and shoulders and then into a full-sized man, dressed in a crumpled suit and carrying a briefcase, Greg realized the ground dipped ahead, and the insurance agent was hurrying toward them.

  He was not alone, either. Several more heads appeared, and soon a half dozen insurance agents were rushing straight toward them. Greg was reminded of a time when his dad had taken him car shopping. The salesmen had swarmed on them there, too, and the experience had been no less terrifying.

  “Insurance agents,” said Priscilla.

  Greg nodded. “Be careful,” he told her, and then stepped forward to meet the first of the men halfway.

  The salesman manufactured a grin. “Morning, sir. Might I ask how you’re set on insurance?” The other salesmen stopped and watched uneasily, much the way the car salesmen had done back home.

  “I need someone to take me and my friends through Dragon Horns Pass,” Greg told him.

  The salesman glanced at the group. He took particular interest in the two girls and grinned even wider.

  “Well now, I think we can help you. But Dragon Horns Pass is a dangerous place. I’m afraid it could get quite expensive.”

  “We can pay,” said Greg, feeling guilty over preparing to bargain with Priscilla’s hair.

  The salesman stared at Kristin, his teeth flashing brightly. “I’ll bet you can.”

  Greg didn’t care for the man’s expression, but there was no way they were getting through the pass ahead without his help.

  “I’ll be needing payment up front, of course,” the man told him.

  “No,” Greg told him. “We’ll pay once we’re standing safely on the other side.”

  The salesman’s expression turned less cordial. “That’s not how it works.”

  Priscilla stepped forward. “Fine. We’ll give you part now and the rest when we reach the other side. Take it or leave it.”

  The man stared at her a long moment. “I’ll take it.”

  Greg removed his pack and fought to keep Rake from escaping as he withdrew a few neatly trimmed strands of Priscilla’s hair. “Here,” he said, handing over the treasure. “There’s a full lock for you once we’re safely on the other side. That should more than cover it.”

  The man’s eyes nearly sprang from his head. He took the strands and examined them closely, smiled and turned back to his associates. “Seize them.”

  Walking sticks and briefcases started swinging everywhere. Then several of the insurance agents opened their briefcases and produced knifes and hatchets. Suddenly Greg’s walking stick felt very small in his hand.

  He had defeated much worse opponents than these on Myrth, but again he worried for the others. As if to validate his concern, one of the salesmen grabbed Kristin around the neck. She thrashed around violently until she slipped free, then broke away from the group and sprinted through the field ahead.

  “Run,” Greg called out, and he, Melvin, Priscilla and Lucky tore off after her, a dozen insurance agents in close pursuit.

  It was only then Greg realized they were running toward the heavily guarded pass.

  “Wait,” he shouted, but even he knew they dare not stop. Little did it matter, because just then the men guarding the pass spotted the charge and jumped to their feet. Within seconds, dozens of men were charging toward them from both sides.

  “We’re going to have to fight,” he warned as the distance closed between those charging from the pass.

  But then the oddest thing happene
d. The first of the men from the pass reached them and ran straight past Greg to tackle one of the pursuing salesmen. Others from the pass reached them as well but did not stop. They, too, sought out the salesmen and took up the battle behind.

  “They’re making sure we can’t be protected,” Greg realized, but before he could do more, one of the men from the pass grabbed him and pulled him to the ground.

  Greg struggled to break free as Kristin had done, but the man’s grip was too strong. His face buried in the deep grass of the field, Greg could hear fighting, but he couldn’t see a bit of it. Then finally the day turned silent. The man’s grip relaxed, and Greg scrambled to his feet. They were completely surrounded by rough-looking men, not a single briefcase in sight.

  “What are you going to do with us?” Greg asked.

  “Yeah,” cried Melvin. “I’m too young to lose my kidneys.”

  “Lose your kidneys?” said one of the men. “You think we’re here to hurt you? Why would we do that after we just saved you from all these dang insurance agents?”

  “Saved us?” said Greg.

  “Well, sure.” The man motioned at the surroundings, where a dozen insurance salesmen lay strewn about the field.

  “I thought the agents were here to protect us against you.”

  The man laughed. “Hardly. There ain’t nothing up here to protect people from except insurance agents.”

  “But we were told hundreds of organ hunters guarded the pass because it’s the only way to New Haven.”

  “Where?”

  “I mean Old Haven.”

  “Oh, it is. And they used to, but there was so many of them up this way that people stopped going to Old Haven after a time, and then there weren’t no one for the organ hunters to hunt.”

  “Then why does everyone think the pass is so dangerous?”

  “Oh, them dern insurance agents have kept the rumors alive, so they could charge folks a fortune to go through here, but there really ain’t much to worry about anymore.”

  “Then what are you all doing camped out here?”

  “Oh, we heard them insurance agents had turned more aggressive and was actually attacking folks up this way, so we came to put a stop to it.”