Salene's Secrets

by Laura Jo Phillips

  Salene had heard enough but something in Mali’s eyes told her there was more, something worse than what she’d already said. She waited quietly, giving Mali time. When she spoke again her voice was so low that Salene had to strain to hear it.

  “She said when she got Promised we’d have to go live alone in the forest like the animals.”

  For the first time in her entire life, Salene wanted…really deeply wanted…to slap someone. She reined in her anger and squeezed Mali’s shoulder very gently. “Tell me the rest, honey,” she said softly.

  Mali dropped her eyes again. After a few moments, her voice lowered to a whisper, she said the worst thing of all. “Sometimes, when she got really mad, she made us stay outside all night because she wanted us to die.”

  A deep rumbling growl filled the cave, causing both Salene and Mali to look up at Tonka in surprise. “Why did you not tell your grandfather, Mali?” Mali swallowed hard, then shrugged.

  “She threatened you,” Salene said. Mali nodded. Salene considered asking what the threat had been, but decided Mali had relived enough horror for one morning. She reached over, picked Mali up and pulled her into her lap for a hug. Mali stiffened in surprise, but that didn’t deter Salene. She wrapped her arms around the little girl, and rocked back and forth while she fought back her own tears. She waited until she felt Mali start to relax in her arms, then she shifted her to one side and gestured to Tab. He got up immediately and walked straight over to her, turned around and plopped down in her lap as though he’d been doing it forever. He reached over to pat Mali’s cheek, his eyes sad, proving to Salene that he not only knew what was going on around him, but that he was even brighter than she’d suspected.

  “Listen to me, both of you,” she said, then waited for Mali to look up again. “From the moment I set eyes on you, I felt a connection between us. You felt it too, didn’t you Mali?”

  “You mean when I felt like I knew you but couldn’t remember your name?”

  “Yes, honey, that’s what I mean. How about you Tab? Did you feel it?” she asked, looking down at him. She was surprised nearly to tears when he reached up to pat her cheek as he’d done for Mali, and nodded.

  “What does it mean?” Mali asked.

  “It means that we’re supposed to be together for always,” Salene said, then let that sink in.

  “Does that mean you still want us to stay with you?” Mali asked hesitantly.

  “Oh honey, I want you so much I don’t have words for it,” Salene said. “I want both of you, and I plan to keep you unless you don’t want me to.”

  “No no no,” Mali said quickly. “We want you to keep us, don’t we Tab?” Tab gave her an angelic smile and nodded his head hard enough to make his curls bounce. She leaned down and kissed the top of his head, then she kissed Mali, too.

  “Good, I’m very happy that’s settled,” she said, then paused when she saw a frown growing on Mali’s face. “What are you thinking, honey?”

  “What if those men won’t let you?”

  Salene opened her mouth to tell them that of course her men wanted them, but once again some instinct she didn’t even know she possessed stopped her. She frowned, studied Mali’s face, then asked the question that Mali needed to be asked. “Why do you think they wouldn’t?”

  “Because men don’t like children that aren’t their own,” Mali said matter-of-factly. “That’s why no one would Promise with Aunt Lei.”

  “That’s not true, honey.”

  “It’s not?”

  “No, it’s not.” Mali’s brow furrowed and Salene had a brief, but violent struggle with herself. When it was over she sent her outraged fury to the back of her mind and made herself think very carefully before she spoke.

  On the one hand, speaking ill of someone who was dead and unable to defend herself was unfair, insensitive, crass, and just not something she’d ordinarily do. On the other hand, Lei wasn’t there to complain, and even if she had been, Mali’s and Tab’s needs came first.

  “Last night, when Tonka told me what your lives had been like since leaving the silo, I was angry that Lei hadn’t cared for you as she should have. I thought she was selfish and unkind. Now, after what you’ve told me this morning, I think differently.”

  “You do?” Mali asked, her body tensing again.

  “Yes, I do,” she replied, trying to think of a way to explain her suspicion that would make sense to Mali. “Do you know what the word crazy means?”

  Mali frowned as she thought about that, which was her way, Salene was learning. She liked to take her time and think before she spoke, an unusual trait in such a young child. “One time, when Tab was still a baby, there was a man who was screaming bad words and throwing things. He kept looking at Tab and said it wasn’t fair he was alive. I was scared until Grandfather made him go away from us. He did something to kill himself and after that I heard people say he was crazy. Is that what you mean?”

  Salene looked up at Tonka. “The man she speaks of had just lost his mate in childbirth. The babe was lost also. A few hours afterward he climbed to the highest level in the silo and jumped. I would say that he went crazy, yes.”

  “Thanks, Tonka,” Salene said, then returned her attention to Mali. “Yes, that’s what I mean, but there are lots of different ways that people can be crazy. That man you spoke of went crazy with grief, and there are other emotions that can cause it like fear or anger or sadness. But there are some people who have a type of sickness in their head that makes them crazy. Do you understand?”

  “I think so,” Mali said.

  “I think your Aunt Lei had something wrong with her, like a sickness in her head, and I think it made her crazy. Not like that man you spoke of, but crazy in a different way.”

  “Why do you think that?”

  “Because a normal person, a person who isn’t crazy, would never send two little children into the forest at night alone.” Salene saw doubt in Mali’s eyes, and that wouldn’t do, so she continued. “A normal person wouldn’t refuse to touch children she was supposed to care for, and she would never blame them for things they had nothing to do with, or tell them mean and hurtful lies. And a normal person would especially never, ever tell those children that she wanted them to die.” Salene waited for Mali to process that the way she seemed to process everything. After a full minute, she turned in Salene’s lap just enough for her to see the Brun on the other side of the fire.

  “Tonka, do you think Aunt Lei was crazy?”

  “I do not think it, Mali, I know it for fact,” Tonka said. “Lei was crazy. I could smell it on her sometimes. It was like a sickness, just as Salene said. I told your grandfather, but she was his last living child and he refused to see it. It was the only disagreement he and I ever had.”

  Salene’s opinion of Oberto suddenly dropped several degrees. The woman might have been his last living child, but she was an adult, and Mali and Tab were children. His grandchildren. The expression on Mali’s face told her that she was having similar thoughts, which nearly made her smile. Then Mali raised her eyes and Salene saw a flicker of something she didn’t like at all. Guilt.

  “I should have told on her, shouldn’t I?” Mali said in a small voice. “Then we wouldn’t have been so scared and cold.”

  “No honey,” Salene said, shaking her head. “I don’t think you should have done that at all. Everyone knew what Lei was like. Maybe they didn’t know the worst of it, but they had to know something was wrong. And yet, no one tried to stop her, or take you away from her. You didn’t have anyone that you could trust to protect you, so I think you did the only thing you could do considering the situation you were in. You kept yourself and Tab as safe as you could, and you have no reason to feel guilty for that. You didn’t do a single thing wrong.”

  “Okay,” Mali said softly.

  Salene saw the relief in her eyes, and was glad of it. “But, things are different now,” she continued. “You never have to hide anything like that again. If anyone ever says anythi
ng mean to you, or scares you, or hurts you, or threatens you, I want you to tell me. I’ll handle it, and I will always make sure you’re both safe and protected. All right?”

  Both children nodded solemnly, their eyes too old for their years. Salene sighed. “I don’t trust one single thing that Lei ever said to either of you. From now on I want you to come and tell me when you remember something she said so I can tell you if it’s true or not. Okay?”

  “Okay,” Mali said, surprised and relieved. Tab nodded his agreement too, which made Mali and Salene smile.

  “Good,” Salene said. “I’m going to start by correcting a few things that you believe, but that aren’t true. For one thing, the men in the settlement stayed away from Lei because they didn’t like the way she treated you. Right Tonka?”

  “Yes, that’s right,” he agreed, surprising both children. “Your grandfather told Lei that, but she refused to believe it.”

  “She was wrong when she said that men didn’t like children not their own,” Salene continued. “She was wrong when she said men stay away from women who already have children. And she was very wrong when she said she couldn’t have her own babies if you were there. All of that was wrong. Every word of it.”

  “Are you sure?” Mali asked doubtfully.

  “Yes, I’m sure,” Salene said. “Oh, I have no doubt that there are some men out there that might feel that way, but not all of them do. Not even most of them. And especially not my men.”

  “How do you know?” Mali asked. Salene smiled, understanding that as much as Mali wanted to believe, she needed to be certain first.

  “Because when we went out to talk a little while ago, all three of them promised to look after you and care for you as though you were their own children. They made the strongest kind of promise that Clan Jasani can make, and they will keep that promise forever.” The shock on the children’s faces, and the hope in their eyes put a lump in her throat. “I want you to know that if they hadn’t promised, or even if they didn’t want you, I would still keep you. I’ll keep you, and love you, and raise you as my own no matter what anyone else thinks and that is my promise to you both.”

  “What if you get mad at us or we get in the way?” Mali asked, causing Salene to smile again.

  “Oh honey, I can pretty much promise that I will get mad at you sometimes, and you’ll get mad at me, too, because that’s a normal thing for families to do. There’ll be times that you’ll do something I said not to do, because you’re kids and that’s normal for kids to do. But none of that will change how I feel about you, and I will never feel like you’re in the way. I ask that you trust me in this. I know that it won’t be easy after all you’ve been through, but I’d like you to try, okay?” Mali nodded, the corners of her mouth turned up in the beginnings of a smile.

  “How about you, Tab? Will you try, too?” Tab patted her cheek again and nodded his head.

  “Good boy,” she said.

  “Can I ask you a question?” Mali asked hesitantly.

  “Always,” Salene replied.

  “I heard you tell Tonka that those men were gref…griff…something like an animal that flies, but I didn’t see any wings. What did that mean?”

  “All male Clan Jasani are shifters, and some of the women, too.”

  “What’s a shifter?”

  “It means that they can change from looking like human men to an animal. There are nine different clans, or types of animals that Clan Jasani shift into. The Gryphons change into a creature that is very big, very strong, and can fly.”

  “Can you do that?”

  “No, I can’t, but one day I will.”

  “Will they hurt us?” she asked, surprising Salene. She’d expected to be peppered with questions about shifting. She should have known better, she realized when she looked into Mali’s eyes. Safety for herself and Tab was foremost in her mind, and for good reason.

  “They will never hurt either one of you, and that’s a promise. What’s more, they will always protect you, no matter what.”

  Mali frowned as though that was a concept beyond her ability to comprehend. “Do you mean they would stop someone from trying to hurt us?”

  “Yes, that’s what I mean. All of us will protect you. Me, the Gryphons, Tonka, and Jinjie too. You two are important to all of us, and we will do everything we can to keep you safe.”

  Mali’s eyes went bright as they filled with tears. She ducked her head, wiping her eyes surreptitiously on the rough fabric of her shirt. Salene pretended not to notice as she combed her fingers through Tab’s hair. When Mali looked up again her eyes were red and swollen, but Salene wouldn’t have mentioned that for half the galaxy.

  “Thank you,” she said simply. Salene smiled down at her, reading one more question in the little girl’s eyes.

  “What else, honey?”

  Mali smiled. Except for Grandfather sometimes, no one had ever explained things to her, or asked her what she thought, and she liked it. She liked it a lot. “I just wonder if Tonka can stay with us when we go to your planet.”

  “If he wants to, yes,” Salene replied. “I’d like it very much, in fact. But it’s up to him.”

  “Will you, Tonka?” Mali asked. “Please?”

  “It would be my honor and my pleasure,” Tonka said. “I thank you, Mali, for wanting me, and you Salene, for including me.”

  Mali smiled widely enough that Salene actually saw a little dimple in her chin, something she hadn’t known was there before. She found herself wondering how long it would be before she heard the girl’s laughter.

  ***

  Talus, Jon, and Kar turned away from the entrance to the cave where Salene and the children were still talking and headed back to the first cave. Listening to the things Mali had said to Salene had sent them so close to a blood rage that Talus knew the Controllers inside of them were all that kept them from it, though he hated to admit it. They made it harder to shift than it should have been, which is the only reason they’d been able to hold back.

  “I need something to vent my anger on,” Jon said when they were far enough away not to be overheard.

  “I know, we all do,” Talus agreed. “But it would probably draw attention from the Nomen, if not the Doftles, making it a very selfish and dangerous risk.”

  “I know,” Jon said, then blew out a frustrated breath. “I cannot decide if I’m glad that the woman called Lei is dead, or not.”

  “I’m glad she’s dead,” Kar said. “Otherwise, we would certainly dishonor ourselves by killing her.”

  “I don’t think so,” Talus growled. “No one would consider the death of such a person dishonorable.”

  “Yes they would,” Jon argued with a tiny smile, and Talus shrugged.

  “I know,” he admitted. “But she is dead, and that’s an end to that.”

  “As difficult as it was, I’m glad we heard that,” Kar said.

  “Me too,” Talus said. “It gave us insight to the children that we really needed. Salene would have told us, of course, but hearing it from Mali’s own lips was better.”

  “Salene was amazing, wasn’t she?” Kar said.

  “Yes, she was,” Talus agreed. “I only hope we’re able to do half as well.”

  “If we don’t, Salene will let us know,” Kar said. “And right now, I think we best get in there with this stuff or she’ll be letting us know how slow we are.”

  “Wait,” Jon said. “There is a subject I would have us discuss now that we’ve found Salene.”

  Talus nodded. He didn’t need Jon to tell him what he was talking about since he’d been thinking about it himself. “Tell me what you wish to say.”

  “My feelings on the matter haven’t changed,” Jon said. “I think we need to tell her the truth and deal with whatever her reaction may be.”

  Talus turned to Kar and waited for his answer. “I don’t want to frighten her,” he said after a moment. “But I’m tired of hiding from her.”

  Talus nodded again, then turned h
is gaze on the distant clouds for a long moment before looking at his brothers again. “My feelings on the matter have changed,” he said. “When the Controllers were in charge of us I spent a great deal of time regretting that we’d withheld such an important and vital part of ourselves from Salene. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the upshot is that we’ve never truly allowed her to know us. That makes me sad.”

  “Yes, that’s how I feel too,” Jon agreed with obvious relief.

  “The question now is, how do we correct this rather large error that I’ve made in judgment on our behalf?”

  “It was an error, I agree,” Jon said. “But it’s not all on you, Brother. I agreed with it myself until after the first time we made love with her.”

  “We can’t just blurt it out to her,” Kar said. “We must find the right moment.”

  “Agreed,” Talus said. “That might be somewhat difficult with Jinjie, Tonka, and the children around.”

  “Then we’ll just have to be patient,” Jon said. Talus arched a brow at him and Jon shrugged. “It was the decision I was impatient for. Now that it’s been made, I can wait patiently for the best time to tell her the truth.”

  Talus nodded his agreement. “Come on, let’s carry this stuff inside and get ready to move.”

  ***

  An hour later, with the children fully dressed from the skin out in thermal underwear, socks, jeans, boots, and sweaters for the first time in their lives, Salene helped them into their newly resized survival suits. She and Jinjie had already covered Tonka with several thermal sheets that now incased his legs and his paws. He’d balked a little at the idea of having his feet covered, insisting that since he wasn’t human, he didn’t need shoes. He was also sure that walking on the fabric would damage it. Salene assured him that it wouldn’t damage the fabric, but the real reason he gave in was that he sensed her growing tension, and didn’t want to add to it.

  When they were finished the majority of his body, excluding his face, was covered. After moving around the cave experimentally while Salene finished readying the children, he was surprised to find that even the material covering his feet was comfortable, and that it didn’t impede him in any way. Perhaps once he got out into the snow that would change, but he was willing to give it a chance.