When we got back to the barn and they put the toys away, I was buzzing with energy. I felt renewed and exhilarated. I wiggled my leg impatiently and played with my charm bracelet on the ride back to the apartment.
"You okay?" Ryder finally asked me.
"Yep. Just energized now," I said. "Thanks. For today." His playful joking and laughter made me feel lighter.
"Don't mention it," he said, watching the road. I stared at his profile, noting the few days of scruff growing in. I almost wanted to touch it, feel the scratching under my hands. I promptly scolded myself and pulled my eyes away. I shouldn't be thinking of someone else. Not yet and not about someone that was so confusing.
When we pulled into the parking lot, I was relieved to see Scarlett's car. She's been coming and going for the past few days, and the times I did see her, I didn't feel like talking. We walked up the stairs in silence and I took the muddy boots off before we headed in.
"There you guys are. Why is she covered in mud?" Scarlett asked as soon as Ryder opened the door.
"We were at Caleb's," he told her.
"Oh," she said surprised. "And you went willing?" she asked me with a smile.
"Not really," I laughed. "I'm gonna shower."
"Good. You need to," she quipped.
I went to Scarlett's bathroom and turned on the water. I looked in the mirror and smiled at my mud-speckled face. My braid was coming loose and I didn't even bother putting on makeup when I left today. I worked my hair loose from the braid and peeled the muddy clothes off me. I stepped under the spray and let the water wash over.
I imagined all the worries and pain washing down the drain with the water. I imagined a new and improved Kallie appearing beneath the old Kallie, who was melting away with the hot water. I pictured each and every overbearing thought being watered down and eventually, washing away along with the dirt on my skin. I pictured every droplet falling as an unshed tear, disappearing.
When I finally felt renewed and cleaned, I wrapped a towel around me and went to Scarlett's room. She was lying on her stomach on her bed, drawing a detailed feather on her sketch pad. I rummaged through my pile and changed into fresh clothes.
"Where you been?" I finally asked her.
"Just out and working," she said, not looking up from the paper.
"Out?"
"Yeah. I went out with some people from work a few nights. Met some guys," she winked. "You and my brother seem to be getting along better."
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused. I didn't see us as getting along or not. We coexisted.
"I swear I could cut the tension around here with a knife," she said, laughing.
"Oh. I was having a rough few days," I said. "So, you left me here, alone with him, thinking we weren't getting along?"
She looked up at me surprised. "Oh shit. I didn't really think of it like that. I feel like such an ass," she rushed, sitting up.
"It's fine," I lied. "I just don't know anyone except you."
"We can change that," she said with an evil smile.
"You are full of bad ideas," I scolded her mockingly. I flopped down on the bed next to her. "So, I never slept with him."
"Who?" she asked, laying down next to me.
"Ryder," I clarified. "I assumed I did that first night, but I didn't. Just stayed the night, I guess."
She chuckled. "You should be able to tell if you had sex the next day. Even if you don't remember, you know."
"Don't make fun of me," I snipped. "I'm embarrassed enough."
"Fine. Sorry," she said, biting her tongue.
After some silence, I blurted, "I also tried to sleep with him."
"You did what?" she asked, sitting straight up to stare at me. "Tried?"
"Yes," I said and covered my reddening face. "He turned me down. I don't know what came over me."
"He turned you down? Ryder?"
I nodded. "Okay, I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's humiliating." I could feel my face bursting into flames.
"Oh, no. We have to talk about this." She smacked my stomach lightly. "What did you do? Why?"
"I basically jumped on top of him and begged pathetically." I rolled over and buried my face in the bed. "I don't know why. I've only ever been with one other person and I just wanted to forget everything around me."
"Huh. So you just wanted to rebel?"
"Pretty much, I guess."
"Well, I've been waiting for that to happen. I figured if a good girl like you ran away and was hiding in the middle of nowhere, she was bound to snap eventually," she said.
I turned my head and looked up at her. "I didn't run away. Not exactly. I'm an adult. I'm free to come and go as I please." I didn't even sound convincing.
"Sure you are. Look, I'm all about finding your own way and all that, but word of caution," she said, looking at me with a worried expression, "Ryder is not the best way to do it. He'll hurt you."
I sighed. "I'm not looking for a relationship or anything. I just got out of a serious relationship. I don't know what I was thinking." I felt bad for not telling her about Carter, but I couldn't talk about it with her yet.
"I know, Princess. He's a one-time kind of guy," she shrugged. "I'm just trying to look out for you. Both of you."
"Well, he didn't even have his one night with me, so no worries. And don't call me Princess."
"I would keep it that way if I were you. All the girls say they are looking for fun, nothing serious, that they expect nothing from him. But deep down, they think they'll be special," she said seriously. "They think they will be the special one to tie him down. They end up broken hearted in the end."
"Noted," I said thoughtfully. I didn't have a heart to give anyone, so I was sure I was safe from the evils of Ryder. "Are you off tomorrow? I get so bored without you here."
"I'm off and I have some ideas for things we could do," she grinned. In the short time that I had known Scarlett, I’ve come to learn that nothing good came from that grin. That look usually ended up giving me a hangover or resulted in me embarrassing myself.
"So, what are we doing today?" I asked Scarlett over coffee the next day. Ryder left for work and we were already all done up for the day.
"I was thinking we could head into town. They have a beauty supply store I've wanted to go to. Plus, I have an idea for that pretty hair of yours," she said.
"Like what?" I asked cautiously.
"I'm thinking pink," she said with wide eyes, and her arms stretched out like she just did a magic trick.
"No," I said, shaking my head. "Won't I look like cotton candy on a stick?"
She laughed at me. "Boys like candy," she said with a wink. "Besides, I meant just streaks. Not your whole head."
I sighed with relief. "Will it wash out?"
"It better not," she said. "Let's go. You'll be fine."
I followed her down to her car and we made the long drive into town. We bought the hair supplies she needed and spent an outrageous amount of time picking out nail polish. We hit a few more stores and picked out more clothes before stopping at a small deli for lunch. I could talk easily with Scarlett, but I continued to avoid any topic of Carter or why I left home. I could tell she was fishing for information by telling me about past loves and hoping I would join in on the conversation.
Ryder still wasn't home when we got there. We were able to blast our music while Scarlett did my hair. She didn't let me peek while she pulled various strands up to be colored. I fiddled with the charms on my bracelet while she worked. My hair has never been anything but blonde. I was nervous how I would look with color and what people would think.
"Okay, now we just let that sit," she said, pulling off her rubber gloves and tossing them in the bathroom sink.
I got out my phone while I waited for my hair to soak up the dye. My eyes burned from the smell, so I went to the living room to escape the poison gases trapped in the small bathroom. Not surprisingly, I had tons of texts and voicemails. I barely turned on my phone anymore. Kno
wing all the calls and messages I missed gave me knots in my stomach.
I checked my bank and was shocked to see there still hasn't been a deposit. They must be seriously mad at me. My stomach churned and my hands started to sweat. I turned off the phone and put it back on the counter so I didn't have to see the number of calls from my mother. To add to my worries, I was running low on funds and I had no idea how much my car would be.
What if it couldn't be fixed? What if I have to call them for money or to pick me up? What if I pushed them too far and they didn't want to help me anymore?
"You okay?" I didn't even hear him coming in the door. "You're breathing funny."
I looked at him startled. His face was blank and his eyes seemed to look right through me. "I'm fine."
I would ask him about my car later. It looked like he had rough day. He stalked past me and into his bedroom, closing the French folding doors behind him.
"Times up, Princess," Scarlett sang out while skipping over to me.
"I hate that nickname," I mumbled. She grabbed my hand and dragged me to the bathroom.
I squeezed my eyes shut while she used the detachable shower head to rinse my hair. Nerves bubbled up waiting to see the final result. She wrapped my hair up in towel and escorted me out of the bathroom and to her room.
"No peeking yet," she ordered, bouncing with excitement. It was hard not to smile at her enthusiasm, even if I was terrified. She dried my hair and put some mousse in it.
"Am I done?" I asked while she inspected me with her hands on her hips.
"Yep. Now, come see my masterpiece."
I slowly got up and walked to the mirror. My hair looked the same, but with more volume and bounce than usual. Thin streaks of hot pink peeked out under my blonde hair. I grabbed a pink lock and twisted it around my finger.
"I like it," I told her. She glowed and looked at me in the mirror. I did like it. It was subtle, but enough to look cool. It looked tough and wild, but still cute and feminine. It was perfect. "Thank you."
"No problem, babe," she said proudly. We went out to the living room to find Ryder watching a movie. "What's wrong?" she asked as soon as we came out.
"Nothing," he said while turning his head to glare at her. Scarlett glared back. The twins had a stare down, looking like they were carrying on their own little silent conversation. I shifted awkwardly, feeling like an intruder.
"Back off, Scar," I heard him grunt to her.
"No. What's going on with you?" she prodded.
"I'm serious, drop it," he growled.
She shrugged and sat down in the recliner, leaving me to sit on the couch with a grumpy Ryder. I hesitantly sat down and played with the charms. We all sat in silence watching whatever was on the screen in front of us. Suddenly, a warm hand was over mine, squeezing it.
"Stop."
I pulled my hand away and fought the urge against my nervous habit. Finally, when my muscles ached from the strain of holding perfectly still, Ryder went back to his room and loudly closed his doors behind him. I looked over at Scarlett, who was staring at the door he disappeared behind.
"Well, I guess I will go get something for dinner," she mumbled. Before I could even beg to come along, she was down the stairs.
I paced the living room and finally worked up the courage to knock on his door. My hands were sweaty and my heart was beating in my throat. I raised my hand and gently knocked. Soon, the door swung open. Ryder stood in the opening without a shirt, looking at me with an annoyed expression.
"What?" he snipped, looking bored with me already.
"I... um, I just wanted to... uh," I stuttered, not ready for the confrontation.
"Spit it out, Kallie," he said as he turned and walked back into his room. I cautiously followed him, coming a little further into his room.
I hadn't been in here since the lovely morning I woke up in his bed, sick and confused. The room was dark, with black bedding and dark wood shelves. Clothes covered his floor and the nightstand was cluttered with glasses and bottles.
"Can I help you?" Ryder asked in fake sweet tone.
I rolled my eyes. "I just wanted to know about my car. Mostly how much it would cost," I asked, looking at my feet.
He sighed. "I don't fucking know yet. Trust me, I want it done more than you do."
My eyes widened and I took a step back. I didn't expect the hostility that I felt rolling off his body in waves. I was trying to get out of his hair. He glared at me with anger that I had no idea what I had done to put there. Yesterday, he was nice to me and I thought we actually got over my embarrassing stunt from the other night.
"You don't have to be mean," I said quietly. "I just was trying to figure out how to pay."
He came closer to me, and I stepped back again. "Take a cab."
"I don't want to. I want my car," I insisted.
"Well, Princess," he sneered, "not everyone can have everything they want. Maybe it's time you learn that."
"Why are you being like this?" I squeaked. "Do you want me to leave?"
"Yes."
"What did I do to you?"
"Nothing at all, but not for lack of trying," he smirked at me. "Isn't that right, sweetheart? You wanted me to do something to you. Didn't you?"
I shook my head and continued to back away from him. The look in his eyes and the clenching in his jaw was scaring me.
"You should leave. You don't belong here. You should stay away from me," he growled as my back hit the one of the closed doors. "Go home."
"I don't have anywhere else to go," I whispered. Tears started to form in my eyes and I tried to blink them away.
"Go home," he said more forcefully this time and put both of his hands on either side of my head. I was blocked in by his massive body. "I will only destroy you. I destroy everything in my path. And everyone. You should stay away."
"She's staying," I heard Scarlett bite out from the doorway. Ryder continued to stare me down like he didn't notice his sister. "Now get away from her. She is here as my guest and if you don't like it, then fuck off. I pay half the rent here, too."
He backed off me only slightly, keeping his glare locked on my eyes. I ducked under his arms and scurried past Scarlett. I ran to her bedroom door and realized it would be rude to lock myself in her room. I turned around and went to the bathroom, locked the door, and slid my back down the wall until I was sitting on the cold floor.
My hands were shaking and tears were streaming down my checks. I didn't know at what point I started to cry. I buried my face in my hands and tried to calm my breathing. He was so angry, his voice hard. It was obvious he meant it when he told me to leave. I wished I had the sense to at least bring my phone in here with me. What hurt more than being unwanted was not being able to get out.
I didn't know who I could even call for help now. I probably burned all my bridges with my disappearing act. My parents were furious enough to cut off my funds, so they’d definitely be angry enough to deny me. I noticed the calls from my friends had decreased the longer I was gone. Just like Carter, the longer I was gone, the quicker they all forgot.
Thinking of Carter made the tears come harder. The knocking on the other side of the door was barely audible over my cries. I ignored it. All I had ever wanted was to find peace, find a way to finally wake up and be okay with losing such a huge part of me. All I managed to do was create bigger problems, more drama, and make a fool of myself. I was no closer to finding my way.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Kallie
I woke up the next morning in Scarlett's bed. I didn't remember leaving the bathroom after my meltdown. Nobody was home, so I spent the morning walking around the small town, avoiding the garage at all costs. Scarlett eventually came home from work that evening and we had dinner together. Ryder didn't come home that night. Ryder didn't come home all week.
"He's probably drunk in some whore's bed," Scarlett said when I asked where he was and if she should be worried. "That's how he copes."
"What is he
coping with? What did I do to make him hate me so much?" I asked.
She just laughed. "He's a guy. Who knows? I don't think he hates you, though," she said.
"He sure seemed like it," I mumbled under my breath.
"I think you were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. He was upset and you were there for him to take it out on. Not okay, but that's what happened."
"I guess."
"He just has some issues and he shuts people out," she said. "He's been a little weirder than usual lately."
"He said he would only destroy me," I told her.
"Well, he seems to think that. He thinks he's a walking tornado, ruining everything and everyone he comes into contact with," she said quietly.
"Why does he think that?" I mused.
"I don't know. Not my story to tell, babe. Anyway, don't worry your pretty little head," she said, sounding chipper. "We have plans tonight."
"Oh, no," I groaned. "This never turns out well."
"Oh, don't be a prude. I'm gonna help you rebel and we are finding you trouble to get in to," she announced.
"How about if you are helping me become a good-girl-gone-bad, then I get to help you stay out of trouble," I offered.
Scarlett actually seemed to be considering my compromise. "Deal. But tonight, you are finding a rebound guy."
"Rebound?" I asked, confused.
"Yeah. You know, the guy you get with to forget the guy you just broke up with," she explained, looking at me like I just grew another head.
"I know what it means," I said. I felt guilty for not telling her now that I didn't just break up with a guy. He didn't break my heart and leave me all alone. He was torn away from me. From this world.
We spent forever getting ready. Scarlett was dead set on making me wear as little clothing as legally possible. I promised if she wore what I picked out for her, I would wear what she wanted me wear. She knew I would cover her head to toe, so she eventually gave in.
Jolted (Conflicted Encounters #1) Page 12
