Say It With Ink

by C. C. Dado

  Levi tore out his own piece of paper to respond.

  Bring it on golden boy.

  “Is my lecture disrupting your playtime?” Professor Hasselwood’s question, being rhetorical as he turned back around and started drawing on the board, successfully stopped any further fun in Econ 101.

  BY THE weekend Levi was ready to go out and get wasted. He half knocked on the door to their room as he walked in. “Hey, wanna go down to town and hit the pub? See what college night life is like?”

  “Can’t,” Jamie replied, spinning a bright yellow thong on his finger before shoving it in his backpack, making Levi cringe internally. “I got a gig tonight. What time are you going? Maybe I could meet you after I’m done.”

  “What? You’re still dancing? I figured that was done now that we live here?”

  “I still have to pay for this room. I talked to my boss, and apparently they get a lot of calls for events up this way, so he agreed to keep me on. If I can find something up here around campus that pays pretty well, I can quit, but until then….” He let the words drop off and slung his pack over his shoulder. “So I’ll meet you after, ’kay?”

  “Yeah, that works. I was going to head out around nine.” Levi’s mood for festivities dropped immensely at Jamie’s words.

  “Perfect. I should be done around that time.” Jamie walked out.

  Levi pulled off his loose knit cap and threw it on the bed, then ran his hands through his dark mussed hair, trying to calm himself. He was definitely getting wasted tonight.

  LEVI SAT at the bar, drinking his glad that Jamie had talked him into asking Harley to get them fake IDs. It had cost him a day’s labor rebuilding the carburetor for Harley’s truck, but it was worth it. Levi watched the people in the mirror behind the bottles recognizing a few from campus, but no one he really talked to. There was one guy across the bar Levi kept glancing at. He wasn’t sure if he found the guy attractive or if he was staring because the guy just drew attention. Levi had seen him around campus, and he was pretty sure they had a class together, but there were so many people in those lecture halls he couldn’t place which class it was off the top of his head. The guy had purple hair—actually it was more lavender than purple. The soft color made him appear ethereal. The sides and back were cut short, but the top was styled up a good three inches. He always wore skinny jeans and retro T-shirts under a jacket. He occasionally threw in a scarf, as well. Pretty was the only way Levi could describe his face—almost feminine but not quite. He had an attitude as big as the room and a chip on his shoulder to go with it from the looks he’d been giving to the guys coming over to talk to him. Levi realized he must have let his eyes linger too long in the mirror when the guy’s gaze penetrated his from across the room. He set his glass down and headed toward the bar.

  Shit.

  “Don’t you just look ripe for the picking.” The guy turned his head from the mirror to look toward Levi, inspecting him as he talked.

  “Uh. Excuse me?” Levi said, uncomfortable under the guy’s scrutiny.

  “My name’s Sy. Levi, right? I’ve seen you around campus. I think we have Econ together.”

  Econ! That’s what it was. “Uh. Yeah.” Levi tried remembering what Sy had asked him. He wasn’t sure why he had suddenly lost the ability to talk like a normal human being.

  “So Levi, is some girl or guy going to freak out if I take you home with me?”

  Levi wasn’t sure how to react to that. “I’m single, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  Levi’s attention was pulled away from Sy as Jamie came through the front door, and Levi couldn’t help but watch him make his way over.

  “Hmmph, you sure about that?” Sy said for Levi’s ears only, giving him a knowing grin. “You better watch those pretty eyes, baby, or that boy is going to guess what side of the fence you really play for.” Sy raised his voice, turning toward the bartender. “Hey, Brad, can I get another one?”

  “Sure, Sy.” The bartender gestured at Levi’s almost empty glass. “You ready for another?”

  “I’m good, thanks.”

  “If you ever need a study buddy you let me know, okay, sweetie,” Sy said, with a tilt of his head and a raise of his glass at Jamie, who was now standing behind Levi’s stool. When he got halfway across the room, he looked over his shoulder and winked at Levi.

  “What the fuck was that? You got a boyfriend I don’t know about?” Jamie asked, sounding irritated.

  “Shut up, dude. It’s a guy from our Econ class.” It almost seemed like Jamie was jealous, and the thought was super fucking hot. Wishful thinking on his part, Levi reminded himself as he took a drink of his beer.

  “Whatever. I need a beer,” Jamie said, motioning to the bartender.

  Levi glanced back over at Sy, who was now sitting with his friends, looking back at him. Sy shook his head, toasted him mockingly, and took a sip of his drink.

  They didn’t end up staying very long,

  “I’m going to head out.” Jamie was the first to give up on having any fun tonight. The mood had never relaxed into their normal banter.

  “Yeah, I was thinking about walking back and crashing early.”

  “My mom called, by the way, and summoned us to David’s for dinner this weekend. Sounded important. David has some kind of announcement or something. She said absence was not acceptable.”

  Uuugh. Levi could not handle that right now. He was pretty sure David already thought he was a fucking idiot, since he always acted like one when he was around. It was hard enough to keep himself in check under normal circumstances, let alone when there was an older replica of Jamie in the room too, so Levi tried to have as few of those moments as possible. His feelings for Jamie were getting too hard to hide.

  “I can’t, man, sorry. I have a shit ton of studying to do this weekend.”

  “You can’t study at David’s?”

  “Nah. I really need to focus.”

  “Whatever, dude.”

  Levi hated this. He hated lying to Jamie. He hated how separated he felt from him right now.

  “Hey, I heard there’s a good band playing at the Wild Buffalo tonight.” Levi threw it out there, hoping to get things back to normal.

  “I think I’m just going to head back and go to sleep. I’ve got to find someone to catch a ride with tomorrow,” Jamie said. They both knew a lot of people who headed down toward Seattle during the weekends, so he could surely catch a ride.

  “Just take my car.”

  “What?” Jamie looked at Levi like he’d lost his mind.

  “Take my car.” Levi tossed the keys to Jamie. “You do still remember how to drive, right?” Levi asked sarcastically.

  Jamie stared at Levi for a second before responding. “You sure about this?”

  “Yeah, you’ll take care of her. I’m not worried.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  “No problem. Come on, I’m done here too,” Levi said before tossing money on the bar and heading out with Jamie.

  Chapter 5: Are you a virgin? (Levi)

  JAMIE WAS already gone by the time Levi woke up the next morning. Levi lay in bed, looking over at Jamie’s still rumpled blankets. He knew he couldn’t do this much longer. Living this lie was becoming harder and harder. At first it didn’t seem like a lie. It was his sexuality, whose fucking business was it if he didn’t want to tell anyone? But that was just it—he wasn’t fifteen anymore. He wanted to be “out.” If he hadn’t fallen in love with Jamie, he would have come out a long time ago. Living in this dorm together was going to break him, so close to everything he had ever wanted but knew he would never have. Levi ran his hand over the padlocked heart tattoo on his chest. The one he’d told Jamie said “Jessica” because you could only see the “J” inscribed on the banner and the rest was covered by the branches and leaves of the roses encasing it across his chest. He was thinking about maybe going to see one of the counselors there at school. He was starting to worry that he wouldn’t actually make it through this. Wha
t happens the day that Jamie finds out and walks away? Levi doubted he would survive that. He had built his life around one person since he was fifteen, and he knew that wasn’t healthy. He’d noticed lately when he drank it was getting more difficult to keep his shit together, his feelings for Jamie turning to anger, even though he knew it wasn’t Jamie’s fault

  Not wanting to sit around the dorm all day thinking about it, Levi decided to get some food and then spend some much-needed time studying in the library, maybe swing by one of the school bulletin boards and snag one of those counselor flyers. After grabbing a shower, he closed up the room and headed out.

  Western really was a beautiful campus, Levi thought to himself as he strolled down the cobblestone paths between the buildings. A perfect Northwest setting, the long, rolling, lush grass yards surrounded by a variety of different trees in shades of green and purple.

  The campus was already filled with folks, some jogging, some studying in the grass, and it looked like some of the clubs must meet on Saturdays based on the small groups of people with books circled together in debate over something. Levi’s appreciation of his surroundings was interrupted by someone jumping onto the bench next to the walking path.

  “Hey,” Sy from the bar said as he jumped down from the bench and apparently invited himself to walk with Levi. He was again dressed in skinny jeans and a bright shirt, this one saying, “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful,” his lavender hair styled up in a high, soft faux hawk. Levi admitted to himself he thought Sy looked cute.

  “Hey.” Levi wasn’t sure how else to respond. He also was willing to admit that Sy made him uncomfortable.

  “Where you headed, sexy?” Sy asked, winking over at Levi.

  “Just grabbing some food and heading over to the library.”

  “Well, thank fuck. I’m starving and hate eating alone.”

  Levi had no idea how to respond to that either, so he just kept walking.

  “Hey, I know a great little café right off campus. Totally worth the walk. Come on.” Sy grabbed Levi’s arm and pulled him across the grass toward town.

  LEVI HAD to agree, when he bit into the Burger Royal at the Copper Hog, that it was worth the walk. He still wasn’t sure how he had ended up having lunch with Sy, but maybe this was what he needed—to open up his life to more than it just being about Jamie.

  “So where’s soccer boy?”

  “He went home for the weekend.”

  “What’s the scoop with you two? You’re gay, he’s straight.”

  “I’m not,” Levi tried interrupting Sy for calling him gay, but Sy was having none of it.

  “Don’t even bother giving me the angry eyes and denying it.” Sy shushed him. “My gaydar is on point. You may not be ready to admit it to your friend, or to the rest of the world for that matter, but you don’t need to waste the energy trying to hide it with me.”

  Levi wanted to push up from the table and walk out but at the same time an odd sense of relief washed through him at having the lie taken away from him.

  He didn’t respond, though, just tossed a hand-cut fry in his mouth, leaned back in the booth and looked at Sy across the table.

  “I’m assuming by the lack of response that I’m correct and he doesn’t know,” Sy said, taking a bite of his salad.

  “No one knows,” Levi confirmed.

  “Oh God,” Sy exclaimed, dropping his fork on the table and leaning in to whisper. “Are you from one of those small towns where everyone knows everyone’s business, so you have to sneak into the next town to meet somebody under the cover of darkness just to get laid?”

  “No,” Levi said, looking at Sy like he was insane. “I’m from Fremont. It’s not a small town, and no, I never snuck around to hook up with people. I fell for Jamie when I was fifteen. I couldn’t fucking do that,” he said, staring down at his fries.

  Silence sat at their table while Sy took in what Levi had said.

  “Sweet baby Jesus,” Sy said in awe. “Are you a virgin?” he asked in an almost yell. He recovered quickly seeing Levi’s glare, and the way he crumpled his napkin in his fist. Sy quickly returned to an almost whisper. “Have you been saving yourself for Jamie all this time?”

  Levi just stared at Sy for moment before acknowledging the question with a nod.

  “My testicles are literally crying for you right now,” he said, throwing himself back in his chair. “What a waste. I realize Jamie is fine and all, but you could have anyone you wanted if you walked into a bar right now. A big tattooed guy like you with that fucking pretty face. Such a waste. Have you even kissed a guy before?” Sy sounded angry.

  Levi was officially irritated now, feeling like he had to defend himself. “Not that it’s any of your business, but there was one guy that I met at a club. He was definitely interested, but when we got close, I couldn’t do it. I wanted it to be Jamie. It’s important to me. Special.” Levi felt stupid admitting this to a virtual stranger.

  “Fuck. You’re a romantic. I don’t suppose Mr. Perfect has been saving himself for you?” Sy didn’t even wait for a response before continuing. “Well, we need to do something about this soon so you can start playing hide the penis like a normal friggin’ eighteen-year-old gay boy,” Sy said, cutting some of the tension between them. Levi couldn’t stop the laugh from escaping at Sy’s choice of words. Sy smiled back. “I cannot sit around and watch such a travesty of wasted flesh. If I have to, I will fuck you myself,” he proclaimed, his voice getting louder throughout his rant, like he was giving a motivational speech “I will take one for the team. I will do it for you. I will do it for the country.” He was standing at this point with a fist in the air.

  “Could you please sit the fuck down?” Levi demanded.

  “Ohhh, sorry. I get a little passionate sometimes. My mom thinks I should go into politics.”

  “I don’t need your help, thanks. I’ve already decided I need to move on.” Levi noticed that Sy adjusted his posture and leaned closer into the table. “And no, that doesn’t mean I want to fuck you. I wouldn’t mind having another friend, though. Haven’t really had anyone except Jamie for a long time.”

  “Hmmm.” Sy thought over Levi’s words as he returned to his salad. “Well, I’m not a fan of the friend zone, as I rarely spend any time in it, but for you I shall make an exception.”

  Levi smiled at Sy across the table and took another bite of a fry.

  “Are you dating anyone right now?” Levi asked, curious about the person Sy was.

  “Oh, I’m dating a lot of someones, honey. You know it doesn’t always have to be ‘until death do us part.’ Sometimes it can just be until you blow and they go.”

  “Super gross, dude,” Levi said, dipping his fry in tartar sauce and then popping it in his mouth.

  “What? I’m just saying sometimes it’s about needs and nothing else. Like Professor Hasselwood. He’s been eye fucking me all semester, and I ‘needs’ to get an A in that class. He is a silver fox, and I got years of daddy issues to work out, so I may just take him up on the offer.”

  “I’m rethinking this friendship if you do,” Levi said, wondering if the comment Jamie had made about the professor were true.

  “Uuugh, putting restrictions on our friendship already? I’m crushed. You are going to be a horrible influence on my life, but I will accept your terms.”

  “You don’t strike me as a business major,” Levi said

  “Oh, I’m just taking business classes because my dad thinks it makes me less gay,” Sy said, rolling his eyes. “I’m actually a double major: business and design. I was a Vietnamese language major for a while, too, but just long enough to figure out what the ladies at the nail salon were saying about me.”

  “What a minute. You majored in an Asian language because you thought someone was talking shit about you?”

  “Yep.”

  “Okay, well, what were they saying?”

  “They think I’m pretty.” Sy preened. “I dropped those courses and stuck with busine
ss and design. One for me and one for the man writing the checks. It’s a good thing, though, or you would never have met me.”

  “Why do you go to the nail salon?”

  “Cuticle health is very important. Just because you’re a guy doesn’t mean you can’t have clean, manicured hands. Here, let me see your hands.”

  Levi stared at Sy with trepidation before slowly raising his hand and moving it across the table.

  Sy grabbed his hand and inspected it. “You even have big hands,” Sy purred with a roll of his tongue, making Levi pull his hand back.

  “Oh, I’m just messing with you, but seriously, your hands are begging for some moisturizer and a nail buffing. You are coming with me next time. No complaining,” Sy said as if the conversation was over, and returned to his food.

  Levi wondered how many friends Sy had himself. This might be a new venture for both of them.

  Chapter 6: The family meeting (Jamie)

  BY THE time Jamie got to David’s, his parents were already there. It wasn’t often that a family meeting was called, so Jamie was apprehensive about going in. He prayed that no one was sick as he walked up the stairway to David’s apartment.

  He half knocked and then walked in, looking around, hoping not to see anyone crying. He was vastly relieved when his mom walked out of the kitchen smiling, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel.

  “Hi, sweetie, I’m so glad to see you,” she said, squeezing his face in her hands.

  “Hey, Mom.” Jamie kissed her cheek before continuing. “So what’s this about?” He cut to the chase, not able to stand it any longer.

  “I honestly have no idea. David won’t say a thing, but he seems very nervous, so whatever it is, you put on that supportive-brother face and be there for him, got it?”

  “Of course, Ma.”

  David was rushing around the kitchen when Jamie walked in, trying to make… well, Jamie wasn’t exactly sure what he was trying to make based off the mess, but he was guessing it was something Italian because he could smell bread baking.