Scarred

by Elizabeth Knox

  “He wants a son. A son of the Reapers to marry a daughter of his. Arranging marriages between clubs hasn’t been done in years, however it is done for political alliances. He has the strongest club in the West, and together we can break the Demons down. Do you have a son?”

  “I have two,” Fist says, looking over to Mindi who has both Zane and Kade sitting on her lap.

  “Who is the one who will take the gavel from you one day?” Roman inquires.

  “Zane.” He stares at the toddler as he utters his name, I’m sure he’s picturing his future. Wondering if he will damn his son eternally by making this decision or guarantee happiness.

  “Then, he is the one who will marry the girl.”

  “What is her name?” Fist asks.

  “He has a few daughters. I can make sure that Zane has a choice when the time comes.”

  “Okay. Assure me that my son has a choice, and we have a deal,” Fist agrees, extending his hand out to Roman. They both shake hands as Dracus comes up to me.

  “Sorry to interrupt, but we have a problem. Roxy just called… we need to go. Now.”

  We do just that, we roll out, and I follow Dracus and Bolt until we reach the clinic just outside of Billings. I see Aimee’s beat up little piece of shit car as we approach, dismounting our bikes and walk through the doors that lead into the building.

  Roxy is standing there, crouching to the ground, hands covering her face, white as a ghost. She looks up as we approach, bottom lip trembling as she looks to the three of us. Within a nanosecond, the tears are spilling.

  “It’s all my fault, everything is all my fault… all of this… all of…” She hiccups, dragging in sharp and quick breaths.

  I glance back and see Bolt go up to the nurse’s station, while Dracus and I walk over to Roxy, we crouch down next to her. I hold her close while Dracus has a hand on her knee, giving it a good squeeze.

  “… Rage coming here was m-my fault… w-what he did was m-my fault… h-he hurt us b-both and u-us coming h-here is b-because of me. W-we had to c-come… t-this all h-happened b-because of m-me!” Before I can do anything, Dracus pulls Rox into his lap and cups her face, making him look right at her.

  “You listen here little lady. Ain’t none of this your fucking fault. None of what that piece of shit did is your fault. The only thing you’re guilty of is falling for the bastard, and you know what that shows, baby? That you’ve got a pretty fucking golden heart. What happened is not on you. You did not do that. You did not do anything. If I hear you say it again I will beat your ass until you can’t sit for a week, do you hear me?”

  Roxy’s lip trembles at his words. Honestly, I’m not as stern as he is. In this moment, I’m thankful for our relationship – the group of us. When I don’t have the words, he or Bolt does.

  He brings Roxy’s lips to his own and kisses her gently. “I love you, babygirl. You stop this nonsense, and I’m gonna go check on our Aimee, okay?” I don’t beat with anger as he kisses the equivalent of my wife, she’s branded to me, but she belongs to the four of us, including Aimee.

  Dracus rises and goes up to the nurse’s station. I bring her back in my arms and hold her close, letting her tears soak my cut and shirt. “What happened, firefly?”

  “We… we thought we both might be pregnant. I’m not..b-but… Aimee was and she didn’t want it… she wanted an abortion today, and there was a complication and now she’ll never be able to have a baby…”

  Fuck.

  There has to be a silver lining here. Shit can’t get worse, it just can’t. Something good has to come out of all this bullshit we’ve been through the last few months.

  Chapter 25

  I love you past the moon and miss you beyond the stars. - JmStorm

  Roxy

  Vince had told me almost a year ago that we’d had the worst few months of our life. Back then, I agreed with him in every sense of the word. We’d had it rough, but we survived, all of us did. We pushed past the ugly deck of cards we were handed and played another game, hoping it would be better than the last.

  In a year, so much can change. I told him that there was something good bound to be coming our way, we all deserved it, and for everything that we’d been through… something had to come. Something glorious.

  Something did come, and her name is Kathryn Aimee.

  Her birth was supposed to be something that we celebrated, and it was for the most part… but it’s hard to celebrate when the woman you named your daughter after has been gone for three weeks. No one has heard a peep, not even once. We didn’t know where she was, Bolt was out driving across Montana looking for her… while Dracus decided to get himself lost in the bottle. Vince and I were trying to be the best parents that we could, all the while worrying about Aimee.

  A lot can change in a year, and after the night where Rage had his “fun” Aimee was never the same, the day of the abortion we lost a bigger piece of her, and over time… slowly she had been chipping away. She was no longer the light, bright, vibrant woman we all loved. She became distant, reserved, didn’t want to speak to anyone.

  Dracus told me day after day it wasn’t my fault. In moments where I found myself thinking about it all it’s as if he could read my mind, reminding me that it wasn’t. Yet, I still felt it. I don’t think I’ll ever feel like it isn’t my fault.

  I’m sitting in the living room floor of Boone’s house, Kathryn in her bassinet beside me as I watch television. Dracus is sitting in the chair behind me, I’m seated between his legs as he massages the back of my neck. Vince is talking amongst Boone, and my brothers. At this rate, everyone in the club knows about our “odd” relationship with Aimee, Dracus, and Bolt.

  The phone rings from the kitchen, and Lloyd goes to answer it, as he does, I can’t hear a word of what he’s saying, only the soft murmurs of “uh huh” and “… are you sure?”. Immediately that throws up a red flag and I turn to look at my brother, not before putting my knee on Dracus’ leg and giving him a quick look. He’s sober right now, but I know he won’t be for long. Since Aimee’s been gone, he drinks most of the time… I’m surprised he isn’t drunk right now…

  He hangs up the phone and turns to us, looking specifically to me and Dracus, then to Vince. “I’m afraid that wasn’t a good call. That was the Sherriff. He drove out to Whitefish last night and went there to see a Jane Doe who turned up in the river. He confirmed that it was Aimee. He couldn’t tell us too much, but it looked like she committed suicide.”

  I look to Vince, then up to Dracus… the tears are welling up in my eyes, and he startles up and darts out the door. I sigh, looking to Vince. “Watch Kathryn… please just let me handle this.”

  He nods as I chase after one of the men I absolutely adore. He’s rude, dark, and a bit twisted… but behind that front he has a heart of gold, a heart that he doesn’t let me see too often.

  “Drake.” I say his name loud, enough to see him turn back and look at me. He hates it when I call him by his real name, we got into our first fight when I insisted that I call him Drake instead of Dracus, but both he and Bolt agreed that I’d call them their road names and nothing else. I was out voted.

  “Roxanne. Leave me the fuck alone,” he grumbles, continuing to dart away from me.

  “No. Fuck no!” I snap at him. “I leave you alone and you’ll… you’ll…,” I murmur… not wanting to confess what I’m thinking.

  “What? I’ll drink myself into oblivion to forget about all the pain that is in my life? Or maybe, oh I know! I’ll go off and kill myself too!”

  I stop dead in my tracks. He can’t just joke about something like this. His face drops when he realizes what he just did, quickly he walks towards me. The second he’s within reach I swing my hand back and slap it against his face, my palm burning from the hit.

  “Don’t you ever joke about something like that,” I tell him, my lips trembling, trying not to break down, even though I know it is bound to happen.

  “Rox. I didn’t – “

>   “You did,” I interrupt, so beyond angry with him.

  “Yeah. I did… okay, I’m sorry.”

  “I… I can’t lose you too. Please. I just can’t. I can’t lose anyone else that I love. Please stop the drinking… please Drake. I am so fucking scared.” He walks towards me, pulling me into his chest, rubbing my back with his hand.

  “I’ll stop, okay? I promise. I’ll stop.”

  I cry into his chest. I cry because we’ve lost the woman we all love, because we will never hear her laugh or see her radiant smile ever again. I cry… because the group of us have lost one of the best things in our life.

  I know we are strong, and we will overcome this loss together, but that doesn’t lessen the burn.

  Our hearts will ache for eons.

  Chapter 26

  Whenever I miss you, I look at my heart because it’s the only place where you still exist. - EK

  Roxy

  Aimee wasn’t the only Reaper that we lost that day. In a way, I think that death seems to follow me. Maybe I’m cursed, or maybe those around me just have the worst luck in the entire world. Boone had passed peacefully in his sleep the day Aimee’s body had been found. Not only was I trying to support Dracus through this tough time, but now my brothers as well. We hadn’t heard from Bolt in days. To my knowledge he didn’t even know Aimee had died yet.

  Lloyd and George were okay, or at least they both seemed that way. Telling me that Boone was up there and they knew it was gonna happen one day or another. I knew that, and I could understand it. However, even when you expect death, it doesn’t make it any easier to experience it… to process the emotions of losing someone who meant the world to you.

  Today was the day that we’d lay them both to rest. I stared in front of my vanity in the new house that Lloyd had built for Aimee, Dracus, Bolt, Tex, Kathryn, and I. When I stare at my reflection I see something I hadn’t in a long time.

  Me.

  I don’t see the scarred woman who haunts me.

  I don’t look into myself and see a worn down girl who’s experienced so much pain and loss in her life. I see a girl who has fought a hard fight, who has loved stronger than anyone could have imagined. I see a survivor, knowing that whatever life may throw my way – I will persevere. I’m not alone in my pain, I have two men who are experiencing it as much as I, and one who I don’t even think has felt the agony yet. In our suffering there is strength, and together we are the strong. For not one of us is weak.

  I run my hands over the soft olive colored lace dress that Aimee insisted I buy a while back. She told me it looked beautiful on me and how I needed to buy it, if not for myself, for her. I didn’t have the heart to tell her no, especially after everything we’d been through together. If buying this girly as shit dress would make her happy, I was going to do it. At least that day I got a smile out of my beautiful girl.

  Today, is a day where we celebrate life. We don’t grieve it. We honor the memories that we shared with the ones we loved, who we still love now.

  I will try hard to wear a smile on my face, remembering her, every time she made me laugh, or that devilish little smirk that told me she wanted to get into trouble. I won’t just remember Aimee, I’ll remember Boone – the man who wasn’t my father, but treated me as his own. The man who made a promise to my father, to protect and look after me. I think the two of them are up in Heaven looking down on me, probably sharing a good old glass of whiskey on the rocks, saying I gave them a run for their money on the daughter front.

  I smile, thinking about just that, and then my father floats in my mind. The man… who raised me into the woman I am today. He taught me about strength, trust, and love. The three most valuable lessons I have ever learned. As I look over to my daughter in her crib, I think of the amount of trust and love I have for the men in my life, and the strength that we hold together.

  Vince slides on his shoes, looking up from his seated position on the edge of the bed. “You want to go check on him?”

  I nod, walking over to my sweet little Kathryn and give her a kiss on the forehead. Out of everything I’ve ever done in my life, she is my greatest accomplishment.

  I walk out of the bedroom, down the hallway of our second story and go into what is dubbed the man cave, otherwise known as the smoking room. Dracus has kept his promise to me, not taking a sip of any alcohol for five days.

  “Hey,” I murmur softly, as I open the door and enter.

  He lifts his head, turning it towards me and gives me a soft smile. “You look beautiful.”

  “Aimee said the same thing. She made me buy this dress,” I tell him, taking steps closer until I’m where he is seated, sliding onto his lap.

  “I miss her,” he confesses lowly.

  “You aren’t the only one. We all do,” I admit, taking my hand behind his neck, brushing it lightly with my fingertips.

  “We were planning for our future… and now we don’t have one.”

  “We still have a future, Drake. It’s just different now, an awful twisted future where Aimee isn’t here with us. But we still have a future, it’s just not what any of us expected it to be.”

  “Mhm,” he mutters, pressing his face into my chest. I wrap my arms around his head, holding him close, wanting oh so badly to rip all of this pain from him.

  I hear heavy footsteps darting up the stairwell, and instantly I can tell it’s more than one set. I turn to look at the doorway and see Lloyd and George. “We’re going to get started soon, but I needed to make something clear. Got me?” Lloyd says firmly, I nod my head as Dracus lifts his eyes to my brother.

  George hands him leather, and I am putting two and two together in my mind.

  “You and I talked months ago about you becoming a Reaper for Aimee. I sat you down and told you that I’d be honored to have both you and Bolt as a brother, but what I should have said is that you have always been a brother. Both of you. Any time I called on you, you both flew up here with her on your back. You’ve only shown me loyalty, trust, and true friendship. It’s why I have these, because you are a Reaper.” Lloyd tosses a leather cut at me and Dracus, I open it and on the back is the Reapers emblem with his name. I smile proudly, looking at the man whose lap I am on, and for the first time in a few days, he’s smiling too.

  Somehow, right now – I feel like everything is going to be okay.

  Epilogue

  Don’t try to figure me out. I’m a puzzle with missing pieces. – J. Rose

  Kathryn

  13 years later…

  “Today is going to be the BEST day ever!” My cousin, Ashley tells me as we start to walk towards the small movie theater that we have in Billings. It’s actually our only movie theater, probably built back in the 70’s or something.

  “Kathryn!” I turn around and look back to my dad’s voices. I’m not like the normal kids. Normal kids have one dad, and I have three. Our family is interesting, and in school I get made fun of for it. Usually my cousins, Kade and Zane beat the crap out of anyone who dares to say anything about me, or my mom. A lot of the kids say that my mom doesn’t know who my dad is so she’s with the three of them because she’s a slut. I don’t think that for one moment. When I was younger I wanted to know who my biological father was. I had a hunch, and I asked her. My curiosity got the best of me. It was my mom who told me that it didn’t matter, because they were all my fathers. They each loved me the same, took care of me when I was ill, gave me support any time I needed it. She was right, and I think I’m the luckiest girl on the planet for having as many parents as I do. Some of the kids I know don’t even have one parent that loves them, and I have four.

  “Yeah?” I holler over to them, they walk on up to me, giving both me and Ashley the tightest bear hugs ever.

  “You have fun today. Okay?” I look up to my dad, his road name is Tex, and I know that today is worrying him more than it should. It’s the first time that Ashley and I have been allowed to go to the movies by ourselves, without a prospect, or one of my dads
with us.

  “She’s gonna have a blast. Aren’t you, nugget?” Bolt, he’s my other dad, I call him Pops.

  “Fuck. She’s gonna live it up, not having us with her. I bet you’re gonna sneak into a rated R movie,” my daddy jokes, his road name is Dracus, and he’s this big and scary man, not many people like him. But his looks don’t fool me, he’s the sweetest out of the bunch.

  “We are not!” Ashley huffs, rolling her eyes at the three of them.

  “Yeah, yeah. Like I haven’t heard that one before. You two have fun, we’ll be back here around nine to pick you both up. Okay?”

  “Aye, aye matey!” I tell him, giving them all a quick kiss on the cheeks. They may be these big, burly bikers who most people are afraid to be too close to. But they melt just from a hug or kiss from their baby girl.

  I grab onto Ashley’s hand and run up the side of the street, the heat blazing in this hot Montana afternoon. I couldn’t wait to just get into the cool air-conditioned safety of the movie theater.

  We walked in, paid for our tickets, and even both grabbed a pop, some popcorn and way-too-much chocolate sno-caps. They were my favorite, and when you mixed them with the popcorn they were absolutely delicious! The saltiness of the buttered popcorn with the slight crunch and sweetness of the chocolate was to die for.

  Ashley and I watched this super cool action movie about aliens who inhabited planet Earth and a group of teens had to stop them from taking over the world. At the end of the day, obviously the humans won, because we’re great and stuff.

  We both walked out of the movie theater, waiting in front for my dads to show up. “Oh shoot…” Ashley murmurs.

  “What?” I ask her, looking over her to see if I can tell what the matter is.

  “I left my wallet in my theater, crap. C’mon, we have to go back in.” She grabs onto my arm, and I pull away.

  “No, you go grab it, and I’ll wait for my dads. If they don’t see one of us here, they’ll get worried and make a big ruckus in the joint. You know it as well as I do.” I laugh, trying to prove my point but also hoping I’ll gain a little bit more independence in this moment.