Days of Awe
Page 24
“Wait, is that under the ‘looking forward to’ column, or the ‘apprehensive about’?”
“ ‘Looking forward to,’ ” he says, “definitely. At least for the past few weeks.”
We’re almost at my house. Cal glances at me quickly: his face kind, his green eyes familiar now.
I feel the loss of Chris all over my body. It announces itself in the strangest ways: a weight in my knees, a twinge in my right cheek, an ache in the night. I feel it now, liquid, changeable. Is this the secret of human existence, the biology of loneliness?
We’re in my driveway, we’re inside the house, in the dim living room, kissing frantically.
He runs a hand through my still-damp hair, rests his palm on the back of my neck, whispers something in my ear that I can’t quite make out.
I take his hand and lead him upstairs.
I lead Cal to the bedroom that Chris and I shared, and in this way it becomes mine, transformed.
It’s a shock of nerves, embarrassed thrill, and it is also the saddest story I’ve ever heard. It sounds like this: goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
My deepest gratitude to Jennifer Jackson and Julie Barer for brilliant feedback, endless patience, and calm waters. I am so lucky to have you two. Sincere appreciation to my wise and insightful friends and colleagues: Carolyn Crooke, Elizabeth Larsen, Jill Hekman, Korinthia Klein, Annie Rajurkar, Liam Callanan, Jon Olson, and Christi Clancy. A big thank you to Emma Gillette for Charm School. Thanks to Sue Betz for eagle-eyed copyediting. I am indebted to my parents, Ann and Jordan Fox, for a lifetime of confidence, encouragement, and leaps of faith. And my whole heart is full of gratitude to Andrew Kincaid for two decades of love and support. Thank you doesn’t even begin to cover it.
A NOTE ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lauren Fox is the author of the novels Still Life with Husband and Friends Like Us. She earned her MFA from the University of Minnesota, and her work has appeared in numerous publications including The New York Times, Marie Claire, Parenting, Psychology Today, The Rumpus, and Salon. She lives in Milwaukee with her husband and two daughters.
www.laurenfoxwriter.com
An A.A. Knopf Reading Group Guide
Days of Awe by Lauren Fox
The questions, discussion topics, and reading list that follow are intended to enhance your reading group’s discussion of Days of Awe, the raw, achingly funny new novel by acclaimed author Lauren Fox.
Discussion Questions
1. This novel touches on multiple themes—friendship, marriage, loyalty and betrayal, parenting, responsibility, and blame. Which emerges as the most important? What larger points is the author making?
2. What does the title mean?
3. Before Josie’s funeral, Mark tells Isabel that his wife’s death is his fault. She thinks, “Of course it was his fault. And it was my fault, and possibly Chris’s, and most definitely Josie’s, and some other people’s faults, too: we were all guilty, to varying degrees…” (this page) Why does Isabel believe this? How were they responsible?
4. Josie’s death ripples through the relationships of her friends and family, whose lives change dramatically in the following year. How does one event set so much in motion?
5. Discuss the episode at the Lake Kass Wetlands Preserve. Why does Isabel think, “Some darkness descended on Josie that weekend, and it never quite lifted”? (this page)
6. Josie’s theory of art: “…when you see a work of art flipped on its side, you ask questions of it that wouldn’t have occurred to you otherwise.” (this page) How does this figure into what happens after her death?
7. When Mark tells Isabel he’s dating one of the Andes, why does she take it as such a betrayal?
8. Discuss Isabel’s relationship with Hannah. Why doesn’t she notice that Hannah isn’t sleeping?
9. The concept of loss weaves through the novel—Josie’s death, Isabel’s miscarriages, Helene’s family in the Holocaust. Helene would say, “The worst has already happened to us.” (this page) How do these losses influence Isabel?
10. What do we learn about Cal when he takes Isabel on a visit to his mother? What do we learn about Isabel?
11. When Josie confesses her relationship with Alex, Isabel immediately takes Mark’s side. Why? How does this affect her friendship with Josie?
12. During a session of couple’s therapy, Chris says to Isabel, “You’re not who I thought you were.” (this page) What does he mean? What has Josie’s death revealed?
13. After Isabel suggests that Cal take her back to his place, why does she change her mind? What is she afraid of?
14. Mark and Andi’s holiday party marks a turning point in several relationships. How might things have gone differently if Isabel had subdued her discomfort?
15. Why does Isabel meet with Alex? What does she learn from his story about Josie threatening to tell his wife?
16. In retrospect, Isabel recognizes several signs that Josie was unraveling: calling a student a bitch, stealing a coat, bringing a rum-laced soda to school. If she had put the pieces together sooner, what might she have done?
17. When Hannah asks to move in with Chris for a while, why does Isabel say no? Why does Hannah accept that decision so readily?
18. Does the idea that Josie committed suicide make sense to you? Why does it suddenly occur to Isabel?
19. Is Cal “the kind of person who would hide us in an attic”? (this page)
20. The novel closes: “It’s a shock of nerves, embarrassed thrill, and it is also the saddest story I’ve ever heard. It sounds like this: goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.” (this page) What does this mean?
Suggested Reading
Jami Attenberg, The Middlesteins
Roz Chast, Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant?
Maria Semple, Where’d You Go, Bernadette?
Miriam Toews, All My Puny Sorrows
Meg Wolitzer, The Interestings
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