“I love you,” I whisper as the breeze picks up and Laura pulls me into her side.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
TATE
How do you know when you’re in love? It’s a question that has confused the hell out of me. They say you have to love yourself before you can love another. I find that hard to believe. Which leads me to another question. How does a man like me go from hating the world and yourself to loving someone?
You don’t. That’s the only answer I can come up with. I can’t tell you the exact moment I fell in love with Missy. Or the moment that I realized I would die for her. It sounds crazy—that I would love her so much that I would break her heart by getting myself killed. She would spend the rest of her life hating me, but I hope that my actions proved her right. That I was a guy deserving of her.
All I know is that I love that woman more than life itself. Life is full of nothing but letdowns. And that’s all I’ve ever done for her—let her down. But for some reason, she took a chance on me.
All I’ve done with my life is fight.
Fight the demons.
Fight the darkness.
Fight myself to the point where I became tired of it. I allowed it to take over and I found it was easy to live with the hate more than myself. But Missy was able to pull me away. I could hear her cries and her words as she begged me to live for her. It reminded me of how I begged my mother to fight for me and she never did. I will do that for Missy—fight. She deserves better and now I know that I can be the better person that she believes me to be. So, from now on I will fight with all that I have to show her I’m here for her. That I’m not going anywhere! She’s it for me and without her, I can’t survive.
I open my eyes and blink a few times to clear my blurry vision. I look over to my right and see a beautiful blonde curled up on a small couch. Missy! No pillow, no blanket. She looks so cold. I go to sit up to wrap a blanket over her when I feel like a cinder block is sitting on my chest. My heart starts to pound and a bead of sweat forms on my forehead.
I try taking in a deep breath as I try to sit up once again. A strangled cry rips through my throat as fire run up my chest.
“Tate,” Missy screeches jumping up for the couch. She runs to my side. “Just sit still.” She reaches over and pushes a button on my bed. A woman’s voice fills the sterile room.
“What can I get for you?”
“He’s awake,” Missy says with excitement.
I moan as a sharp pain runs up my chest again. “He’s in a lot of pain,” she adds.
“Okay, ma’am. I will send your nurse in,” she replies.
Missy looks down at me. She gently runs her hands over the top of my head. “Welcome back,” she says softly as a smile grows on her face.
“What happened?” I ask, my voice thick and mouth dry.
Her hand pauses over my head and she smiles. “You saved me.”
“Don’t let her fool you.” I look over to the door of what I now realize is a hospital room and see Parker walk in. “She saved you,” he says with a smile.
“Jonathan,” I whisper looking back over to her. “He was gonna shoot you,” I say as I look her up and down. I remember him lifting the gun and pointing it at her.
She gives a little laugh. “You knocked me down,” she says with a smirk. “Thank you for that concussion by the way.”
“I hurt you?” I ask wide-eyed. “Are you okay?” I ask, reaching out for her.
She nods. “That was weeks ago, Tate.”
“Weeks ago?” I ask confused.
“They’ve kept you in a drug-induced coma. They brought you out of it yesterday. They said it could take you a couple of days for the fogginess to clear,” Parker says coming to sit beside me. “I’m glad you decided to come back to us,” he says with a smirk
I look up at Missy. “What were you doing there?” I look her over once again, and she’s the same beautiful blonde that I remember. Her hair is up in a messy bun. Her face is free of makeup and she’s wearing one of my oversized t-shirts with a pair of jeans. She looks as if she hasn’t slept in days but her smile is radiant. Just looking at her takes my breath away.
“I’ll let Parker explain that one,” she says.
I slowly look over at him, trying to ignore the pain in my neck. “I had everyone up at the station looking for that car. An officer called in saying he saw it run a red light. I wasn’t even gonna take the chance on him running so I had a road block set up. The bastard didn’t even try to get around it. He knew he was caught.” He smiles. “Guess who it was?”
“Who?” I ask having no clue.
“Officer Howard.” He looks over at Missy.
“Did he hurt you?” I ask trying not to get angry. I might be trying to be a better me but anyone who tries to hurt Missy will still see a glimpse of the old me.
She shakes her head. “He was just trying to help Jonathan get to you.”
“Is he dead?” I ask Parker.
He shakes his head. “Prison.”
“And Jonathan?”
“Yep.” He nods. “I pumped three bullets into that sorry bastard,” he says with a proud smile.
I chuckle and immediately regret it. “Thanks,” I say lifting my hand and he gives me a gentle fist bump.
“No need to thank me.” He looks up at Missy. “Like I said, she was the one who saved you. We all thought you were gone for good. She wasn’t having it.” Then he stands up. “I’ll let everyone know you’re awake. Get ready for the visitors,” he says with a wink, and I groan. I just wanna be alone with Missy.
“Don’t ever do that to me again,” she says getting my attention. “I was terrified that you left me,” she says, and I see the tears start to form in her blue eyes.
I reach out and grab her hand. I run my thumb over her soft knuckles and I think about what she must have gone through and how Parker said she didn’t give up on me. Guess she ended up saving me after all.
I pull softly on her hand and she bends down, placing her face in front of mine. I give her a soft kiss with just our lips touching. I pull away and place my other hand on her beautiful face. “I love you.” I say the words that I hate—the one saying that never meant shit to me. But it actually means more to me now than I could ever explain. This woman made me a better man and taught me that it’s okay to love another person. “I’ve always loved you.”
She looks at me wide-eyed for a few seconds and then a smile spreads across her face. “Just remember who said it first,” she says before she leans down and plants another kiss on my lips.
She stands up when she hears the door open to my room. I expect it to be my sister. To my surprise it’s my mother. And for once in my life I don’t want to hate her. I don’t want to blame her for the life that she chose for us.
Missy clears her throat and pats my hand. “I’ll go see what is taking that nurse so long.”
My mom takes a step closer as Missy turns and walks out but still remains over by the door. “I’m sorry, Tate,” she says quietly. “I’m sorry for everything.”
I shake my head as I look up at the ceiling. “I’m tired of fighting, Mom,” I say honestly. I look over at her and tears run down her face. “We survived. And it’s over.” I crack a smile, and she lets out a small laugh.
“Barely,” she adds, and I have to agree.
She’s quiet for a few seconds, and I close my eyes hoping Missy finds that nurse soon.
“I need to tell you the truth,”
I open my eyes and look over at my mother. “Truth about what?” I ask. “Jack?” There’s nothing she could tell me about Jack that I don’t already know. That man loved his daughter, Sam. And since Marie took care of me. Sam would always hang out with him. He treated me as if he was my father. And I’m kinda glad that he didn’t know. He would be very disappointed in the man I had become.
She takes a deep breath before she gestures to the chair that Parker was sitting in next to my bed. “May I?”
I nod. Once seated she l
ooks down at her hands knotted in her lap. “You were brought to the hospital and rushed into surgery. They said that the possibility of brain damage was high due to how long you went without oxygen,” she explains quietly. “Missy was a wreck as we all sat in the waiting room waiting to hear if you were going to be okay. She sobbed, bloodied and exhausted. She just started rambling on about how much she loved you. Her dad was confused, to say the least.” She chuckles.
“Her father was here?” Great. Now he knows what I’ve put his daughter through. I’m only gonna survive the gunshot wound for him to kill me himself.
She nods. “She told us about Vegas and that she was pregnant.”
Shit! “No one could calm her down.” She shakes her head. “She poured her heart and soul out to us as if it would make a difference.” She sighs. “I felt I needed to do the same for her.” She pauses. “And to you.”
She closes her eyes for a second and swallows before she opens them up and looks into mine. “Jonathan wasn’t always the monster you saw him as, Tate. He was the most loving and caring man I had ever met. I met him in Alaska when he was on one of his fishing trips. We fell in love quickly, and I moved to the states with him. We decided to build our dream home. And that was where Jack came in. We hired his concrete company and I never thought twice about him. I was in love with Jonathan. It didn’t take long before we found out we were expecting a child. We were so excited.” She drops her head. “I went into labor at twenty-six weeks. I went through twelve hours of labor only to lose our baby girl.” She shakes her head. “We were devastated. Our marriage fell apart. I went into a deep depression. Everyone handles loss in their own way. He began drinking and staying out. One day Jack came by our house, he was doing some work for one of Jonathan’s friend, and he comforted me. It didn’t start off as an affair. He was a good guy. But things slowly escalated and before I knew it, we were finding time for one another. He took the pain away. Made me forget what I had lost. A child. A marriage. Everything that I thought mattered to me didn’t when I was with him. I was happy again. When I got pregnant with you, I called it off with him. Never even told him. Things went back to normal between Jonathan and me. He was excited to get another chance to be a father. We had a beautiful, healthy baby boy.”
I swallow trying to hold down my emotions. I hate the fact that she kept all of this from me, and I hate that I never even tried to find out the truth.
“I knew the moment I held you that you were Jack’s.” She sniffs. “And I hated it, I hated myself. I wanted you to belong to Jonathan. I wanted the man who had tears in his eyes as he looked down at his wife and child to be your father.” She reaches up and wipes a tear from her eye. “I thought if I told myself you were then you would magically be his.” She shakes her head. “I was stupid. You were two when he realized you belonged to Jack. He found out that I had been with Jack and confronted me. I lied. I told him that you were his, but it was too late. He already knew. He went off the deep end.” She grabs my hand and looks into my eyes. “I only ever thought of you. You have to believe me. There were nights I never slept, worried I’d wake up and find out that he hurt you or killed you.”
“Why did you stay?” No matter how much she explains this part, I will never understand.
She swallows. “He threatened me all the time. He said that if Jack knew that you were his that he would take you from me. That I would lose Marie. She was my best friend. She took care of you. I would have nobody.”
“That’s a stupid reason,” I say truthfully, and she nods her head in agreement, knowing that it was just her being selfish.
“You have to understand. You were all I had. I couldn’t lose you,” she says as she lifts her free hand and wipes the tears from her face.
I let out a long sigh, wondering where in the hell Missy was with that nurse and the drugs. My chest hurts and I’m fucking tired.
“The truth is…” She pauses. “You don’t know what it’s like unless you’re put in that situation. I was weak, Tate, but I loved you.”
“You loved him,” I add. She said it herself, she had wished I belonged to Jonathan. She had wished that awful man was my father.
“I loved you more,” she cries. “After I poured my heart out to Missy, she told me that she had buried your guys’ baby.”
My eyes widen. “She wasn’t very far along,” I say.
She pats my hand. “Like I said, Tate, people handle loss in their own way. Missy lost a part of herself. She wanted to honor that loss.”
So not only did she lose our child. She buried it—she went through everything on her own yet she still loves me.
“When we found out that you were going to come through she asked me if I would go with her to the visit the baby. She said she hadn’t been there since it happened.”
My throat tightens. “Was she…okay?” Did she break down? Did she hate me for not being there?”
She nods. “She is very strong, Tate. And that is what makes her perfect for you.”
My eyes start to sting. I’m gonna blame it on the fact that the nurse has yet to bring me pain meds. “I love her,” I say, and my mother smiles.
“I know, son. And you deserve happiness.”
“Did you love him? My dad?” Her eyes widen at my question. That’s the first time I have ever referred to Jack as my father.
She nods. “Very much so. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him. But after I broke things off he met Marie.” She smiles brightly. “I became friends with her.” She chuckles. “Who knew she would become my best friend?” she muses. “I miss her, too,” she whispers, and I agree with her. Too many people have died in order for this family to find peace with their past.
“Found her,” Missy announces as she enters with a nurse behind her.
I smile up at her, feeling at peace. And I must say, the only thing better than that feeling is the love I have for her.
******
“So how did Jonathan know where we were at?” I ask Slade and Parker as we sit in my living room. I’ve been out of the hospital for a week and this is pretty much all I’ve done. Sit on the couch or lie down in bed. It’s irritating. I’m begging Slade to put me to work, but between Missy and Sam, it’s not happening.
“As far as we know, Officer White tracked down Jonathan once he found out who you were. Guess he thought he could use that to his advantage to get Sam but it put a kink in his plans when he found he was in jail,” Slade explains.
“So he pulled some strings and got the ball rolling on his release. The fucker died before it could be finished,” Parker adds as he’s texting on his phone. He finishes the text and then looks up to me. “Officer Howard then tried to finish the process, it just took him longer because he didn’t have as much pull.” He shrugs. “That’s why we couldn’t find him. He was in Oklahoma working on that.”
I sigh as I try get comfortable. “Well…” I say, pulling the pillow out from behind my back and throwing it to the floor. Missy has them everywhere. She says it helps keep me propped up, but I hate the bastards. They get in the way! “At least it’s all over now,” I say leaning back into my recliner. Much better.
“There’s still one thing that needs to be taken care of,” Parker says, and I raise an eyebrow in question. “Dallas.”
Ah. Dallas is the drug dealer that Slade and I beat the shit out of to get information on Sam when she was kidnapped. “What about him?”
“I’ve got a tip that he was also involved on giving your and Missy’s location out to Jonathan.”
That is surprising. “He’s in jail,” I state. “How would he know anything?”
Parker rolls his eyes. “People talk in prison. Especially a big drug dealer like Dallas. One you used to buy from.”
Now I roll my eyes. “So what? You want me to go see him and ask why he gave away information. I’m afraid shit doesn’t work that way. You know that.”
He smiles. “I plan on taking care of it.”
Parker has bec
ome the friend that you’re glad to have around. “You seem to be cleaning up a lot of shit lately,” I say.
He nods “Yes. Well…” He stands. “You guys seem to be finding a lot of trouble these days, and I’m not about to let these bastards get away with it.” His phone chimes and he looks down to it and smiles. “Now if you guys will excuse me. I just got a pic of a wet pussy that needs my attention,” he announces before walking out of the living room.
“How are you doing?” Slade asks once we are alone.
“Good,” I say. “If I could just get used to Missy treating me like a child, it would be better.” She won’t let me do anything for myself. Seriously, I can’t even get up to piss without her trying to walk me to the bathroom. And getting snippy with her doesn’t work. She just snaps back. And I love it!
Slade laughs. “Well, get use to that. And wait til you have children. They get worse once they really hit mommy mode.”
I feel the pain in my chest return. Most still don’t know about our baby that Missy lost. She’s not ready to tell them and I get that. She has still yet to tell me about the burial. And I haven’t brought it up either. I want her to tell me when she’s ready. Truth is, I’m trying to prepare myself as well. When she opens up and tells me that, I want to be able to show her that I’m here by her side, holding her hand. I want to be there with her when she feels like going to visit all we have left of our child. And I’m not sure I could do that at this moment.
“Hey, guys,” Missy says, walking into the living room with a bottle of water in her hand. She stops in front of me and holds out the bottle of water and her other hand. It holds a little pill. “It’s time for your medicine,” she says with a smile. It’s a cruel smile. She knows I refuse to take that shit.
I shake my head. “I’m fine.”
The smile slowly fades from her face, and she all but growls. She places the water in my left hand and then the pill in my right. She then turns around and picks up the pillow off the floor. She smacks it, dusting off the cat hair. “Take it or I’m calling your doctor and dragging your ass back in to see him today!” she demands before turning around and stomping out of the room.
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