Love Me Again

by Teresa Greene

  ****

  Cord rode onto Henley land. He looked at all the changes the new farm equipment had made possible. Several acres of land had been tilled, waiting for spring planting. Now maybe Nick and Jacob would make a profit, instead of barely getting by on their small farm.

  Now mid December, he hoped he could convince Abby to return home with him in time for Christmas. They could be married and spend their first Christmas together as Mr. and Mrs. Cord Sutton. He thought it had a nice ring to it. He missed her and could not wait to see her again. He had been away longer than he had anticipated.

  His brother’s telegraph had not been very promising. Adam said Abby was angry and he could not convince her to leave her farm. Determined to sway her, Cord kicked his horse into a gallop anxious to see her again.

  The first winter snow had fallen and a white sheen covered everything as Cord rode into the yard. All the surrounding oak trees looked eerie without their leaves. He tried to remember how beautiful and green everything looked when he left during the spring. He wished he had not let so much time lapse before returning. A lot could happen in nine months.

  Even though it was cold, he felt warm inside knowing he would be seeing Abby. Smoke billowed from the chimney so he thought she must be inside. He imagined her standing over the old cook stove frying chicken, wearing one of her homespun dresses and her hair in a tight bun. His mouth watered at the thought of a home cooked meal. He had been on the trail for most of his absence, eating mostly cold biscuits and hard tack.

  Before he could dismount, Jacob stepped out onto the porch. “Just stay in the saddle. You are not welcome here.” His voice sounded hard and cold.

  Cord took the time to study Jacob. He had aged and lost weight over the nine months he had been away. His demeanor was the same as the last time he saw him, and Cord knew he was not welcome here. “I would like to speak to Abby.”

  “Abby no longer lives here.”

  Cord’s heart began to beat faster. “Where is she?”

  “She married Andrew not long after you left.” His expression was completely unemotional.

  Cord felt as if a sledgehammer slammed into his chest. “You lie, old man.”

  Jacob stepped back from the door, and motioned him inside. “Come in and see for yourself. Her things are gone. She belongs to another now.”

  Wanting to see for himself, Cord dismounted and stepped onto the porch. He stopped at the doorway and looked into the kitchen staring at the crude bench and table where he had sat and watched Abby cook. Every thing was just as he remembered. He walked to her bedroom and saw the bed tidily made; the bed where they had last made love. It was just as Jacob said. All her clothes and personal belongings were gone.

  He turned his anger toward Jacob. He grabbed him by the collar and lifted him off the floor. “Why did she not wait for me? I wrote to her. I promised her I would return.”

  Without an ounce of fear, Jacob stated, “She decided Andrew was the better man. She wasted no time and married him a month after you left. By the time she received your letters she was already married.”

  To control his anger, Cord took a steady breath. “I asked her to wait for me. I asked her to marry me.”

  Undaunted, Jacob snorted, “Wait for what, a gunslinger? What kind of life could you offer Abby?”

  Suddenly, Cord dropped Jacob and watched as he stumbled to keep from falling. The room became so hot and stuffy Cord thought he would be sick to his stomach. His insides lurching, he ran out the door. Jacob followed him and watched as he stood by his horse taking deep breaths to ease his stomach. For a few moments Cord considered going to Andrew’s farm to confront Abby, but knew he would only make matters worse. If she was married, it was too late for him.

  With a heavy heart he mounted his horse and galloped away without looking back.

  ****

  So full of excitement to have Nick with them for Christmas, Abby could not keep her mind on the task of opening gifts. She looked at her brother holding Daniel and saw the joy on his face. She chose the name Daniel because it was Nick’s middle name. He had not put him down since arriving early that morning, except when Daniel grew hungry or needed changing. Then he would quickly hand him over to her.

  “You look so good, Sissy. I can’t believe you just had a baby last week. Uncle Taylor said you were huge. How did you lose all that baby fat so quickly?”

  Abby glared at Taylor for calling her huge. He gave her an innocent look as if he didn’t know what Nick was talking about. “I think all my baby fat was baby. Look at him. He’s enormous. He is going to be as tall and broad of shoulder as his Uncle Nick.”

  Nick smiled proudly as he peered into Daniel’s little face. A tiny hand wrapped around his finger melting his heart.

  Taylor replied, “Abby, I think you should go to bed when you finish opening your gifts. You don’t want to overdo.”

  “You have been too generous, Uncle Taylor.” Abby held up one of the many new dresses she received from him. “Wherever will I wear them? They are much too fancy to wear around the house.”

  Uncle Taylor gave Abby a meaningful look. “I thought it was time for you to start socializing. Now that you have had Daniel, you need to get out more. There are several parties planned for the holidays. Nick or I one will escort you.”

  Of course Abby knew what he was thinking. It was time to find a husband. A small thread of unease swept through her. She didn’t relish the thought of finding a husband. She so enjoyed her life here with Taylor and Daniel. Not wanting to put a damper on his Christmas, Abby kissed Taylor on the cheek. Later she would tell him she had no intentions of socializing or looking for a husband. “Thank you for making Christmas so special for Nick and me. You have made us both feel welcome.”

  “You have made this old plantation feel like a home again, Abby. I am reminded of all the wonderful Christmases I spent with your mother. To tell the truth I had not even bothered with a Christmas tree since mother and father died.” Taylor gazed at the beautiful Christmas tree dripping with ornaments. “It was like old times decorating it with the ornaments from my childhood. In fact your mother made most of them. You may take several with you when you marry and have your own Christmas tree to decorate.”

  Abby thought of Cord and wondered where he was spending Christmas. Was he still searching for the man that shot him, or was he somewhere celebrating Christmas with family? Where ever he was, she hoped he was safe. Suddenly she felt melancholy.

  Cord had not even bothered telling her he had a brother. What other secrets did she not know about him? Not that it mattered. She would probably never see him again.

  “I think I’ll take your advice and lie down before supper.” Would the time come when she no longer thought of him? She drew a breath and tried to push him from her mind. Even though she adored her precious son, true happiness eluded her. Deep down she craved what she couldn’t have, Cord Sutton.

  Abby took Daniel from Nick. “Go for a walk or something Nick. You have been cooped up with us all day. I know you are not accustomed to the inactivity.”

  Uncle Taylor moved some of the boxes out of his way and replied, “Come Nick, let’s go for a ride.”

  ****

  Nick and Taylor had been riding for about an hour. Snow covered the ground and their breaths looked like smoke in the cold air. The fields looked desolate as if begging for the spring planting to begin.

  “I hope we get plenty of rain this winter so the ground will be saturated with moisture.” Nick thought about how much farming was at the mercy of Mother Nature. Many a night he had lain awake, praying for rain during a dry, hot spell. At least Cord’s generosity made a big difference. For the first time in his twenty-four years, he had money in his pocket. Money he enjoyed spending on Abby and Daniel to make their Christmas special.

  Taylor shifted in the saddle and looked over his land. “We can only hope we have rain and not another dry season like last year.”

  Changing the subject, Taylor replied ada
mantly, “I think we should notify Daniel’s father. Sometimes I walk into the room and catch Abby looking as if she is a million miles away. I think she still loves Cord and pines for him. I think we are doing them both an injustice keeping Daniel from him.”

  In an uneasy voice, Nick stated, “Abby must make that decision for herself. My opinion, he is not good enough for her. I think he used her, then deserted her. He has made no effort to contact my sister. If he cared for her, we would have heard from him. We know nothing about Cord Sutton. We did find him with a bullet in his chest. Someone shot him, but we don’t know why. I have seen him kill. He is an expert with a gun. Besides, he may already be dead for all we know. A man that lives by the sword will die by the sword.”

  “You said yourself the three men he killed deserved to die. It is hard to believe Abby would get involved with the man you just described. She must have felt he had some good qualities or she would not have lain with him. You don’t mind if I do a little investigating to see if I can find out more about him? It may be as you say and he is a man of unsavory character. If he is a decent man, I think he should know Daniel is his son. I just know I would feel better if I knew more about him. I feel responsible for Abby and would love to see her happy.”

  Nick gently chided, “You had better tread carefully. If Abby finds out you went behind her back, she will be livid.”

  “I feel I must take that chance. Abby’s happiness means so much to me.”

  ****

  Abby heard a soft knock on her door while feeding Daniel. “Abby, it’s me.” Not waiting for Abby to invite her, Judith opened the door and entered. The moment Abby saw Judith’s face she knew something was troubling her. After Daniel’s birth Judith moved back to her plantation to keep people from gossiping. Two to three times a week she spent the night with Taylor, leaving early before anyone was up and about. “What is it, Judith?”

  Judith plopped down in the chair by Abby’s bed. She touched the top of Daniel’s head feeling his soft curls. A tear escaped down her cheek. “I’m going to have a baby.”

  Abby screamed with delight. “That’s wonderful, Judith!” By her demeanor, she wasn’t too thrilled. “Judith, you are not barren. You are going to have a baby.” When she still didn’t get a response from Judith, she snapped, “What did you think was going to happen? You and Uncle Taylor are like a pair of weasels going at it all the time. Sometimes I hear you moaning through the walls and you are three bedrooms down.” Her eyes drifted over Judith as she asked, “How does Uncle Taylor feel about your condition?”

  Ill at ease with the topic, Judith lowered her eyes. “I have not told him. Taylor does not want to get married. He likes our relationship just the way it is now. A baby will complicate things.”

  Abby smiled warmly and touched Judith’s lovely cheek. “You are being ridiculous. Uncle Taylor is in love with you. Do you not see the way he looks at you? He tells you he does not want to get married because he knows that is the way you feel. He is being proud.”

  Judith sighed, “What if you are wrong?”

  “Judith, I am not wrong. Tell him you are going to have his baby. He will want to marry you. You two are perfect for each other.”

  “What if he changes the way he treats me after we are married.” Judith looked genuinely worried as she continued, “My first husband was sweet and kind until we said ‘I do,’ and then the jealousy and controlling started. I can not tolerate being smothered by an overbearing husband.”

  Abby shook her head in the negative. “If Uncle Taylor was controlling, he would not let me by with so much. Don’t forget, he insisted I start socializing and I still have not left the house. He is a wonderful man. Your fears are ludicrous.”

  “I hope you are right.”

  A week later Taylor and Judith were married. They decided on a simple ceremony with only a few friends in attendance. Discomfort replaced her excitement for her uncle and Judith when she walked into the room only to discover people pointing and whispering. No one knew who she was because she never left the plantation. If Taylor entertained, she remained in her room with Daniel. The only people who knew her were the slaves and Judith. They had never mentioned her to anyone because of her predicament.

  The low bodice of the pink dress her Uncle Taylor gave her for Christmas revealed too much of her ample breasts. All the men stared at her boldly causing Abby to squeeze the bouquet of flowers she held too tightly. At the moment, she wished Taylor and Judith would have had a more private wedding. She took her place next to the preacher by the huge fireplace, and watched as Taylor and Judith entered the room arm and arm. A gorgeous couple, both with blond hair and striking features, Abby felt they were meant for each other. Judith’s light blue dress brought out the blue in her eyes. Even though Taylor was fifteen years her senior, he had aged well and was in his prime. Maybe Judith had reservations about marrying Taylor, but she felt deep in her heart they would be happy together.

  After the ceremony, a small reception was held in the parlor. Several young men buzzed around Abby and she felt awkward, not accustomed to such bold attention.

  One fresh faced young man asked as he hovered over her, “Why have we not seen you at any of the social events in Durham?”

  Her senses were beginning to reel as the young men pressed in, all curious to hear her explanation. She tried to keep her tone mild. “I’m not a social butterfly. I enjoy long walks, reading, riding my horse, Sugar. I guess you could call me a homebody.”

  Abby thought of Daniel upstairs with Lizzy. She would not be able to keep him a secret for long. It would be wonderful to bring him downstairs and show him off. Guilt kept her from enjoying the attention of the young men.

  As if Judith could read her mind, she rescued Abby. “Will you gentlemen please excuse us? I need to borrow Abby.” Tucking her arm into Abby’s, Judith maneuvered her around the guests, a fake smile plastered on her face.

  The moment they were out of hearing distance, she replied sadly, “You look miserable, Abby. You are going to have to become accustomed to talking to young men. I know you don’t want to be a spinster the rest of your life. Don’t you want a father for Daniel?”

  “I don’t know how to talk to men, Judith. Father arranged everything with Andrew. The only man I have ever talked to that wasn’t family was Cord, and look what that got me.” She lifted her chin and blinked away the tears.

  “Stop beating yourself up for having a child out of wedlock. You are gorgeous, compassionate, and sweet. Someone will want you and Daniel. Maybe that person is here tonight. But you have to give them a chance. It would not hurt to talk to the young men and pretend you enjoy their company,” Judith said in exasperation. “Many of them would make you a suitable husband.”

  “But I don’t enjoy their company.” Abby pulled away from Judith. “I’m going to check on Daniel. I’ll be right back.” Abby hurried to her room. She relieved Lizzy of her babysitting duties and held Daniel close. Dark curls and blue eyes so much like his father’s, caused her heart to ache. How could she trust any man to accept Daniel as his son? What would Cord do if he ever found out she had kept his son from him? She shuddered at the thought of him finding out about her deception.

  Hearing her bedroom door open, Abby gazed up to find Uncle Taylor standing in the doorway with a serious look on his face. “Can we talk?”

  “You have guests, Uncle Taylor. Please stop worrying about me. I’m fine,” Abby said, but she didn’t make eye contact. Instead she watched her son suck on his fat, baby fist.

  “It is February, Abby. It is time for you to start socializing. Daniel is two months old and it is time to find him a father.” By his demeanor he was losing his patience with her. “You can’t go on living with memories.”

  Her voice full of sorrow, Abby whispered, “I’m sorry, Uncle Taylor I’m not ready.”

  “Abby you need to admit you are in love with Cord. I think we should notify him about Daniel, and see if you two can work out your problems.”

&nbs
p; Abby laid Daniel in the middle of the bed. She took Taylor’s hands and held them to her cheek. “There is no reason to talk about something that can’t be changed and can’t be resolved. He does not return the sentiment.”

  “I don’t believe that for one minute. How could he not love you, Abby? You are beautiful, sweet, devoted, and you are the mother of his child. At least let me arrange a meeting for the two of you to sit down together and discuss the situation.”

  “I know you mean well, Uncle Taylor, but I don’t trust him.” Abby’s stomach ached deep inside when the memory of Cord in bed with the whore surfaced. No, she could never trust him.

  “I don’t understand, Abby. Your mother was so sweet and gentle. You are stubborn as a mule and quite difficult to deal with.” Uncle Taylor stuffed his hands in his pockets, and stared at the toes of his shiny black shoes.

  Her arms encircled Taylor as she replied softly, “Go back to your guests. It is your wedding day. I am content, Uncle Taylor. I don’t require a husband to be happy.”

  With a deep sigh, Taylor huffed, “Have it your way, Abby.” He kissed her cheek and disappeared through the door. Abby plopped onto the bed, scooped Daniel into her arms, and peered into his precious face. “I don’t need anyone but you.” The moment the words left her mouth, she knew differently. All the fantasies returned of having a life with Cord.

  ****

  Things changed after Taylor and Judith married. Before they married, Abby heard them making love two or three times a week. Now she heard them almost every night. They giggled and acted like star struck teenagers at breakfast and supper. Abby would catch them on the stairs or on the sofa in the parlor kissing passionately. She adored them both, but felt like a third wheel.

  Sitting on the bed feeding Daniel as she did every night before she put him to bed, Abby heard Judith moaning in ecstasy. “They’re going at it hot and heavy tonight, Daniel.” He released his hold on her nipple and gave her a huge smile. Abby stroked her fingers through his dark curls and he went back to suckling, as his chubby fingers rubbed her cheek.