Now Chipper is looking to Hayes to play the dad role. Cricket looks at Hayes as an amusement, but she doesn’t trust people. Outside of her brother, grandparents, and me, she doesn’t seem to like anyone. Hayes can ditch us, and the kid would shrug it off. For Chipper, the rejection would hurt more.
“Where do you want to go?”
The twins look at each other but say nothing.
“Why don’t we stay around here?” I suggest. “We can go to the zoo during the break.”
Hayes frowns. “Think bigger, Candy. What about Disney World?”
The kids’ eyes widen, but they remain wary. Their grandparents once suggested Toby take his three kids to Disney World. He agreed, but nothing ever came out of the plan. Now he sits in jail, so things turned out for the best.
“That’s an expensive trip,” I say.
The twins look at me, and I realize I’m the bad guy. Ugh, can I blame the law for this situation? Is it possible the po-po banned us from Florida?
“I haven’t been on vacation in a decade,” Hayes says, focused on his food.
“Where did you go last time?” I ask.
“Australia.”
“Why?”
“For the koala bears,” Hayes mutters.
The twins laugh, not realizing he's grumpy with me. I admit Hayes and koala bears is funny.
“Why not the boxing kangaroos?” I ask, being grumpy back at him.
Hayes narrows his eyes, and we frown at each other. The kids stare at him and then decide to focus their big brown eyes at me.
“Disney World will be full of children,” I say to Hayes.
“I doubt it,” he says full of sarcasm.
“It’ll be loud and crowded. People might talk to you.”
“Can’t wait.”
Realizing he refuses to take the out I’ve graciously handed him, I smile at the kids. “I guess we’re going to Disney World.”
The kids smile at each other and then beam at me. After all, I’m the one who kissed this big man into taking them somewhere cool. Their mom has mad skills.
“Why did you really go to Australia?” Cricket asks Hayes.
“I wanted to go on a walk-about.”
“What’s that?”
“Where you walk around the outback of Australia.”
“Was it fun?”
“No. It was a lot of walking in the heat.”
I burst into laughter at the thought of Hayes wearing a big wad of sunscreen on his nose and wandering around in the heat. What in the hell kind of vacation is that?
Hayes frowns at me as if knowing I’m laughing at him. He stares hard, trying to intimidate me. Instead, I imagine his frowning face covered in sunscreen and laugh louder. The twins react by laughing too. They’re laughing at me rather than Hayes, but he frowns darker.
“Stop,” he demands.
“All right, mate,” I giggle.
Hayes wants to be angry, but he ends up grinning.
I wrap my fingers around his. “There’s a lot of walking at Disney World. Might even have a koala bear somewhere.”
“Funny stuff.”
The kids and I smile at him, and he finally settles down.
“You’re due for a vacation,” I say, still holding his hand.
“Probably.”
“You like to golf, and they have courses at the resort. You don’t have to spend the entire time with the kids.”
Hayes never considered having fun on the trip. He just wants to make the kids happy and play the role of the nice boyfriend. Now he realizes he could actually enjoy himself.
“Years ago, we planned to visit Orlando,” I explain, “and I remember reading something about babysitters at some of the resorts. We could ditch these two and go out in the evening.”
“Hey,” Cricket says. “I don’t need a babysitter. We’re like eighteen, remember?”
“That didn’t work before. Won’t work now.”
“But it’s a different state. The laws might be different,” Cricket insists until Chipper whispers something to her. “Never mind.”
“You’re the voice of reason,” Hayes says, grinning at Chipper.
My boy eats up the attention. Cricket is mostly focused on me. I reach over and pat her hand. She looks at my hand on hers and my other hand on Hayes. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but I suspect she’s threatened by the changes.
I’m proven correct when she grabs onto me after dinner and wants to hold my hand while we stand outside. Hayes and Chipper throw the ball to Nightmare until the dog decides he’s bored of exercise and walks inside.
“I like animals,” Chipper says. “I wish we could have a dog and another cat.”
Hayes looks at me like I’m a bad mom for not instantly driving to the shelter to get new pets for my first born.
“Let’s see how they do with Dreamy.”
Hayes gives Chipper a look like I’m a pain in the butt. I give Cricket a look like the guys are dorks. She smiles knowingly.
We go inside and find Nightmare stretched out on the couch.
“He owns the place,” Hayes says. “Let me grab a few things and we’ll head to your place.”
I talk to the kids about the massive remote and what I think all the buttons do. They’re dying to play with it.
“I’ll show you how to use it the next time you come over,” Hayes says, reappearing with a duffle bag.
The kids smile at the idea of returning, but Cricket still grabs on me possessively. She likes Hayes and his big house. She likes her family of three more, though.
Once in his SUV, I ask about the duffle bag.
“It's my clothing for tomorrow.”
“You’re sleeping over?”
“Of course.”
“Don’t you miss your bed?”
“Not as much as I miss yours.”
I study him while he drives us to my house. In his hurry to prove he’s boyfriend material, Hayes might push himself too far too fast. I want to tell him again how it’s okay to need space. I even open my mouth to say something but chicken out.
“I’m not a child,” he says when we pull into my driveway. “I know what I want,” he adds before leaning over to look me in the eyes. “And I get what I want.”
Smiling, I kiss him quickly and elicit gagging noises from the backseat.
“I like waking up next to you,” is all I say before climbing out of the SUV and opening the door for the kids.
We head into the house, and I tell myself not to worry. Except Hayes is the man I love and this family routine is all new to him. I also have two kids unaccustomed to their mom dating. Chipper wants a new daddy while Cricket wants no daddy. I might be a killjoy, but worrying makes sense with these three.
THIRTY FOUR - HAYES
Once I decide to plan a vacation to Disney World, the scope of everything grows. I figure the week we’re out of town will be a good time to do renovations in the office. Moot meets me to go over my plans, and he can’t stop chuckling.
“What?” I mutter.
“I keep picturing you scaring little kids at Disney World.”
“Can you fucking focus?”
Moot shakes his head. “I don’t know, man. You and Disney World are distracting me.”
“One day, you’ll have kids, and then you won’t think it’s so funny.”
“No, I’ll still laugh at the thought of you on that Tea Cup ride.”
Shaking my head, I walk into my back office. “I need more space.”
“Hell, man, I told you that shit years ago.”
“Yeah, well, shut the fuck up now.”
Moot laughs again. “Okay, so you want me to get this all done while you’re out of town. Shouldn’t be a big deal.”
“I’m edgy about leaving town in such an obvious way. People might think they should fuck with me.”
“Yeah, but you’re coming back. It’s not like they’d have much time to do the fucking.”
“They might think I’m turning soft because
of Candy and her kids.”
Moot shrugs. “So kill someone when you get back.”
“I'm serious.”
“So am I. People have been scared of you for a long fucking time. They ain’t going to get over that in a week. If anyone does, you deal with them and teach everyone else a lesson.”
Running my hand through my hair, I admit, “Maybe I am going soft.”
“Yeah, but you’re soft where it counts. With your enemies, you’ll always be an asshole. No doubt about that.”
I share his grin. “I guess. This family man shit makes me feel like a pussy. I’m thinking about making kids smile rather than making my enemies bleed.”
“You’ve worked for a long time to be in a stable place with White Horse. Why not enjoy what you’ve got? Never know how long it’ll last.”
I think about his words while he looks over the plans. My mind is on Candy as usual, and I wonder about her safety.
“A few months before you got out, the sheriff in Common Bend got it into his tiny fucking head to do a drive-by on my house and the office. He caused only minor damage, but I was pissed rather than scared,” I say and then add in a quieter voice. “If that happened now with Candy, I don’t think I’d feel so invincible.”
“I get that, but it’s worth feeling scared. To have a woman you love and trust is a magical fucking thing. A whole lot of people never find that. Especially not guys like you.”
Nodding, I crack my knuckles and then shove my hands into my jeans. “I hate feeling vulnerable.”
“Everyone does. They just don’t whine about it as much as you do,” Moot says, stepping back in case I retaliate.
“Asshole.”
Moot laughs, and I like seeing him so happy. A lot of men would have let prison eat them alive and turn them hard. Not Moot. He’s like a kid out for summer vacation.
If he can keep his shit in order, I certainly can too. I leave the office and head to Balthazar’s house. I find him in his chair as always. Lizzy Anne is in the kitchen while Gladys the Cat sits at the window. I swear they’re in the same positions as the last ten times I’ve visited.
“Bring me anything?” Dad asks, looking at my hands.
“No.”
“Too bad. I could use good toffee.”
“You shouldn’t eat that shit with your dentures.”
“Always got something to say, don’t you? Apparently, you’re a dentist now.”
Sitting on the couch to his right, I get straight to the point since he clearly isn’t in a warm and inviting mood.
“I’m in love with Candy Wilburn.”
“Don’t blame you. She’s a looker.”
“I’m planning to make things official during our week in Disney World. That’s why I want you to come on the trip.”
“I don’t like traveling.”
“It’s one week. We’re flying first class. You’ll get your own room at the resort.”
“What about Lizzy Anne?” he asks, gesturing at where she stands listening.
“I’ll pay for her to come with us.”
“Will she get her own room? I don’t want to share.”
“You’re kidding, right? Why in the hell would I think she’d want to share a room with you?”
“You’re not always aware people have feelings, son.”
Frowning, I look at Lizzy Anne. “We’re staying at the animal resort where the kids can see giraffes. I was thinking of putting Dad at another nice resort where there ought to be fewer kids. I can get you a room on the same floor. They have room service and massages. It’ll be a paid vacation. Are you game?”
“What about Gladys?” Dad asks before Lizzy Anne can answer.
“I’ll pay to have someone come over and feed her. Clean her shit too. She’ll be fine.”
“I'm not sure. I don’t want to go anywhere.”
I frown at my father. “Look, I haven’t asked for shit in a long time. I’ve paid for this house and your care and that ridiculously expensive surgery for your cat. You owe me, and I’m calling in my damn markers. Pack up your shit, make sure you have your prescriptions in order, and prepare to have the time of your fucking life.”
“You don’t need to be rude about it.”
“This trip is important. Candy and her kids are important. Don’t fuck this up for me.”
Balthazar says nothing. I can feel how much he wants to bitch and moan. I’m asking him to vary up his incredibly boring schedule. If I hadn’t lost my temper, he’d tell me fucking no and wouldn’t change his mind.
“Sounds like a good deal to me,” Lizzy Anne says, walking to the kitchen. “I’ll check the weather in Florida and start getting your dad packed.”
“Good. We’ll leave Friday night after the kids finish school, and we’ll be gone for their autumn break.”
“That’s a long time,” Dad grumbles.
“They have golf courses at Disney World,” I tell him. “Fishing too. I’m sure you and I can find things to do together and give Lizzy Anne a break.”
My father frowns at the TV, but I notice less irritation around his blue eyes. Back in the day, Dad took me golfing a few times a month. Once Mom died, he didn’t have much use for golf or anything else outside his house.
This trip can give him the sense of family he lost years ago. I think he worries about stirring up those old feelings. Life with Gladys the Cat and Lizzy Anne is easy, safe, and mind-numbingly dull. If he thinks he can avoid feeling anything when Cricket and Chipper are around, Balthazar’s in for a rude awakening.
THIRTY FIVE - CANDY
Honey and I sit on a bench while our six kids run around the busy park near her house. I check out the other mothers and think about making friends. As usual, I realize I don’t want to deal with their drama. Something about these women tells me they’re drowning in self-created bullshit. Uninterested, I focus on Honey.
“How are things with Andrew?”
“Okay.”
“What does okay mean?”
Honey shrugs. “He’s tense and blames me for getting Hayes involved.”
“Well, as long as he’s the one suffering, who cares?”
Honey shoots me a disapproving frown. “He’s my husband.”
“Why is that again?”
“Because I didn’t want to end up alone like Mom.”
Her honesty surprises me. Honey rarely talks about our mother or brother. She avoids upsetting topics. I’m proud of her until she opens her mouth again.
“Isn’t that why you’re with Hayes?”
Temper flaring, I think of a few cruel things to say to my sister. I force myself to remain civil instead.
“I know you’re going through a stressful period in your life, but you’d be smart not to comment on things you don’t know anything about. Okay?”
“He offers you security. How is that any different than why I picked Andrew?”
“Hayes doesn’t hit me,” I whisper angrily. “He doesn’t tell me what to wear.” Pausing, I remember when Hayes told me to stop wearing a shirt he thought was too revealing. “Fine, he does tell me what to wear, but he doesn’t freak out and hurt me when I ignore him.”
“I’m not judging you.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel guilty for judging you?”
Honey shrugs, and I realize my bitchiness won’t faze someone beaten down for years.
“Hayes treats me well. If he didn’t, I wouldn’t be with him. I’m not afraid to be alone.”
“Mom was. That’s why she walked into the woods that day. All her life was about finding someone to love her, and that day she realized no one really would.”
“We did,” I mumble.
“We had our lives. She wanted a man to love her.”
“She was weak.”
Honey studies me. “What happens when the twins get older and move away like we did with Mom? Will you be so confident then?”
“Yes because I’m not Mom.”
“I guess that means I am.”
“You don’t have to be.”
Honey shrugs again. Her gaze leaves me and focuses on her kids playing on the jungle gym. Cricket and Chipper are off to the side, away from the other children. My twins laugh at something, and I love how they have each other. They don’t beg for attention from others. That confidence is something I have to work hard at, and Honey never learned.
“Mom could have done anything,” I say. “She could have started over somewhere new. She talked about traveling, but she never saved up money to go anywhere. Mom had choices, but she only wanted a man.”
“She was lonely.”
“She could have gotten a hobby.”
“Do you have a hobby?”
“No, but I have a whole list of possible ones for when the kids get older. I plan to try each of them to see which ones I enjoy.”
Honey nods. “You always make things look so easy.”
“It’s a decision I made. You could make the same decision.”
Honey inhales deeply. When she exhales, I swear she looks a decade older.
“Why Andrew?” I ask, recalling how Hayes mentioned Honey once dated Moot. “Wasn’t there anyone else who made you happy?”
“There was one guy around the time I was dating Andrew. I liked them both, but I knew the other one wouldn’t make a good husband and father.”
“Why?”
“He was rough and wild. He didn’t have a secure job.”
“Do you ever have regrets?”
Lying on cue, Honey shakes her head. “He ended up in prison. I made the right choice.”
“But you liked him more than Andrew, didn’t you?”
“Yes, but I made the right choice,” she says more strongly.
“This other guy wasn’t someone you could show off, huh?”
Shooting me a dirty look, Honey crosses her arms. “It wasn’t about that. I didn’t fit in his world, and he didn’t fit in mine.”
“If Andrew fits in your world, you should ditch it.”
Honey rolls her eyes. “Stop acting like you know me so well.”
“I know you well enough.”
“In high school, when kids made fun of you, you didn’t care. When they made fun of me, I cried myself to sleep. We’re different, Candy.”
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