The Lonely Hearts Club

by Radclyffe

  “I don’t know,” Liz replied, keeping her eyes on the road. “I can tell you what I’m not doing. I’m not going to the office. I might not even check my messages.”

  Reilly laughed. “Sounds pretty rebellious.”

  Liz flicked her left turn signal and veered onto the street where Reilly had left her car. “Actually, I expect Julia will have left messages or paperwork for me, or else had her attorney do it, considering she didn’t get any satisfaction from me this morning. When she wants something done, she’s relentless.”

  “It has to be difficult. I’m sorry.”

  “That’s nice of you to say.” Liz braked to the curb opposite the neighborhood bar and restaurant where the teams had gathered the night before. She cut the ignition and turned in her seat. “Considering I’m as much to blame as she is.”

  “Were you having an affair too?” Reilly asked.

  “Only with my caseload,” Liz said dryly, “but apparently some people consider work a form of infidelity.”

  “I know these situations are always more complicated than they look,” Reilly said, “but I don’t see how you can blame yourself.”

  “It’s probably not a bad thing,” Liz said, trying to make light of it. “A little self-reflection is good for the soul.”

  Liz’s smile didn’t hide her sadness, and Reilly had an overwhelming urge to find the insane woman who had hurt her and shake her. On the other hand, she had absolutely no desire for Julia to reappear, which left her feeling very confused. Liz’s face was pale, her eyes softly wounded, and Reilly acted without thinking, spurred on by Liz’s sadness and her own familiar loneliness. She leaned across the narrow space between their seats and slid her arm around Liz’s shoulder. Liz’s lips parted in surprise, her searching eyes filled with questions.

  “Like I said,” Reilly murmured, watching Liz’s irises deepen from pale green to forest darkness as she slowly lowered her mouth toward Liz’s.

  Liz had never been so aware of being about to be kissed in her life. Her lips actually tingled. Reilly’s arm behind her back was tight as a steel band, and Reilly’s fingers, where they circled Liz’s upper arm, were hot. Reilly’s mouth would be hot, too, she was certain of it. Her dark eyes were molten, so intense that Liz shivered.

  Reilly brushed her mouth over Liz’s, lightly but not at all tentatively. “Your ex was crazy to let you go.”

  Liz skimmed her fingers along Reilly’s arm and over her shoulder to the back of her neck. She twisted a thick strand of dark hair between her fingers, resisting the desire to grasp a handful and drag Reilly’s body closer.

  When Reilly groaned quietly, Liz parted her lips, allowing her entrance a tiny fraction. She was right, Reilly’s mouth was hot, her tongue softly insistent as it slicked over the surface of her lips. Liz tasted her and was suddenly hungry. So hungry. Hungry to be touched, to be wanted.

  Liz sucked Reilly’s tongue deeper, cradling Reilly’s jaw in the palm of her hand. Reilly tugged her closer, and somewhere in the lust-fogged recesses of her brain, Liz was aware of the gear shift digging into her ribs and Reilly’s other arm circling her waist. Her breasts swelled and heat kindled in the pit of her stomach. She felt wanton, wanting, in a way that was far more primal and urgent than she’d ever experienced before. She wanted to climb onto Reilly’s lap so that every part of her body could make contact. Her skin burned. She ached inside. In another few seconds, she would be beyond caring where she was or that she was about to make love to a woman who was supposed to be a casual acquaintance.

  “God, you can kiss,” Liz groaned, pulling back and bracing both hands against Reilly’s shoulders.

  “So can you,” Reilly panted. Her hand shook as she threaded her fingers through Liz’s hair. It felt so good to touch her. Liz was so alive, so real. “Maybe we can go somewhere a little more private.”

  “I need to put the brakes on here, Reilly,” Liz said, regretting the words as soon as she saw Reilly’s expression shutter closed. “God, I’m doing this all wrong. I’m sorry. Things are pretty crazy for me right now and—”

  “Look,” Reilly said in an even, almost toneless voice. “I was out of line. I should be the one apologizing. With what you’re going through, the last thing you need is someone jumping you.” She reached behind her and found the door handle, pushed it open, and slid out. “I’m sorry.”

  Liz leaned across the passenger seat. “I don’t think you understand. I don’t think I do, completely, but I didn’t expect that kiss and I’m not making myself very clear.”

  Reilly grinned ruefully. “Believe it or not, I didn’t expect it either. Thanks for the ride, Liz.”

  Reilly closed the car door and even though Liz wanted to call her back, she didn’t. Not only hadn’t she anticipated the kiss, she most definitely hadn’t expected the way she had responded. She’d been ready, more than ready, to make love. And although she didn’t have anything against two adults enjoying each other physically if they got the urge, she liked Reilly. Maybe if she hadn’t known her at all, maybe if they’d just bumped into one another at a party, she could have had sex with her and walked away satisfied. Candace did it all the time, and it seemed to work just fine for her. But she wasn’t certain that she’d want to walk away from Reilly, and what else could she do, considering that she was in no position to offer anything else?

  Reilly’s car sped by and swerved around the corner. Liz waited until the roar of the engine faded away, then started her car and carefully followed. Her head and her body still seemed to be reeling and her hands were shaking. Opening her cell phone, she pushed a number on her speed dial and held her breath.

  “Hi, Lizzie,” Bren said when she answered. “What are you doing?”

  “Making an even bigger mess out of my life, if that’s possible.”

  “Uh-oh. Do we need an emergency meeting of the LHC?”

  Liz smiled, grateful for the thousandth time for her friends. “I think maybe we do.”

  “Should I call and see if Candace is finished with Parker?”

  “What makes you think she’s with Parker?”

  Bren laughed. “Tell me you didn’t know they’d end up together about ten seconds after Candace laid eyes on her.”

  “Five seconds.”

  “You’re right, I stand corrected. Where are you?”

  “About six minutes from your house.”

  “I’ll see you in six minutes then.”

  “Thanks, Bren. You’re the best.”

  “Nah, just your best friend.”

  *

  Reilly didn’t look in her rearview mirror. She didn’t want to know if Liz was behind her. She drove blindly for a few blocks, not really thinking about where she was going. She was still thinking about the kiss. She was still shocked by it. Shocked that she’d kissed Liz without giving a thought to what might happen. She’d kissed her because she couldn’t think of another way, a better way, to tell her how much she didn’t want her to be upset. How much she wanted to see her smile. How much she wanted to erase every hurt she’d ever suffered.

  She’d kissed her because she hadn’t had the words, and she needed so much for her to know.

  She couldn’t ever remember doing anything like that in her life. She’d been so much younger in both years and experience the first time she’d kissed Annie, or rather, when Annie had kissed her. When Annie had informed her that it was time to leave the party where they’d met. When Annie had led her home and up to her bedroom and taught Reilly how to please her. She’d followed Annie’s lead because Annie burned so brightly that everything else paled in comparison, even her own needs.

  A few minutes ago she’d kissed Liz because she’d needed to. She hadn’t considered that Liz might not want to be kissed, probably didn’t. Hell, Liz was clearly still struggling with her breakup and had admitted she’d been thrown by a call from her ex that morning. Obviously there was unfinished business there. And Liz hadn’t given any indication that she wanted anything more than friendship when t
hey’d gotten together.

  Reilly pulled over in front of a square, two-story, stucco building and finally took stock of her surroundings. She wasn’t all that surprised to find she had driven to the dojang without even thinking about it. Maybe a workout was just what she needed to get her head straightened out. She never did anything without thinking it through first. At least, not since she’d let Annie carry her away on the tide of Annie’s passions and obsessions.

  After locking the car, Reilly hurried up the four wide stone steps to the double front doors and was surprised to find them unlocked. Only the senior instructors had the key and no classes were scheduled at this time on Saturday morning. She climbed the wooden staircase to the second floor, her footsteps echoing in the silent building, and slowed as she approached the door to the dojang, which stood ajar. When she pushed it open a few inches more and peered inside, she saw Sean in the middle of executing a black belt form, and stood quietly until she was finished.

  “You’re here late,” Reilly said, waiting for Sean to bow before entering.

  “Hey,” Sean said. “I didn’t expect to see you until tomorrow at the game.”

  “Sorry to interrupt.”

  “That’s okay. I stayed after class to practice a little for my test. I’m about done.”

  “That’s coming up in a few weeks, isn’t it?”

  “I hope so. Master Cho hasn’t set the date yet.”

  Reilly shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans, uncertain whether to stay or go. She wondered where Liz was, what she was thinking. She rubbed the back of her neck where Liz had rested her hand, still aware of the pressure of Liz’s fingers drawing her closer. Liz might not have expected the kiss, might not even have wanted it, but she had kissed her back. Reilly replayed the way Liz’s lips had parted, the way her tongue had felt, welcoming her and teasing her just a little. The kiss had been good—it had been great, and her stomach still churned with the desire for more.

  “What’s up, Reilly?” Sean asked, studying her with a worried look.

  “I…” Reilly rarely thought about the fact that Sean was a clinical psychologist. They only saw each other at the dojang or on the softball field. And those times when they had a few drinks together at the bar, they’d never had a truly personal conversation, because Reilly just didn’t. Her conversations with colleagues were limited to discussions of surgery, sports, and on rare occasion—usually late at night over the third or fourth trauma case in a row—sex. Their sex lives, not hers. Intimate disclosures were not her style, although she’d been having revealing personal discussions with Liz since the very beginning. She sighed. Liz. Everything was different with Liz. “Believe it or not, I’m a little turned around about a woman.”

  Sean grinned. “Really. Is that good or bad?”

  “I don’t have any idea.”

  “Well that sounds normal.”

  Reilly laughed and almost immediately felt better. “Does it?”

  “If she doesn’t turn you upside down and inside out and pretty much fog your windshield, what’s the point?”

  Despite her joking remark, Sean’s eyes were warm and sympathetic.

  “Want to talk about it?” Sean added.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Want to work out? I’ve got an extra uniform with me.”

  “Feel like sparring?” Reilly asked.

  “Do I have to promise not to hurt you?”

  Reilly grimaced, still thinking about letting her hormones call the shots a few minutes earlier. “Don’t worry, my head’s too hard to damage.”

  “Maybe.” Sean handed Reilly a gi. “But where women are concerned, we almost never think with our heads. And sometimes, our hearts can be pretty smart, too.”

  “Thanks.” Reilly took the uniform and headed toward the changing room. She’d followed her heart once before, and all she’d gotten was heartbreak. She wasn’t going there again.

  Chapter Ten

  Sean bowed, then stepped back and pressed her gloved hands to both thighs as she bent over, panting. Sweat ran in rivulets down her neck, and the white T-shirt she wore beneath her gi jacket clung wetly to her chest. A purplish bruise blossomed on the left side of her jaw. “Had enough?”

  “Maybe,” Reilly gasped, sinking down on the narrow bench that ran along one side of the practice area. She pulled at the Velcro on her gloves with her teeth, and finally got her hands free. After wiping wet strands of hair off her face, she rested her head against the wall and stared at the ceiling. Her left hip ached from the fall she’d taken on the unpadded floor. “Nice leg sweep.”

  “Thanks. Pretty slick back fist from you, too.” Sean sagged onto the bench beside Reilly. “I don’t know how I’m going to spar four or five black belts, all of you outranking me, when I test for third dan.”

  “You’ll be fine. You’ll be so pumped, you won’t even know you’re tired.”

  “Easy for you to say.”

  Reilly swiveled her head and grinned at Sean. “Yeah. True. Drew will probably wipe the floor with you.”

  Sean smiled. “Not if I can help it.”

  “She’s about the best I’ve ever seen.”

  “I know,” Sean said with evident pride. Briefly, her face clouded. “She taught hand-to-hand combat in the marines. She hasn’t been out that long.”

  Reilly considered Drew’s probable age. Still young enough to be recalled. Reilly respected Drew’s position as their senior instructor, as well as Sean’s lover, and didn’t want to tread into private areas. “I guess she hasn’t heard anything?”

  “Not officially, but she’s been in touch with people she knows who are still in. If things go on much longer, recalls are likely.”

  “Let’s hope it ends soon,” Reilly said, thinking of Liz’s sister and all the other countless troops in the war zone.

  “Yeah, let’s hope.” Sean shifted sideways on the bench and rested her chin on her knee. “How’s your head?”

  “You dumped me on my ass, which hurts. My head is fine. How’s your jaw?”

  “Stings.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be, you did me a favor. I’ll be looking for that counter in the future.”

  “In that case, you’re welcome,” Reilly said.

  “I don’t remember ever seeing you with a date,” Sean said after a minute of silence.

  “You haven’t.”

  “I just always figured you were a lesbian because you’re too good looking not to be.”

  Reilly laughed and Sean joined her. “Thanks.”

  Sean continued to regard her thoughtfully and Reilly knew she was waiting for her. She appreciated that Sean wasn’t pushing. “I’m not much into dating.”

  “Confirmed bachelor?”

  “No, just a wary one.”

  “I was married once, to a guy,” Sean said.

  “Really. I never would’ve thought that.”

  “Neither would I, looking back from where I am now.”

  “You and Drew just seem like you’ve always been together.”

  Sean’s expression softened. “When I got divorced, I really wasn’t looking for anything, or anyone. I certainly wasn’t looking for a woman, even though my twin sister’s gay.”

  “That might have been a clue,” Reilly said dryly.

  “You think so?” Sean chuckled. “Well, then I met Drew. Actually, I saw Drew, and that was about it for me.”

  “So you think this love at first sight thing can happen?” Reilly considered her first night with Annie. It hadn’t been love, it had been lust. No, more than lust…a compulsion, a need so fierce she hadn’t been able to do anything but follow. Moth to a flame.

  “Instant attraction? Sure. Love? I don’t know, I think so sometimes—the beginnings of it anyway,” Sean mused. “It wasn’t just that I thought she was gorgeous, which I do, but the first time I saw her was here. I watched her training for two hours, and by the time the night was over I was hooked.”

  “If you watch Drew
train you can tell a lot about her,” Reilly said.

  “Yes. And everything else I imagined about her was true.”

  “You’re lucky.”

  “I am.”

  Reilly looked at the ceiling. “I was with a woman for three years and most of the things I thought I knew about her turned out not to be true.”

  “She lied to you?”

  “No, not really. She just didn’t tell me things.” Reilly gazed back at Sean. “And I didn’t pick it up, or maybe I didn’t want to. Either way, I was partly responsible.”

  “For what?” Sean asked gently.

  Her death, Reilly thought. “It not working out.”

  “Feeling gun-shy?”

  Reilly grimaced. “I wouldn’t have said so a few weeks ago. I was pretty content with the way my life was going. I wasn’t looking for anything.”

  “And then something shook it up.”

  “Someone.” Reilly sighed. “I’m not sure what I’m doing, and the timing sucks.”

  Sean laughed. “Like I said, that sounds about right. The redhead I saw you with after the game?”

  “Yes. Liz.”

  “She’s nice looking.”

  “She’s gorgeous.”

  Sean laughed again. “True, but I was trying not to sound shallow. So are you dating?”

  “No. I’m not sure I’m going to be seeing her again at all.” Reilly stood up and stowed the sparring gear in the cabinet. “Thanks for the workout. And for…listening.”

  “Any time. And thanks for punching me in the face.”

  “Any time.”

  Reilly changed back into her street clothes, said goodbye to Sean, and headed down to her car. The workout had been rough, mentally and physically. She was tired and sore. But not tired enough or sore enough to have calmed the unrest stirred by Liz’s kiss.