Scarlett seemed to be in another one of her self-destructive moods and had been staying out late or not coming home at all. Logan hadn’t answered any of my calls, either. Word around town was that there would not be a bonfire tonight. And Kallie had been withdrawn and depressed. I couldn't stand watching everyone in my life hurt.
Kallie got up at some point this morning and laid down in Scarlett's bed. I paced around the living room, finally grabbing my keys and going down to get in my truck. I made the short drive over to Logan's house. His Explorer was parked in the driveway, so I knew he would be home. I didn't even bother knocking and just let myself in.
Logan looked up in shock at me from his kitchen table. He was sitting in his boxers, eating a box of cereal and reading the paper. He dropped his spoon and crossed his arms, glaring at me.
"What the hell, dude?" he grumbled.
"This is getting out of hand, man," I said, slamming my hand down on his table. "Let's do something today."
"I don't really feel like it much," he said.
"I know. I don't either. Which is why we need to," I argued as I took a seat across from him, giving him a serious look. Logan was family to me and we went through everything together. This was definitely not any different.
"I spoke to my lawyer on Monday," he admitted quietly. My heart raced. "I have to meet with them next week."
I took a deep breath. "Logan, everything will be fine. Really. There is no point of worrying about it all weekend," I urged, even though I didn't really believe what I was saying.
He sighed and put his head in his hands. "I still can't believe this."
"Me either," I added.
It took me another half an hour to convince Logan to get dressed and call Caleb. After I was sure he wouldn't be running back to bed, I left him to finish getting ready. When I walked into the quiet apartment, I saw Scarlett's door was still closed. Cursing to myself, I stalked over and swung the door open. Kallie's small body flinched when I barged in. Her heavy eyes watched me blankly as I searched around the room. I grabbed a random pair of jeans and what could be a shirt and threw them at her.
"Get dressed," I demanded.
"This isn't mine," she muttered, throwing the shirt back on the floor.
"Well, how the hell am I supposed to know? There are clothes everywhere," I said, waving my arms around the disaster area. "Which ones are yours?"
"That pile, there," she said and pointed to a smaller pile by the door. I bent down and found a tank top and tossed it to her.
"Get dressed. Now," I said. I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall.
She finally sat up and glared at me. "You gonna watch?" she snipped.
I huffed and left the room. I heard her get up and move around. I paced outside the door, waiting for her to come back out. When she finally emerged, she was wearing the clothes I gave her. She pulled her blonde hair back into a braid that came down over her shoulder.
"Why am I getting dressed?" she asked with her hands on her hips. She looked angry and feisty. It was a side of the meek, angelic girl I had never seen before.
"We're going somewhere. Can you fit in these?" I asked as I tossed a pair of Scarlett's hiking boots her way.
She bent over and looked inside at the tag. She looked back up at me with apprehension. "I could. Why? Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise, Princess," I said, grinning at her.
Kallie put the boots on and hesitantly followed me down to my truck. I opened the door for her and helped her climb up into the cab. The nervousness was written all over her face, but she didn't ask any more questions. I gave her a reassuring smile and went over to the driver's side.
I took the long way to Caleb's place. I drove through town and took the back roads to his land on the edge of the town. Kallie sat quietly and watched the scenery out the window. The day was warm and the wind blew stray blonde hairs around her face. I pulled my eyes off her and back to the road.
"What?" she asked.
"Nothing."
"You were staring," she pointed out. Busted.
"I like your hair like that," was my lame response.
She shook her head and laughed sarcastically. We finally pulled up to Caleb's and I was glad to see that Logan actually showed up. I turned off the truck and went around to help Kallie out. She took my hand and let me help her down from the lifted cab. She looked around her before she followed me back to the large barn in the backyard.
"There he is," shouted Caleb when we entered. Logan tipped his head at me.
"Kallie, you remember Caleb and Logan?" I knew she did.
"I do. Nice to see you guys again," she said politely. I wondered if she had a rude bone in her body.
"You too, beautiful," Caleb said, throwing her a wink. I had the urge to punch him. "We ready?"
"We are," I answered.
Kallie's blue confused eyes looked up at me. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the back of the barn. Her hand was soft and small inside mine. Caleb slid the doors open and the four-wheelers were lined up, ready for us. He quickly jumped on his and Logan took the Honda he usually rode. Kallie stopped dead in her tracks, so I stopped walking.
"I can't do that," she said, staring at the machines in terror.
"Yes, you can. Come on," I whispered to her.
"No, I don't know how," she said desperately.
I leaned down and into her line of vision. "You can ride with me if you want. I promise you'll be safe."
She looked at me, then back at the guys. I watched the internal debate play out in her head. I assumed she was making a pros and cons list. I held up a finger behind my back to signal the guys to wait a minute. I waited for her to make up mind, knowing she would give in. I knew little about her, but she aimed to please and never said no when asked to do something.
"Fine," she sighed. She stalked over to the ATVs and looked at the two remaining. "Which one can I ride?"
"This one," I indicated the smaller one. She climbed up and threw her leg over, sitting down on the seat. "You know what you're doing here?" I asked her with a raised eyebrow.
She shook her head. "I'm a fast learner." I admired her ambition.
"Okay. Well, this is the gas, and this is the clutch," I said, pointing to parts on the handlebars. "Over here is the brake and back there is the reverse switch. You have to be in neutral to turn it on."
"Neutral?"
"Yeah. That green light would be on. Pull in the clutch and switch gears with this," I said tapping her foot. She stared back at me with panic. "Ride with me?" I smiled. She quickly nodded and scooted back on the seat to give me room. I laughed and got on, starting it up.
I reached behind and grabbed Kallie's hands off her lap. I brought them around me and wrapped them around my waist. Logan nodded at me, started his, and took off, dirt and rocks flying up from the tires. I kicked my bike into gear and followed after the boys.
Kallie's arms tighten around me with the sudden movement as we rode across the long field. I could feel her entire front pressed up against my back. We rode at a reasonable speed until we finally reached the tree line. Caleb rode up and down the edge of the woods a few times, trying to find the path we usually took. When he finally found it hidden by overgrowth, he whistled and rode into the woods. Logan hit the gas, pulling a wheelie before following the same path.
"You okay?" I called back to her.
"Yep," she called back.
I patted her hand on my chest and followed the boys. We wove through the trees and over fallen logs. The covering from the trees made the forest feel cooler. I inhaled the brisk, moist air and enjoyed being out in these woods again.
When we were growing up, Logan and I would come to Caleb's almost every nice day we had to ride his four-wheeler. We spent most of our free time exploring the woods and learning new tricks. His parents finally went and bought three more when we were in middle school so we could all ride together. Caleb's parents were another part of the family I adopted for myself. They w
ere good people.
When we reached the bottom of the hill, the inevitable happened. Caleb's tires spun up mud and water, but he wasn't going anywhere. He stood up and tried to rock it out of the mud, but it looked like it only sunk deeper. Logan and I stopped at the edge of the muddy creek and turned off our engines.
"You owe me twenty," Logan called to a frustrated Caleb. "I bet he would get stuck first," he turned to me, laughing.
"He always does," I said. "Let me up, dear?" Kallie's death grip released. I climbed off and turned to look at her.
She was watching Caleb swear and kick his bike, knee deep in mud. She wore a half smile and her eyes danced with amusement. Hair from her braid had blown loose and locks of hair framed her face. She looked more alive than I had seen her in days, and yet I still felt she was barely here. She caught me watching her and cocked her head to the side in curiosity.
"Look at you," I teased. "All outside and shit."
"Shut up," she laughed, smacking my leg. "How is he going to get out?"
"We'll pull him out. Logan has the winch," I told her.
Logan started his bike back up and rode through a dry path. We learned at a young age to build bridges through the deepest parts of land. Once on the other side of the mud pit, he backed up close to Caleb. Caleb was covered in mud as he pulled the winch cable over and hooked it on his front grill. He got back on and gave it some gas while Logan did the same and pulled him loose from the mud. Caleb raised his arms in victory once he was finally in the clear.
"We have to go through that?" Kallie asked me.
"Well, not that part, obviously," I smirked. "You scared?"
"No," she said quickly. I could tell by the way she was eyeing the creek that she was lying.
"Do you trust me?" I asked.
Her head jerked to look at me. "No."
"Good. Either way, you won't get hurt," I said, getting back on. "Maybe a little muddy."
"Ryder!" she scolded.
Before she could whine anymore, I took off down the hill. She held on tight as I maneuvered around the wettest ground and rode through some mud, making it to the other side. I gave it more gas to make it up the hill. The guys were waiting at the top when we made it up. They both cracked up laughing when I pulled to a stop. I looked behind me and saw a very pissed off Kallie.
Specks of mud spattered her face. A big smudge of dirt covered her cheek and her eyebrows were pulled together to glare at me. I couldn't help but laugh at her. I could hear her huffing with anger as I tired to hold back the laughs. I reached up and wiped a small glob of mud from her forehead, holding it up so she could see it.
Suddenly, she bubbled with laughter. Her body shook with the laughs and she held her stomach. When we were all out of breath and tears were no longer falling from our eyes, we finally calmed down. Kallie's laughs slowly turned in to soft giggles. She tried to wipe the mud off her face, spreading it even more.
"Stop," I said, short of breath and grabbing her hands. "You're only making it worse."
She smiled back at me. Her eyes were deep blue and glistening back at me. I held her hands down and examined her face. She looked like a totally different person than the girl that had been dragging around my apartment for the past few days.
"You having fun?" I asked her. I held my breath, waiting for her answer.
"Yes," she said. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me," I said, turning back to the handlebars. "I'm not the nice guy."
"I know," she whispered. "But still."
I started the engine and rode off. I followed the guys over rocks and through mud puddles. Kallie laughed in my ear and held on tight the entire time. We came to a wide open field where Logan and Caleb raced each other. We laughed and cheered them on. When they argued about who won the race, I decided to sneak off.
"Where are we going?" she asked in my ear as I pulled away from the couple.
"I'll show you, Princess."
I rode on the familiar path along the edge of the field. It had been so long since we all rode like this that the tire paths were almost covered. I could make this trip with my eyes closed, though. When we first started bringing Scarlett along with us, she found this spot when she got separated from us and lost. We found her sitting here, crying her eyes out.
I turned off the engine at the edge of the railroad bridge. I climbed off and offered my hand to Kallie. She stared at it long enough that I almost pulled my hand back. I was never nice, never polite, but I was trying to prove a point. She didn't need to make me work so hard at it. When I helped her down, she pulled me back.
"Is it safe?" she asked.
"Pretty much," I told her. "These tracks haven't been used since the seventies. If you walk back that way, it's actually disconnected," I told her, pointing behind her.
She looked back and nodded. She followed me down the train tracks and onto the bridge. You could see the river under us from the gaps in the wood. When we reached the middle, I sat down and dangled my legs through a gap in the planks. She debated for a moment before finally sitting beside me. She kept her feet up on the bridge.
"We used to come here all the time as kids," I told her, looking out over the river.
"You sure we won't get hit by a train?" she asked as she looked behind us.
"Yes," I laughed.
"A little dangerous for kids. Your parents let you come out here?"
"Well, they didn't necessarily know," I admitted. "Can I ask you something?"
"Maybe."
"Why are you here?" I turned to watch her face.
"My car broke down," she said shortly.
"That's not what I meant and you know it," I quipped.
She sighed and leaned back on her hands. She let her legs dangle down with mine and looked up at the sky. I knew she was hiding something. Most of me didn't really care, but seeing her everyday, seeing her being eaten alive, was driving me crazy. I had to do something. If not to help her, then to at least stop reminding myself of what it felt like to hold something so terrible inside.
Logan and Kallie became my pet projects today. I couldn't help myself, so I will fix them. Seeing them in pain, with guilt and hate burning them up, just reminded me of everything I felt inside. Everything I was trying so hard to bury down. They didn't deserve it. I did. They were good people.
"I just had to get away," Kallie said, breaking my train of thought. "My parents, everybody, they wanted me to be someone I just can't be right now."
"So, you ran away?"
"Not exactly," she said. "I just kinda went for a drive. A very long one. And ended up drunk and waking up in your bed." Her face reddened with embarrassment. "Now, I have disappointed them and became a disgrace. I don't think I can ever go back now."
"Well, that's bull shit," I blurted. "I doubt you could ever disappoint them so badly that they wouldn't take you back. You're perfect. You're smart, beautiful and will probably end up doing something amazing with your life."
"Right," she snorted. "Running a jewelry store isn't amazing. Makes the Adams a ton of money, that's all."
"Then don't do it. Do something you want to do."
"I don't know what I want anymore," she sighed, sounding defeated.
"You wanted me the other night," I teased, pushing her playfully. Too much heavy talk.
“Oh, stop," she said, covering her face. "I'm so sorry about that."
"Don't be."
"I don't know what came over me. I've never done that before, or anything like it," she said, mortified.
"Really? You looked experienced to me," I joked.
She glared at me and punched my shoulder. I grabbed her hand and held it to my chest. Her skin felt warm, signs that life was in her and she wasn't a walking corpse.
"Please don't tell anyone about that," she begged seriously.
"Shit. I posted it on Twitter," I said, wide-eyed. Her eyes popped out of her head and I couldn't hold back anymore. I cracked up laughing.
"Asshole," she muttered, then quick
ly put her hands over her mouth.
"Wait, what was that? Was that a bad word I just heard come from the Princess's pretty little mouth?" I yelled. "Hurry, tell the kingdom. We must revolt!"
She laughed with me and leaned back to lay on her back. When her laughing finally subsided, she mockingly glared at me.
"You never really swear?" I asked.
"Not in front of people," she admitted. "Not very lady-like, or so I'm told." She rolled her eyes.
"I think you're lady enough. Felt like it to me,” I joked.
She laughed and sighed, closing her eyes. I stared down at her face. Turning her away that night was the hardest thing I had done in a long time. I wanted nothing more than to bury myself inside of her, but the look in her eyes stopped me. They were empty, black and void of any of the light and fire I saw days before. I saw that look before.
I saw it in the mirror; I saw it in Logan and in my sister. I have seen it in my mother and father. She wasn't here; she was trying to hide behind the person making the moves for her. If I were to have her, I would need all of her, because I was a selfish ass like that. I was somehow sure anything less would never compare to the real her.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Kallie
We sat on the bridge in silence until we heard the guys pull up behind us. I was hesitant to go when Ryder first tried to get me to leave the apartment. I just didn't have the energy or heart to argue with him, so I followed. Like I always do, I followed. I climbed back on the four-wheeler and held on to Ryder.
I had no idea why he decided to drag me along today. I had no business with mud and dirt, and I didn't need him to feel sorry for me. We rode slowly back to barn, taking the same path we took earlier. I enjoyed the fresh air and the wind blowing through my hair. I closed my eyes, leaned my head on Ryder's back, and breathed in the cool air.
I spent days feeling sorry for myself and locked up in a stranger's apartment. I forgot what it felt like to be in the world again. I was never going to figure out how to move on while hiding in bed all day. I wasn't going to miraculously become a different person by cutting myself off from the outside. I was so wrapped up with everything going on inside of me that I hadn't even realized that summer came. I usually didn't get to spend my summers outdoors. I should be enjoying it.
Jolted (Conflicted Encounters #1) Page 11
