Play Your Heart Out: A Rock Star Romance (Sinful Serenade Book 4)

by Crystal Kaswell

He nods.

  "So if I ask you not to come, and you want me, you'll fight for me."

  "Don't play a game. Tell me what you want."

  "I want my dad to be sober. I want law school to be easier. I want my own house on the beach and my own fancy Tesla, but I want mine to be silver. I want the biggest cup of coffee in the world. And I want you to love me." I wipe my eyes. "Can't have any of that. Might as well want to live on Mars."

  His eyes fill with frustration. "I want to come with you."

  "Please don't make me say it again. It was pathetic enough the first two times."

  "It wasn't pathetic. It was brave." He goes for one of the bobby pins holding together my updo.

  Dammit, how can he say things like that, like he admires me for telling him I love him? I can't breathe. I can't think. Every part of me hurts. I don't know which is worse—my dad in the hospital or Pete admiring me for confessing my feelings.

  "Please stop touching me. I need to get my shit together. And I can't do it if you're touching me, if the only thing I can think about is how much I wish things were different between us."

  He sighs but he does shift back. "How long will it take you to pack?"

  "Half hour."

  "Do it. I'll book your flight."

  I nod, but I make a long stopover in the bathroom to unpin my hair and wash the makeup off my face.

  Pete takes charge. He sits me down on the bed, has me drink a glass of water. Then there's a snack in my hands and he's telling me to eat.

  Then he's unzipping my dress, sliding it down my body.

  "Try to sleep," he whispers. "First available flight is four hours from now."

  He helps me out of my clothes and into my pajamas. This isn't how I want him undressing me. But it still feels nice, his hands on my body.

  He presses his lips to my forehead.

  I want to ask him to join me. I want his arms around me, his voice in my ear, him convincing me it's going to be okay.

  But only if it's what he wants.

  He's not a gentleman. If he wants me, he'll get into this bed with me, hold my body against his.

  I pull the covers over my head, press my eyelids together, and fall asleep alone.

  ***

  I wake to the smell of coffee and Pete's hands on my shoulders. It feels good and awful at the same time, him touching me.

  "Too early for room service," he says. "I'll give you cash to get something at the airport."

  I nod. Judging from the still dark sky, it's too early for any reasonable activities.

  The room is totally stripped. Everything is packed. But the miserable look on his face tells me he hasn't changed his mind about coming with me. About loving me.

  I let him lead the way through the lobby, into a cab, to the airport. He keeps his distance in the backseat. It's too much distance. I hate every inch we're apart.

  He helps me out of the cab, helps me with my suitcase. Then we're at the self-checkout, he's printing out my boarding pass. First class. Nonstop. That ticket must have cost a fortune.

  "I'll pay you back somehow," I say.

  "Not a chance." His hand lingers on my shoulder. His eyes meet mine. "Are you sure?"

  "About?"

  "That you want to go alone?"

  "Pete, you've already told me how it is. You fight for what you want. You're not fighting. You don't have to spell it out."

  "That's not it—"

  "I'm leaving now."

  "I'm gonna kiss you. If you don't want that, tell me now."

  I do want that. One last time. One piece of comfort to take with me. I nod a yes. Then his lips are on mine. They're frantic and hungry. I can feel the affection in his kiss.

  That's love.

  How can he not feel it?

  When the kiss breaks, I'm dizzy. I take a step backwards. "I hope you figure out what you want."

  For a minute he stares at me. He opens his mouth like he's about to say something. But all he does is nod goodbye.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  It's almost midnight in New York, but I'm wide awake. Two sleeping pills plus one incredibly reclining seat equals few hours of conscious thought.

  I text my sister and go in search of coffee. But there's no time for caffeine. She's already here. Waiting.

  I go straight to the drop off/pick up area. There she is, in her shiny red car. Madison has always been flashy.

  Her face lights up when she sees me. She climbs out of the driver's seat and rushes to pull me into a hug. "I've missed you so much, Jessie. Was your flight okay?"

  "For a twelve hour flight." My instincts tell me to push her away, but I don't. I hug her tighter. I'm tired of hating her. I want my best friend back. "It will take a while for me to get over how much it hurt, you betraying my trust like that."

  "I understand. I'm sorry. Really, Jessie. I feel awful. I've thought about calling you every night since you left. Couldn't admit it to myself for a while. And then, well, you seemed like you were doing so well. Starting school and... whatever was happening with... I thought maybe he'd come with you if he was your boyfriend. But I understand if you don't want to talk about it. It's not like I deserve to be your shoulder again. Well, I know it's not like I was ever your shoulder. You've always been the strong one."

  Yeah, I have. I've always carried everything around on my shoulders, never let anyone help. Until Pete...

  Look how well that went.

  As much as my heart aches, I'm glad I talked to Pete. Even if he never figures out that he loved me.

  It will fucking suck, but it won't take away how light he makes me feel. Made me feel.

  I better tell Madison. Between getting dumped and Dad drinking himself into the hospital, I'm going to overflow.

  "Let's talk at home," I say. "Will they let us into the hospital?"

  Madison puts my suitcase in the backseat. We get into the car.

  Her eyes go to the time on the clock. "It's well past visiting hours but there is a nurse who likes me." She checks her reflection and adjusts her top for maximum cleavage.

  ***

  Except for the Emergency Room, the hospital is quiet. Madison leads me right to the wing where Dad is recovering. There's a small waiting area but the lights are off.

  It's clearly not visiting hours.

  The nurse at the station is an older woman.

  Madison pouts. "Guess he's off already. Can't hurt to ask her." She moves to the reception desk and offers the nurse a pleading look.

  The nurse shakes her head. They speak for a few moments then the nurse calls me over.

  "Are you Jessica James?" she asks.

  I nod.

  Immediately, she starts explaining Dad's condition. He's no longer at risk of alcohol poisoning, but his liver is damaged. Any future drinking is risky, even a glass of wine at dinner.

  When she's done with the medical technicalities, she hands me a stack of brochures. "There are excellent treatment programs in the area."

  Madison picks the polish off her red nails. "What if he won't go?"

  "Then he can drink himself to death alone."

  She bites her nail. "Jessie... I can't."

  "You can." I nod a thank you to the nurse and walk my sister back to her car. I take her keys, take over driving duty. "It's going to hurt, but you can do it. We can both do it. I hope we don't have to but we can."

  ***

  At home, I make coffee and breakfast. Dinner. Whatever this meal counts as. Hash browns, oranges, scrambled eggs with vegetables.

  "I missed you so much I stole your Hunger Games poster." She stirs sugar into her coffee and sips it. Her face scrunches in distaste. "Don't know how you drink this stuff."

  "You want tea?"

  "I'm okay." She pushes her short blond hair behind her ears. "Plus, when it came out you were dating Pete Steele... seemed weird having his picture hanging in my room."

  "It's a little weird."

  "It made me feel bad. Knowing I hurt you." She attempts another si
p of her coffee. "You tensed up when I said his name."

  Figures. "We... broke up. Or maybe it's a fight. I don't know. We were barely together. Hard for it to be a break up."

  "You want to talk about it?" she asks.

  I do, actually. I want it off my shoulders. I nod. "On the couch. With proper background noise."

  She laughs. "Let me guess. The Hunger Games. No, Divergent."

  "Please. There's only Katniss. An imitation won't do."

  She sticks her tongue out. I laugh. Then, we're both in stitches. The bar for comedy gold is lower when you've been in three time zones in two days.

  "I've got it," she says. "Please. Let me."

  For once, I let my sister lead. I take a spot on the couch. She gets me another cup of coffee, fixed the way I like it, a glass of water, a blanket.

  She plops next to me. Once the movie is streaming, she turns to me. "You look heartbroken. What happened?"

  I tell her everything. Even the part about it being pretend.

  Then she tells me everything about her ugly breakup with Nathan. Turns out, he's still a controlling asshole underneath his charming exterior.

  We talk about Mom and Dad—good times and bad—until Madison falls asleep on the couch. Only a few more hours until the hospital opens. I finish the marathon on my own.

  By the end, I'm half asleep and I'm not watching the movie. I replay every ugly moment of the not exactly a breakup. When I can't take it anymore, I go to my room, unpack, put on my pajamas.

  The doorbell rings.

  This used to happen all the time. Dad would get drunk and make a scene. The neighbors would stop by, sometimes to check on us, sometimes to chew him out. Back then, I always lied. Always covered for him.

  Not anymore.

  No matter who that is, I'm going to be totally honest.

  There are footsteps downstairs. Madison must be up.

  "Hello," she says to the door.

  I move to the hallway, poised to jump in if necessary.

  She shrieks. "Really?"

  I can't hear the person on the other side.

  Madison pulls the door open and motions for the person to come in.

  It's not a neighbor.

  It's Pete.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  Pete is at my door.

  He's here.

  He's taking what he wants.

  God help me, he's wearing his glasses. He looks as yummy as ever in a black t-shirt and dark jeans.

  My knees knock together. I try to speak but words don't come out.

  He looks at Madison. "You must be Madison."

  She nods. "Y-y-you're Pete Steele."

  "Yeah." His eyes narrow. "You fucked Jess's boyfriend after he pulled that shit about asking her to choose between him and law school."

  "Y-y-yes."

  "What the fuck, Madison? Why did you hurt her like that?"

  "I wasn't thinking. We... we already talked. I apologized." She motions to me at the top of the stairs. "She said she forgives me."

  Pete looks up at me. "Do you?"

  My mouth refuses to make words. I nod.

  His lips curl into a smile. I melt. It's still the greatest sight in the world, that smile.

  His expression gets intense and protective as he turns back to Madison. "You know how some guys write songs about how their ex-girlfriends deserve to burn in hell?"

  "Y-y-yes."

  "I'm giving you slack for hurting Jess cause I did the same thing. Hurt her again and there's gonna be a new Sinful Serenade song called Madison is a Bitch. And that's only gonna be the start of how much I make your life miserable."

  "I... I didn't mean to. I'm sorry." She bites her lip. "I didn't do it on purpose. And you need to talk to her. She loves you. She was crying. This time, you're the one who hurt her. She told me everything. It sounds like you've had your head up your ass, but Jess loves you too much to see it that way."

  He chuckles. "You have a backbone, huh?"

  "Yeah." She clears her throat. "You've been an idiot. Make it up to her or I'm going to be the one making your life miserable."

  He smiles. "Fair deal."

  "Good." She folds her arms over her chest.

  He nods an okay to Madison then all his attention is on me. "Were you crying over me?"

  "Hard to pin point an exact source." I play with my pajama bottoms. "You were top two."

  He smiles.

  "You threatened my sister."

  "Too much?"

  "No. You... you're fighting for me."

  He nods. "This is nothing."

  "What's something?"

  "You're gonna say it's cheesy."

  "That's okay."

  He moves all the way up the stairs. Until he's one step below me. It puts us almost eye to eye. I'm still a few inches above him.

  He stares into my eyes. "I love you, real or not real?"

  Pete pulls his t-shirt down and points to his chest. His skin is red from a new tattoo.

  It's an arrow with the word real in the middle of it.

  It's the Hunger Games couple's tattoo I told him I wanted. Half of it.

  My fingers go to his chest. Then I'm staring into his eyes. "Can I?"

  "Yeah."

  I trace the lines of the ink. "When did you do this?"

  "Soon as your plane left." He presses his hand to his heart. "Well, soon as the tattoo parlor opened."

  I trace it again and again. "Why?"

  "Same reason I got my other ink."

  "You felt something in your soul?"

  "Yeah." He takes another step. "And more than that. I stayed at the airport. Watched your plane take off. The second it was gone, I felt it. This emptiness in my chest that had been filled before. Kept thinking about you hurting by yourself. It tore me in half."

  "I tore you in half?"

  He ascends the last stair. His arms slide around my waist. "Don't feel the emptiness anymore. Not when I'm holding you. I only feel right. That's love." His eyes meet mine. He brushes his hand through my hair. "I love you."

  It's a good thing he's holding me as tightly as he is, because I'm reasonably certain I've lost all feeling in my legs.

  His fingers find the back of my neck. "Jess, I'm in love with you."

  "You're wearing your glasses."

  He nods.

  "For me?"

  "Don't play fair when I want something."

  "Good." I rise to my tip toes and press my lips to his.

  I can feel it too. How much he loves me. How much I love him. We kiss long, slow, and deep.

  I look back into his eyes. "Say it again."

  "I love you, Jess."

  "I love you too."

  "I told you not to run from your feelings, but I was a fucking hypocrite. I was running from this, from how much I cared about you. Still didn't quite believe I had more to offer than my money or my fame. Or my body."

  I run my fingers over the tattoo again. "It's a very nice body."

  He smiles.

  "It's mine now. You marked it for me."

  "Yeah. And for Katniss."

  "This is so much better than my name." I stare back into his eyes. "Can we stop talking now?"

  "Fuck yes." His hands go to my ass. "Which room is yours?"

  I point to my door.

  In one smooth motion, he lifts me into his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist, holding on tight.

  Pete kicks my door open. He lays me on the bed. It's small but that only means we're pressed closer together.

  There's no patience in his kiss. Or in mine. I'm greedy about exploring his mouth with my tongue. About pulling his shirt over his head and pressing my palm against his chest.

  He shimmies out of his jeans and boxers then does away with my tank top and shorts. I'm naked. I'm pretty sure my door is halfway open but I don't give a flying fuck.

  His hand slides between my legs. "You're already wet, baby."

  I nod. "No teasing today. I need you inside me."

  "Need
to be inside you."

  He shifts our positions so he's flat on his back and I'm on top of him.

  No teasing, no patience. I press my hands against his chest and position my body on top of his.

  Pete's hands go to my hips. His eyes are locked on mine, filled not just with lust but with love too.

  No teasing, he pulls my body over his, pushing his cock deep inside me.

  My body cries out with relief. Pete is mine. I'm his.

  It's perfect.

  I ride him until I'm panting and dripping with sweat. Every inch of my body is on fire with pleasure. Is it possible to feel an orgasm in your soul? This one is hitting somewhere deep.

  "You ready to come, baby?" He brings his hand to my inner thigh.

  "If I can come with you."

  "Fuck yeah." He rubs my clit with his thumb. His other hand goes between my shoulder blades, pulling our bodies closer.

  My God, those fingers. He loves me and he has magic fingers. And he's mine.

  I cry out his name as I come. He's there a few moments later. His lips lock on mine, all the love and affection in the universe pouring back and forth between us.

  He stays inside me as he pulls us onto our sides.

  I nestle my back against his chest, soaking in the sound of his breath and his heartbeat.

  "I still have to deal with everything with my dad," I whisper.

  "I'll hold your hand the whole time."

  "Really?"

  He murmurs a yes into my ear.

  "Say it again."

  "You ready to come, baby?" His fingers trail over my hip. "I can arrange that."

  "No. Well, after you say you love me."

  "I love you."

  "I love you too."

  He slides his hand between my legs and makes good on his promise.

  ***

  Once again, Pete takes charge. He's incredible at getting shit done. He sends me to shower, makes coffee, calls Aunt Zoe and arranges a meeting time.

  He even makes breakfast. Sort of. There are bowls of cereal and milk on the table.

  It's good he knows his limitations.

  He drives us to the hospital in his luxury rental car. It's visiting hours, but we need to wait for Aunt Zoe. We all need to be on the same page. Dad gets one more chance, that's it.

  Nervous energy races through my body. I soak in all the comfort Pete can give me. It's a lot of comfort. He rubs my back, holds me, whispers in my ear that it's gonna be okay.