Top Elf

by Caleb Huett

  “Climbin’,” I said, and kept climbing.

  She turned her body sideways and rested her hooves on the tower. With a clop-clop-clop, she trotted alongside me like it was the ground. “Looks borin’,” she said.

  I shook my head. “Not boring. Scary.”

  After a few minutes of her watching me struggle, she tilted her head and observed, “You sure aren’t talkin’ much.”

  “Very scary.”

  “Oh! Well, here!” She kicked off of the tower and did a loop-de-loop. I felt her bump up against my legs. “I’ll take you the rest of the way, no sweat.”

  “Really? Thanks!” I carefully swung one leg around and gently sat down on her back. I also saw how far I was from the ground and almost threw up. “Let me just—OH, OKAY, I GUESS WE’RE GOING, WHY ARE WE GOING SO FAST WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME???” I yelled as she rocketed away from the tower at full speed.

  “Oh, yeah! I didn’t tell you.” She craned her neck around to yell at me over the sound of the wind. “My name’s Crasher!”

  “MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK WHERE YOU’RE GOING?” I yelled. “I MEAN, YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT FLYING THAN I DO, I GUESS.”

  Crasher laughed with her real voice instead of her voice box. Have you ever heard a reindeer laugh before? It’s mostly a string of loud snorts. She did another loop-de-loop that left me dangling from her neck. I was maximum scared.

  “Fun, right?!” She snort-laughed again. “WOO-HOO!” She sped toward the tower so fast I thought we would slam into it. Right at the last second, when I could see myself reflected in the glass, she pulled up. When we got to the top, she braked suddenly and whipped us into the opening. I flew off her back and into the tower, landed on some wooden planks, and rolled to a stop. She tumbled in not long after, snorting and rolling.

  “So whatcha doin’ in the Stable?” she asked, prodding my arm with one of her hooves. I didn’t move from my facedown position.

  “Nothing, ever again,” I said. “I’m done doing things. I’ve done all the things I need to do, I think.” My heart was still beating so fast I could feel it in my fingernails. Crasher pushed at me with her snout. I rolled over and narrowed my eyes at her. “You scared me on purpose.”

  “Well, yeah,” she said. “Duh.” Her big eyes lit up. “Oh! Are you competin’ in that Santa thing? You need a team, right?”

  “Uh, well …” I tried to find a way out of saying yes.

  “Sweet. Then I’ll be on your team.” She rubbed her head against a peg sticking out of the wall and popped the goggles off. “I’m fast. Even faster than most adults. I’m not so good at landin’s, so I guess it’s pretty good that landin’s aren’t important.”

  “I think, maybe, that landings are very important, from a certain perspective—” I tried to argue, but she wasn’t listening.

  “Great! You gotta go see Dreamer to get the rest of your team. I can take you, if you want.”

  She was right. I did have to get permission from Dreamer. And I wasn’t just here for my team, I was here for Celia’s and Ramp’s teams, too. Having her on my side was at least better than navigating the Stable on my own.

  “Thanks. I’m Ollie.” I stuck out my hand to shake, and then realized that was silly. Crasher wasn’t bothered, though, and stuck out her hoof. We shook.

  “Nice ta meetcha. Dreamer’ll be in his grove.” She started trotting down the tight spiral staircase, and I followed. “Did you bring any gifts?”

  “Uh, I … no? Is it bad that I didn’t?”

  “Don’t worry too much,” Crasher said, lifting off the ground and looking at me while she floated down the stairs. “He’s probably not going to like you anyway.”

  “He has to like me,” I insisted. “I need nine reindeer!”

  “Eight,” she corrected.

  “Eight, I guess, if you’re totally sure you want to help me—”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Eight.”

  These stairs sure did take a while.

  “Did you know Dreamer’s never touched the ground?” Crasher flicked one ear and spun around, landing gingerly back onto the steps. “He even sleeps in the air. And he doesn’t leave the Stable anymore. Not at all.”

  “Why is he in charge, anyway?” I asked. “If he never leaves and he’s so hard to talk to.”

  “Biggest antlers.”

  “Seriously?”

  Crasher rolled her shoulders in a way that might have been a shrug.

  “It’s an old-school reindeer thing. Some stuff never changes.”

  We finally reached the bottom of the stairs, and my wobbly legs were thankful. Crasher reared up on her hind legs and pushed on two double doors that opened out into a lush, warm garden. I took a deep breath and even the air felt greener.

  And there were so many reindeer, all with different antlers and coats and heights above the ground. Reindeer splashed in the stream or flew to the tops of trees to pick fruit. They rolled around in flowers or dueled antler-to-antler in the air. Crasher hopped around me in a circle.

  “Welcome to the Stable!” she said. “I can tell it’s your first time.”

  “It’s so beautiful!” I whispered. “And warm.” She laughed with a barrage of snorts. I took off one of my coats and wrapped it over my arm.

  “C’mon.” Crasher grabbed my sleeve between her teeth and tugged. I let her pull me deeper into the dome.

  We passed a miniature forest, where a reindeer was pruning a hedge into the shape of a reindeer wearing a wig and posing dramatically on a boat. He was surrounded by a bunch of little hedge elves and humans, all huddled up and rowing.

  “That’s Snipper. He’s been doin’ famous paintings this year. I think that one’s George Washington,” Crasher said. I nodded even though I didn’t know what a George Washington was.

  A few reindeer glanced at me in a way that didn’t feel very welcoming, but no one came close enough to bother us until I, distracted by a butterfly, walked directly into a human and fell over backward. The human, of course, was fine. When I got my bearings, I recognized the red-haired girl from the first challenge. She grinned and jingled a whole handful of dog tags in front of me.

  “You’re here to build a team, too?” She reached a hand down and helped me up.

  I nodded and brushed myself off. Crasher was sniffing at an empty burlap sack she was holding in her other hand.

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  She glanced down at the sack. “Oh, I live on an apple orchard back home. I figured we’d have to do something like this, so I brought some apples you can’t find around here. Dreamer loved them. Didn’t you bring a gift?”

  I shook my head.

  “Yikes.” She must have seen my face fall, because she knelt down and put a hand on my shoulder.

  “Here’s a secret: I heard he likes corny jokes. So, if you can think of any …” She patted my shoulder a few times and stood up.

  “I’m Ollie!” I exclaimed. “I just realized I don’t know your name. And you’re being so nice to me.”

  There was a look on her face for a brief flash where she seemed uncomfortable, like maybe a bug bit her or something. She smiled.

  “Andrea. Good luck.” Andrea waved two fingers in a little salute and tossed her red hair over her shoulder as she walked away. I looked at Crasher, who had been unusually quiet the whole time.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  Crasher turned to me with a dreamy look in her eyes. “Just thinkin’ about apples.”

  A few feet ahead was an archway of branches, the only opening in a thicket of trees. I stepped into the shade.

  “Is this it?” I asked.

  Crasher nodded but didn’t step forward. “I’m not goin’ in there, though. I gotta go get my tag for you.”

  “What? You have to go with me! I don’t know what to do on my own—”

  “I’m not scared, if that’s what you’re askin’.”

  “Uh, I didn’t say you were scared, but I’m pretty sure I am!”

 
“You’ll be fine. Maybe. Goodluckseeyoulaterbye!”

  I turned and headed deeper into the tree tunnel. The entrance had been made of entirely normal trees, but as I got deeper, they started looking stranger: Some trees had glowing leaves, some had bark that shone like metal, and others were growing fruit that looked like Christmas ornaments right from the branch.

  I heard a soft, repeating crunch, like someone marching on glass. I creeped slowly to the end of the tunnel and caught a glimpse of a snout above huge reindeer teeth, chowing down on one of the ornament fruits. Inside it was juicy and green, but the skin made a sound just like glass. I hoped it didn’t feel like glass.

  As I turned the corner, Dreamer’s huge green eyes swiveled around to stare at me.

  “Another? Already?” A gentle, calm voice came from all sides. I whipped around, surprised, and saw speakers hanging from branches among the ornament fruit. Dreamer must not like to wear a voice box. “And an elf, no less.” Dreamer’s voice remained quiet and smooth, but I got the impression he wasn’t happy. I turned around and looked him over for real.

  The first thing I noticed was antlers. He had huge antlers, bigger in spread than his body, jutting out from his head and forming a great web. The antlers were decorated with several pieces of hanging ornament fruit, and beautiful red birds tweeted from a nest among them. The reindeer’s body was slender and small for a reindeer, and his thin legs ended in unusually little hooves. His coat was shiny, flawless, and gold; all this framed by perfect sunlight streaming into the grove through a skylight in the trees.

  He lost interest in looking at me and floated around, occasionally twirling upside down—his ornaments remained hanging in place, aligned with his individual gravity.

  “Well?” his voice projected, and then the speaker yawned even though his body didn’t. “What have you brought for me?”

  Okay. Andrea said he likes jokes. Gotta give him a good joke.

  “What kind of camera does Santa have?”

  “You came here to ask me this?”

  “A North Pole-aroid!” I faked a big smile and shook my hands festively.

  “Excuse me?” Dreamer scratched his back against a tree.

  That joke must not have been good enough. “What’s Santa’s favorite garden tool?”

  “Why are you asking questions to which you already know the answer?”

  “A hoe, hoe, hoe!!!” I think I sounded more frantic than funny. Dreamer hovered forward and stared at me again, confused, but he still wasn’t laughing. I took a deep breath.

  “What do gingerbread ghosts wear?????” I was sweating, hard.

  “Must I ask you to leave?”

  “COOKIE SHEETS!!!!!!!!!!” I punched the air with every syllable and then spread my arms wide and wiggled my fingers. Dreamer began herding me with his antlers back to the archway.

  “I am unsure why you have come here to act like a fool,” he went on, “but I have no more patience for this. Good-bye.”

  “Wait! Please!” I fell down on my knees and stopped backing away from his antlers. He froze, too, maybe because he didn’t want to touch me. “I didn’t bring anything. I’m sorry. Someone told me you liked jokes, so I was trying to be funny.”

  “So those were ‘jokes.’ ” Dreamer turned his eyes toward the sky and looked thoughtful. “I hated them. This ‘someone’ gave you inaccurate information.”

  “She must have been confused. I don’t think she meant to lie to me, or, uh—waste your time, uh, Your … Highness?”

  At that, Dreamer laughed lightly from the speakers. “Fine.” He floated up and did a little twirl in the air. “I’ll take your shoes, then.”

  “My shoes?” I looked down at my warm red boots. “I don’t think you’re a size four.”

  “I didn’t ask for your thoughts. I asked for your shoes.”

  I took them off and set them neatly beside each other on the edge of the tree line. Dreamer rolled his neck around, stretching.

  “With a little stuffing, it is easy for hooves to fit into your two-leg shoes. And I look best in red.”

  I decided not to waste any more time. “I’m Ollie, sir, an elf competing in the Trials—”

  “No, no,” he interrupted.

  “No?”

  “Here, we are named for what we do, not who we think we are.” He pushed off of a tree and floated over to the other side of the grove, where he pushed off a different tree. “And right now, you are Beggar.”

  “Well, okay, but I need a team of reindeer for me and my two friends—”

  “No, no.”

  “Still no?”

  “Introduce yourself again.”

  I resisted the urge to groan and thought for a second.

  “I’m, uh, I guess I’m Beggar—”

  “Very good.”

  “And I’m competing in the Santa Trials. I’m supposed to ask you to assign reindeer to me and my friends.”

  “Who are these friends?”

  “Celia Pixie and Ramp Claus.”

  “No, no.” Dreamer sounded frustrated.

  This time I caught on faster. “Uh, I mean, Thinker. And … Complainer.”

  “Why do they not come before me?”

  “We thought it would be better this way, so we wouldn’t waste your time … Your Highness.” This seemed to make him happy again.

  “How many?”

  “Uh, eight. Three for each of them, and two for me.”

  “Only two? You believe we are less necessary?”

  “No! Of course not! I love all of you. Reindeer are amazing, and perfect, and I wish I had been born one instead of an elf, probably! But Crasher already said she’d help me.”

  “You dare to seek my reindeer without my approval?”

  “She didn’t really give me a choice.”

  “I see.” Dreamer floated up to a tree in the back of his grove with dog tags hanging off every branch. He used a branch of his right antler to pull a tag from the tree. He circled around the tree a few times, inspecting tags and choosing specific ones. Eventually, he dumped eight on the ground in front of me.

  “I picked the perfect reindeer for you.” His voice sounded pleased, maybe even excited. I was so glad we were ending on good terms. “They’ll meet you when the competition starts, like all the others. Bring these tags to claim them.”

  I nodded and put them all around my neck so I wouldn’t lose them. Dreamer snorted and kicked his little legs, floating away and spinning like a wheel.

  “Thank you, sir, uh, Dreamer, sir.”

  “Farewell, Beggar. Break a leg, as they say.”

  I looked down at my socks and wiggled my toes. “Thanks.”

  “He called you WHAT?!” Celia started yelling as soon as I finished my story. “I should’ve gone. I would have knocked those antlers right off his stuck-up head.”

  “That’s exactly why I had to go.” I finished my piece of protein peanut brittle. “Because you totally would have. And then he’d have no antlers and we’d have no reindeer team.”

  Her frown cracked into a smile. “True.” Then her smile grew into a wide grin. “Do you want to see what I made?”

  “Is it our sleighs?” I asked, even though I knew the answer.

  “It is absolutely our sleighs.” We high-fived, low-fived, and then behind-the-back-fived. I glanced down at my hands, and they were covered in black grease.

  “Oh, sorry.” Celia handed me a towel. “I forgot to clean up. Engines, you know?”

  “Where’s Ramp?” I asked as I dried my fingers. “Is he asleep again?”

  “I think he’s at the cafeteria. Speaking of which …” She tossed the tarp off of the first of three sleighs with a flourish that looked very cool. The sleigh was black and red, with a bunch of computer screens in front of the plush seat. “I was planning to not try very hard on his, but it turns out I can only make things that are super awesome. It’s a curse.”

  I laughed, and looked around the sleigh while she explained it.

  “S
o, I focused on the fact that he’s totally super old.” Celia paused. “He’s one thousand percent super old, right?”

  “For sure.”

  “Yeah. So I put all these big screens in front that will tell him everything he needs to know while he’s driving in big letters, so he can read them. The whole sleigh pretty much drives itself, but the autopilot takes so much power that I couldn’t make it very fast. If he gets into any really dangerous situations, he can push that red button.”

  I sat in the seat and pushed the red button. A bright green bubble wrapped all the way around the sleigh, lifting it off the ground. Right as the bubble started to roll sideways, I hit the button again, and the sleigh thunked back to the ground.

  “The engines don’t work at all when the force field is on, but he can press it on and off to maintain momentum and protect himself. There’s an automatic setting for when you think multiple projectiles are about to hit, especially since this tech doesn’t leave room for a strong engine.” She saw me inching sideways over to the next tarp. “That one’s yours. I get to take the tarp off, though.”

  I made a pouty face.

  “We can do it together,” she offered.

  “Okay, but only if I get to wear it like a cape afterward.” I grabbed hold of one corner, she grabbed another, and we counted down from three and whipped off the tarp. It rippled in the air so beautifully I forgot to look at the sleigh.

  “That looks very silly,” she said as I tied the tarp around my neck like a cape. “And I wish it had been my idea.”

  “Tell me about my sleigh!” I commanded, feeling like a king. She rolled her eyes and stepped up to it.

  My sleigh was mint green with shiny metal trim (cute), but compared to Ramp’s, it looked pretty simple.

  “For yours I focused on making everything really good.” She ran her hand along the top. “Comfy seats, sleek design. I made it out of very light material so it can propel itself pretty quickly. Here up front there’s a monitor that can show you everything that’s happening in all directions, thanks to little cameras I hid in the sides. Plus, there’s a headset to keep you connected with your reindeer and any sleighs you want to talk to, like mine. Hopefully the reindeer can handle most of the steering, but if you need it, there’s a pretty effective manual option. And the best part …” She clicked a button, and a hatch opened on the front of the sleigh. A metal horse head slid out of the front and clicked into place. Its eyes lit up green, and it rotated around to look at me.