Harbor of the Heart

by Katherine Spencer

  Liza smiled gently. “Just relax and enjoy it.”

  “All right . . . I will try,” Claire said quietly, hoping Nolan was nowhere around to overhear their girl talk. What else could she call it?

  Claire focused on the burnt pan. Oh dear, it was worse than she had imagined. The pan and . . . the way she was acting around Nolan. Glowing, was she? How embarrassing. Did Nolan notice? She certainly hoped not. Claire was suddenly thankful for his absentmindedness. Perhaps she could get control of this glowing, blossoming situation, and he would never know. She was so unused to these feelings at this stage in life . . . It was all a bit . . . confusing.

  One thing she knew for sure: Even if Nolan was harboring feelings for her, he was still sticking to his plan of leaving once his boat was repaired. The Ariadne would always be his one true love. Claire knew she was no competition for the boat.

  In the meantime, maybe she could be of some help to him—an encouraging influence, at least. He was remarkably talented and brimming with imaginative solutions to all kinds of problems. It made Claire wonder why he had gotten so stuck on his lawsuit—the invention he said had been stolen from him.

  Could this lost idea have been so much better than all the others he came up with all the time? Better than the new inventions he was capable of creating? It was like seeing someone sitting on an untapped gold mine and mourning over one lost silver dollar.

  God never closes a door without opening a window. She had often heard Reverend Ben say that. And he usually added that most people are too stuck staring at the closed door to notice.

  Maybe Nolan’s time at the inn creating all these little gadgets and inventions would help him see that. She certainly hoped so.

  * * *

  WHEN Daniel pulled up to the inn on Friday night, he heard music playing and saw the porch and front lawn filled with guests. There was laughing and talking and even some dancing and shouting. A party was definitely going on, and as he parked his truck on the drive he realized the partying group was all women. Then he remembered Liza had told him the inn was fully booked this weekend with a twenty-year reunion of sorority sisters.

  He decided to avoid wandering through that group and went around to the back door instead. Luckily, Liza was in the kitchen, filling an ice bucket. She stepped out from behind the freezer door, put the bucket down, and ran to greet him.

  He pulled her into his arms and kissed her hungrily. She felt so soft and warm and smelled so good. It was the moment he had waited for all week. When she pulled back and smiled up at him, he kissed the tip of her nose. “How’s it going with the sorority? Looks like everyone is having fun.”

  Liza rolled her eyes. “I think they’re trying to make up for lost time. In fact, I know they are. I’m just glad they booked the whole inn. Otherwise, I’d be fielding some complaints tomorrow morning.”

  Daniel laughed and leaned back, his arms looped around her slim waist. “Yeah, I think you would. Good planning. What’s going on, disco night?” he joked.

  “Almost. It’s a dance party right now . . . and in a little while”—she glanced at her watch—“we’ll be moving on to pj’s, chick flicks, and late-night snacks.”

  Daniel laughed. “Enough said. I’m out of here.”

  Liza made a face. “Already? I’ve hardly seen you for five minutes.”

  “Liza, can I help you with that ice?” a woman’s voice called from the hallway.

  Liza winced and turned to call back over her shoulder, “I’ll be right there, Melinda.”

  “Sorry, sweetie. I think you have your hands full. And I’m totally beat,” he confessed, which was true. “I was only going to stop by for a few minutes anyway and then head back to the cottage. I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow?”

  Liza sighed and nodded. He could tell she wasn’t happy with his quick departure, but he was certain she understood.

  “Okay, but not too early,” she added. “I have a feeling this is going to be a late night.”

  “Taking part in the pj’s and chick flicks?” he asked innocently.

  She sighed. “Even if I go upstairs to my room, I’m sure the giggling will keep me up all night.”

  “Well, good luck. I hope they pick some movies you like.”

  He kissed her quickly and headed for the door. “And that sort of gets me off the hook for tomorrow night,” he realized, thinking of how he and Liza usually settled down with a movie on Saturday evenings.

  “We’ll see” was all Liza said as she headed in the opposite direction with the ice bucket.

  Daniel really did feel sorry for her. But he also felt exhausted, and a bit relieved to be going back to his cottage and avoiding Liza’s inevitable questions about this past week at school. It had more or less been a disaster, and he wasn’t ready to talk about it yet—even with his best friend and sweetheart.

  When he returned on Saturday morning, the inn was quiet, though it was well past nine. He saw Claire on the front porch, dragging a large black trash bag as she cleaned up the remnants of the previous night’s revelry.

  “Good morning, Daniel. Liza’s still sleeping. Would you like some coffee or breakfast?”

  Daniel smiled and shook his head. He had carried a pile of books up to the porch and set them on a wicker table. “I’m fine. Would you like some help? I can sweep and wash down the porch,” he offered.

  Claire looked very happy to hear that. “Would you? That would be a great help. I really have to get back to the kitchen, and Nolan is out back, trying to fix the fence at the back of the property before it gets too hot.”

  “Go ahead back inside. I don’t mind at all. I’ve been sitting all week. I’d love to do an outdoor job or two.”

  Claire laughed. “I have more than two for you, if you’re interested. See me later,” she suggested.

  Daniel took the bag from her hand and finished the trash collection. Then he moved all the wicker furniture out on the lawn and swept and sprayed down the porch, being careful not to turn on the water too hard and chip the floor paint.

  He was just watering the hanging plants when Liza appeared in the doorway, looking a bit groggy and totally adorable.

  “Sleeping Beauty . . . your prince awaits.”

  Liza smiled. “You look more like Cinderella today. Did Claire forget that we hired Nolan to do those jobs now?”

  “Nolan is fixing the fence. I offered to help out a bit. It feels good, working outside in the fresh air. No complicated formulas or long Latin terms to think about.”

  Liza laughed. “That’s one way of looking at it. I bet when you were working here all the time, you didn’t find these little odd jobs quite so wonderful.”

  Daniel had never really done the little jobs like sweeping the porch or watering the plants. But he knew what Liza was talking about. “It’s true. You don’t realize how good you have it sometimes, until life changes.”

  He delivered the philosophical insight with a shrug and a smile, but deep down he knew the words were really true. At least it felt that way to him this morning. He suddenly felt wistful for the days of having nothing more pressing on his mind than Liza’s to-do list, or running off to the other side of the island to fix a broken gutter. Once again, he wondered if he had made a big mistake going back for this medical certification. The question had kept him up all night every night this week.

  Liza came out with a mug of coffee and sat on the porch steps, gazing out at the ocean. He kept watering the plants but wondered when he should talk to her about this. And if he even should talk to her about it.

  After all the excitement and buildup, it seemed so . . . cowardly to admit he was starting to think it was too much pressure, too much work. He was starting to wonder if he could really cut it . . . and why did he want to do this, after all?

  He was starting to question everything. He had done very poorly in his classes this week and prac
tically failed a test. Everyone in his class except him seemed to understand the material. As much as he studied and tried to remember, he did very poorly on the take-home work and the pop quizzes in class.

  Daniel wasn’t sure what to think or what to do. He glanced at Liza, who seemed lost in her own thoughts right now, glancing at her laptop and answering e-mails. He wondered if this was a good time to talk to her. Maybe it was best to just get it over with?

  “There you are.” One of the guests came out on to the porch and walked over to Liza. “A group of us are going to head up to Newburyport for some shopping. Claire said you could tell us where the best stores are.”

  Liza stood up and smiled. “Sure thing. Let’s go inside. I have a map that shows all the shops and restaurants.”

  The woman went inside, and Liza followed, pausing at the doorway to look over her shoulder and smile back at Daniel. “See you later. And you’re still my prince. I was only kidding about the Cinderella thing.”

  “I know. You’re still my Sleeping Beauty,” he said quietly. He meant it, too.

  After Daniel put the furniture back in place, he found his books and settled down in the far corner of the porch to study. At least he could see the ocean and be outdoors here. It was much better than his stuffy little Boston apartment, or even the medical library.

  But it wasn’t long before a bunch of sorority sisters emerged and settled in the wicker chairs and love seats. They were trying to figure out whether to go into the town of Cape Light, head down to the beach, or ride bikes around the island. Daniel turned his chair around so that the back of his seat was facing them. It helped a bit, but he still wished he had brought a pair of earplugs. He didn’t want to go inside but was thinking that if they didn’t decide in a few minutes, he would have to retreat.

  But before he could figure out what to do, Nolan appeared. He had come around the side of the building and stood near the porch, talking to Daniel over the railing. “There you are. Claire said you still might be out here. I was wondering if you could help me out back for a few minutes. I’m trying to set some new fence posts, and it really would go much faster with some help.”

  Nolan looked tired and sweaty, Daniel noticed, with dirt streaking his shirt and face. Daniel was happy to help him; happy to take over the job if the older man would let him. It was a warm morning, and he didn’t think Nolan should be working so hard outside today.

  “At your service, Nolan.” Daniel set his books aside in a neat pile and felt his spirits lighten. He glanced over the group of women, who now blocked the steps, then grabbed hold of the porch rail and neatly hopped over onto the lawn.

  He heard one of the women gasp and another one giggle.

  “Oh, my! Did you see that?” one of them said.

  Nolan laughed. “Well done.”

  “Thanks, Nolan. I enjoyed that,” he admitted, feeling like a horse that had just jumped the fence. “Let me get my work gloves and some tools from the truck. I’ll meet you back at the fence.”

  It was almost three hours later when Daniel finished the job. He had persuaded Nolan to leave him after the first hour; the sun was growing so strong. Now the fence was repaired from one end of the property to the other, standing solid and strong. Daniel felt a familiar, quiet sense of pride and satisfaction looking over the work he had done. There was something to be said for this type of work. There was no reason to be embarrassed about making your living this way, Daniel decided.

  When he went back inside the inn, Claire fussed over him, as he expected she would. He found a huge sandwich and fresh lemonade ready and waiting and quickly inhaled all of it. Liza had run into Cape Light, and all the sorority sisters had fanned out in different directions. It would be quiet enough for some studying, at least until dinnertime. Daniel settled on the porch with his books again but soon found his thoughts wandering.

  What was the use? Who was he kidding? He could memorize all these books, and he still wouldn’t earn back his medical certification. It took more than studying; he already knew that. It took real grit, a real edge. Something he didn’t seem to have anymore.

  The ocean was calm today, in contrast with his emotions. The gentle repetition of the waves soothed him. Called to him. He put his books aside again and decided to take a walk on the beach.

  Maybe that’s what he needed today. He was entitled to a little downtime. All this studying was going to burn out his brain.

  He walked across the lawn, crossed the road, and started down the wooden steps to the sandy shoreline.

  How could he come back to the island and not come down here on such a picture-perfect summer day? Daniel stood at the bottom of the steps a moment, taking in the sight of the dark blue ocean and the smooth, soft sand that stretched down to the stone jetty.

  Living in the city this past week had made him more conscious and appreciative of the island. When he returned, he could hardly believe he’d been living here every day and taking all this natural beauty for granted.

  He started off, walking toward the jetty, his hands sunk into the pockets of his cargo shorts, his thoughts troubled. He wondered if he would pass a few of the guests from the inn, but the beach was almost empty. He did make out a lone figure not too far away: a fisherman with a few poles stuck in the sand who had waded in over his knees, fly casting.

  Daniel drew closer, wondering if it was Matt Harding, a doctor in town, whom he was friendly with. Matt liked to fish in his spare time and sometimes came to this spot.

  But as Daniel drew closer, he realized it wasn’t Matt but another familiar face from Cape Light, Reverend Ben Lewis, who came to the island to fish year-round, though Daniel could never recall seeing the minister catch anything. Perhaps he did and threw the fish back, Daniel thought as he drew closer to the minister. Maybe that soothed his conscience. He wondered if he could ever ask Reverend Ben that question. He had a feeling the reverend would just laugh and answer him honestly.

  When he wasn’t too far away, Daniel stood on the shore near the minister, watching him reel in his line. Finally, Reverend Ben noticed him. He turned and squinted at Daniel, then smiled.

  “Hello there, Daniel. How are you? Doing any fishing?”

  Daniel shook his head. “Not today. Just down for a walk. Catch anything yet?”

  “No, not yet. I hear the stripers are running,” he said hopefully.

  “It’s about that time of year,” Daniel agreed.

  Reverend Ben stuck his pole in the soft sand and walked closer. “What are you up to these days? Do you have a lot of projects going on?”

  Daniel knew the reverend wasn’t prying, just making small talk. Still, with the reverend, Daniel knew he could never lie, or even give an evasive answer. There was something very open and accepting about Reverend Ben that always made Daniel want to be open in kind.

  “I’m not doing any carpentry this summer. I’ve gone back to school,” he admitted.

  Reverend Ben looked surprised. “Really? Good for you. What are you studying?”

  Daniel smiled grimly. He wasn’t sure what else to say; how much he wanted to disclose. Finally he said, “I’m studying medicine, trying to get recertified. I used to be a doctor before I came to the island. But I . . . I gave it up.”

  Reverend Ben’s expression changed to a serious look. His thick brows knitted together, and he removed his glasses and cleaned them with a handkerchief. “That’s very interesting. So you’ve gone back to school so you can practice medicine again?”

  “More or less . . . less, in my case,” he added glumly.

  “Oh, how do you mean?” Ben put his wire-rimmed glasses on again and stared back at Daniel.

  “Well . . . it’s hard to explain. But I was all gung ho at first. The idea just took me over. A couple of weeks ago, I guess, Liza and I started talking about it, and I checked things out on the Internet, to see what I’d have to do to be recertifie
d. A few days later, I decided to try it. It was as if some part of my mind had been thinking about this for years, and the other part of my mind had never asked.”

  Ben nodded with a small smile. “It can happen like that sometimes.”

  “Maybe for other people, Reverend. But not for me. It’s never happened like that for me. So I’m back in classes, trying to review four years of medical school in five and a half weeks. And this week, I started to think I moved too fast on this. I should have waited and thought it through.”

  “You’re doubting you made the right decision to go back to medicine. Is that it?”

  Daniel nodded. “It’s complicated,” he began. “It’s not just going back to medicine. The reason I left in the first place . . . I made a big mistake. That’s why I quit and wound up here. I’m starting to think that I’m trying to go back to the past, to that exact place, to make things right again. But maybe that’s not possible.”

  Reverend Ben didn’t answer for a moment. “What sort of mistake? Can you tell me the whole story? Only if you want to, I mean.”

  Daniel met his glance and took a breath. “Sure, I can tell you. I was an emergency room doctor at Mass General,” he began. “It can be a crazy place to work on busy nights. I was out of the hospital, on call, one Saturday night. It was pretty late, after midnight, when they asked me to come in. I was tired and stressed. I’d just had a huge fight with my girlfriend. We were engaged, and she broke up with me. I guess you could say I wasn’t really at my best and should have admitted that. I’d even had a beer that night. But I was too . . . macho or something. In medical school they make a big thing about toughening up, and I didn’t want to admit I couldn’t shake off this personal stuff and just go in and do my job.”

  “I understand.” Reverend Ben nodded. “So you went into work that night to handle an emergency?”

  “It was a bad case—a multicar accident. The patient they gave me wasn’t in good shape to begin with. A middle-aged man with a bad gall bladder. He needed surgery and had quite a few complications; diabetes, a bad heart, a weak liver, you name it. I ordered the wrong procedures, and he went into a coma. It was a mistake. I wasn’t thinking clearly. There were two other doctors on the case, and neither of them overruled me. Or spoke against me afterward. But later we all realized that he hadn’t been evaluated completely before we started treating him. That happens a lot in the ER. You just don’t have time to get the full story. You have to work a lot on instinct, and mine was not that sharp that night.”