The Path to Finding You

by S M Broad

  “You don’t have to like it, but you do have to accept it. He’s important to me.”

  “Okay, fine. I’ll be nice.” Kai leans back to look at me, the wheels turning in his head as he processes my words.

  “Really?”

  “I’m only doing it for you. If he fucks up again, I’m gonna have so much fun beating his ass.” He’s not one hundred percent on board, but at least he’s willing to extend the olive branch.

  Amends made; I change the subject to something more interesting.

  “So, Emily?”

  “What about her?” He asks, eyeing me.

  “Do you like her?”

  “I just met her last night, Lei.” He averts his eyes with a gulp of his coffee.

  “What’s that got to do with the price of tea in China? Do you like her?” I repeat my question.

  “Yeah, I do.” He looks at me again with a slight smile.

  “So, what are you gonna do after Christmas?”

  “I might stick around.”

  Dan + Shay’s version of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” plays softly through the house on Christmas Eve as I hang the ornament Hensley made me on the tree, the most adorable little paper angel with a picture of her smiling face on the head. We had our Friendsmas party earlier this evening, and everyone was here. Aayla, Latham, Davis and Eviana, Kai even brought Emily. A slight smile pulls at my lips as I think of the first hour when Kai sat on the couch and watched Kohen with an angry glare. After that and our little talk, I think he could see the change in Kohen, the change in the dynamic of our relationship, how happy I am, and then he relaxed. He even apologized, which shocked the hell out of me.

  We made it an all-day affair, starting with breakfast and ending with a massive spread for dinner. I made a honey baked ham, and everyone else chipped in with the side dishes. Aayla made her famous sweet potato casserole and Davis brought bacon-wrapped asparagus. We watched movies, played games, and exchanged gifts. I had told Aayla that since she and Latham hosted Thanksgiving, I’d like to have Christmas at my house, and she gleefully agreed. Her only stipulation was that I make another Dutch apple pie, so of course, I did. I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off when she threatened to cut Kohen if he took the last piece.

  Never mess with a pregnant woman’s food.

  They left about an hour ago, and sweet little Hensley was passed out in Latham’s arms. It’s late, almost eleven-thirty, and my eyes feel heavy, but I clean up tonight, so Kohen and I can enjoy our whole day tomorrow doing nothing but watching twenty-four hours of A Christmas Story. I pick up Hensley’s half full hot cocoa mug from the table, crouching down to adjust Kohen’s gift under the tree, noticing one I hadn’t seen before with my name on it.

  To: My Leila – Love: Kohen.

  I bite my bottom lip to contain a dopey smile and stand back up, forcing myself away from the temptation of ripping off the paper to see what’s inside. I dust off my hands with a smack, pick the mug back up, heading to the kitchen to put the last of the cheese cubes and baby carrots into a Tupperware bowl. I bunch my wild, red waves at the top of my head, stretching a hair tie around the bun to get it out of my face. When the song changes to “All I Want for Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey, I grab a wooden spoon from my coffee themed utensil jar.

  Because hello. If you don’t dance to this song, you’re not living your best life.

  I spin in a circle, pressing the spoon to my mouth like a microphone while I belt the lyrics out right on cue with the singer. I hear the faint creak of feet on the stairs, alerting me to Kohen’s arrival, so I drop the spoon back into the jar and wait for him. My skin tingles with awareness as he gets closer to me, anticipating his greeting. His freshly showered scent lingers in the air as his lips graze the surface of my bare neck, the soft cotton of his shirt pressing close at my back as he whispers in my ear.

  “Hi, gorgeous.”

  “Hi, yourself, handsome.” I grin shyly, blushing a deep crimson he can’t see. The silver-wrapped gift I saw under the tree earlier appears in front of me. “What’s this?” I turn to face him with that same dopey grin spread across my face.

  “Your gift.”

  “But it’s not Christmas yet.”

  “I know, I just want you to open it. Please?”

  “Okay, but only if you open yours too.” I jog into the living room and pluck up the wrapped box, hustling back to the kitchen. We trade packages, tearing the paper off at the same time. My eyes widen when I open the top of the box and move aside the teal-colored tissue paper.

  “Oh my God, Kohen.” I stare down at the white paint splatter Doc Martens in wonder.

  “You like them?”

  “I love them! They’re beautiful, thank you so much.” I grab his neck and pull him to me for a quick kiss. “Now it’s your turn.”

  He opens the lid on the Under Armour box, grinning when he sees the black and gold Scorpio running shoes. I have to laugh that we had the exact same idea for each other’s gifts.

  “These are fucking awesome. Thank you, babe.” He kisses me just like I kissed him then looks around at the spotless kitchen.

  “You know you didn’t have to clean by yourself.” Kohen puts his hands on my shoulders, massaging my muscles. The deep pressure makes me hum.

  “I just wanted to get it done, so we don’t have to do anything tomorrow,” I say just as the dishwasher beeps. I step away from him, unlatch the handle and open the door to let the steam out. I turn back around and get socked in the chest at the way he’s staring at me. It’s familiar, adoring, soul-stealing.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, I’m great.” He blinks, coming out of his daze.

  “Are you sure? You look a little pale.” I take a step to the side, picking up my favorite festive Christmas mug that says Eat, Drink and Be Merry. He swallows, a visible lump working down his throat.

  “Kohen?” I ask, my brows bending inward as I take a drink of the lukewarm peppermint hot chocolate.

  “I love you, Leila.” The quiet sentiment ping-pongs in my eardrums, traveling throughout my body to land in my heart with an electric jolt. It’s a whisper that I hear louder than a foghorn. I choke on the liquid in my mouth, stepping to the sink to spit it out. I lean over the basin, coughing so hard my eyes water.

  “Shit, Leila.” Kohen rushes over to me, patting my back gently to help clear the fluid from my lungs. “Baby, are you okay?”

  I nod silently, unable to speak as I process the words I never imagined I’d hear him say.

  He loves me.

  He loves me.

  He loves me.

  I chant the words silently, trying to wrap my brain around them.

  Is this real?

  “You love me?” I finally speak, so aware of the gravity of the moment that my emotions get clogged in the back of my throat. “You love me.”

  Strong, muscular arms slide across my chest as he holds me to him.

  “Yes, I do.” He declares proudly, shifting slightly. I feel his face next to mine, his stubbly chin scraping my skin the most delicious way as he whispers sensually into my ear.

  “I also want you so fucking bad right now, but I want to give you more time too. I’m really conflicted here.” He’s conflicted, but I have never felt so much passion for one person in my whole life. Desire, longing for him to show me, to be able to show him how he makes me feel.

  It’s been long enough.

  My body ignites with lust, blazing like a forest wildfire.

  “I don’t need more time,” I say quickly, spinning in his arms to face him. I pull his shirt up, exposing the ridges of his once again toned abdomen. I bite my lip, trailing one red nail along the cut of muscle, and hold back a moan at his throaty growl. “I need you.”

  “Yeah?” His eyes darken one full shade of blue. I nod, giving him my best sultry bedroom eyes. He holds my face in his palms, thumbing my bottom lip softly. “Say it again.”

  “I need you.” My thighs clench together. Grip
ping his blue cotton shirt in my closed fist, I tug him closer, craving more of him, and he caves without hesitation.

  He always does.

  One hand cups the back of my neck, pulling me into him as the other warms the skin on my cheek. He’s in no rush, his lips taking their time on mine.

  “Kohen,” I pant against his mouth, growing impatient for him to touch me. I rack my brain for something to say, anything that will grab his attention. I push back to look at him, capturing his gaze in mine. “Make me yours.”

  He turns suddenly, walking out of the kitchen as I stare blankly at him.

  Not exactly the reaction I was expecting.

  He comes back in just a minute later, giving me his back.

  “Hop on.” I loop my arms around his neck, doing the same with my legs. I cling to him like a spider monkey as he carries me piggyback style into the living room. It’s dim, the only light from the faux fireplace flame and Christmas tree lights.

  “It looks so magical.”

  “Come lay down with me.” He sits and holds a hand out to me. I situate myself on the blanket next to him, and we quickly shed our clothes. We kiss a little, touch a bit, and I have to grin proudly when I look down and see his erection bobbing in front of him. Long, thick and proud.

  I do that to him.

  I lie back as he rolls over me, looking down with nothing but pure contentment on his handsome face.

  “I love you, Leila.”

  That will never get old.

  “I love you.” I say, stroking his cheek with my palm. His chest expands, emotion swimming in his eyes as he slowly inches into me. He touches, kisses, caresses my skin, taking such care that I feel like I’m glowing. Kohen takes his time, worshipping my body with slow, deep strokes of his skilled hips and mouth until I tremble with ecstasy.

  His hands roam up my sides, grabbing my arms to pin them above my head. Lacing our fingers together with one hand, his other grabs my thigh and grips it as he shifts to hit deeper inside me.

  I gasp, feeling overwhelmed with sensations of absolute devotion for this man. I let my eyes drift close to soak in my surroundings. The soft sounds of “Silent Night” playing, the romantic hue of the tree lights, the warmth from the fireplace heater, and Kohen loving me with his body fills my heart with even more love for him. He’s proving his words with deliberate, meticulous actions.

  “You’re close, baby,” Kohen utters the words softly against my mouth as he kisses me.

  “Yes.” A moan tumbles from my mouth, propelling his hips forward faster as he rocks into me in rhythm. Suddenly, the warmth in my core spreads, and I orgasm so hard my toes curl. My entire body flushes hot, shaking as it rolls over me in a tidal wave of pleasure.

  “Fuck, Leila.” He chases my release with his own, lifting my hips off the floor to get even closer, grunting roughly into the crook of my neck as he comes. He leans up, glancing at the time on the cable box. “It’s midnight.”

  My eyes travel to where he’s looking. I lock my hands around his neck, bringing his face to mine and kissing him. “Merry Christmas, Kohen.”

  “Merry Christmas, baby.”

  Chapter 23

  “3…2…1…Happy New Year!” The whole room erupts in cheers, our champagne flutes of sparkling grape juice clinking together as we celebrate the New Year with Lea Michele’s version of “Auld Lang Syne” playing through the speakers of Latham and Aayla’s house.

  New Year, a fresh start.

  I look around the room, taking a moment to stop and appreciate everyone I love that’s here. Kai twirls Emily around in a dance, Aayla holds Latham’s cheeks as she kisses him, and Kassie shares a smile with Karla.

  I watch Kohen from across the room as he talks to Latham’s dad Boone, waiting for him to find me in the sea of people. It never seems to take long; he always senses me the same way I do him. His eyes scan the crowded room, brightening an entire shade of blue when he sees my face. The depth of feeling I see in them makes my face flush with heat.

  He gives Boone a friendly pat on the back, mouthing I’m going to see my girl. As he closes the distance between us, my heart stutters in anticipation of his touch. Kohen reaches out and sweeps me into his hold, sealing his lips over mine in a sweet, but searing New Year’s Eve kiss.

  He eyes my black blouse with plunging neckline and sparkly sequin mini skirt with obvious appreciation. “You look incredible.”

  “You’re not so bad yourself.” I look down at his dark jeans and cerulean dress shirt that makes his eyes stand out more. I lean up on my strappy black heels to kiss him again but look down when there’s a tug on my sleeve. I smile at Hensley standing there in her My Little Pony jammies, crouching down to hear her over the noise.

  “What are you doing up, duck?”

  She shrugs and motions for me to come closer, whispering in my ear.

  “Can I give Uncle Kohen a kiss? I know he’s your boyfwiend, but I wov him too.” I give her a nod, a wink, and we share a quiet giggle. I pick her up and stand, turning toward Kohen. His smile widens when Hensley reaches out for him, and happily takes her from me. I watch their exchange, falling harder for the man before me as he whispers to our goddaughter.

  “I wov you, Uncle Kohen. I’m so glad you’re not mean anymore.” She nuzzles his chest, causing us both to choke up a little as he hugs her tightly.

  “I love you too, sweetheart.”

  “There you are.” Aayla’s almost five months pregnant belly arrives in front of us before the rest of her body does as she plants her hands on her hips, looking at her daughter. “Back to bed, little Miss.”

  Kohen sets her down, and she takes Aayla’s hand as they meet Latham at the stairs to take her back to her room. I can’t help but smile at the beautiful life my best friend has made for herself. She definitely deserves it.

  “She’s such a good mom. Those babies are so lucky.”

  “You’d be a good mom,” Kohen speaks from behind me, wrapping his forearm around my neck gently.

  “Where’d that come from?” I ask with curiosity because it’s not the first time he’s mentioned having kids.

  “Just something I’ve been thinking a lot about is all.” He kisses my cheek.

  “Someday. I love my nieces and nephew, but kids are a huge step, Kohen. I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”

  “Me either. I’d like to make it further in my sobriety first. There’s no rush. I’m enjoying having you all to myself right now, anyway. I’m just thinking about the future.” His cheek rests against mine.

  A future with him sounds good to me.

  I grab my camera bag, climb out of my car and lock it, eyes squinting at the door as I travel up the sidewalk. I wrap my tan cardigan around me to ward off the chilly early-February air. I pull off the note taped there and read it.

  Welcome home, Beautiful. I have a special surprise for you tonight.

  Everything is set up, and all you have to do is get ready.

  Meet me downstairs at six.

  Love, Kohen

  A shy grin pulls at my lips as I let myself into the house, hearing the spare bathroom shower running. I jog up the stairs to my room, thinking about what I’m gonna wear but stop when I see a navy colored floral dress hanging on the door.

  My smile cracks wider as I scoop the garment up and push into my room, walking to my dresser to find a matching lingerie set. I also pull my favorite pair of tan wedges from my closet and finish the ensemble with the same beige cardigan I’d been wearing all day. I lay the dress out on the bed and run to the bathroom to grab a quick shower.

  Ten minutes later, I’m powder fresh – hair scrunched into tight curly rings with styling gel. I dry off and apply a generous amount of lotion, so my skin is smooth. Slipping on my new dress and my shoes, I’m almost ready to go. Like a teenage girl, I twirl in front of my full mirror, giggling when the ends of the knee-length cloth flare out like a blooming flower. I check my makeup – skillfully applied brown and gold shadow blended into the creases of my
lids, thick dark lashes that accentuate my bright blue eyes and my mauve lips with a small smile.

  I look down at my phone to see it’s almost six, so I gather my wristlet and cardigan. Before I leave my room, I pick up a clear bottle, spritzing a little perfume in the crooks of my elbows. I take the stairs slowly, stopping halfway down when Kohen walks into the foyer from in the kitchen. He doesn’t notice me because he’s busy fixing the cuffs of his shirt, so I take the opportunity to check him out.

  A bright blue dress shirt is tucked into a pair of pressed black slacks, a dark brown belt synching the pants to his fit waist. The look is completed with dark shoes.

  Am I a lucky bitch or what?

  Smoothing his hands down the front of his chest and tousling the tips of his hair, he makes his final adjustments to ensure he looks good.

  Boy does he ever.

  He could be wearing a Hefty plastic bag, tube socks with sandals, and a greasy trucker hat and still be the best-looking man I’ve ever laid eyes on.

  “You look so handsome.” I hold on to the banister for support, because if I don’t, I might fall ass over teakettle down the stairs. He turns to look at me - the blue of his eyes bright and shiny like a diamond, the color of his shirt accenting them marvelously.

  “Damn.” He breathes, eyes dragging the length of my body. He walks four short steps, meeting me at the bottom of the staircase with his hand outstretched for me to take. Sliding my palm into his, I step down and lean forward to kiss him gently, a task that’s easier in two-inch wedges that make me closer to his giant-like height.

  “Thank you for the dress.” I smile at him warmly, eyes sparkling with happiness.

  “I can’t take the credit, Aayla picked it out.” He takes another look down my body, a low whistle rolling from his lips. “Remind me to thank her again. You look absolutely stunning.”