Sin for Me

by Jackie Ashenden

  Gideon let out a breath, his gaze on the two halves of her tank that were sagging open, the remains of her bra along with it. Oh damn. She’d forgotten about that.

  Without a word, Gideon gently gathered the fabric in his hands and pulled it tightly over her breasts, tying it in a knot between them. Her midriff was left bare, and it was probably quite obvious that her top had been ripped in half, but still. It was better than the whole world seeing her breasts.

  Zoe found her throat getting tight. There was something about watching his big, scarred hands tie the fabric together, covering her, that made her ache. Made her want to get away from him, get some space.

  God, she was kind of a mess.

  You’ve been a mess for a while now.

  Yeah, and it wasn’t getting any better.

  His fingers slid along her jaw, tilting her head back, and she looked up at him, his face shadowed in the light of the alleyway. “You okay?”

  No.

  “Yes.” Her voice sounded shell-shocked. “But I think I . . . uh . . . need to go to the bathroom.”

  “Okay. You go while I tell the others we’re leaving.”

  Her heart came to a slow, aching stop. “We’re leaving?”

  The expression on his face grew intense, the dark flame in his eyes burning hot. “Oh yeah, we’re leaving. I have plans and they don’t include sitting around a table in Gino’s.”

  It wasn’t hard to guess what those plans were, and it made something in her chest expand. She gave him a grin, unable to help it, feeling ridiculously shy and excited and breathless all at once. “What if I want to stay?”

  His mouth curved in response, a slow burn of a smile that made her heart turn over and slam itself against her ribs. “Too bad. You’re coming home with me, no arguments.”

  She wanted to tease him more, but he bent his head and for one soul-shaking minute there was only his mouth on hers, a fierce, burning kiss that left her breathless and trembling.

  “You get to the bathroom,” he murmured against her mouth. “Otherwise I’m not gonna want to leave this alley.”

  She felt a little drunk even though she hadn’t had any alcohol whatsoever, and almost dizzy, a sharp pleasure fizzing in her blood.

  You’re ridiculous.

  Yeah, maybe she was. But who cared? She was going home with Gideon, and who knew what would happen after that? Lots of sex with any luck, and then she’d fall asleep in his arms. She was okay with that, more than.

  He stepped away from her and turned to the door back into the bar, holding it open for her. She grinned at him, pausing to brush her fingers across his chest as she went past, purely because she couldn’t help herself, before stepping into the dim corridor and heading for the bathroom.

  There was no one else in there and thank God, especially when she glanced into the mirror. Because she sure as hell didn’t recognize the woman looking back. A woman with black hair everywhere and a too big, too swollen mouth. With huge, dark eyes and deeply flushed skin, a ripped tank top pulled tightly over her breasts. A woman who looked like she’d been screwed up against a wall. Which was exactly what she was.

  Zoe couldn’t stop the smile that turned her mouth, watching as the other woman smiled too. Okay, so she really didn’t want the others to see her like this, because the questions they’d ask would be a nightmare. But she had to admit, she looked pretty awesome. Sexy and mysterious and maybe even a bit dangerous.

  Perfect for Gideon, right?

  A thread of discomfort coiled in her gut, though she didn’t quite know why. Dismissing it, she bent and splashed some water onto her hot face before trying to tame her hair so it didn’t look like she’d been dragged backward through a hedge. There was nothing to be done about the ripped top, but she tried to fold in the ragged edges so it wasn’t quite so obvious.

  A couple of minutes later, giving her hair a last smooth-down with her palms, Zoe turned and pulled open the bathroom door.

  And stopped dead.

  There was a man standing outside and it wasn’t Gideon. A man in what looked to be a very expensive and well-made dark suit. He was a stranger to her, obviously not a local, not in that suit, and he didn’t smile. There was a tattoo on his neck, three little stars, and she couldn’t help feeling she’d seen that tattoo before somewhere....

  Unease prickled down Zoe’s back, and she glanced down the corridor toward the bar to check if Gideon was there. But the corridor was empty apart from the stranger.

  Could it be he only wanted to use the men’s bathroom?

  “Miss James?” His voice was flat, shattering that idea.

  “Uh, yes?” A reflexive response, which was dumb. Now it was too late to pretend she was someone else.

  “Could you come with me, please? I have someone who’d like to talk to you.”

  Oh shit.

  Something lurched in Zoe’s gut, all of Gideon’s dire warnings—the ones she’d pushed firmly to the back of her mind because she didn’t want to deal with them—suddenly screaming in her head. Because there was no doubt as to what all this was about. There simply wasn’t any other explanation for some random stranger in a suit approaching her.

  It had to be Novak. Her father.

  Her mouth went bone-dry, and she felt suddenly sick. “Uh . . . now’s n-not a good time.” she said, forcing a smile on her face even though she stumbled over the words and her voice was weak and shaky. “I’m here with some friends.”

  The man changed position, casually blocking the corridor so she couldn’t get to the bar. His expression remained utterly blank. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to insist.”

  Her gut lurched again, reflexive fear clutching tight inside her.

  No, that was crazy. Okay, so this guy seemed vaguely threatening, but she’d been wanting to meet her father for a long time now, hadn’t she? And sure, Gideon had told her Novak was shady, but he’d never given any reasons to back up those accusations and refused to discuss them when she’d pushed. Maybe it was because he was being way too paranoid and more than a little overprotective.

  Swallowing her fear, Zoe lifted her chin. “Did my d-dad send you?” she asked, stumbling embarrassingly over the word.

  The man smiled, his blue eyes remaining very cold. “All your questions will be answered if you’d just follow me.”

  Well, what did she have to lose? Gideon wouldn’t be happy with her if she went off with this guy, though, especially if she didn’t tell him. Then again, if she did, he’d probably stop her and she’d miss her chance to finally meet her father.

  But what if Gideon’s right? What if Novak is dangerous?

  She’d be on her own, no one knowing where she was....

  “Uh . . . how long is this going to take?” she asked, stalling for time.

  “Not long.” He made a gesture to the door that led to the alleyway. “After you.”

  Since Gideon had told her who her father was, she’d been subconsciously avoiding the subject. Mostly because of what was happening with Gideon, but there was also some part of her that hadn’t wanted to know. That wanted to stay ignorant because it was safe.

  But she’d been safe for far too long. Hadn’t that been what the whole of the past week was about? Leaving the shelter of innocence and ignorance, and taking a step out into a larger, more dangerous world.

  Maybe the time had come to take another step.

  Without giving herself a chance to second-guess, Zoe turned and headed back to the alley for the second time that night.

  The man followed her as she stepped outside, urging her down the alleyway and onto the narrow street it led to. There was a sleek black car waiting by the curb, an Escalade, she noted almost absently. The man pulled open the door and gestured at her to get in.

  A thread of fear wound through her, but she ignored it, getting into the darkness of the car.

  The smell of leather seats and a man’s aftershave permeated the interior. It wasn’t unpleasant, though it didn’t make the unsettled feelin
g in her gut any better.

  Another man sat in the backseat. Older, in his sixties probably, with thick white hair. Handsome, too. The aura of money and privilege clung to him like the material of the dark suit he wore clung to his broad shoulders, and there was a kind of old-world glamour to him that reminded her of Hollywood movie stars.

  Then he turned more fully toward her and her stomach dropped away.

  At first she thought his eyes were dark, but then the light from outside hit his face and she realized they were the exact same color as hers.

  So that’s where they came from. You got them from him.

  A feeling she couldn’t quite articulate fluttered in her stomach, something like fear and hope and a strange kind of wonder.

  Finally, here he was. Her dad.

  How many fantasies had she woven around this man? Around her idea of who he might be. How many times had she imagined what and where he was, and whether he ever thought about her? Whether he even knew he had a daughter? And if he had, why had he never contacted her....

  “Hello, Zoe.” His voice was deep and rich, a politician’s smooth tone. “I’m sure I don’t need to introduce myself, do I?”

  Her voice wouldn’t work, and for some reason the tips of her fingers had gone all cold. Weird. There was no reason to be afraid.

  Come on. Pull yourself together. Gideon isn’t here, you’re on your own.

  Yeah, shit. She was. For the first time in . . . well, ever, probably. Because even when her mother had first gone to prison and she’d been shipped off into the foster system, she hadn’t been this alone. Gideon had been there. And when he’d aged out and she’d gone to another home, and then another, they’d stayed in touch. She’d written to him, letter after letter, posting them whenever she could to an address he’d given her. He’d written back, and sometimes, the rare, lucky times, he’d visited her.

  He’d never not been there for her.

  Except for now.

  Zoe clasped her hands together, trying to still the nervous shakes. Getting all emotional wasn’t going to help.

  She stared at the man sitting next to her, trying to reconcile him with the fantasy she’d had in her head for so many years. The one where her father turned out to be a really nice guy who was thrilled to learn he had a daughter, who wanted to get to know her, be involved in her life. Who opened his arms, gathered her in close, and told her everything was going to be okay and that he was sorry for all the years of silence.

  But of course, she knew, deep in her heart, that kind of thing only happened in the movies. It wasn’t real life. And in fact, she had no idea about who her father might be, because her mother had never talked about him.

  The only thing she’d had was a photo she’d found in her mother’s jewelry box, not long after Claire had gotten out of prison and Zoe had gone back to live with her. It had been of this man, younger and less polished, but with the same expensive gleam of money and power. Zoe had known as soon as she’d seen the photo that it was her father, but she’d never said anything, too afraid of disturbing her mother’s often fragile good moods.

  Claire had been a tight-lipped, cold kind of woman, changed by her time in jail, and what with working two jobs just to get by, she didn’t have a lot of time to spend with Zoe. A fact she never failed to point out just about every day.

  Zoe knew her mother resented her, that her birth had been a mistake. Yet as soon as she’d gotten out of prison, she’d brought Zoe back to live with her without hesitation. It had always seemed weird, that a woman who didn’t want her child, should claim her back all the same, but that was another thing Zoe hadn’t wanted to think too deeply about. Whatever motivation her mother had, Zoe knew she wasn’t going to like it.

  “Of course I know you,” she said, trying to make her voice sound calm and suspecting it didn’t. “You’re Oliver Novak.” She paused. “You’re my father.”

  His smile wavered slightly, as if he hadn’t expected her to be aware of that fact. “You’re well informed, I see. How long have you known?”

  There was something about him that annoyed her, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. He didn’t seem pleased to see her at all, and he made no move to hug her or even shake her hand.

  Are you surprised? He might be in shock.

  Except he didn’t look like he was in shock. He just looked . . . oddly detached.

  She glared at him, a small curl of anger sitting in her gut. “Don’t you think I should be the one asking you that question?”

  This time his smile remained firmly in place. “A fair point. Though if you’re thinking this is going to be some kind of lovely father-daughter reunion, you’re sadly mistaken.”

  Something shriveled up in her chest, but she refused to acknowledge it. Of course she hadn’t thought that. Of course she hadn’t been that naïve.

  She set her jaw, gripping her hands together tighter, concentrating on her anger instead of the bitterness that felt horribly like disappointment. “So why am I here then? That asshole outside told me you wanted to talk to me about something. It better not take long. I have people who will be wondering where I am.”

  Novak glanced toward the driver’s seat. He didn’t say anything, but abruptly Zoe felt the car begin to move. And this time, panic flared inside her, Gideon’s voice telling her Novak would stop at nothing to “silence” her echoing in her head. Shit, where the hell were they going?

  “Relax,” Novak said calmly, as if the car wasn’t moving and he wasn’t taking her God knew where. “We’re only going for a little drive and no, it won’t take long. I want to present you with a proposition.”

  Zoe resisted the urge to clutch on to the seat. “What kind of proposition?”

  “All in good time.” Novak paused, looking at her, the lights from the darkness outside sliding over his handsome face, making his eyes glitter. She almost had the impression that he was as curious about her as she was about him. “You don’t look a bit like me, thank Christ,” he said after a moment. “Except around the eyes. Just as well you take after your mother.”

  The shriveled thing in her chest shuddered, though she tried not to take any notice of it. “Lucky me.”

  “Yes, lucky you.” He gave a soft, cold laugh. “I’ve been searching for you a long time, did you know that?”

  “Can’t have been looking very hard.” She couldn’t keep the sarcastic edge from her voice.

  A faint smile flickered over his features. “Or maybe you were just hidden very well.”

  “Hidden?” She frowned at him. “What do you mean by that?”

  “Perhaps you should ask Mr. Black.”

  Gideon? What the hell had he got to do with any of this?

  Oh, come on. You’ve wondered why he refused to give you any reasons for being so certain about Novak.

  “I don’t—”

  “We’re not here to talk about him, Zoe. Suffice to say that it took me a long time to track you down, and if it wasn’t for Mr. Rush’s experiment with that development, I may not have found you at all.”

  She bit down on her curiosity. She’d ask Gideon about it later. “Okay, so why are you tracking me down?”

  “Simple reason. As you may or may not know, I’m running for senator, and the last thing my campaign needs is an illegitimate child popping up and announcing herself to the world.”

  The shriveled thing in Zoe’s chest crumpled into dust, the backs of her eyes prickling. Crazy. She’d thought she’d long ago given up all those fantasies of her dad coming to claim her, to take her away, back to his home where they’d live together as a family. So there was no reason for his flat statement to hit her so hard, no reason at all. Hell, she didn’t even know this asshole, and clearly he was an asshole. Disappointment was the last thing she should be feeling.

  “I wouldn’t do that,” she said. “I’m not that kind of person.”

  Novak’s smile was cynical. “We’re all that kind of person, Zoe. All it takes is a little incentive to bring
it out.”

  “What’s the point? Even if I say something, why would anyone believe me?” She didn’t quite know why she wanted to justify herself to him, only that it was important he know she’d never even think of doing anything like that. “It would be your word against mine.”

  He tilted his head, giving her a measured look that she didn’t much like. “You know your mother did a paternity test, don’t you? She mailed me the results. With demands for money.”

  Zoe stared at him, shock sliding icy and thick through her veins. “What?” Her voice sounded all faint and strange. “But I . . . I mean, she never said anything about it. She never talked about you at all.”

  He said nothing for a long moment, studying her with the same golden eyes she saw looking back at her in the mirror every morning. “We were from very different worlds, your mother and I. She used to clean my house.” He let out a breath. “It only happened a couple of times. So it was a shock to find out I had a daughter. Even more of a shock to receive the results of a paternity test and demands for money in the mail, ten years after our liaison had ended.”

  She didn’t know why she should be so surprised, given how angry at the world her mother had seemed. She was always complaining about how little money they had and how difficult it was to make ends meet, as if it was Zoe’s fault. But now it seemed clear why she’d been so keen to have Zoe back when she’d gotten out of prison. She’d been her mother’s ticket to riches.

  A hollowness opened up inside her, and she had to fold her hands over her stomach in a vain attempt to ease it.

  “She threatened to tell everyone that I’d fathered a child if I didn’t give her what she wanted,” Novak went on. “And at that time, it was . . . a difficult situation for me.” His voice was quiet, and yet there was something vibrating in it that sounded horribly like rage. “I gave her money for a while and then . . .” He trailed off. “I heard she died.”

  Zoe swallowed and looked down at her hands. About six months after she’d left with Gideon, her mother had died of a drug overdose. A habit she’d picked up in jail and never managed to kick.