Talking In Your Sleep...

by Hunter, Samantha

  “Thanks.” She took the time to look up and smile back at Ken.

  “Um, how’s that other thing going—you know, with the problem you were having, whoever’s leaving you those, uh, materials?”

  She blushed, his comment taking a little of the shine off the moment. “It’s fine—I made sure it was addressed last night,” she said.

  The relief on Ken’s face was palpable. No doubt he was glad he didn’t have to deal with it internally. “That’s good. Well, you really stayed on top of things today. I was impressed.”

  All was forgiven, and everyone was in a great mood with the great save they’d managed to make. This aspect of the job was much more gratifying than all the negativity she’d been wading through before.

  “You’ve been at it all day—it’s six—you heading out soon? I thought I could buy you a congratulations drink,” Ken proposed.

  “Six? Oh, crap—sorry, I mean, thanks for the offer on the drink, but can I take a rain check? I have somewhere to be, and I lost track of time.”

  “Hot date?”

  Ken was happily married, so she knew he wasn’t coming on to her. “No, volunteer work I do in the evenings.”

  “You’re a wonder, Joy. Not everyone would work all day and then volunteer at night. Make sure that’s noted on your employee profile.”

  “That’s not necessary. It’s something I do because I enjoy it.”

  “Still, can’t hurt to keep building that résumé. Joy?”

  “Yes?”

  “You really did a great job on this recall—I’ll be sure to make that known to the board when we’re making the promotion decisions.”

  She smiled, nodding. “Thanks, Ken, I appreciate that.”

  She practically danced to the parking lot—she was back on track, and in line for the promotion. At the moment, she had to grab some dinner and get to Second Chance. She’d offered to do the night shift there and had her change of clothes in the backseat, ready to go.

  When Pam had called that morning asking her to cover at the last minute because Rashid couldn’t make it, she’d jumped at the chance, maybe a little too eagerly. There was the small—teensy, really—chance that she was avoiding going home since Rafe might be tempted to come over and see her. The events of the previous evening had been thrumming through her brain and her body all day long, and she didn’t know what to think about it, except that she didn’t want to think about it.

  However, Rafe had been wrong about one thing: she hadn’t gone to sleep and dreamed about him because she’d been up, tossing and turning and trying not to think about how he’d tenderly touched her face, the heat in his gaze, or the gentle kiss he’d offered—with the promise of so much more.

  If she’d dared let herself fall asleep she would have spontaneously combusted, having been so close to him, his presence following her into sleep. So she’d stayed awake, his words echoing in her mind as she realized she didn’t need to go to sleep to have Rafe Moore—he was offering himself to her on a silver platter. Maybe she was crazy, but it scared her to death.

  In her dreams she was a different woman, uninhibited, sensual—not her ordinary, uptight self. She meant what she’d told him—she dated, sure, and she’d liked a few of the guys she’d seen over the years well enough to take things to their inevitable conclusion in the bedroom. She’d dealt with the sting of more than one breakup, as well. None of the men had said she was awful in bed or anything, but what else was a girl to think? She obviously didn’t have the sex appeal she did in her dreams. Dream sex was usually more satisfying for her, too, sadly. Even so, she hoped it would cease soon—her sleep deprivation was wearing her out.

  Rafe was interested in her because he’d heard that sexy version of herself, not the real Joy. Joy was willing but awkward, generally not knowing exactly how to respond to a man’s touch. She didn’t want to be like that, but even when she wanted to participate, she never felt natural or carried away by passion. It was a self-perpetuating problem that had converted a rather boring sex life into a bona fide dry spell. Rafe was offering to help her end it, but his interest was based on false information.

  That was why she’d pushed him away—he had a fantasy of her and it was so far from reality that it could only lead to disappointment for both of them. Rafe might like her hair down, but it would take a lot more than freeing her hair to thaw out whatever made her so boring in bed. The one thing she was sure of was that she couldn’t face seeing disappointment in her performance mirrored in yet another man’s eyes.

  Especially not in Rafe’s hot-chocolate eyes.

  She hoped he’d take the hint and back off. Better to nip this in the bud, she thought as she drove into the Second Chance parking lot.

  Cheery multicultural holiday decorations were on display in the windows and on the lawn. People who stayed at the shelter came from varied backgrounds. There was a menorah in the window circled by Christmas lights. A Santa stood on the small scruffy patch of front lawn beside a makeshift manger. Joy smiled, realizing this was the only time looking at all the Christmas decorations hadn’t made her wrinkle her nose.

  Maybe it was because here the decorations meant something more than the suburban competition to outdo one’s neighbors. Here, this little pastiche of holiday cheer represented hope…and home, if only for the moment. For people who lived here and were working so hard to improve their lives, this was a sign of their belief in something good. Bolstered, she got out of the car. She was avoiding Rafe, but even that couldn’t dim her optimism as she walked through the doorway, looking forward to her evening.

  * * *

  “Wow—look at you!” Pam spun around, surprised. She hadn’t even heard Joy walk up. She also wasn’t decked out in her usual jeans, T-shirt and Padres cap with a pen stuck behind her ear.

  “This looks okay?” Pam asked hesitantly, smoothing the sides of her deep green formfitting dress down for what must have been the fiftieth time, flashing looks in the mirror and then at Joy for reassurance. Pam’s fortysomething curves were still holding up, and she didn’t look half-bad, but she hadn’t dressed up like this in such a long time. She just wasn’t sure.

  “Okay? You look amazing. I love your hair that way—that pretty little holly clip is a nice touch. That dress is to die for. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this dressed up—or this nervous.”

  Pam smoothed her dress yet again. “I have a date, but I’m thinking twice about it.”

  “Is this about your mystery man? You know, I promised not to push, but if he has you this nervous, he must be terrific, or is something wrong?” Joy prompted.

  Pam knew she wasn’t being fair, keeping her relationship a secret. Besides, tonight everything would be out in the open anyway, so she certainly should tell Joy, whom she considered her best friend. She was so afraid of recriminations, especially since Joy meant so much to her. What if when Pam told her, Joy thought she was a total skank? Still, she had to take that chance.

  “He is…terrific. This is our first dress-up date, and I don’t know. I had this event, a Christmas party with the local chamber of commerce, you know, because of all the business connections I have with the shelter, and so I go every year, and this time I thought, well, maybe I won’t go alone. So I asked him.”

  Joy nodded approvingly. “Sounds like a good plan. But. Who. Is. He?” Joy insisted playfully, and Pam bit her lip, drawing up the courage to answer her question.

  “It’s Ted.”

  “Ted?” Joy repeated, her brow furrowed. Then her eyes went wide with realization. “Our Ted? Ted Ramsey?”

  “Yeah, that’s the one,” Pam said, tensing as she mentally braced herself.

  “Wow. I can see that—I mean, I didn’t see it, but now it seems so obvious. You guys would be great together. How long have you two been, you know…?”

  Pam sagged against the desk. “We had an immediate attraction—I knew it shouldn’t happen, but we gave in after he’d been staying here about six months.”

  “You
and Ted have been together for almost two years and no one knows? This is your first dress-up date?”

  “Well, we were on and off—some long off periods while he got his life back on track, and we both knew it was against the rules. Can you imagine how it would look if anyone knew I was sleeping with one of our residents?”

  “I guess I can see where you’d be concerned, but it’s not like he’s a child, or incapable of making his own decisions, Pam. You’re two adults who are attracted to each other. What’s wrong with that?”

  Pam’s eyes shone with tears and she tried to dab at them before she ruined her makeup, but she was losing the battle. “I was so worried you’d think I’d crossed the line,” Pam said, sighing with relief.

  “It sounds like you’ve been keeping it in for so long, you probably just let it build up in your mind—why would anyone care?”

  “I run this place, and I love it. It’s my life. The people who come here are adults, yes, and they have to take responsibility for their lives, but they’re also disadvantaged with the odds against them, and I wouldn’t want anyone thinking I took advantage or, you know, that anything…unsavory was going on here.”

  Pam tried to find words, but her face simply flamed hot. “I tried to stick to the rules, we both did. Flirtatious or sexual behavior here is very strictly prohibited for good reasons, as you know. But it was like every time we saw each other, or spoke to each other, we couldn’t think about the rules.”

  Joy smiled a little. “You want my honest opinion?”

  Pam nodded.

  “I think it’s really romantic. Ted’s a great guy—he was what? Around thirty-nine when he came here? He’d had a tough break that nearly ruined his life, but he didn’t let it, and you helped him make it the rest of the way—but look at him now. I’m surprised I never saw it before. It makes total sense, since you spend most of your time here anyway. It’s no different than meeting someone at work.”

  “I suppose,” Pam agreed tentatively.

  “He’s been so happy. I guess I figured it was natural for him to be so jovial. He’s gotten his life back together and he’s almost completed his college degree—but I think you’re the one who put the sparkle in his eyes.”

  Joy laughed and Pam blushed again, though she was also pleased that Joy hadn’t reacted badly.

  “Thanks. I can’t tell you what a load off it is to be able to tell you.”

  “I was wondering what was going on, I have to be honest. I thought maybe you didn’t trust me or something.”

  “How could you think that?” Pam was shocked. “I trust you completely. This was…Well, I don’t know. I didn’t know what to say. Ted and I swore we wouldn’t tell anyone until we were both ready.”

  “So how come it took you so long to go out on a real date? I mean, I can understand why you’d want to keep things under wraps, but you could have gone out long before this, couldn’t you?”

  “Oh, we do, we go out all the time, but just the two of us. But those were small, private dates, nothing fancy. Nothing with other people. You know, where people would know us.”

  “So that’s what you’re nervous about?”

  “I don’t know.” Pam looked in the small mirror she had hanging over her desk, grabbing a tissue to fix her slightly smudged makeup. “I guess I’m worried what people will say.”

  “Like your parents? Do they know?”

  Pam rolled her eyes. “No. Haven’t hit that hurdle yet, but they’re bound to have a coronary. After I rejected all the ‘eligible’ bachelors they wanted me to marry for all those years, I think they finally assumed I was probably gay, and were happy not to know if that was the case or not.”

  “I never understood why they don’t support this cause—their picture is in the paper often enough in connection to other charity events.”

  “It’s hard to explain. That’s when they can donate large checks, not get their hands dirty. They wouldn’t mind if I supported causes, they don’t approve of my level of…involvement.”

  “I’d think they’d be proud of you.”

  “Well, we’ve maintained a truce about it over the years, since they could see I wasn’t about to stop my work. My relationship with Ted will be the real test. I can’t allow anything to threaten this place—we’re already struggling enough. A harsh blow like someone saying I act inappropriately could be a disaster.”

  “I guess I can see that, though this is personal—it never interfered with the work you do, so it’s really no one’s business.”

  “Well, we’ll see. Tonight is our first public event together. Ted wanted to wait until he was out on his own, and he’s almost completely moved into the new place. We’re going to move in together after the New Year.”

  “How wonderful!” Joy crossed the room and gave her a congratulatory hug, and Pam smiled, her happiness at the prospect shining through her concerns.

  “Yeah, and he’s been really instrumental in coming up with some good business strategies for Second Chance. He’s as devoted to it as I am, you know, and I guess, I don’t know…”

  Pam was relieved when Joy seemed to read her mind.

  “You don’t know if you want that? This place is yours, and now you find you’re sharing your whole life, including the shelter?”

  “It’s mostly that, yes, but I also want him to have his own thing.”

  “I can see what you mean, though. You’ve built this place. It is yours, but I can also see why he’d want to be involved, and use his talents to help you out.”

  “I want to make sure that he follows his own goals. He’s worked hard to be where he is, and maybe he should go after his MBA or start his own business or do something…I can’t quite figure out if this is really what he wants, or if he’s only being…grateful.”

  “Even if he is, is there something wrong with that? I think it’s sweet that he wants to be part of your life, and to help out. Ted hardly seems like the type not to go after what he wants—after all, he got you,” Joy teased.

  “There’s a good point.” Pam smiled, shaking her head. “I don’t know—meeting here muddied the waters, I guess. We knew who we were when he was here, but now, well, some of the rules have changed. We’re into a new stage of our relationship. I don’t know how to separate it all out.”

  “You love him.”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “Then you’ll work it out.”

  “You’re right, we will. Thanks. So how about you?”

  “What about me?”

  “Any news about the hottie next door?”

  “Oh. I can’t believe I forgot this—or I suppose I should thank you for helping me forget it, at least for a little while,” Joy groused.

  Pam listened to Joy’s story about the tape, so engrossed that she forgot her own troubles.

  “Oh, honey—that’s terrible. Sounds like he made up for it, though.”

  “Yeah, he did, but I’m so foggy from not getting any sleep I can’t seem to tell left from right anymore.”

  “Well,” Pam said slyly, “I think we discussed that the solution to your sleep problem might be right next door.”

  “He said the same thing,” Joy said, sighing.

  “Okay, I have to go, so make this fast—what happened? Don’t edit,” she warned.

  Pam was intrigued. She’d wished for Joy to meet someone wonderful for so long, and now it sounded as if she’d met someone truly different from the boring corporate types she usually dated. Maybe it was true that people in love wanted all their friends in relationships, too, but Pam truly wanted to see Joy happy. She worked hard and was a devoted friend. Over the years though, Pam had come to see that Joy held something back in her life. There was something deep inside she kept locked up, and Pam had always hoped the right man might come along with a key.

  “After dinner, things got a little…heated. He kissed me, he said he wanted more, maybe.”

  “So what’s the problem? He’s cute, and you’re available—go for it.”

&n
bsp; “Go for it? Of course I can’t go for it—he’s just some guy who’s in town for a few weeks looking for some action.”

  Pam tilted her head to the side. “Yes? Exactly what do you see wrong with that scenario? A fling is ideal—you have some fun, don’t take it all so seriously. You don’t have to worry if this guy meets anyone’s standards but your own—he’s temporary. It’s not like you’d be bringing him home to meet your parents.”

  Joy frowned, perplexed. “I guess I figure when I get involved with someone, it’s for the long term, and I do tend to measure men by what my dad would think of them. I think that’s natural. He raised me.”

  “You measure everything that way, Joy, and while your father is a good guy, maybe you need to start measuring things with your own stick. Including yourself. What do you want? What makes you happy?”

  Joy frowned. “I—I’m not sure. I thought I was happy. I guess I haven’t thought about it much.”

  “Well, think about it. Some rules are meant to be broken. Believe me, I know.” Pam smiled.

  “Speaking of which, when’s Ted getting here?” Joy asked, not so subtly changing the subject.

  “He’s not—no one here knows about us yet, and I don’t think they should until he’s no longer living here, so we’re meeting at the party.”

  “It must be hard, keeping it secret.”

  “It has been, especially from you—but I care about your opinion, and I was so afraid you would disapprove.”

  “Why would I? I love you and Ted.”

  “I know. I wish I’d told you sooner, but we thought it was better this way.”

  “That’s fine. It probably added that whole forbidden-lust factor, huh?” Joy teased, laughing as Pam’s cheeks stained red again.

  “You’re bad. Anyway, thanks for standing watch tonight.”