The Pull

by Sara V. Zook

  I was stunned to hear him talk about himself in that way. Where was my Darin? I knew he was in there somewhere.

  “Darin?” The side door slid open and Violet popped outside. Her eyes shifted from me to him. She had on a pair of short shorts and a white tank top. She made her way quickly to his side to claim her territory. “I made you something to eat. Coming inside?”

  “Yeah.” He turned to me. “You coming in, Liv?”

  I shook my head. “I think I’ll stay out here. I’m not hungry.”

  Violet seemed pleased to hear this. She lifted herself up on her tiptoes and gave Darin an exaggerated kiss on the lips. I felt the sudden urge to throw her petite body off the deck, but instead, I looked away.

  I heard the screen door slide shut. I was all alone out here on the deck, Darin’s words still cutting through me. He was damaged because of my accident, because I hadn’t been there for him. Oh, Darin, I thought, what have I put you through?

  NINE

  Violet

  I took one last glance in the mirror and fixed a stray piece of hair. I sighed. I had agreed to take Livvy to her doctor’s appointment this morning. Darin had suggested we go out to lunch afterward. I wasn’t so sure. We had nothing to talk about and the only common ground was we were both in love with the same man. Yeah, not happening.

  I ran my hands down the sides of my tight green shirt, smoothing it out. I walked through the kitchen and came to the spare bedroom, which I had so graciously lent to Livvy for the time being. I cleared my throat and knocked.

  “Come in.”

  I pushed open the door. Livvy was lying on the bed, still in her pajamas, flipping through a magazine. “What are you doing?”

  She managed to put the magazine down on her chest and look at me. “Reading.”

  I huffed impatiently. “I can see that. I mean, why aren’t you ready? I’m supposed to drive you to your neurologist appointment, remember?”

  Livvy shrugged. “Oh. That.”

  I put my hands on my hips. “Get out of bed and get dressed. I told Darin I’d take you.”

  Livvy sat up and crossed her legs. “Let’s not play games with each other, Violet. I know you don’t like me being here. You don’t want to take me today. You can barely tolerate looking at me let alone being in the same car with me. The only reason you’re taking me is you want to look good in Darin’s eyes, prove to him that you’re some kind of saint. He’s not an idiot though, Violet, and don’t think I am either. Let’s just spare ourselves both the torture. I can’t stand you either.”

  My mouth gaped open slightly against my will. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t take Livvy for the kind of person who had a backbone. She was actually standing up to me. “Fine. I could care less if you make it to your appointment or not.”

  “Fine,” I heard Livvy call out behind me as I slammed the door shut.

  I reached for the telephone and dialed Darin’s number. I felt flushed as if I’d just been told off. Then again, I had sort of been told off, hadn’t I? “Pick up, pick up,” I mumbled under my breath.

  “Violet, this isn’t really a good time. I have this presentation I have to get together,” Darin said immediately.

  I ignored his remark.

  “Are you on your way to that neurologist?”

  “No, Darin, I’m not.”

  I heard a sigh of frustration from his end. “What happened?”

  “Oh, no, don’t even think it’s me. It’s her. She just told me she’s not going anywhere with me, that she can’t stand me. I don’t really care if she doesn’t go anyway. If something happens to her brain again, I don’t really care. She can take the blame herself. I tried, Darin. I tried.” I made my way into my bedroom and shut the door so Livvy had no chance at eavesdropping.

  “What do you want me to do about it?” he asked.

  “I guess she’ll just miss it.”

  He growled. “She can’t. I assured the hospital I’d get her to all her appointments.”

  “Well, she refuses to go with me.” Darin could now see how plainly stubborn Livvy was, that she was acting like a complete child. He’d be pissed, and she’d be the one he was telling off later tonight.

  “Okay. I’m leaving.”

  “What?” Had I just heard him right? He couldn’t mean what I thought he meant.

  “I’m coming right now. I’ll take her.”

  “Darin, this is ridiculous. You just said you have a presentation…”

  “She’s still my responsibility.”

  I huffed out a sigh of frustration. No, this wasn’t how this was supposed to go down. I felt jealousy rise from deep within me.

  “Put her on the phone.”

  “What?”

  “Put Livvy on the phone, Vi.”

  I went rushing out of the bedroom stomping my feet on the floor. He was going to leave work and take her himself? I wanted to scream and tell him what a stupid fool he was being, but instead, I ripped open the door to Livvy’s room and threw the phone on her bed. “There! He wants to talk to you!”

  She looked at the phone as if it were a poisonous snake. Then she slowly reached for it. “Hello?”

  I couldn’t hear what Darin was saying. I was furious.

  I saw Livvy nod her head. “Okay. Yes, I hear you. I’ll be ready.”

  Livvy reached out and handed me the phone. I took it from her fiercely and gave her my most disgusted glare.

  “Do you mind, Violet?”

  “Mind what?” I snapped.

  “Shutting my door,” she replied. “I need to get ready. Darin insisted.” I thought I caught sight of the slightest curl of her lip starting to go up into a smirk before she stopped it. I wanted to smack her.

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Darin

  I watched Livvy climb into the passenger side of my car and shut the door. I was almost certain Violet’s eyes were looking out at me somewhere, from one of the windows of the house, but I didn’t bother to investigate which one. Livvy was already late for this neurology appointment, and I wasn’t exactly sure where the building was located.

  “So what’s this all about today? You told Violet you can’t stand her?” I asked, my tone borderline angry. Livvy’s perfume drifted into my nostrils. I was conscious—too conscious—of her reaching over to buckle her seatbelt.

  “I was just stating the obvious,” she explained nonchalantly. “I’ve been in a constant state of unease since waking up in the hospital. I feel the most uncomfortable around Violet, so you can’t blame me for not wanting to spend the day with her.”

  I sighed. “It’s not about you spending time with her. Of course I understand that, Liv. It’s about you getting to the doctor’s and making sure everything’s okay. You have to take care of yourself, and I can’t do this all the time, you know. I have a job that requires me to actually be there.”

  “I feel fine.”

  My knuckles tightened on the steering wheel. “Don’t act like that, Liv.”

  “I’m not acting like anything.”

  “You are.” I knew she was pissed off about what I’d said to her last night, but I needed her to face the facts. I wasn’t good enough for her anymore. If she needed my permission to move on, she had it.

  “Why do you care what happens to me anyway? If I go back into a coma, so what?”

  “Don’t give me that bullshit, Liv. You know I care what happens to you. Don’t try to put it off as if I don’t. Of course I want you to take care of yourself. I want to make sure you’re okay. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have left work to take you myself.”

  I could see her chewing on the edge of her fingernail out of the corner of my eye. I knew everyone had been thrust into awkward positions, me especially, but we still had to act like adults and move forward, go on with our lives.

  She was staring out the window now. With her hair cut so short, I could see the tiny hairs on the back of her nec
k and that mole—how many times had I kissed that mole in the past? I felt the car shift slightly into the left lane and hurried to swing it back into position. I watched a car zip past in the opposite direction. What the hell was wrong with me? I needed to pay attention to the road. No one needed another accident.

  We drove the rest of the way to the doctor’s office in silence. It wasn’t that hot outside, but I felt as though I were suffocating. Tiny droplets of sweat formed at my temples and forehead. With all this talk about Livvy’s being uncomfortable, I became acutely aware of just how uncomfortable I was with her by my side. We were just too close. It was as if all my senses were heightened, like I was high and she was the drug. I was turning into a nervous wreck, which wasn’t like me at all. I was trying to concentrate on finding this place, but it was as if I were in some sort of trance, a fog maybe.

  I was relieved to find a parking spot and turn the car off. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I reached for it. A missed voicemail from Violet. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her right now. I shoved it back in my pocket.

  “Ready?” I asked Livvy.

  She just gave me an annoyed look and got out of the car. Damn. She looked good in those jeans. I shook my head. I had to stop thoughts like this from entering my brain. I wanted to come up with an excuse like I was a married man, but the hell of it was that, yeah, I was, but I was married to her.

  I plopped down in a chair in the waiting room while watching Liv go to the front desk to sign in. She pushed her hair behind her ears and turned to look at me. Then she decided to sit in a completely different row, her back turned to me. I stared at the back of her head. I felt like a complete idiot. I rubbed my palms against my jeans and leaned my own head back against the wall. This is how she intended for me to feel. She wanted to keep me at a distance, isolate me as much as I’d done it to her.

  My phone vibrated in my pocket. I got it out and looked at a text from Vi.

  Just reminding you I love you. XoXo.

  The voicemail was still lighting up. I’m sure it said something similar. Even though she couldn’t be here with me, she wanted to remind me to keep thinking of her.

  Love you too, I texted back, and began searching the web for football stats.

  “Livvy Thorne?”

  I looked up as a nurse smiled at Liv. Liv stood up. So did I without even thinking. She didn’t want me to go back with her. She wanted me to wait here and leave her alone. The nurse saw me and glanced at Livvy. I quickly sat back down, my cheeks feeling as if they were on fire.

  “Oh,” the nurse mumbled. “Is that your husband?”

  Livvy turned to look at me. “Well, yes, but…”

  “He can come back, too,” the nurse said.

  I waved my hand in the air. “No, that’s okay.”

  “Really, it’s fine,” the nurse assured me, gesturing me forward.

  Livvy’s lips pressed together tightly, but she didn’t say no. I quickly got up and followed her back to another room to wait for the doctor. The nurse took her blood pressure and pulse.

  “So you were really in a coma for seven years?” the nurse asked.

  “Yeah,” Livvy answered briefly as the blood pressure cuff was removed from her arm.

  The nurse stared at her for a moment. “Wow. That’s something.”

  Livvy chuckled. “It sure is.”

  The nurse’s eyes moved to me, then back to Liv. “Dr. Roberts will be with you shortly.”

  I was side by side with Livvy, our elbows almost touching. I peeked down at her arm out of the corner of my eye. She was so thin, but had that same milky skin. Her fingertips tapped on the edge of the armrest. I felt as if it were wrong to be this close to her. I wanted to jerk my arm away, but at the same time, I wanted to stay this near. It was a strange emotion, one that overwhelmed me. I didn’t know exactly what I was supposed to do. How could everything feel so wrong and yet so right at the same time? It just didn’t make sense. My phone vibrated again. I gritted my teeth together but didn’t even bother getting it out of my pocket this time.

  “We need to talk, Liv.”

  “About what? I thought we talked last night.”

  I felt the jab she’d intended with that comment. “I figured it was something like that.”

  “What are you talking about, Darin?”

  I shifted my body position in the small chair so that I was turned toward her a little more. “The way you’re acting because of the things I said last night.”

  “That’s not true,” she snapped. “I’m not acting like anything. I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedule to bring me here today. You said you were too good for me, basically that you don’t want anything to do with me. I’ve gotten that point over and over from you. I get it. I really do.”

  “It’s not that I don’t want anything to do with you, Liv…” I began.

  “Right,” she replied quickly. “It’s has everything to do with Violet. And I don’t want to be around her. I’m sure you can understand why. She’s taken away the one man I’ve ever truly loved. She has you now, and I don’t. That leaves a pretty bitter taste in my mouth, Darin. I’d rather punch her in the face than talk to her.”

  My stomach twisted at her words. My gaze shifted from her eyes to her mouth, her lips pressed tightly together and smeared with something glossy. Her cheeks had the faintest appearance of pink in them as I returned back to looking into those blue eyes, eyes that had given me so much joy a lifetime ago, that were hiding emotions that couldn’t possibly be expressed by words right now. She was tormented inside, and it was all my fault. There was no helping it now. I couldn’t love two women, both of them as different as night and day. I was certain I was a changed man since Livvy knew me last, a man I felt wasn’t worthy to be her husband, yet my throat felt tight as if I were being choked to death ever so slowly.

  “Let’s not resort to punching,” I finally said, with an added smile.

  Livvy’s own face curled into a large grin. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come down to that.”

  The door jolted me back into a forward position as the doctor came in. He greeted us both with a handshake and smile.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Thorne, very nice to meet you both.” He took a seat at the small desk in front of us and put on a pair of glasses that instantly fell to the bottom of his nose. “Mrs. Thorne, it is just wonderful to see you awake and up and moving around. I treated you several times after your accident. Of course you don’t remember any of that, and that was several years ago, but I remember you well.”

  “Thank you, Dr. Roberts. Feel like I haven’t missed a day and to find out it’s been so many years… well, it’s been something,” Livvy replied, brushing back a piece of hair from her forehead.

  “Indeed. Indeed.” The doctor shoved the glasses back up on his nose while studying several papers in front of him. “These tests were all done in the hospital before they discharged you.” He placed the papers down flat on the desk. “I honestly see no reason to run any further tests at this point. How are you feeling? Any lightheadedness? Any random movements of your extremities? Problems of any sort?”

  Livvy paused for a moment to think. “No, I don’t think so. I feel pretty good, actually.”

  “Eating okay?”

  “Trying.”

  Dr. Roberts pressed his lips together and nodded. He removed his glasses and stood up. “I’m very glad you’re doing so well. Hop up on the table now. I’ll give you a thorough examination right now.” Livvy stood and made her way to the table. The doctor then turned his attention to me. “And congratulations to you, Mr. Thorne. I can only imagine how thrilled you are to have your wife back after all this time. You’re one lucky man.”

  My eyes focused in on Livvy. The side of her jaw clenched at his words, but she didn’t bother to look my way. I smiled up at the doctor. “Yes. Yes, I am.”

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


  “I wonder when I can drive again,” Livvy commented.

  I pulled the car into the garage and sat there for a moment. My stomach was in knots. I pulled the key out of the ignition and clasped them in the palm of my hand. “No need to push things.”

  “If I’m fine, I’m fine, Darin. You heard Dr. Roberts today. I’m very healthy. I just have to get back into the world and accept the changes that have gone on in the past years.”

  “And he also said baby steps. Don’t forget that part. He doesn’t want you to overdo things and go too fast. Why don’t you try giving that psychologist a call tomorrow? Maybe that’ll help.”

  “And give Violet another chance to take me somewhere?” She snorted. “No, thank you.”

  “You have other appointments, Liv. You still have physical therapy to continue. You have to build your strength back up along with your stomach. You need to put on a few more pounds. I did listen to what Dr. Roberts had to say. It was a good thing I went back with you or you’d never have told me all that.”

  She turned toward me and narrowed her eyes. “You’re right. I wouldn’t.”

  A piece of curly hair bounced in front of her eye. I had the sudden urge to brush it back with my hand but managed to refrain.

  Livvy huffed a few more times before getting out of the car and slamming the door shut. I scrambled out after her. She reached for the door knob to go inside the house. I took hold of her arm and twisted her around to face me. “What is going on with you? Why are you acting like this?”

  She licked her lips, my fingers still clenching onto her arm. “I don’t need a fucking babysitter.”

  I stood there and stared at her. She was breathing heavily from her anger, her chest heaving up and down underneath that pink T-shirt. I couldn’t take it anymore. She just looked so beautiful standing there all pissed off and so…helpless. I let go of her arm and slid my fingers behind the back of her neck. I leaned down and crashed my lips into hers. It wasn’t a gentle kiss by any means. It was rough and demanding. She didn’t push me away. Her own fingers reached up and grasped the ends of my hair, pulling me into her. We weren’t saying hello again after seven years or even I missed you. We were taking our anger out on what we used to have and how life had interfered with our plans to be together. We released our pent up emotions, letting the moment overwhelm us without a worry about tomorrow. There used to be no tomorrow for us. Now our marriage was only ruin. I bit into the fleshy part of her bottom lip. She cringed only for a second before raking her fingers down my back. I tasted her blood on my tongue. She was my wife and I was her husband as we let the rest of the world fade away.