So Many Roads to Choose

by Kathleen Ball

  Jed and Lily took the children back to the house, leaving her and Smitty alone at the gravesite.

  Smitty took her into his arms. “I never did ask, what did the boys pick up for you at the store?”

  She didn’t answer for a moment. The feel of his arms around her was too comforting. After a while, she pulled away and hung her head. “We wanted to get you a new knife for Christmas. We gathered up all their pennies, and I put in the rest. They were so proud to be the ones voted to go and buy it. I should have gone myself. I wouldn’t have gotten sick, and we wouldn’t just have their graves to visit. They’d be getting ready for Christmas. I had planned a day or two of sledding this past week. Please act surprised by the knife and then thank them. I know it’ll just bring painful memories for you.”

  “On the contrary. I will treasure it till my dying day. I love you, Lynn. Yes, we’ve had some hard times but the good we have is mighty powerful too. Listen to me for a moment before you say no. With everyone so sad, why don’t we get married on Christmas? It’ll make it a happy day because I know it will the happiest day of my life. I don’t think anyone will fault us for grabbing happiness while we can. They all came out here pretty much the same way we did. They’ve seen all the graves on the side of the trail. We can’t do things the same way we did back east. We have to be willing to grab what we can when we can.”

  “Because we could lose loved ones so quickly?”

  “That too. I just love you so much, and I want to be able to make love to my wife. I want to join with you as man and wife. I want that closeness with you.”

  Lynn looked thoughtful for a while. Then she grinned and nodded. “I know Freddie and Aaron would approve.”

  Smitty pulled her closer and kissed her lips. He stopped and smiled at her. Everyone will approve. You wait and see.”

  “Part of me is happier than I’ve ever been and yet part of me is grieving.” She turned and stared at the dirt on the ground. “I have to remember I have no control over anything. God dictates our fate.” She glanced up at him. “We’re officially engaged! Do we tell anyone?”

  Smitty’s laugh rumbled through his chest. “If we want to be married in a few days I’d vote for yes.”

  “What about the reverend?”

  Smitty shrugged. “Most weddings out west aren’t officiated by a preacher. But if it’ll make you feel better we can have Mike read from the bible and preform the ceremony and then later when we can get to town, we’ll have the minister do it again.”

  She sighed. “You always have the answer, Smitty.”

  He shook his head. “I do the best I can, and I know someone up there is guiding me. Thank you for saying yes. You’ve made me one happy man.” He picked her up and swung her around and then put her down. “I don’t care what’s appropriate. I know in my heart the boys wanted this for us.”

  Lynn nodded as tears filled her eyes. “I just want you to know if I’m sad it’s got nothing to do with you. My emotions are in a big jumbled knot. I’m going to be a good wife to you.”

  Smitty took her hand. “You already are in every way that counts. Let’s go tell the children.”

  Her heart filled as she gazed at him. “I feel that same about you. Scarlett can be my maid of honor and Cindy the flower girl. Who will be your best man?”

  “That’s a dilemma. There’s Jed and Eli and Will and Carlos and Greg and Juan. I think as to not to hurt anyone’s feelings, I’ll pick Brian with Eli holding him and Jed next to him.”

  “That’s a great idea.”

  The walked into the house and it broke her heart to see all the sad faces. But their faces brightened as Smitty told them of the wedding.

  “Does that mean you’ll sleep here in the house with us, Pa?” Will asked.

  “I sure will. We’ll be the family we’ve always been. I’ll just be here all the time.”

  “Where will you sleep?” asked Carlos.

  “You’re being impolite,” Cindy informed them. “We have plenty of rooms that are closed off. We can get one of those ready.”

  Lynn’s lips upturned and she met Smitty’s gaze. “Married people sleep in the same room.”

  “Except if you have to sleep on the sofa for being mean,” Will said with a nod.

  “Well buddy, I don’t plan to be mean. I don’t expect to be sleeping on the sofa ever.”

  Will’s body relaxed.

  “All of you involved in the secret change into your work clothes. We need to finish up,” Smitty announced.

  Scarlett handed Brian to Lynn and went off with the rest.

  Smitty kissed Brian on the head before he gave Lynn a sweet lingering kiss. “Send them on to my place. We have a few things to finish up. We’re a bit behind, but we’ll make it in time for Christmas.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Smitty snuck into the house before sun up on Christmas morning. He had pennies, oranges, and peppermint sticks for each stocking. He also bought them each a tin cup and he’d etched their names on each one.

  He started the fire in the stove and put the coffee on. He’d gotten one for Lynn too and he hoped she was surprised. He sat at the table and smiled at the tree. It was leaning to one side and half decorated but it was the best tree he’d ever seen. He swallowed hard thinking of Freddie and Aaron. “You’ll be my best men in heaven,” he whispered to the empty room.

  He poured coffee into Lynn’s cup and brought it into her room. She looked glorious with her hair sticking up in all directions. He could get used to seeing her like that each morning. It was enchanting.

  He put her cup on the nightstand and sat on the side of the bed. Her eyes opened, widened, and finally smiled into his.

  “I brought you coffee.”

  She sat up and smoothed her hair. “Good morning. What a nice surprise.” She took the tin cup and drew her brows together as she looked at it. “It has my name on it!” She carefully held the handle as she traced her finger over the etching Lynn. “It’s lovely.”

  He warmed at her praise. “Merry Christmas, Lynn, and happy wedding day!”

  She gave him a heart-stopping smile. “Merry Christmas,” she whispered. “You are such a wonderful man, bringing me coffee in bed. A girl could get used to this.” A laugh escaped, and she put her hand over her mouth as her eyes widened.

  “It’s fine to be happy, Lynn. Life is for the living, and I for one hope for a happy day.”

  And Freddie and Aaron would want the day to be filled with happiness, she knew. Nodding she beamed at him and then she drank her coffee. “I’ve always liked your coffee.”

  “I filled the stockings from Santa Claus. I made presents for each and I have them right outside. I’ll put them under the tree.”

  “Yes, so do I. Have presents.” She put her coffee on her nightstand and started to get up. “Shoo, you can’t be in here now.”

  He gave her his best roguish grin. “I’ll wait until tomorrow.”

  Her blush made him feel as though his heart grew. He winked then walked out of her room. She was a beauty and he was danged lucky. It was going to be a great day.

  He quietly went back outside and grabbed the rest of the presents. He couldn’t wait to see their faces. It had taken a lot of carving but he got it all done in time.

  He smiled when Lynn came out her arms loaded down with presents. She was a bit fussy about where each present went. When she finished she stood back and nodded her head with a pleased look on her face.

  Before he knew it, Carlos wandered out rubbing his eyes. He took one look at the tree and ran back into his room. The next thing Smitty knew they were all hurrying to see the gifts.

  “Look in your stockings first and see what Santa brought you!” Lynn called out over the exclamations.

  She went to Smitty’s side and stood arm and arm with him as they watched the children poor out their treasures.

  “They are all so different,” Smitty remarked. “Look how Greg immediately poured out his stocking compared to how Cindy is taking out each i
tem one at a time and examining them.”

  “We might as well sit by the fire. With so many children, this is bound to take a while,” Lynn suggested.

  They sat close on the sofa. Brian was in Smitty’s lap, talking away. All Smitty could make out was “Santa” and “mine.” Lynn went and got Brian’s gift from her first. It was a sewn bear with button eyes. Brian took it and refused to let it go.

  Scarlett and Cindy both received sewing supplies with many promises of them all helping to make dresses. Lynn gave Greg a bolo tie, Juan a new bandana, and Carlos and Will both received new shirts.

  Lynn appeared satisfied with their reactions.

  “Why a tie?” Greg asked.

  “You’ll need something nice when you court young ladies,” Lynn told him. He blushed but he smiled happily.

  Smitty stood as Lynn sat down. He’d made boxes with hearts carved on the top for Scarlett and Cindy so they could start their hope chests. He have Juan and Greg knives he’d had the blacksmith fashion the blade while he’d make the handles and the leather carrying sheaths. Will and Carlos both received a set of wooden carved cowboys and Indians and Brian was given a wooden top to play with.

  “What about Ma?” Will asked.

  Smitty opened the door and walked back in with a wooden row of pegs on a plank of wood. Each peg was a different color.

  Cindy took Lynn’s hand and led her to the table where Smitty had put the present. “Look, Ma. We can all have a place to hang our coats. We each painted our peg all by ourselves.”

  Lynn smiled and lovingly ran her hands over it until she seemed to realize the two extra pegs. “This is from Aaron and Freddie too isn’t it?”

  “Aaron’s is brown and Freddie’s is orange,” Cindy explained.

  Smitty watched Lynn carefully, afraid she’d cry. Instead, she smiled and touched the two pegs. “Now I have something to remember my children by. I suppose this one with a lot of colors is Brian’s?”

  All the children laughed, and they all seemed to talk at once while Smitty caught Lynn’s gaze and held it. In her eyes, he could see her gratitude and love. Lynn put her hand in her pocket and took something out and handed it to Scarlett.

  “Pa, Cindy and I made these for you.” She handed him some cloth. He examined them and realized they were supposed to be handkerchiefs with his name sewn on them. One had to use a good imagination to read the name, but he loved them. He kissed each girl. “Thank you.”

  Lynn raised her voice to be heard. “The boys decided on presents that could help with your work. Carlos and Will are now both proficient on making a fire in the woodstove.”

  Will elbowed Carlos. “What does this ‘proficient’ mean? We practiced a lot.”

  Smitty put his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “It means you two are very good at it.”

  Will nodded. “That’s what it should mean right, Carlos?”

  “Really good!”

  “Juan and Greg have mastered the art of roping cattle. Mike said they both are naturals with a rope,” Lynn explained.

  Smitty patted both boys on the back. “These are the best presents I’ve ever had.”

  Lynn handed him one last present. He opened it and knew right away this was the knife Freddie and Aaron went into town to get. “We all chipped in for the knife but we wanted it to be from Freddie and Aaron so you’d always have them with you.” Her voice cracked at the end.

  “We did good didn’t we, Pa?” Carlos asked. There was concern in his eyes.

  “This is the best Christmas I’ve ever had. I’ll treasure everything. Thank you!” Smitty edged over a bit until his side touched Lynn. She sent him a grateful smile.

  “I have one more present,” Smitty announced. He handed Lynn a crate.

  She looked in and her mouth formed an “o”. “A nativity scene. Did you carve all this?”

  “I sure did while thinking about you.”

  She smiled. “Thank you. I’ll treasure it always.”

  “Breakfast, then up to Uncle Mike’s to see the cousins and to have a wedding!” Smitty announced.

  The children all ran to their rooms. Scarlett came running back to get Brian, and suddenly Smitty and Lynn were alone.

  “You sure know how to clear a room.” Lynn laughed. “What will my last name be? Will it be Smith? What’s your first name?”

  “Smitty is my first name. Everyone just calls me Smitty. My last name is Settler.”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Whatever your name is I’ll be proud to share it. Now off you go. Make yourself handsome for the wedding if possible.”

  “What? You don’t think I’ll look good enough?”

  “Not what I meant. I meant you are already so very handsome.” Standing on her tip-toes she kissed him. The kiss deepened and Smitty grew hotter by the minute.

  He kissed her neck and then pulled away. “If I don’t leave now we’ll never be on time.”

  He stared into her eyes and the amount of love and trust he saw humbled him. “See you at the wedding.”

  As if dazed, she stared and nodded. “See you in a bit.”

  Butterflies flew in Lynn’s stomach as they walked to Mike’s house. It was a big day and a big step. Why was she so nervous? She’d been married before. The only distinguishing thing was how much she loved Smitty. She’d loved John but not in the way she loved Smitty, heart and soul. She stood in front of the door unable to knock.

  Scarlett walked in front of her with Brian and opened the door. “We’re here!”

  There was great excitement as everyone hugged and kissed wishing each a Merry Christmas.. Lynn went through the movements and said all the right things but she was searching for Smitty in each glance. Her stomach dropped. He wasn’t anywhere.

  She fiddled with the ribbon on her yellow dress, her best dress then she patted her hair. Finally, she clasped her hands together to keep from worry fidgeting. She saw him an hour ago. Mentally shaking herself she reminded herself he loved her.

  Cindy was getting worried too. She kept looking out the window as she carried her basket of dried flower petals.

  The door opened and Smitty panned the room until his eyes lit on her. Then he grinned his sexy grin she loved so much. Immediately he walked to her and took her hand. “We need to talk.” He pulled her along into Mike and Susan’s bedroom.

  Breathe! He could want to talk about anything. He wouldn’t cancel the wedding would he? Dizziness threatened, and she sat down as soon as Smitty closed the door behind him.

  He paced in front of her, and she felt sick. He didn’t know how to tell her it seemed.

  “You don’t want to marry me,” her voice was monotone.

  He stopped and his brow furrowed. “Why? No. Of course that’s not why I brought you in here. I made you a wedding present but it doesn’t fit right, and I’m late getting here, and I just wanted to apologize.”

  The blood slowly returned to her face and she felt better. “After I hit you, we’ll get married.”

  “Hit me?”

  “The minute you grabbed my hand, I felt faint and sick thinking you changed your mind. It’s taken so much for us to get to this point.”

  He helped to stand and gathered her close. “You’re the one I want to go through life with. Let’s get out there before something does happen. I want you to be mine.”

  She was instantly out of his arms, and she quickly opened the door. It was strange to find everyone staring. “Are we ready?”

  Mike stood in front of the fireplace with his Bible in his hands. Scarlett stood in front of him. Smitty stood next to Eli and Jed. Eli held Brian. Lynn was to walk a short ways to Smitty, following Cindy as her daughter scattered dried petals. Where had they found the dried flowers? She didn’t have a bouquet. It was the middle of winter and there wasn’t a flower to be had.

  She kept her gaze on Smitty as she walked. She smiled at Scarlett and thanked Cindy before she stood next to Smitty. Brian began to fuss, so Smitty took him from Eli and held him. She swallo
wed hard and hoped against hope she’d made the right forever type of decision. She dreamed of adopting more orphans and the dream closest to her heart was a baby of her own. Life would never be boring with Smitty and she was looking forward to it. Imagine waking up to him each morning.

  Suddenly, everyone was so quiet and she felt her face heat. Her mind had wandered. “I do!”

  There were no rings to exchange, but they’d get those later. Smitty handed Brian to Mike and took her into his arms. He dipped his head and stared at her lips for a moment before he covered them with his own. The kiss deepened, and she felt her soul soar before he finally broke it off. She’d never felt a kiss so profoundly, so heart-searingly. And she had to hold on to him for a moment to regain her senses.

  He smiled as though he knew what he’d just made her feel.

  “How red is my face?” she whispered.

  “Very. Everyone I’d like to introduce Mrs. Smitty Settler. I finally got her to say yes and I have to say it’s the best Christmas gift I ever got.”

  Scarlett and Cindy exchanged puzzled looks.

  “We thought Smitty was your last name,” Scarlett said.

  Most of the other children nodded.

  “My full name is Smitty Aloysius Settler. People just always called me Smitty. Mike, Eli, and Jed knew,” he explained with a chuckle.

  Eli grinned. “We used to try to say Aloysius three times fast. It’s impossible. It never really came up. We just called him Smitty, though to us he’s been like a father.”

  Mike and Jed nodded.

  “There are cookies, fruit cake, and a chocolate cake on the table. There is also a bowl filled with orange punch. Now you little ones get someone older to help with the punch. It’s a bit of a challenge to ladle,” Susan instructed before she gave Smitty then Lynn hugs of congratulations. “I’m so happy for you,” she whispered into Lynn’s ear.

  Lynn took Susan’s hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Thank you for everything. You shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble.”

  “Not so much trouble. It’s Christmas, after all.”

  Lynn took it all in from the lit candles on the decorated tree, to the boughs of holly on the fireplace mantel and from the look of love on her husband’s face to the happiness in her children’s expressions.