I'll See You In Your Dreams

by Miller, Tony

  Colton and Sam stepped up behind her, and Colton touched her shoulder. “Anne, what are we missing here? There seems to be a more serious conflict than us.”

  “There is.” She turned to face Colton, then looked at Sam. “Something horrible happened and the memory haunts me. You both will not have a memory of it at the moment, even though it happened to you, too. It hasn’t occurred yet, but it did in our last time here and will again unless we stop it.”

  “Please start at the beginning, Anne,” Colton gently requested.

  “Well, you asked who you are. Hmmm, you are Colton to me. You are also Charlie. They are just names. So, you are you, simple as that, just different times and universes.”

  “You and Sam do have something in common,” Colton interjected.

  “What’s that?” Anne asked.

  “You have a completely different definition of simple.”

  “It is simple. The one who thinks and dreams and loves, that’s who you are. Your name and how you look are temporary. You, the dreamer, go on. So that is what you are; a thinker, dreamer and lover.

  “Oh, yes, and when? Well, that’s easy. Now, is all that exists. The ancient ones are making a philosopher out of me, don’t you think?” Anne laughed.

  Colton loved the sparkle and flash in Anne’s eyes as she spoke.

  “Okay, Anne, so for the big one, why?”

  “The why is complicated, so let’s sit on the bench over there. What time is it?”

  Colton looked at his watch. “Eleven o’clock by my, uh other universe watch. Anne stepped to the carriage house door and looked out.

  “By the shadows I would say two o’clock in the afternoon. We have time before father comes home or mother starts to worry.”

  “The why, I almost hate to remind you. It’s what haunts me.” Anne sighed.

  “I will start by explaining a bit about this universe. It looks like the universe I lived my life in. Actually, it’s the universe I grew up in, but I’m different. I know things I didn’t know before. It is like you and Sam. It’s the same Colton and Sam and the same universe, but we’re different. We have future experience in the present moment. At this moment and in this universe we are not like others. We’ve moved back in time, I have lived this life once and got stuck in the biggest and cruelest of mental traps, indecision, which resulted in my losing what I wanted most.”

  Anne looked down. Colton took her hand and asked her gently, “What did you lose, Anne?” She raised her head. A single tear rolled down her cheek.

  “I lost you, Colton!” She sobbed slightly. “So, anyway, here I am with another chance,” she said now more brightly.

  “I wanted you, too, Anne, but my social standing wouldn’t allow …” Anne put her fingers to his lips.

  “I know, but that was then, and this is then, too!” They laughed.

  Sam spoke up. “I hate to break this up, but I have some questions.” Anne and Colton looked at him. “I think I know, but explain why you seem to know something about our future, or that is, our past future as Colton and Sam, that you know, but we don’t.”

  “Yes, that’s right, Sam. I only know because of my time in the resolution zone.”

  “The resolution zone?” they both blurted out.

  “That’s just what I call it. I call it that because when I first passed away in 1970, after living alone so many years, I was actually surprised that I didn’t die mentally, but was in a sort of dream where I had lots of company. Suddenly I was able to see everyone’s mental pictures and thoughts and dreams, everyone but Merlin’s.”

  “At first I was embarrassed that all could see my every thought and dream, but I soon realized it was wonderful to have nothing to hide and to be completely free to mentally create anything I wanted. These other thinkers and I were in a universe of pure thought. We seemed to have one thing in common-we all had unresolved issues of some sort. We were stuck in indecision.”

  “Some would pass away and be here only a flash and were gone. Where they go, I do not know, but we are all aware that another universe exists. I often wondered if it was heaven or hell or nirvana of some sort. Some think they take up a new life as a baby and try it again until they get it right and resolve all their issues. Others think it is the escape to un-existence. I just don’t know.

  “I do know that it is indecision and resulting inaction and unfinished plans that keep the thinkers in the resolution zone. And I’ve found a way to get back into the physical universe and try to resolve some issues, make some decisions, right some wrongs, and complete what I started.”

  “This brings us to the subject I hate to bring up-Paul.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  “Oh yes, Paul, your boyfriend, fiancé?” asked Colton. Colton frowned and looked confused as he continued. “Why am I so foggy on these memories when you seem to remember so clearly?”

  “I have spent a lot of time in the resolution zone with plenty of time to clarify and sort out these memories. I’ve had help from my friends and Merlin in the zone.”

  Colton looked at Sam. “Do you have the theme from the Twilight Zone going through your head?”

  “I must admit it is!” Both smiled. “So the resolution zone is where you have been since 1970?”

  “Yes, since passing away.”

  “So, it’s just thought, no physical objects, no looking, and hearing? Were there any sensations?”

  “Oh, yes, there are lots of sensations, just not quite like this physical universe.” She gestured around the room.

  “I bet this sounds sort of ominous or at the least, boring.” Anne said.

  “Not at all, it’s enlightening, and anyone becomes more creative as there isn’t anyone to stop you. I guess if anything it is not ominous enough. I do miss scary things. They seem to intensify life. I suppose love is scariest of all next to life itself. Losing either seems to have the biggest impact on one’s thinking.

  “When I found out I had discovered a way to visit my old house, it seemed I had the best of both worlds. It made me sad, however, as I would always think of you and realize how stupid I was in life. I thought I had lost you forever, and then, miracle of all miracles, you walk right into my bedroom.

  “You looked different, but I knew it was you instantly. I knew then that some do live again. The ancient ones told me so, and they also said some leave this universe forever. I was sure you had gone to some better place without me. I was so happy to see you, and I so wanted to make up for my past stupidity that it was all I could do to not just tell you I love you.”

  Colton answered, “Amazing, I’m stunned. No wonder I had this instant strong attraction. Okay, love for you … man I’m foggy. I can’t remember what happened. You obviously didn’t marry Paul or me for that matter. So back to my question about my fuzzy memory. Can you fill us in a bit?”

  Anne looked at Charlie for a long moment. It was as though she could only half breathe as she contemplated telling them the story of their past.

  “As you know, Paul and I were dating for a short time when he proposed. I didn’t give him an answer right away as I was so distraught thinking of you. I knew I loved you, but I also knew we could never be together without me hurting my family and community. Consumed by my indecision, I could hardly sleep for days. I finally decided becoming Paul’s wife was inevitable. The thought put me in despair, but I resigned myself to do the right thing. I accepted his proposal.”

  Anne put her closed hand to her mouth in a moment of deep thought. She sighed heavily and continued. “I cringe to think of being engaged to such a monster, but so it was. I am so glad for the resolution zone and my time there to discover all the details that truly resolved all my indecision and now gives me a chance to right these wrongs.”

  Anne looked at Colton and Sam. They looked back in anticipation.

  “It’s okay, Anne, tell us. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together.”

  Anne let out another long breath of air. “Okay, here is Paul’s story from the hor
se’s, mind, so to speak.”

  <><><>

  Paul and Anne sat on the swing on the front porch of the Meux home. They rocked slowly back and forth. Finally, Paul stood and went down on one knee.

  “Anne, I realize we’ve only known each other a relatively short while, but I must confess it was love at first sight for me. Since our first meeting I have been inspired not only in love, but in my life ambitions. I now understand the ancient wisdom of having a life partner, a media naranja, as the natives to this area would call it, quite appropriately.”

  “What’s media…na…I didn’t understand?”

  “Media naranja literally means half an orange. In Spanish it means I am only half without you. It so fits this land with its orange trees and spiritual history of tilling the earth and bonding with the environment by plunging one’s hands into the richness of the earth toward the heart and soul of existence. Our lives in this small part of planet earth depend upon that bond. It’s such a bond that I seek. I am media naranja without you, only half. Make me whole, Anne. Let us plunge our hearts into the richness of marriage and the bonds of matrimony, for I shall surely wither and die as only a lonely half.” He held Anne’s hand and gazed into her eyes.

  Anne looked into his eyes and for but a fraction of a moment saw the hidden person. It seemed a person of fear, of contempt. Then the confident one pushed itself to the forefront, aided by eloquent words, creating the façade that was almost impenetrable.

  Anne looked off into the distance at the mountains. They were so beautiful with their snowcapped peaks. She wished she could fly off and lose herself within their beauty. She didn’t want to make this decision. She thought of Colton and felt a sob catch in her throat. Her heart began to beat rapidly, and her breath became short.

  Finally, she looked back at Paul. “Paul, those were the most beautiful words. I’m truly impressed with your expressiveness. Were they written? I could show them to any young woman, and she would be envious. It is just that I have much to consider. There is my mother’s care and other responsibilities. Please give me some time.”

  “Of course, Anne, please forgive my impetuousness. I have allowed my heart to overrule my head. Take as much time as you need. I know this is sudden.” Paul gently squeezed her hand.

  “Thank you, Paul.”

  Three weeks later and after several more proposals, Anne said yes. She was engaged.

  A month after Anne said yes, Paul was in the library of his, or more accurately, his father’s home. He sat in a leather chair reading. He looked up as Tillie came into the room and began dusting. Tillie was the black twelve-year-old daughter of Bessie Mae Johnson, who was his dad’s long time housekeeper. Bessie was teaching her daughter the fine points of excellent housekeeping. She knew the experience and reputation of being trained by Bessie Mae and apprenticing in Judge Hawthorne’s house would help ensure Tillie’s future. Good futures and good jobs were of course not that easy to come by if you were black.

  Paul watched Tillie as she dusted. He noticed she was starting to develop breasts. He watched her butt wiggle through the thin cotton dress her mother had made for her.

  Tillie hummed quietly as she dusted, unaware of her audience. Paul watched as she got down on her hands and knees to dust the bottom shelves of the bookcase. He felt a stirring inside him. He had studied chronicles of former slave owners who had their way with any female slaves, anytime they wished. He often fantasized about this in school when he read of it. Now, here was his chance right in front of him.

  He would break her in. He’d be doing her a favor. Soon enough some young buck was going to have his way with her, get her pregnant. That buck would certainly be rough. If she was broken in already, it would be easier for her. It was philanthropy.

  “Tillie, come here a minute!”

  “Yes, sir, Mr. Paul.”

  “Go tell mama Bessie to come here a minute.”

  “Yes, sir,” she said, as she headed out of the room. Paul quickly walked over to the desk, scribbled some gibberish on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope. He put a wax seal on it to insure the gibberish wasn’t discovered by Bessie. He didn’t think she would peek, but Paul trusted no one.

  He walked into the middle of the room as Bessie entered.

  “Yes, sir, Mr. Paul. How may I be of assistance to you?”

  Paul noticed that she lad learned the correct response to a master’s request. She had learned her lessons well. Perhaps Tillie would also learn to follow directions.

  “Bessie, I have an important letter that must be mailed today. How long would it take you to walk to the post office?”

  “Well, sir, I believe I can do it in a bit over one hour and an hour to get back.”

  “Bessie, I will sure appreciate this.” He rummaged in his pocket.

  “I’m giving you this extra two dollar bonus now in case you happen to do any window shopping on the way to the post office.” He winked at her.

  “Thank you, sir, for your generosity.” Bessie took the letter and turned to Tillie. “Come on, honey, walk with your mama and keep her some company.”

  Paul quickly interrupted. “Uh, Bessie, if you don’t mind, could you leave Tillie here to finish dusting and helping me as I have some special company coming over anytime, if you know what I mean.” He winked again.

  “Oh, Mr. Paul, would that be Anne getting you all bothered to go to so much trouble?” She grinned and wagged her finger.

  Paul smiled, wagged his finger, and said, “I’ll never tell.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Bessie opened the front door to leave. The letter was in her dress pocket. “Now, Tillie you be a good girl and mind Mr. Paul.”

  “Yes, mama.” Bessie closed the door and was gone. Tillie went back to dusting, and Paul sat in the leather chair to watch and regain the mood.

  “Tillie, thoroughly get the bottom shelves, as that’s what people see.” Tillie got down on her hands and knees and with her butt in the air, began to dust the bottom shelf. Paul knew she was oblivious to any sexual connotations to anything, and having her butt in the air would probably be funny to her. Her butt wiggled as she dusted, and Paul stared at it.

  “Tillie, come here.”

  “Yes, sir,” and she got up and strolled over.

  “Take off your dress Tillie.”

  “Oh, no, sir, Mr. Paul. My mama wouldn’t let me do that.”

  “Your mama’s not here, Tillie, but she said to mind me, didn’t she?”

  “Yes, sir, Mr. Paul, but she wouldn’t want me to take off my dress.”

  Paul grabbed her around the waist, and Tillie started to wail. Paul covered her mouth and whispered in her ear. “You shush, Tillie. Stop it now if you ever want to see your mama again, you understand me?”

  Tillie’s eyes bulged at the harshness and horror of her situation.

  “Now, you be silent and just do as I say and everything will be alright, do you understand me?” Tillie nodded, and Paul removed his hand.

  “Now, Tillie, all I want to do is teach you some things you need to know. You want to have babies one of these days, don’t you?”

  Tillie nodded, yes.

  “I’m just going to show you how babies are made. Now, is that so bad?” Tillie shook her head no. Paul grabbed the hem of her dress and pulled it over her head.

  “I like children, too, Tillie.”

  Almost an hour later, Tillie wept as Paul wiped the blood spots off the leather couch.

  “Now listen to me carefully, Tillie. If you tell anyone about this, I will see that you are taken away from your mother. Do you understand?” Tillie nodded yes.

  “Look me in the eye, Tillie. No one would believe you. You’re a kid and a black kid at that. Do you think anyone will believe you over me? I am a respected member of this community and you are a black servant’s kid. Understand? No one would believe you!”

  “My mama would,” Tillie said defiantly.

  “If you tell her, and she believes you, then I promis
e you will be taken away from her, so if you don’t mind never seeing your mama, tell away!”

  “Don’t take my mama away from me, Mr. Paul!” Tillie began to cry again.

  Paul sat her on the couch beside him and started to pat her. “There, there, Tillie. No one will take your mama away as long as we just keep our little secret between us. I know it was painful, Tillie. The first time always is. I care for you, Tillie, and only wanted to help you. I did it for your own good. I wanted to help with your education. Did you know I have a college education?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Well, I have all these nice things because I have a college education. I want you to be educated, too, so I just started you on the way a little early. I’m sorry if you didn’t understand that I am a highly educated teacher. I’m a professional, Tillie, and I know what’s best.” Tillie let out a long slow sigh and seemed to relax.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Who loves you, Tillie?”

  “My mama and you.”

  “That’s my girl, Tillie!”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Sam sat on the top board of the corral fence. He patted the neck of the chestnut Arabian.

  “You’re a beauty, Brown Sugar, a real beauty.” The horse bobbed its head up and down and gave a throat rumble and snort as if to confirm Sam’s assessment. Sam looked around at his and Colton’s livery business. They were growing. They had sold some horses, trained some horses, and fixed some carriages. They weren’t getting rich yet, but were developing a strong reputation as expert Arabian breeders. They reinvested most of their money into expanding the business. Money was tight, but the daily enjoyment of working with the horses and his friends and neighbors was all he needed at the moment.

  “Sam, quit daydreaming and get to work!”

  “Bessie.” Sam lit up at the sight of his friend.