I think of how much Honey always wanted to be accepted even by losers.
“I never understood why you cared what those morons thought. They weren’t your friends. They didn’t know shit about you, so what did their opinions matter?”
“They just did.”
“And they still do, huh? That’s why you wear makeup to go to the park and dress your kids up in their Sunday best just to get dirty. You want to make a good impression on these strangers.”
“I feel their judgment if I don’t try to make a good impression.”
“Maybe there’s a pill to fix that.”
“I’m not crazy,” she says, glaring at me.
“I never said you were. I’m saying modern medicine has help for people’s phobias. Mom never wanted to try an anti-depressant. It might have saved her.”
“That and a hobby, right?”
Narrowing my eyes, I want to say something nasty to my sister. She waits for me to let loose, but I don’t. Douche has kicked her around too much, and I’m not him.
“I do resent her giving up. If she hadn’t, she’d probably live in White Horse with us. We’d take our kids to grandma’s house on the weekends. It makes me mad that the twins will never know her. Doesn’t it piss you off?”
Honey stares at her hands, and I realize I’ve kicked Honey despite my intention to be gentle.
“I miss her,” she whispers in a wobbly voice. “We talked once about her making my kids’ sandwiches and taking them to the park. She acted like she was looking forward to being a grandma, but she never got to meet them.”
Honey and Mom shared a bond I never managed to duplicate with either of them. I was closer to Peat, but he was easy to love. The guy loved making people laugh.
“I miss Peat,” I mutter, ready to cry too. “He would have made a great uncle.”
Our afternoon out has turned into a miserable walk down memory lane. I’m depressed by the time I return to the office with the kids. They run outside to play with Nightmare while I stand at my desk and think about how Peat would have found Hayes funny. They might have even become friends.
“Are you all right?” asks one of the gardeners.
Before I can say anything, Hayes storms out of the back office and waves a gun at the guy.
“Go away,” he growls, and the gardener isn’t the only one ready to run. I nearly piss myself at Hayes’s sudden rage.
“What happened?” Hayes asks, looking around as if we’re under attack. He checks on the kids in the back with Nightmare. Once he feels satisfied with our safety, Hayes returns to my side. “Why are you crying?”
“I wish you could have met my brother and mom,” I sob.
Hayes set down his gun and sweeps me into his arms. I feel dainty while he rests me in his lap. I feel young too. Or maybe it’s how I’m crying like a baby that makes me feel young.
“What happened? Why are you upset now?”
“I talked with Honey, and she was in a bad mood, and now I’m in a bad mood.”
“You should stop hanging out with your sister,” he says instantly.
I wipe my eyes and frown. “I’m not avoiding my sister.”
“Hey, you gave me a problem, and I solved it for you.”
“I don’t want you to solve it. I want you to hug me and say you’re sorry for my loss and let me cry myself out. Then maybe we can make out a little before the kids come inside.”
“I can do that too,” he says, nuzzling my forehead. “Thanks for the instructions. Life is a lot easier with them handy.”
“You’re welcome. I’m sorry I’m crying.”
“Are you really?”
“No,” I sniffle. “My brother Peat was a warm and funny person who made people happy. He shouldn’t be dead.”
“Want me to have his murderer killed?”
“Maybe,” I say with a slight smile. “Ask me tomorrow when I’m calmer.”
Hayes nods while my crying turns to sniffles.
“I feel bad my mom gave up on life. I also hate her a little for that.”
“I’ve never been depressed, but I hear it’s a powerful thing.”
“I know I should be more sensitive, but she could be alive to see her grandkids. She could meet you. She could have made new friends. Had wild sex in public. She had options.”
“You said your family was genetically inclined to make bad decisions. That’s what she did. Blame genetics instead of her.”
I study his handsome face and enjoy his soft caress. This big, mean man is capable of such tenderness when he wants. Honey can’t see that about Hayes. She thinks of him as a brasher Andrew. I admit a part of me worries about Hayes too. He can often be a temperamental bitch. For right now, I only see the kindness he feels for those he loves.
THIRTY SIX - HAYES
Balthazar tells me if he dies during the flight, he blames me, and I should blame myself too. In fact, I should spend the rest of my life haunted by killing him. I assure him on the way to the airport that I’ll schedule in the guilt thing. Candy shakes her head immediately while squished in the backseat with the kids.
“Your schedule is pretty booked, boss. I don’t know if you’ll have any free time for guilt. You’ll need to delegate that to someone.”
Grunting, Balthazar isn’t happy with her big mouth or my smile in response to her comment. The old man probably wants to give her a piece of his mind, but the kids are staring at him. He knows they’re staring too. More than once, he lowers the visor to look in the mirror. No way is he checking his appearance. He’s keeping an eye on the dark-eyed demons in the backseat.
At the airport, the twins decide to sit on each side of him.
“We already have a grandpa,” Chipper says.
Cricket adds, “He flies all the time. Why don’t you?”
“I have a busy life. No time for flying.”
Balthazar’s need to impress the twins makes me laugh. Candy catches my reaction and rolls her eyes.
“Don’t encourage them. They’re tormenting an old man.”
“What do you call what you did in the car?”
“Being honest. You are busy. He’ll need to survive, or you’ll need to delegate. Don’t give me the job, though. I suck at guilt.”
“I’ll keep that in mind when you break my heart.”
Candy throws her head back and laughs so loudly the other waiting passengers frown at her. I hear someone suggest she’s drunk.
“How is that funny?” I ask, spotting Lizzy Anne heading in our direction.
“I’d never break your heart. In fact, I consider part of my job to protect it,” she says, wrapping her arms around one of mine. “Even from me.”
After giving Candy’s forehead a quick kiss, I regain my hard exterior for Lizzy Anne.
“I could have driven you or sent a car,” I tell her.
“I drove so I’d have a car nearby in case I needed to be able to make a fast getaway when we return. I’ll likely be sick of you people by the end of the trip.”
“A ray of sunshine as always,” Candy says before walking away and joining the kids.
We board first and get settled into our seats. I give Chipper the window seat, and Candy does the same with Cricket. I sit in the aisle seat with Balthazar and Lizzy Anne in front of me. My father bitches a little until he gets comfortable. Before we even take off, he falls asleep and remains out for the rest of the flight. I suspect Lizzy Anne drugged his ass.
During the takeoff and landing, Chipper gets nervous and looks to his mother for comfort. Candy tells him to hold onto me like Cricket is holding onto her. The boy isn’t sure about cuddling with me, but I take his little hand and squeeze it.
“What amusement park do you want to visit first?” I ask.
Chipper looks to his mother for reassurance again. Relaxing, he scoots closer to me and shrugs.
“The one with the castle.”
“Sounds good. Does that one have the Pirates of the Caribbean ride?”
“I don’t
know.”
“We’ll check once the air waitress lets us use our phones again.”
Chipper smiles. “She’s called a flight attendant.”
“Yeah, well, she can be called whatever she wants, but she’s a waitress.”
The boy likes the waitress thing and refers to her that way the entire flight. He says I need to tip her too since she’s a waitress. I decide to do what he says considering the kid managed to get through the flight without crying or puking.
We take a private shuttle to the Disney World resort. Balthazar and Lizzy Anne are dropped off first at their hotel. I go inside to make sure they get checked in safely.
When I return to the shuttle, the twins are dozing against Candy by using her tits as pillows. We arrive at our hotel, and the kids awake immediately. They’re suddenly excited like only children, or a tweaker can get excited. Happy kids mean a happy Candy, and I’m looking to make my woman smile.
I reserved us a two-bedroom suite with savanna views. The kids love the idea of having their own room. Candy looks at our room with the two beds and smiles.
“This bed is for fucking, and this one is for sleeping,” she whispers while the kids stand on the balcony and point at animals.
“And the rooms are far enough apart that you can be noisy without waking them.”
Candy claps her hands, and I think she’s ready to tell the kids to take a nap. They’re wide awake of course, so we unpack and prepare to visit the Magic Kingdom.
I call Balthazar on the way to the park and make sure he’s okay. Lizzy Anne said he was soaking in his big tub. I take that as a positive sign.
Hanging up, I look at Candy with her arms wrapped around each kid. She’s smiling so widely I bet her face will hurt later.
“One day during our trip, I’ll take Balthazar golfing.”
“Can we come?” Chipper asks.
“It’s real golf, not the miniature kind.”
“Our grandpa likes to golf,” Cricket says. “He makes business deals at the course. I want to make business deals too.”
“What kind of business deals?”
“The kind where I win.”
Even though she’s clearly serious, I laugh at her expression. The kid wants to rule the world. No doubt she just doesn’t want other people to rule it.
We arrive at the park, and I need a minute to deal with the sheer mass of bodies around us. Babies scream, kids cry, parents meltdown, the happiest place on earth looks like a fucking horror show.
“No one except us four matters,” Candy announces. “We don’t hear anyone else. We don’t see anyone else. We’re here alone.”
The kids nod and get ready to push through the crowds of unhappy people. I take a deep breath and focus on my woman and her kids. No one else matters. The noise disappears. The people fade away. I am at this family place with my family, and I refuse to care about anything else.
Candy sees me prepared and takes my hand. Cricket has her other hand, and Chipper holds onto his sister. Together, we are an unstoppable team with only one goal. To eat a lot of overpriced food, stand in long fucking lines for silly rides, and embrace the cheesiness children love.
THIRTY SEVEN - CANDY
If not for our reservation, we likely wouldn’t have gotten a table. The restaurant is packed when we arrive. I know Hayes hates these crowded spots, and he’s likely sick of so many people. He shows none of his annoyance, though.
Standing over everyone around him, Hayes owns this place as he does everywhere we go. I love how people move out of his way. When they try to hold their ground, he gives them a look that gets their asses moving. Well, except for the little old ladies near our table. He patiently waits for them to pass us with their walkers.
“Such a good boy,” I tease, as he pulls back my chair. “Mama raised you right.”
“She said good manners tricked people into thinking you were a good person.”
“Wise.”
Hayes sits in the chair closest to mine and takes the menu. We order steaks because nothing will improve his mood like red meat.
“Long day,” I say, running my index finger along his slightly burned nose.
“Your kids are well behaved. You did good, Candy. I was worried they’d whine, and I’d need to duck out and hide.”
“They’re happy to be here. They also like you.”
“Cricket isn’t sure about that,” he says, giving me a pouty frown.
“She’s afraid you’ll steal me away. I haven’t had a boyfriend since she was born, so this is new to her.”
“I’m glad I’m not the only one sweating shit.”
“Chipper thinks you’re a superhero.”
Hayes grins as if he feels like a superhero. “He's an easy kid to win over.”
“Don’t be fooled. He’s just sneakier than Cricket. My kids are well behaved, but they’re devious. Never assume they aren’t working an angle.”
Hayes loses his smile. “They’re kids.”
“So were you once.”
“True.”
“I adore them because they’re devious. They don’t sit around expecting life to hand them crap. The Wilburns never get things easily. We have to wade through the bullshit to find our happiness.”
“You're happy now, right?”
“Yes, Angus. I was nervous about the trip, but spending time with you and the kids today was magic.”
“Well, it is Disney World.”
“With anyone else, it wouldn’t be as good. You were really funny today with the kids. I liked when you held their balloons. In fact, I think I have a picture of you playing their mule.”
Hayes grins. “I love you, Candy. I’m not always going to be a pleasure to be around, and running White Horse can make me an asshole. Still I’ll always put you and the kids first.”
“Put yourself first too,” I say, taking his hand. “You’re not a machine. All these years, you’ve worked so hard and barely taken any time to enjoy what you’ve built. I see what the groups in Common Bend and Hickory Creek built, but they did it with a group. You made decisions alone. That’s fucking amazing, and I want you to sit back and let the success sink in.”
Hayes considers my words for a few minutes before speaking. “I’ve wanted to ease off the pedal the last few years, but I never had anything else to do with myself. Moot is the only guy I hang out with, and he was in prison. My dad never wanted to leave the house. No woman interested me. Work and Nightmare were all I had that gave me any pleasure. Then you walked into my office.”
“You were so hot that first day. I don’t know if I ever told you that, but damn.”
Hayes gives me one of his arrogant male smiles. I give him an approving glance. He looks pretty damn sexy tonight wearing all black with a buttoned up shirt and jeans. I let my fingers caress his strong thigh until he removes my hand.
“Spending the night with a raging hard-on isn’t my idea of comfortable.”
“Yes, but the kids will crash early tonight from all the walking. I can help you deal with your raging hard-on.”
“Then give it to me closer to the dealing with it part.”
I scoot my chair closer to him and lean my cheek against his arm. “I used to fear falling in love. I thought it would make me fucking stupid, but except for the one night when I wanted to hump you in the house while the kids were upstairs, I’ve remained relatively smart. And you protected me when I did lose control.”
“I’ll always protect you.”
His tone sends waves of heat through me. I admire the hard-fucking, ass-kicking, tough side of Hayes, yet always find his gentle side a welcome surprise.
Our food arrives, and Hayes eats like a man starving. I take my time with the steak and enjoy the chunky mashed potatoes. I moan approvingly about the food while stealing glances at Hayes. Tonight, when the kids are asleep in the next room, I plan to have raunchy fun with this man.
Halfway through the meal, Hayes places a small black box on the table and slides it over to m
e. He doesn’t look my direction or say a word. Once the box is next to my plate, he returns to eating.
I glance at the box but don’t reach for it. I’m nervous in a way I shouldn't be. I feel as if I open the box I will be forever changed. I know what’s inside. Hayes didn’t buy me earrings or a necklace. I don’t wear jewelry. He wouldn’t waste money on what I wouldn’t use. No, I know what he’s bought. If I open it, I will need to answer him, and I’m unsure of my answer.
Why is he in such a rush? Why can’t he be patient and enjoy what we have? Why can’t loving me be enough? Why are my hands shaking?
I rest them on my lap and lean back in the booth. Staring at the box, I’m afraid of this new step. If I say yes, I’ll create a million changes in our lives. If I say no, I don’t think Hayes’s ego will allow him to remain with me. He can’t be patient because he isn’t a patient man. He wants what he wants, and he gets what he wants.
And he wants me.
The fact is I want him too. The changes might scare the shit out of me. I also worry about the kids’ reaction to more upheaval in their young lives. Despite all of my fears, I love Hayes like I’ll never love anyone else. I have no doubt he’ll love and care for me like he’s never done another person. I’ve clawed my way into his heart and made him acknowledge his feelings. I can’t reject him now. Even at my cruelest, I wouldn’t have the heart to break a man like Hayes.
“Did you buy yourself one?” I ask, returning to eating.
“Why would I?”
“So women will know you’re taken and not to mess with my man.”
Hayes never stops eating, but I catch him grin. “Good point. Women are always throwing themselves at me. I should put an ‘out of business’ sign on me somewhere.”
“When we get back to White Horse, I'll buy you something big and gaudy.”
“Are you going to open it?” he asks, glancing at the box.
“Do you want me to start crying in public?”
“No. In fact, I might bolt if you start that shit.”
Grinning, I shrug. “Well, then I best not open it. I’d hate to embarrass myself or force you to run.”
Junkyard Dog Page 18
