“First, I figured Mr. Hunt sent you to spy on me. I never have trusted that fella since he turned me down for a loan.” He shook his head. “I reckon my thinkin’ was partly due to the whiskey. But I still didn’t understand why an educated man like you would want to spend his time diggin’ post holes and brandin’ calves—until I seen the way you look at Leah.”
He hunched forward. “Now, that brings us around the barn and back to the open door where you let the horse outta the stall. You said somethin’ about carin’ for my girl, but now you’re thinkin’ about movin’ on. You playin’ with her affections?”
Steven stiffened at the brusque tone. “No, sir, I am not. I am quite serious in my intentions, but I can’t say she feels the same about me.”
Charlie spat off to the side. “Then you’re blind, mister.” He shoved his feet against the floor planks and set his chair to rocking.
A flash of hope tore through Steven’s chest, then as quickly died. “There’s something else. I hope you won’t be offended.”
“Uh-huh. Out with it.”
“I’ve been concerned about Tom taking off two weeks ago. I feel partly responsible, as I might have stopped him if I’d realized he was leaving town.”
He kept his gaze trained on Charlie’s face, praying the man would listen. “I did some digging and discovered he’s in La Grande. I’m hoping to convince him to come home.”
Charlie’s boots hit the floor and the chair came to an abrupt halt. His nostrils flared; then he leaned forward, his face illumined by the dim light of hope. “Why would you do a thing like that? You think he’d listen to you?”
Steven gripped the arms of his chair. “Partly because it would make Leah happy.” He plunged forward, praying Charlie would understand. “And partly due to the unhappiness I’ve seen in you since Tom left. I know what it’s like not having a father in my life and losing a sister. From what I could see before he left, Tom was hurting pretty bad. And no, I’m not sure he’d listen to me.”
Charlie laced his arms across his chest. “I don’t see what this has to do with me.”
“Come with me to La Grande. Help me find Tom. Talk to him. I doubt he’d return if I asked him, but he might if you do.”
Charlie shook his head, then turned his face away.
Steven looked closely. Was that a tear trickling down the older man’s weathered cheek? “He’s your son. He loves you, even if he’s hurt and doesn’t know how to show it. I know he’s hurt and angered you as well, but you’re his father. Won’t you give it a chance?”
Charlie’s hands shook so hard he couldn’t control them. What was this young whippersnapper thinking, asking him to go with him to La Grande? He was plumb loony, that’s what. Tom didn’t give a fig what his father thought.
In fact, he’d run the other way if Charlie so much as showed his face in town. “It won’t work, mister. Tom won’t listen to me. He never has. He hates me. You musta seen that when he was here.”
Steven’s direct gaze didn’t waver. “I agree. It seemed like that at first. But the more I listened and watched, the more I talked to Tom, the more I saw little bits of myself in him. I went through some of the same confusion and fear when I lost my pa, and my ma retreated so far inside herself. Then when we found my sister after so many years, I figured it would all work out right. When Ma turned all her attention on Beth, I started getting bitter all over again.”
Charlie’s chest hurt. He wanted this to stop. He didn’t want to relive the pain of the past, over and over. Not Steven’s past, or Tom’s, or his own. “Young fella, that’s got nothin’ to do with me.” He started to get up from his chair, but Steven’s expression gave him pause.
“Please, sir. Don’t leave. This might be your last chance to find your son and truly understand him. Don’t throw that away. At least listen—for Leah’s sake.”
Charlie plopped into the chair, pain swirling so deep he reckoned he’d be sick. All he thought about anymore was Leah and Tom, and the ways he’d hurt his youngsters. He’d driven Tom away, but he had no idea how to make it right.
Leah seemed like she was on the trail to forgiving him, but would it make a difference to her, or to Tom, if he followed this foolish scheme Steven suggested? “All right. I’ll listen. But I ain’t makin’ no promises.”
“Thank you. What I’m trying to say is, Tom is a lot like me. I understand him. He lost his mother and came back with a gut full of anger and resentment, believing it to all be your fault. As time passed, he may have seen it was partly his mother’s responsibility as well, and that was hard to take. Just like it was hard for me to find fault with my mother, since I was used to being her protector and support.”
Charlie nodded but couldn’t bring himself to speak. The images Steven’s words evoked were too strong, too hard to deal with. Finally, he cleared his throat. “Like I said before. The boy hates me for what he thinks I done to his mother. I wasn’t there when she died, and he blames me.”
Steven nodded. “Yes, but she’s the one who left you and Leah. And part of him is angry at Leah because she held his mother’s love for so many years. What he doesn’t see yet is that his mother loved him as well. But just as I was always there for my mother, Tom was there for his. She poured all of her time and emotions into bewailing the daughter she’d left behind, instead of appreciating the son who stayed by her side. At some point Tom will need to forgive his mother, as I’ve had to do. But right now he needs to know he has a father who loves him and won’t desert him.”
The walls around Charlie’s heart began to crumble—slowly, like a trickle of water eating away at an earthen dam—until finally the crack widened and the flow of cleansing water increased and broke the dam wide open. He buried his face in his hands, and silent sobs shook his shoulders. Several long minutes ticked by while he worked to get himself under control. Finally, the sobs subsided and the shivering stopped.
He raised his head and looked Steven square in the eyes. “I love him more than life itself. I’ll go with you to La Grande.” Tears trickled down his cheeks, but he no longer cared. All these years he’d thought that by working hard to be a good provider, he’d done enough, but now he knew different. His pride had destroyed his family once, and somehow—maybe with God’s help—he could humble himself and try to salvage what was left of his family.
Chapter Thirty
Leah shut the church door and headed for her buggy, her skirts swishing with each step. The ladies had decided to work on the quilt again, as a local family was in need. It felt as though life had finally started to settle back into its normal routine after Tom’s departure over two weeks ago.
But for one thing.
Pa hadn’t touched a drop of liquor from what she could tell. The big row Pa and Tom had and Tom’s second disappearance should have pushed her father through the door of the saloon at a full gallop. He’d headed to town and she’d been positive he’d come home drunk, but he’d returned as sober and meek as a church mouse.
Then he’d shared his decision to stop drinking and try to trust in God. She’d worried that it wouldn’t last, but he seemed to be sticking to his decision.
She walked to the side of the buggy and wrestled her skirt as she climbed to the seat, annoyed yet again that she couldn’t wear trousers in town. Picking up the reins, her thoughts turned back to her brother. Tom was another thing worrying her of late. When she’d tried to approach Pa about finding Tom, he simply shook his head and turned away, but not before Leah noticed the sadness shadowing his eyes. She had no idea how to help her father or what to do about Tom.
Part of her believed her brother would come dragging back to the ranch with his tail between his legs, asking forgiveness and ready to settle down. But another part worried he’d disappear, and they might never see him again.
Then there was the ranch. Pa had never wanted advice, and she doubted his pride would allow him to accept
anything from her. Leah’s excitement over inheriting the ranch had dimmed in the days since first reading her mother’s letter. Pa’s grief weighed on her mind, in spite of the day he’d opened up and shared his heart.
Then Leah shook off her doldrums and smiled. Her father had made more than one trip to visit Frances Cooper lately. Could Pa actually be interested in a woman after being alone so many years? If he could find real love after so many lonely years, she’d be happy for him, but she hadn’t yet sorted out her feelings about it being Mrs. Cooper.
It didn’t matter right now. She’d talk to him later, but first she needed to pay a visit to Steven at the bank.
She traversed the busy streets from the outskirts where the church was situated, enjoying the warmth of the sun in her face as the mare trotted sedately up the road. The minutes sped by as a nervous excitement at seeing Steven held her in its grip.
She slowed her mare to a walk as the buggy wove its way through the busy, late afternoon traffic. Another block brought her to a stop in front of the bank. Leah placed her hand over her beating heart, trying to still the pounding. When had the man come to mean so much to her? She heaved a sigh, wound the reins around the brake handle, and stepped to the ground.
Leah marched into the bank and straight for Steven’s office. She seriously doubted he’d turn her away, as long as he wasn’t busy with another customer.
Mr. Parker hurried toward her as she crossed the foyer, bypassing the teller windows. “May I help you, miss?”
Leah wanted to roll her eyes, but she kept her composure. Surely this man knew by now who she was and that Steven boarded at her ranch. “I’m here to see Mr. Harding. Is he in?”
“No, miss. He’s not. May I take a message?”
Disappointment left her feeling almost weak, after the anticipation she’d felt. “I’ll wait for him, if you think it won’t be too long.”
“He left town a few hours ago, headed to La Grande. I would have thought you’d know that, Miss Carlson.”
Embarrassment at her earlier critical thoughts brought a rush of color to her cheeks. Then it dawned on her what the clerk had said, and her heart felt as though it had stopped beating. “La Grande? Do you know when he’ll return?”
“I have no idea. However, I believe he went to accept the position he’s been offered. A fine job, and one any man would be proud to have. I’m sure he’ll make an excellent vice president.”
She barely heard the clerk’s last few words as she turned and made her way out of the bank, fighting a wave of dizziness. Steven had gone to La Grande to accept the job and hadn’t told her. She’d begun to hope he’d decided against accepting it—that he’d see how much she cared and decide to stay on the ranch.
Leah stepped up on the running board of her buggy and almost vaulted into the seat, trying to quiet her shaking hands. Steven had done the unthinkable—he’d abandoned her, same as her mother, father, and brother had done.
She whipped the reins over her horse’s back and urged her into a fast trot, wishing she could outrun her thoughts as easily. It couldn’t be true. Steven would be at the ranch when she returned. He had to be.
The drive to the ranch passed almost without coherent thought. A swirl of emotions pursued her like imps, effortlessly keeping up with the brisk pace of her horse. Her insides were quivering when she arrived at the house and jumped from the buggy, barely taking time to secure the mare. She raced up the steps and burst through the door, then moved down the hall to the kitchen.
Millie gasped. “My lands, child. You liked to scare me half to death, bangin’ through that door and racin’ in here. What’s come over you? Someone sick or hurt?” She wiped her hands on her apron. “I’ll come and help, whatever it is.”
Leah worked to get the words out past the lump in her throat. “Where’s Steven? Did he come back?”
“Whoa there, girl, slow down.” Millie placed her arm around Leah’s shoulder and drew her to the table. “Sit. I’ll get you a cup of hot tea. The pot’s fresh.”
“Thank you, but no.” Leah pulled from her grip. “I don’t need tea. I need answers.”
Millie shook her head. “I figured you’d know by now. Your pa came in before he headed to town with Steven and said they was goin’ to stop at the boardinghouse and see the folks there.” She sucked in her breath. “But then …”
Leah’s shoulders slumped. “How silly of me. I’m sorry for being such a goose, Millie. And forgive me for interrupting. Maybe I’ll drive back to town and visit Katherine and Beth.”
Millie frowned. “You didn’t give me a chance to finish, girl. They was only goin’ to stay a short time to say good-bye to Steven’s family. Not sure why your pa went along, but he said to tell you he’s headed to La Grande with Steven. He was in an all-fired hurry, and his voice was all choked up. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he’d been cryin’.”
Millie shrugged and continued. “But that don’t make a lick of sense. I’ve been here since you were a little tyke and never seen Charlie Pape cry. When I asked when they was comin’ home and what they were doin’ there, he said he didn’t have time to talk. He lugged a bag downstairs and tossed it into his old buggy, tied Steven’s horse to the back, and jumped on board. He said to tell you he’d be back as soon as he could and not to worry.”
Leah sank into a chair, her stomach growing tighter at each word. “Pa said ‘he’ would be back, not he and Steven? What do you think is going on? If Pa took his horse, that means Steven might not plan to return.”
“I’m not rightly sure. I think that’s what he said, but I didn’t pay much mind. I’m sure he meant they’d both be comin’ home soon, though.”
Leah placed her head in her hands and groaned. She had no idea why her father would be going to La Grande with Steven, but one thing she knew. Steven hadn’t left word for her, and Pa spoke the truth even more than he or Millie realized. Steven Harding would not be returning with her father. He’d decided to take the job in La Grande, and she’d probably never see him again.
Chapter Thirty-One
June 15, 1881
Leah sat on the knoll near the large tree and smoothed the last of her mother’s letters. She’d spent three hours rereading every one of the missives Ma had asked Tom to mail but he had kept. Those hours had been some of the hardest of her life, as she’d dug deep into her mother’s heart and tried to understand what drove her—and then worked to accept and believe the affirmations of love written over and over again.
She laid it carefully in the box and lifted the bouquet of white daisies she’d picked. The flowers covered the crest of the meadow, the clumps and stands cascading down over the hillside. Ma had loved this view. It seemed to be a place that had soothed her spirit and brought her peace.
Leah prayed that same peace would visit her now.
Steven had been gone for six days, and Pa hadn’t returned, either. It took two days to travel to La Grande, unless they’d pushed well into the night. Allowing four days for travel and at least one to take care of whatever business took them, Pa could easily be home today.
Every night she’d tossed and turned, unable to sleep more than a few hours, the pendulum of her emotions swinging from one extreme to the other. Anger that Steven would leave without so much as a word, as her mother had done, veering to grief that she hadn’t shown him the depth of her feelings. If she’d done so, would he still have gone?
Her mother did, and she claimed to have loved her.
Deep in her heart Leah knew Ma’s love to be true. But now Leah realized her ma was a woman of shallow, selfish character who hadn’t denied her own desires to escape a life she saw as intolerable. Was it possible Steven was that kind of man? Had he viewed life on the ranch as unbearable and, like her mother, decided city life was best?
But he’d seemed so honest, kind, and caring that she found it difficult to accept he could be that way. H
e’d stood beside her when she was hurting. He’d sat on this hilltop, holding her hand and offering silent support. He’d spoken hard things to her, as well—made suggestions that angered her—but they’d finally made her think. That wasn’t the kind of thing a shallow, selfish man would do.
She took a handful of daisies and braided them together in a long chain, then twisted the final stem around the first, creating a loop. Ma had done this for her countless times as a girl. They’d pretended it was a crown for a princess, and if she wore it, she could summon her prince and go live in a castle.
Leah had always believed her mother was thinking of Pa when Ma allowed Leah to place it on her head. She had closed her eyes and whispered words Leah couldn’t understand. But now she knew. Ma was dreaming of the man who’d given Leah life—the man Leah couldn’t remember, but who had forever held her mother’s heart.
Steven almost vaulted from his horse as he came to a halt at the hitching rail in front of the Pape ranch house, only vaguely aware of the buggy containing Tom and Charlie behind him. He lashed the reins to the rail and bolted to the door, then gave a hard rap and waited. His palms were damp with sweat, and he wiped them down the side of his trousers. If someone didn’t open the door soon, he might break it down. This had been the longest six days of his life. He’d wanted to get back yesterday, but it took longer than they’d expected to find Tom.
The door swung open, and Millie broke into a huge grin, with Buddy behind her peeking over her shoulder. “Steven! It’s so good to see you.” She reached out and enveloped him in a warm hug.
Steven’s heart swelled. This was exactly the kind of welcome he’d hoped for, just not from the person he’d anticipated. He released Millie and returned her smile. “It’s great to be back. Is Leah …?”
Dreaming on Daisies: A Novel (Love Blossoms in Oregon Series Book 3) Page 27
