Slade chuckles and says, “Might as well just do what she says,” as he stands. “I’ll get out of here, so you can rest, but I’ll be back tomorrow with Sam and Sadey.”
I nod my head as I pop the pill in my mouth and undo the cap of my water. I swallow it down and face the TV with a scowl on my face. I turn it down quickly, though, when I hear Missy talking in the kitchen.
“He’s doing well, I just gave him his meds,” she says and I roll my eyes. “Absolutely. One sec.” She comes back in and hands me the phone. “It’s your mother.”
I take the phone from her and put it up to my ear. “Hi, Mom.”
“Hey, honey. Missy says you’re doing much better,” she says. She went back to Alaska after our talk in my hospital room. But she calls to check on me every day.
“I am,” I say as I yawn. I need to get back into the gym. All I do is sleep and eat everything Missy cooks me. I’ve gained like ten pounds. I need some motivation.
She’s quiet for a few seconds. “I wish I was there to help out, but Missy seems to have it under control.”
I find myself missing her. Missing all the time that I wasted feeling angry. I left Alaska as soon as I was eighteen. I go back often but it’s work related; I’ve never even stopped by to see her or call her when I go. “Maybe Missy and I can come up there once I’m back to normal,” I find myself saying. It’s time I let Missy into my life and show her everything that I have to offer her.
“Really?” she asks in total surprise, and I smile. “That would be great.”
“Yeah. Really.”
******
MISSY
Tate has been out of the hospital for a month now. And he’s doing pretty well. I broke the lease on my apartment and moved in with him and Parker. It has been interesting to say the least. I’ve had to physically kick two girls out that Parker had invited over. I swear some of the girls he finds come right off of the streets. That guy has the worse taste in women.
Tate has been on edge the last week. He’s not throwing things or yelling, but I can tell that something is eating at him. And I’ve decided not to bother him about it. He knows I’m here for him and when he’s ready, he’ll let me in.
It could also be the fact that we just landed in Alaska. He actually wanted to visit his mother and wanted me to meet his aunt. I couldn’t tell him no. I know he’s not a hundred percent with his mom, but they’re slowly getting there. I actually hear him laugh or watch him smile when she calls to check on him. It warms my heart to know that he had the chance to make things right with her.
He leans over the backseat of the taxi and gives him directions. “Where are we going?” I ask, looking over at him.
He smiles back at me. That beautiful smile that he gives me all the time now. The one that he allows everyone to see more often than not. “It’s a surprise,” he says wiggling his eyebrows.
I laugh at his playfulness and lean into him getting comfortable. We ride in silence for a little ways and then I see a marina in the distance. Thought we were going to his mother’s?
He gets out and offers me his hand. I take it before I climb out. Brrr. I close the jacket around myself tightly, trying to keep out the cold wind.
He nods to the driver and he just sits there while Tate pulls me down a wooden walkway. We come to the end of it and take a right. “Wow,” I say when I see the ocean out in front of us. “It’s beautiful up here.”
“Yes it is,” he agrees.
“Do you ever miss it?” I ask, picking up my pace to keep up with him.
He shrugs but gives no answer. We walk all the way down to the end and come to a stop in front of a boat. I guess that’s what you would call it.
“What do you think?” he asks, gesturing to it.
Uh. “It’s a boat.” I state the obvious, and he laughs at me.
“You are correct. What do you think of it?”
I guess it was once white but it’s now rusted. “It’s nice,” I say.
He laughs and I look over at him in surprise. “You are a horrible liar, babe,” he says before he starts to walk to the boat.
“What are you doing?” I ask once he steps onto it. “This is trespassing. You can go to jail.” I look around quickly to see if anyone else can see us.
“No one’s going to jail,” he states as he leans over and reaches out for me. “Come on.”
I take his hand reluctantly and board the boat. “This is mine,” he states once I’m standing in front of him
“Yours?” I repeat looking around it. “What do you mean? You bought it?” Why would he buy a boat that looks like it would sink?
“I bought this boat about six years ago. This is how Jonathan met my mother. He owned shrimp boats up here. I thought it was a good investment. When I had enough money saved up, I used some of his contacts and bought this boat.” He smiles down at me with a proud smile on his face. “I could buy a bigger and better one, but I can’t get rid of her.”
I stand there and look at him in shock. We all knew that he had made random trips to Alaska but none of us ever knew why. We knew it wasn’t because of his mother. Now I know why. And it also explains all the money that he makes.
“I don’t know what to say,” I whisper, looking around it.
He walks up to me and places his hands on my shoulders. “I don’t wanna keep anything from you, Missy.” He takes a deep breath. “I wanna share everything I am with you.”
I smile up at him. “I have one more surprise,” he says and I pull away from him and turn around half expecting something crazy to jump out at me. Tate has been a different person since the accident, but I can tell that he still fights with the demons in his dreams. I just think they are different demons now. He talks in his sleep. Sometimes I hear him say Mom. Every now and then he says my name but the thing he says the most is baby. And I know that he is referring to our baby. I know he feels loss there just as I do.
“What is it…?” I ask turning back to face him. I stop myself and look down at him. “Tate?” I whisper as I look at him wide-eyed.
He looks up to me while down on one knee. “Missy. We all have regrets. And my biggest regret was walking away from you when you were right in front of me. You took a chance on me when I had nothing to offer you. And you always stood by me, even on the bad days. This is me, Missy. On my knee before you asking you to take another chance on me. Asking you to never give up on me—the good you see inside of me—even when I don’t.” He pauses and I place my hand on my chest trying to calm down my painfully beating heart. “This is me.” He opens his hands wide. “Showing you everything I have to offer. Please give me one last chance to prove to you that I’m the one for you.” He smiles that cocky smile that I love so much. He doesn’t look nervous. He doesn’t look mad. He looks confident and happy.
“I will,” I say through the tears and lump in my throat. I love him! Not because I love him so much but because of how far he has come. How much he is willing to love himself. He finally believes he’s worthy of something, and I’m lucky to be that girl.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
TATE
I sit in Sam and Slade’s living room next to Missy. We just got back from Alaska this morning. It was a short trip—only a couple of days—but I promised my mother that we would return soon.
My sister and her husband sit on their couch facing us. I have never felt more nervous in all of my life. Not even when I proposed to Missy. She’s it for me and I knew she loved me and that she was going to say yes to me.
Fear! I feel an overwhelming amount of it. My hands are sweaty, my heart is racing, and my ears are ringing. It’s bad enough I have to admit things to my sister, let alone in front of her husband and my fiancée.
I rub my shaky hands on my worn-out jeans and Missy reaches over to take my left hand in hers. I look up at her and she gives me a small smile and I can’t help but smile back at her. She had done this same thing just a couple of nights ago. We sat down with everyone and she told them what had ha
ppened to her and our baby. Although it ripped her apart I was proud of her. That secret was just too much for her to bear. I want her to be just as proud of me as I am her.
I take a deep breath before I look into the bright green eyes that sit across from me. It’s crazy how much she looks like her mother, Marie.
“It’s okay,” Missy whispers, before squeezing my hand and I nod my head. It is going to be okay. I want to be free. I want to let my past go so Missy and I can move forward.
“I…Uh…I don’t even know where to begin,” I say letting out a long breath.
Sam smiles. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you’re not ready, Tate.”
I nod. I know that, but I’m ready. This is the next step for me. I remove my hand from Missy’s and run it over my unshaven face. “I was seven when I found out that Jonathan wasn’t my dad,” I say, and she frowns. “I had gotten suspended from school that day for starting a fight in class. They didn’t expect me to be home so early,” I say. I can still remember him screaming and her begging him to stop dragging her by her hair. “He kept telling her that he was going to beat the bastard child when he returned home from school.” I shake my head at how stupid I was. I had still loved him at that point, still thought that he was my daddy—I just hated myself. Missy has taught me that I didn’t know any better. “I made my way into the house and I heard them back in their bedroom. He was yelling at her, calling her a fucking whore. And that she was stupid to think that Jack would ever want her. That he was still in love with Marie.” I look down to my shaking hands and let out a long breath. “Then he told her that if she told Jack I was his son, he would take me from her. That he would make me see the truth of what a worthless piece of shit she truly was.” I look up to my sister sitting across from me and her bright green eyes are now red and tears run down her face. Her husband sits next to her holding her hand, as he looks down at the floor.
Fuck! I wish I could be anywhere but here. I wish I could do anything but bare this part of my soul—the ugly part, the dark part that eats me alive every day. I hope this helps set me free.
“What did you do?” she asks, and her voice wavers.
“I was a coward back then.” I look away from her, not wanting her to see how weak I truly was. You were only a child, Tate. Missy’s words come back to me. “I ran out of the house. When I returned later that evening, he was nowhere to be found. I told my mother that I knew Jack wasn’t my father. She cried. She begged me just like she had begged him so many times. She said that Jonathan was right. Jack would take me from her. He wouldn’t truly want me. Or love me. I was the bastard child after all.” Sam gasps at my mother’s once harsh words. They weren’t true though. The truth was that she just didn’t want me to live without her. She didn’t want me to leave her behind with him. The monster, the one that she chose to love.
Sam jumps up from the couch and runs over to me. She throws her arms around my shoulders so hard it knocks the wind out of me. I reach around slowly and hug her back, and I feel her body gently shake.
She lets go and pulls away. “Dad would have been proud to call you his son. He would have loved you then, and he would love you now,” she says through the tears with a smile on her face. “If Dad believed in anything, it was love.” She looks away from me and over to Missy. She, too, has tears running down her face.
“We all love you, Tate. And you never have to live alone in the darkness again.”
I smile over at her, and I know she’s telling me the truth. The clouds have cleared and all I can see is the sun staring back at me. I would rather go blind, knowing that the sun beats down on me, than live in the darkness freezing to death.
EPILOGUE
TATE
I look at my ring finger as my hand grips the steering wheel. Missy’s name written in black ink covers the skin. I have marked my body since I turned eighteen, trying to cover up memories of my childhood. Trying to hide from the world what still lingers in my mind. But this one…I wanted something on me that represented good in my life—love!
Although we’re not married yet our wedding is only weeks away. The girls have been busy for the last two months getting all the details worked out for our special day. I once told her that I wanted her to share her pain with me. After we got back from Alaska I told her I wanted to get a tattoo. I got the same one that she has scripted down her side for our baby, on my chest. She cried when they did it, and she cried even harder when I told them to tattoo her name on my finger. She’s it for me and it took her almost dying for me to realize that.
I look over at her sitting in the passenger seat as she slowly rubs her flat belly. We found out yesterday that we are expecting a baby. We didn’t even think it was possible. Her fibroids have been under control with her hormones but the doctor said it would be impossible for her to get pregnant. Well, turns out it’s possible. And it scares the hell out of me. I’m not ready to be a dad. Not the kind of dad our child deserves anyway. But Missy feels differently. She has always believed in me.
I slowly come to a stop and she opens the passenger door before she grabs the flowers that sit on the center console. I get out as well and follow her through the soft grass. Markings are placed all over the ten acre lot that show memory of loved ones, and I feel my heart break for my wife for the hundredth time. I can never repay her for not being here when she needed me the most. But I vowed to her, in front of God and our friends and family, that I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for that time.
Missy comes to a stop as she stands in front of a small angel tombstone. I come up beside her and place my arm around her, pulling her into my side. I look down at the angel made of stone and there is the same script that is now inked into my chest along with her side.
Even though you’re no longer here with me. My love for you will always be.
I turn to her. “I never asked you why you chose purple,” I say softly. That is the only ink I have that’s not black. I had it shaded purple to match hers.
She slowly turns and looks up at me. “Because purple is a color for a girl or a boy.” She bites her bottom lip and I see the tears start to fill her eyes. “What would you have wanted, a boy or a girl?”
I smile down at her as I reach and wipe the tear away. “It wouldn’t have mattered,” I say truthfully. “Any piece of you would have been beautiful and special.”
She leans into me and takes in a deep breath. “I dream about it. I dream of you and our little boy in the backyard playing with a football. Then I dream that you’re in our daughter’s pink room having a tea party,” she says quietly. Her voice wavers, and I know she’s feeling her heartbreak all over again.
She pulls away from me and leans down, placing the flowers on the ground in front of the angel. “Mommy and Daddy love you,” she whispers. “And we will never forget you. Our little Angel in heaven.”
I never really believed in God. When I was a young boy huddled up in the corner, I begged for him to save me and my mother from the monster that called himself Daddy. But now—now I know he exists. He gave me this beautiful woman in front of me who was able to see through what I couldn’t. All my life I’ve fought myself from what I had no control over. She taught me to fight for something. For us as a couple. For her. And most importantly, myself. She made me realize that I had something worth giving. And after all that fighting, God rewarded me. And my reward was her. Forever and always.
I thought she was my weakness, but it turns out she was my strength. The strength that keeps me looking forward everyday instead of what lies behind us. And for that I will always tell her how much she means to me and just how much I love her.
THE END
UNCHANGEABLE
adjective: unchangeable
not liable to variation or able to be altered.
CHAPTER ONE
SLADE
I squint my eyes and lean forward as I try to read the small black writing on my computer screen. For some stupid reason, my vision is a little fu
zzy today.
Parker, one of my best friends and business partner, tries to get my attention from across my desk. “Slade?” He puts another handful of sunflower seeds in his mouth. The sound of him slurping and chewing is enough to drive any man to drinking. Even at this early hour.
“Hmm?” I ask, keeping my eyes on the screen. I squint more, but it doesn’t help me with the fine print. “How do you turn the brightness down?” I mumble more to myself than him. I hate this computer! Angel got it for my thirty-second birthday a few months back. Said it was state of the art. The creme de la creme. What-the fuck-ever. It sucks.
I look away from the screen and over to Parker as he spits some sunflower seed shells into a white Styrofoam cup. “Can you go do that somewhere else?” My voice is clipped; I’m in no mood for him today.
A few pieces fall onto his black fitted shirt that looks like he bought in the kid’s department at the mall. He feels the smaller he buys them, the bigger he looks to the women. I think it makes him look like an idiot. Doesn’t matter what the guy wears, women still flock to him. This is the reason he is the only one not settled down out of all of our friends.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asks as he dusts off his shirt, pushing his leftovers onto the floor for the cleaning lady to pick up later.
I ignore his question as I sit behind my desk. What’s wrong with me? I have a few answers to that question. It could be the fact that I think I’m going blind. Maybe I do need contacts like Angel has been saying. Could be because I got no sleep last night. It could be ‘cause of a little foot that kicked me in the balls three times. Could be because a little hand slapped me in the face twice.
The UN Series Complete Box Set Page 152
